Honest Answers From Santa

[WODIN]

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write?I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell!
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together.Please see what you can do?
Love
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay!
I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year.Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa


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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you
live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

 

[beastboy]

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

Wodin=Santa

 

[MFMan]

Wodin is so old him and Santa use to hang back in the day.

 

[prophet]

ahahahah......those are great!

 

[notoriousQQ]

Here you go, I think the first message was wrong. I fixed it though:

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer yer Frend,
Massive Gunz

Dear Massive Runz,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to read and write?I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell!
Santa

 

[WODIN]

Re: Re: Honest Answers From Santa

Wodin=Santa

I can go with that. Especially since star fish's current location has her playing with Santa! LOL!!!

She's playing with Santa's special toy. BWAUGH!!!

 

[Manu]

This one had some mistake also (fixed now):


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Nathan

Dear Nathan,
Who names their kid "Nathan" nowadays? I bet you're gay!
I'll set you up with a Barbie and a dildo.
Santa

 

[WODIN]

Re: Re: Honest Answers From Santa

This one had some mistake also (fixed now):


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Nathan

Dear Nathan,
Who names their kid "Nathan" nowadays? I bet you're gay!
I'll set you up with a Barbie and a dildo.
Santa

That's the spirit...see the natural progression of any thread should be toward flaming someone.

 

[Manu]

Re: Re: Re: Honest Answers From Santa

That's the spirit...see the natural progression of any thread should be toward flaming someone.

Nathan likes to be flamed.

 

[AAP]

dEar SaNTa.. (post #1)

Lil Johnny's mother was cleaning one weekend and found this letter that he
had sent to Santa the previous year.

Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred
since the beginning of the month!
I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades,
and a football uniform. I destroyed my brains studying the whole year!
Not only was I first in my class, but I had the best grades in the
whole school. I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there was no one in my
entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With my parents, my
brothers, my friends and with my neighbors. I would go on errands and even
help the elderly cross the streets. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't
do for humanity!

WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS
WHISTLE, AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
YOU FAT SON OF A BITCH, THAT YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A SUCKER THE WHOLE
FUCKING YEAR, TO COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS UNDER THE DAMN TREE.
AS IF YOU HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD
ACROSS THE STREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, THAT HE CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS
DAMN HOUSE!
PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY
CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR!

I'LL FUCK YOU UP! I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS REINDEERS OF YOURS,
AND SCARE THEM THE FUCK AWAY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK
TO THE NORTH POLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT
FUCKING BIKE, YOU PUNK BASTARD!

YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA, FUCK YOU!!!