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How do you get over the past?

polarpixie

polarpixie

New member
I'm sure everyone at one time or another has longed for the past and the way 'things used to be'. I do that alot. I have a bad habit of looking back and longing for the 'old days'. I know it's bad to get stuck in the past because it prevents you from moving forward, but sometimes it just bothers me. Why do things have to change when you are not ready for it to?

So help me out here, what helps you to move on? For me, I'm talking about relationships with people, romances or friendships. But it could be anything....a change in where you live, your job, your partying habits......Do you just try to tell yourself that the future is brighter than it has ever been in the past and that changes are good for you?



............
Hey South Park is on!!! :D
 
There is always hope for a better tomorrow. The only constant in life is perpetual change, so the sooner one comes to grips with that - the better. I think of the past from time to time and it always seems like it was better back then. I look forward to what the future holds, but I cannot forget my roots - where I came from to get this far.
 
You just need to focus on the present and your future. You can't leave your past, it will always be there whether you want it to be or not. Take whatever positives you can from the past and use them as building blocks for your future. Take the negatives and deal with them. You can't change what has happened, but you can learn from the past mistakes in your life.

Maybe we would all like life to stand still and remain the same forever, but that's not how it works. Life is a constant evolution, we are constantlly changing and evolving as people. Hopefully we are learning as we evolve, but that is up to each of us to do on our own.

Change can be a rewarding and learning experience. Yes, sometimes you have to leave friends behind as you grow, but that also opens the door to making new friends and having new experiences.
 
I look at it like this. The past is just that...the PAST. If you continue to live your life longing for it....then you will get nowhere. You have to set aside the past....and that means everything. The pain that you have experienced in relationships...mistakes that you have made...people that you have had bad experiences with....and those thousands of little things that you look back on and say "What on earth was I thinking?"

I look to each day as a new beginning...and a chance to make new memories and experiences. There is always a time for remembering...but don't dwell on the past. Live for today...and make the best out of everything that God has set before you.
 
Austin...I can't see your sig, will you post it?

Thanks guys, you all have said some really wise words. I typically welcome change, but sometimes it just seems like the past is so much better than the present.

big4life, I like what you said about opening the door to new friends and new experiences. I tend to forget that sometimes.

OK...time for something good to happen so I can stop dwelling on the past.....like another episode of South Park!!! :D
 
"Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us, through experiance, how to accomplish things in the future, comfort us with cherished memories, and provide teh foundation of what has already been accomplished. But only the future holds life. TO live in the past is to embrace what is dead. To live life to its fullest, each day must be created anew. As rational, thinking beings, we must use our intellect, not a blind devotion to what has come before, to make rational choices"
 
Live in the moment, or look to the future. Dwelling on the past only makes your future look that much more bleak. I tend to look back alot... but need to look forward...

No matter what you've done, good or bad... looking to the past will only let you know how to do it THEN... not now.

C
 
I go to the gym, i go to work, i go to school, i smoke pot, i bang chicks. Not much time to think of the past. It usually only sneaks up on me when i am laying in bed. So i light another splif and pass out.
 
JohnyJuice said:
I go to the gym, i go to work, i go to school, i smoke pot, i bang chicks. Not much time to think of the past. It usually only sneaks up on me when i am laying in bed. So i light another splif and pass out.
Click to expand...

I give you... the future of our great civilization!!!! :)

C
 
Austin316 said:
"Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us, through experiance, how to accomplish things in the future, comfort us with cherished memories, and provide teh foundation of what has already been accomplished. But only the future holds life. TO live in the past is to embrace what is dead. To live life to its fullest, each day must be created anew. As rational, thinking beings, we must use our intellect, not a blind devotion to what has come before, to make rational choices"
Click to expand...

Very insightful. Thanks. :)



JohnnyJuice, that is exactly when it happens, it creeps in at night, when I'm finally alone with my thoughts. Except I don't smoke pot anymore, and I have a problem going to sleep. So I'm stuck with the thoughts.
 
polarpixie said:


Very insightful. Thanks. :)



JohnnyJuice, that is exactly when it happens, it creeps in at night, when I'm finally alone with my thoughts. Except I don't smoke pot anymore, and I have a problem going to sleep. So I'm stuck with the thoughts.
Click to expand...

Are you thinking about how much you miss the past? are you thinking about things you wish you had done? Are you regretting things, maybe rehashign things? What goes through your head?
 
The past is the past. The future is now. If you are going to dwell on something think about when you turn 80 and you think about your past. Are you going to say I wish I would have did that or are you going to say I'm glad I did that?

The only thing I think about is the next warm sunny day when there is no salt on the roads and I can get the bike out. Chicks dig guys with big arms,tats,scars that ride bikes. Now that is something to think about! :D
 
I think I understand what you are saying and can relate.

-I charge into the future........but my eyes are wide open.
-I don't build walls around myself......but miss the safety and security that they provide.
-I forgive, forget and move on.....but old wounds are very easily re-opened.
-On the outside, I am cool and confident......on the inside I am weak and scared.
-I am in control of my life....but will gladly accept directions.
-I am not afraid to make mistakes.....but ponder there consequences.


Best of luck to you Polarpixie!!

~toga
:angel:
 
The main reason the past is so alluring, is that we tend to only remember the good stuff. :) Plus, we also have the benefit/ hindrance of hindsight....so it's easy to dwell on our mistakes.

Realize that you can't go back to the way things were, no matter how much you might want to. If you're not happy with things the way they are, look towards the future. Work to better yourself and those around you, and always keep in mind that things will get better.

You can only progress or regress...there's no standing still. :)
 
i always do

havent completely figured out how to stop dwelling on it. i just try and shut it out of my head and get on with it i guess :(
 
The past sucks, the good parts suck cuz they are no longer here, and the bad parts suck cuz they always resurface.
Actually I am going away to go to college and I will not be able to surf, so all I will do is think about the past experiences I have had surfing. I haven't even moved yet, and already I can't sleep. Night time brings too many thoughts.
I would like to think that the futute will still bring all the happiness that the past has offered, but that is something that I think each individual has to dictate upon themself.

With that said, I need to go talk to Havoc about some dank, even though I have never smoked a day in my life, now seems like a good time to start.
 
I used to always look at my past. Wondering what if, and why did this happen to me. Looking back on things that I could not change was pointless. I try now to deal with life one day at a time..........."This is the day the Lord has made.....Therefore I shall rejoice and be glad in it." This is what helps me through each day.
 
I'm alot like you, only worse sometimes. I'm one of those people who is never really comfortable wherever I am, and I always wish I was somewhere else doing something else. I don't know how many times I've said "I would give anything to be back in high school," and "I wish this day was over."

Then my dad, who has never said anything remotely inspirational or emotional or thought-provoking said to me, "Be careful, if you wish away tomorrow, then soon you'll be wishing away a week, and then a month. Before you know it, you'll be thirty and you will have wished your life away. Just live in today, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Things will happen."

Since then I've concentrated on making the most out of each hour I'm awake. It worls pretty well.
 
This is a BAD situation. But I found the answer!!!!

I was kinda feeling the same.. I felt like life was passing me by and there was nothing left to grab onto. I am not ready to be old yet.. but that is what it happening. I missed all of my old buddies and all of the crazy shit we used to do. But I was not a part of that anymore.

So after sitting at home for a long time doing nothing.. I called them up and met up with them... now it is almost like the old days.. except I am not in jail... yet.

To cut the babble.. if you miss the past.. arrange your current situation to fit some of it in with you. There is no way I could ever change into what I miss.. but if I can capture some of it one day a week.. that it better than nothing.

:D
 
can't say this is a good coping mechanism... but a recent event in my memory seems to have been filed under "happened to someone else" in my head. i can't explain why or how.
 
Try to find the CD "Pure Anus" by Sublime.. it was never in print.. but if you know where to look you can find it... it will fix everything.
 
I used to always say that if there was one period in my life that I could live over and over again, it would be the summer after I graduated from high school. I fell in love for the first time, had a decent job for a 19 year old, was staying up late all the time, and had a blast.

I've slowly come to realize that while I enjoyed a lot of the things about that time in my life, I can't cherry pick the wonderful things out of it and ignore the rest. There were bad things about that time too, and I wouldn't want those back at all.

There were many wonderful things about that time in my life, but I'm sure there will be different wonderful things as I get older, and I'll take the new experiences over the repeats.
 
Some solid advice. Thanks guys. I feel a little better now, then again, it's daytime.

I think I will just look to the past and revisit this thread whenever I start dwelling on the past again.

JohnyJuice said:
Are you thinking about how much you miss the past? are you thinking about things you wish you had done? Are you regretting things, maybe rehashign things? What goes through your head?
Click to expand...
I think about different parts of the past every night including things I wish I had done. But, lately, specifically, and it's kind of hard to explain, but what I miss the most is the good feelings certain old relationships used to bring me in the beginning. Those feelings of excitement and almost euphoria you get from being around or hearing from that person. I wish I could bottle up that feeling. But that's the problem, it is only in the beginning...then day by day, it is disintegrates into nothing, and you don't even realize that is what's happening until you have already gotten to the point of nothingness. No more euphoria. No more excitement. This person is almost a stranger to you now.

Like someone else said tho, you can't cherry pick the good things out of the past.



dballer said:
Pure Anus.. it is Sublimes demo tape from 1989... it is awesome.
Click to expand...
Sounds great. But how does it fix everything?
 
GO SURFING!!!!!

No bullshit, even if you try to think about something, you can't. All your problems are gone, and the only thing on your mind is the sheer beauty of your environment. I'm serious, if you want to forget about something, and at the same time bring yourself peace and happiness, go surfing!
 
Peyote Killa said:
GO SURFING!!!!!

No bullshit, even if you try to think about something, you can't. All your problems are gone, and the only thing on your mind is the sheer beauty of your environment. I'm serious, if you want to forget about something, and at the same time bring yourself peace and happiness, go surfing!
Click to expand...

Thanks Peyote.....yo...(Sorry, I couldn't resist!!!), that I wish I could do. Even if I wanted to attempt it, it is way too cold around her....brrrrr.....


Did you print that surfer pic out for the surf shop yet?
 
It's cold here too, but I wear rubber and I love it that much.
And the pic is awsome everybody who walks in loves it. I had it blown up and put on high gloss paper, it looks really badass, all the local surfes come in and ask if they can buy it.

Thanks alot
 
polarpixie said:
I'm sure everyone at one time or another has longed for the past and the way 'things used to be'. I do that alot. I have a bad habit of looking back and longing for the 'old days'. I know it's bad to get stuck in the past because it prevents you from moving forward, but sometimes it just bothers me. Why do things have to change when you are not ready for it to?

So help me out here, what helps you to move on? For me, I'm talking about relationships with people, romances or friendships. But it could be anything....a change in where you live, your job, your partying habits......Do you just try to tell yourself that the future is brighter than it has ever been in the past and that changes are good for you?



............
Hey South Park is on!!! :D
Click to expand...

It think about the past and the future equally. There are people that I miss, that I will most likely never see again, but I have accepted what the relationship has taught me, and will hold on to the memories......BUT I will not get stuck in that time period.

Not to sound "cheesy" but I'm happy about my life right now, more so then I have ever been-----and I don't have alot going on right now either. I'm just happy about myself and I'm very positive about my future.
 
I really feel the past is dangerous if you think about it...peope who try and live in the past only end up hurting themselves when they realize its all gone...i just say learn from the past and live everyday to the fullest
 
polarpixie said:

I think about different parts of the past every night including things I wish I had done. But, lately, specifically, and it's kind of hard to explain, but what I miss the most is the good feelings certain old relationships used to bring me in the beginning. Those feelings of excitement and almost euphoria you get from being around or hearing from that person. I wish I could bottle up that feeling. But that's the problem, it is only in the beginning...then day by day, it is disintegrates into nothing, and you don't even realize that is what's happening until you have already gotten to the point of nothingness. No more euphoria. No more excitement. This person is almost a stranger to you now.

Like someone else said tho, you can't cherry pick the good things out of the past.
Click to expand...

That euphoric feeling you're describing is the big reason I loved that summer. But I still remember the bad parts that went with it, and how that made me feel. Like when I wouldn't get that phone call, and couldn't figure out why.

I'm still looking for the new euphoria, in the hopes that it won't be coupled with or followed by the sadness I had before.
 
Peyote -- COOL!!! I'm glad it's a hit! Props to whoever the artist was tho...

Project, yea....maybe I am just too impatient!!! :)

bigpopfd2 -- i've already realized it's all gone...it's not exactly that I want to live in the past....just that i wish really hard that the past was a part of the future, if that makes any sense.

Jen -- keep that positive thinking up! That is what I need to do. You def. have alot to be happy and proud of tho. :)

Jims -- glad you're keeping ur head up!! :)
 
Fantom604 said:
If you come up with anything, I am dying to know!! I am still hung up on a woman that broke my heart...
Click to expand...

Sorry bro (can't I say that too??? Everyone else around here does....). IMO, the only way to treat a broken heart is to lose all hope that you'll ever get back with that person again. I think that's what kills, is that hope and wondering you'll ever get back together, but I've found that if I just accept that that's never gonna happen, it still hurts, but not as much. I dunno if that will help you at all....

Or you can try do a search on threads entitled, "I hate my ex-gf" or "Should I kill my ex-gf?" or "Should you kill your ex-gf or the guy who she cheated on with" or "You should never fall in love again"......;)
 
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