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Help Me Get My Girlfriend Back!!

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ZenX

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Heres the story.

Me and my gf have been dating for 1 year now. We always had our problems but it was the kind of relationship you new nothing was going to happen, like no matter what we would be there and we would never break up. We were actually going to move in together eventually and get married.

About a few weeks ago we starting having some larger problems. We fight alot and we argue. There was still no trouble because we always fixed it in the end. About 1 week ago I got into an argument with her because i didnt like how she was acting and I said something I never should have. I cant go into detail what I said but she got very upset with that and ever since she has been acting weird.

Everything again started to get better and even she said she felt closer until 2 days ago she called me up and she started saying some things that were pissing me off and i just kept quiet. Out of knowhere she goes you know what this is how its going to be: Im going to smoke, Im going to wear w/e I want, Im going to act how I want, and im going to hang around anyone I want to. She was implying I have no say. She says if you dont agree than dont be with me.

I didnt agree and I saw her today at an event. She was avoiding me and than she said she wanted to talk. I thought I had her back but than out of knowhere she said she needs some time to get over what I said to her. She said shes very angry about it and she said she still wants to be with me and marry me but she needs to be on a break so she can get over this anger she has towards me. I was hesitant at first and she started crying and I agreed. I told her that Ill do this break but I have a time limit and if she doesnt hurry up im not waiting around anymore.

I am very upset and I dont want her doing w/e she pleases. How do i get her to want me back now and how do I get the power in the relationship again. If I dont have the power we will never make it.

Please help me out guys im desperate here!
 
You sound jealous and possessive in my opinion.

Also it's best ended if you two fight constantly. Trust me I went thru that shit...it ain't worth it.
 
Well right off the bat it sounds like you are telling her what to think. You think you should have a say in what she wears? If she smokes? Who she hangs out with?

If my girl tried to tell me shit like that I would straight up tell her what to do with it. I mean it's different if you are saying "Babe you shouldn't smoke because I want you around and healthy for a long time"

But if you are saying "You can't smoke, period." then that's crossing the line. She is her own person, will make her own decisions. Nobody likes being told what to do. You sound a bit controlling, if I was you I would chill out on all that if you really want to keep her.

btw, have to ask, what could you possible say that is that bad? Call her the c-word or something?
 
chewyxrage said:
Well right off the bat it sounds like you are telling her what to think. You think you should have a say in what she wears? If she smokes? Who she hangs out with?

If my girl tried to tell me shit like that I would straight up tell her what to do with it. I mean it's different if you are saying "Babe you shouldn't smoke because I want you around and healthy for a long time"

But if you are saying "You can't smoke, period." then that's crossing the line. She is her own person, will make her own decisions. Nobody likes being told what to do. You sound a bit controlling, if I was you I would chill out on all that if you really want to keep her.

btw, have to ask, what could you possible say that is that bad? Call her the c-word or something?
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Some bad shit happened with us and It bothers her and I told her I would tell her family if she didnt stop acting like she was. I was just angry and I took it back 5 min later but its still angers her. She was crying before and she wants to be with me from what she says but she needs time to get overher anger. I dont tell her no smoking. I say dont smoke because i want you around for along time and I quit for her.
 
What should I do? We fight alot but it doesnt compare to our feelings. We just dont get along sometimes due to the situations we have to deal with as of now. It would stop when we can actualy live together and have our own lives.
 
ZenX said:
What should I do? We fight alot but it doesnt compare to our feelings. We just dont get along sometimes due to the situations we have to deal with as of now. It would stop when we can actualy live together and have our own lives.
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lol at you thinking the fighting will stop when you start living together
 
hamstershaver said:
lol at you thinking the fighting will stop when you start living together
Click to expand...
The fightings not that bad bro its just recently we have been going through a ruff time. Idk what to do, I have money saved up for a house and we were going to start our life together. Should I sit back and believe what shes saying that she just needs time to get over being mad or should I be worrying?
 
ZenX said:
The fightings not that bad bro its just recently we have been going through a ruff time. Idk what to do, I have money saved up for a house and we were going to start our life together. Should I sit back and believe what shes saying that she just needs time to get over being mad or should I be worrying?
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once they say they need time apart, its time to worry
you two have to be young, if you two fight that much you need to find a chick that you get along with better
 
How old are you too? It's hard to tell who's being reasonable and who isn't from your post but you definitely sound a little on the controllig side. If she dresses like a total skank, and that bothers you then you shouldn't be with her but you really have no say in how she dresses. Same thing with who she hangs around. If she still sees an old boyfriend or boyfriends or she hangs out with dudes you don't like, my advice would be to forget about her and go find someone worth a damn. You can't change or control things. You etiehr like who she is or you don't. If she's changing then that's something you may have to come to terms with.
If you expect somethin from her she isn't capable of giving, you are the one who will end up unhappy. ALways make sure to surround yourself with the right TYPES of people so you don't end up in situations where you have differing opinions and no one is going to back down. If you don't agree then dude, you don't agree.
 
This is my feeling on most things relationship related if you have the same fight more then 3 times with someone about the same issues and have yet to resolve them using all possible avenues to resolves things then MOVE ON you’re not meant to be together.
 
Nathan said:
How old are you too? It's hard to tell who's being reasonable and who isn't from your post but you definitely sound a little on the controllig side. If she dresses like a total skank, and that bothers you then you shouldn't be with her but you really have no say in how she dresses. Same thing with who she hangs around. If she still sees an old boyfriend or boyfriends or she hangs out with dudes you don't like, my advice would be to forget about her and go find someone worth a damn. You can't change or control things. You etiehr like who she is or you don't. If she's changing then that's something you may have to come to terms with.
If you expect somethin from her she isn't capable of giving, you are the one who will end up unhappy. ALways make sure to surround yourself with the right TYPES of people so you don't end up in situations where you have differing opinions and no one is going to back down. If you don't agree then dude, you don't agree.
Click to expand...
Well what do you think about what she said? She still wants to be with me but she needs time to get over her resentment towards me. Im actually seeing her this weekend she wants to hang out in nyc. What do you think is going on? Fellas?
 
Darling,

First of all: the fighting does not stop when you move in together. Not trying to bring you down, but giving you the reality and the facts instead.

Fighting is never good. 60% of the couples that separate do it because of small things, the daily bothersome they have to put up with from their partners. It's a very big trap and you have to be very attentive not to fall in it.

Whenever you express some dislike in the relationship, try to do it in a positive manner: "I like what you are wearing but I know I'm not secure enough to go out with you if you look this sexy". And then either do not go or accept what she is wearing.

Now, you have to never again threaten your partner/gf - never say to her that you will tell her family something that will embarass her if she does not do it as you say. Never!

Try to be more accepting of her and more open minded. Relationships are not about power, they are about equality. If you think you have to have power in your relationship and tell your partner what to do, it will never last.

One more thing: fight for your relationship! Don't let it go like this. If this is what you want, try whatever is necessary. Maybe couples counseling? Professional help can save your relationship with her. Try to speak to her (calmly, please!) and propose a plan to work on the relationship together. Very rarely does one's relationship fails because of one of the sides only - you both have to work on your differences.
 
ZenX said:
Well what do you think about what she said? She still wants to be with me but she needs time to get over her resentment towards me. Im actually seeing her this weekend she wants to hang out in nyc. What do you think is going on? Fellas?
Click to expand...

It means she has already started looking for someone else, but is to insecure to be alone. She will drop your ass ASAP after finding and testing out the new guy


You have to be young. We have all been there

Dump her, and bang as many chicks as possible. In the future you will look back, and be glad that you are not together
 
fuck sakes these threads suck
 
She says "I need time/space" She means "I want you gone"
sounds like you need a blow up doll or some other inanimate object that you can manipulate Women have free will dude and that is one of the things that makes them awesome
 
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awittyusername said:
It means she has already started looking for someone else, but is to insecure to be alone. She will drop your ass ASAP after finding and testing out the new guy


You have to be young. We have all been there

Dump her, and bang as many chicks as possible. In the future you will look back, and be glad that you are not together
Click to expand...


Bingo
 
You can't change someone.
If you love her why would you want to change her?
Sounds like someone is in her ear. Friends? Another guy?
I don't like the situation. To me, its seems as though she is keeping you around to keep up her self esteem until she closes the deal with someone else.
Everyone has gone through a break up like this. Thats what this will be. Its well on its way. We have all recovered and found someone better for us.
Take care of yourself first. Make sure you are living a good, happy life. Women are attracted to that.
 
ZenX said:
Well what do you think about what she said? She still wants to be with me but she needs time to get over her resentment towards me. Im actually seeing her this weekend she wants to hang out in nyc. What do you think is going on? Fellas?
Click to expand...

My advice? You know your gf better than any of us. That is WHAT YOU NEED TO WORK WITH. If you like WHO she is and are confident you know who she is, then everything else doesn't matter and the rest should fall away since you TRUST her. If you don't feel ylou know her as well as want, then you should express that to her and tell her that's wherer your insecurities are coming from. But I will tell you this: Saying something responsible and somethng that clearly shows you accept at least part of the blame for your current difficulties willa t least get her listening to you. Go over your thoughts and make sure you're confident you're being a reasonable person. If everything is in check, then you should be able to gauge her role in your relationship much more clearly.

And you NEED to be ablet o admit to yourself if things won't work out. If you don't have the strength to exist on your own two feet no relationship will really be for the right reasons. You either want her around or you don't. Take control but make your side clear and above all, don't tell her what to do. And don't tell her what you think of her actions either - maybe if she asks but stick to what you KNOW (which should mostly be about your role int he relationship). That's my advice.
 
ZenX said:
Heres the story.

Me and my gf have been dating for 1 year now. We always had our problems but it was the kind of relationship you new nothing was going to happen, like no matter what we would be there and we would never break up. We were actually going to move in together eventually and get married.

RED FLAG ONE - This is completely unrealitistic - even the best couples can break up and it can have nothing to do with fighting.

About a few weeks ago we starting having some larger problems. We fight alot and we argue. There was still no trouble because we always fixed it in the end. About 1 week ago I got into an argument with her because i didnt like how she was acting and I said something I never should have. I cant go into detail what I said but she got very upset with that and ever since she has been acting weird.

RED FLAG TWO - Something interesting I've learned about relationships - when you love someone (and I don't mean the passonate, horny, great fucking and great make up sex, looks great on my arm and on paper kinda love) and you're angry at them for "whatever" you have the sense to resist from saying something in great anger that you know will be hurtful toward them.

RED FLAG THREE - She's acting "weird" because you've just proven what ever she's been questioning herself in regard to you and the future status of your relationship together.

Everything again started to get better and even she said she felt closer until 2 days ago she called me up and she started saying some things that were pissing me off and i just kept quiet. Out of knowhere she goes you know what this is how its going to be: Im going to smoke, Im going to wear w/e I want, Im going to act how I want, and im going to hang around anyone I want to. She was implying I have no say. She says if you dont agree than dont be with me.

RED FLAG FOUR - You both have to mature a bit more before you marry.

Advice: - In the future express what was pissing you off in a calm rational manner. Her comment to you - she's telling you YOU'RE NOT MY GD FATHER I'll do what I want when I want and you're not gonna stop me.

People need to make mistakes in life - they need to left to make them and others in their lives should to try and express an awarness of the situation so they can grow together in the process opposed to apart.


I didnt agree and I saw her today at an event. She was avoiding me and than she said she wanted to talk. I thought I had her back but than out of knowhere she said she needs some time to get over what I said to her. She said shes very angry about it and she said she still wants to be with me and marry me but she needs to be on a break so she can get over this anger she has towards me. I was hesitant at first and she started crying and I agreed. I told her that Ill do this break but I have a time limit and if she doesnt hurry up im not waiting around anymore.

RED FLAG FIVE - She needs to be with someone else or other people (and no I don't mean a sexcapade) to decide whether or not she wants to be or can be with you for a long period of time. Don't be surprised if she doesn't come back - you may find yourself easily replaced.

Ultimatums - always a bad idea and they will always backfire, whether it's immediately or in the future. (see flag 4)

I am very upset and I dont want her doing w/e she pleases. How do i get her to want me back now and how do I get the power in the relationship again. If I dont have the power we will never make it.

Please help me out guys im desperate here!
Click to expand...


She needs to be let go and experience whatever freedom she's clearly going to demand at this time and probably just needs to have right now.

You need to take a step back and ask yourself, "what is my true motivation for needing to control my relationship?" Sometimes we think our actions are our best intentions for others and those "intentions" don't always come across to them as we think they do and sometime those "good intentions" aren't really good and they were really never for the other person at all.

 
Live life. Experience it. It sounds like you guys are young. Find out what is out there and learn what you really want.
 
Why don't you just get another girl you can treat like shit for a while before she catches on.

Great cycle.

Treat like shit >>> they catch on >> dump them >> go to next girl.
 
My wife and I have been together for 16+ years. . .married for 13+ years. . .we butt heads like twice a year and we pretty much never fought before we were married. . .if you're already fighting all the time, that's a warning sign. Take the time off and really think about why and whether you want to be with this girl.
 
Shes young, youre young. If she gives you shit, leave her. If you punked yourself out to her, leave her, because she wont respect you afterwards. From the sound of this thread, someones gonna get dumped either way.
 
here is an idea for you ..go out and get an OK girl to fall for you ...then try to respect her when she becomes a pet rather than a partner

then remember this thread




grow a pair ......and step up ...women dont want a pansy ..they want the alpha male to take care of them and make them feel safe


oh did I mention ..they really like it when you can make there eyes roll into the back of there heads while they make sounds that only animals can hear
 
awittyusername said:
It means she has already started looking for someone else, but is to insecure to be alone. She will drop your ass ASAP after finding and testing out the new guy


You have to be young. We have all been there

Dump her, and bang as many chicks as possible. In the future you will look back, and be glad that you are not together
Click to expand...
Witty- the "Assassin"...
 
awittyusername said:
Dump her, and bang as many chicks as possible. In the future you will look back, and be glad that you are not together
Click to expand...
Take it from Witty. He preaches. We've ALL been there.
 
ZenX said:
Heres the story.

Me and my gf have been dating for 1 year now. We always had our problems but it was the kind of relationship you new nothing was going to happen, like no matter what we would be there and we would never break up. We were actually going to move in together eventually and get married.

About a few weeks ago we starting having some larger problems. We fight alot and we argue. There was still no trouble because we always fixed it in the end. About 1 week ago I got into an argument with her because i didnt like how she was acting and I said something I never should have. I cant go into detail what I said but she got very upset with that and ever since she has been acting weird.

Everything again started to get better and even she said she felt closer until 2 days ago she called me up and she started saying some things that were pissing me off and i just kept quiet. Out of knowhere she goes you know what this is how its going to be: Im going to smoke, Im going to wear w/e I want, Im going to act how I want, and im going to hang around anyone I want to. She was implying I have no say. She says if you dont agree than dont be with me.

I didnt agree and I saw her today at an event. She was avoiding me and than she said she wanted to talk. I thought I had her back but than out of knowhere she said she needs some time to get over what I said to her. She said shes very angry about it and she said she still wants to be with me and marry me but she needs to be on a break so she can get over this anger she has towards me. I was hesitant at first and she started crying and I agreed. I told her that Ill do this break but I have a time limit and if she doesnt hurry up im not waiting around anymore.

I am very upset and I dont want her doing w/e she pleases. How do i get her to want me back now and how do I get the power in the relationship again. If I dont have the power we will never make it.

Please help me out guys im desperate here!
Click to expand...

You sound like a contolling and possessive little punk. Why do you want to control you girl? Does that make you feel like a man? You want to tell your girl what to wear and who to hand out with? WTF Sounds like she could do a lot better than you. loser.
 
ZenX said:
Some bad shit happened with us and It bothers her and I told her I would tell her family if she didnt stop acting like she was. I was just angry and I took it back 5 min later but its still angers her. She was crying before and she wants to be with me from what she says but she needs time to get overher anger. I dont tell her no smoking. I say dont smoke because i want you around for along time and I quit for her.
Click to expand...


oh, well if you took it back then everythings peachy, like 3rd grade :rolleyes:
 
She's using that time out to change her attitude, meet new people, reinvent herself and readjust her feelings to cope with the prospect of being without you, whilst during that time putting pressure on you to think about her and the relationship so you're figuring out ways to stay with her.

She's going to blind side you. You either call her bluff now or she'll be in the comfort zone soon and you'll have lost control.
 
EnderJE said:
Take it from Witty. He preaches. We've ALL been there.
Click to expand...

True.

Bro, we are not saying we are any better than you...We have all been there, and made the same mistakes when where younger

Good luck you fucking pussy!@!!!!@
 
ZenX said:
Heres the story.

Me and my gf have been dating for 1 year now. We always had our problems but it was the kind of relationship you new nothing was going to happen, like no matter what we would be there and we would never break up. We were actually going to move in together eventually and get married.
Please help me out guys im desperate here!
Click to expand...
Change your ways, or say goodby. She has to act herself. If you can't accept that, even if you do get hitched, it's gonna end badly.
 
she isnt "acting weird". shes simply acting like anyone would when they are reconsidering their relationship...which is what shes doing.

she doesnt need a break "to get over this anger shes feeling" towards you, she needs some time to reconsider being with you...which she will do by letting her short term emotions subside, and interacting with new people to see how she feels about replacing you with them. if they dont make her feel as good as you did, she will return. if they make her feel as good or better, she will not.

you dont need "the power in the relationship". you need a clue, so that you understand that power gaps in relationships are ticking bombs, make for shitty relationships, and that a girlfriend/wife is not a pet.

in short, your relationship is over, and its a good thing, since youre not emotionally/socially mature enough to be part of a lasting, positive relationship. the idea that you should find a partner that is what you want, rather than finding someone and changing them to suit you (no smoking, clothing styles etc) isnt subtle. what youre doing is a really, really dumb way to go about finding a mate.

so. get used to the idea that your girl is going to be seeing someone else soon. sure, you might be able to flux her emotional state a bit in the short term and perhaps spark something up again, but chances are that she will make a calculated decision to see other people and leave you on your ass. (which is strangely apt, since, well...you were acting like an ass in the first place) and so were i you, i would start developing romantic interests (formatively, of course...no need to jump the gun) in your life to bolster your self esteem/social position/satisfy your libido when your relationship inevitably implodes.

and if you think that post was harsh...dont analyze your girls thought processes when she moves on.

cheers
 
GoldenDelicious said:
she isnt "acting weird". shes simply acting like anyone would when they are reconsidering their relationship...which is what shes doing.

she doesnt need a break "to get over this anger shes feeling" towards you, she needs some time to reconsider being with you...which she will do by letting her short term emotions subside, and interacting with new people to see how she feels about replacing you with them. if they dont make her feel as good as you did, she will return. if they make her feel as good or better, she will not.

you dont need "the power in the relationship". you need a clue, so that you understand that power gaps in relationships are ticking bombs, make for shitty relationships, and that a girlfriend/wife is not a pet.

in short, your relationship is over, and its a good thing, since youre not emotionally/socially mature enough to be part of a lasting, positive relationship. the idea that you should find a partner that is what you want, rather than finding someone and changing them to suit you (no smoking, clothing styles etc) isnt subtle. what youre doing is a really, really dumb way to go about finding a mate.

so. get used to the idea that your girl is going to be seeing someone else soon. sure, you might be able to flux her emotional state a bit in the short term and perhaps spark something up again, but chances are that she will make a calculated decision to see other people and leave you on your ass. (which is strangely apt, since, well...you were acting like an ass in the first place) and so were i you, i would start developing romantic interests (formatively, of course...no need to jump the gun) in your life to bolster your self esteem/social position/satisfy your libido when your relationship inevitably implodes.

and if you think that post was harsh...dont analyze your girls thought processes when she moves on.

cheers
Click to expand...
Well put and incredibly accurate....
 
If you want her to stick around you should probably start beating her, to let her know you mean business about the "her not doing whatever she wants" thing.
 
zenx, listen to the rodent, he is giving sound advice.

Moving together will, if anything, make things worse if they were not good before.

You think you like somebody until you live together, then you really see all the "little things" that annoy you.

You have to think in terms of common goals, at the end, how long you can be in a relationship comes down to that: Do you share common goals, if not, one or the other will alweays have that feeling of "I'm wasting my time here, need to bounce"
 
digimon7068 said:
My wife and I have been together for 16+ years. . .married for 13+ years. . .we butt heads like twice a year and we pretty much never fought before we were married. . .if you're already fighting all the time, that's a warning sign. Take the time off and really think about why and whether you want to be with this girl.
Click to expand...
So true. I've been with my wife 26 years & it's the same. Rarely fight. If one of us wants something enough to be adamant, then the other will acquiesce because it isn't worth fighting over. & if one of us does something stupid, we apologize before it gets any farther.
 
Paulos said:
If you want her to stick around you should probably start beating her, to let her know you mean business about the "her not doing whatever she wants" thing.
Click to expand...

I can't emphasize this enough. lol.

S'up Paulos?
 
Paulos said:
Same old shit man. You?
Click to expand...

Likewise. Work and lifting heavy things up and down in my spare time. I'll do something worth mentioning one of these days. Probably not but I still tell people that.
 
Nathan said:
Likewise. Work and lifting heavy things up and down in my spare time. I'll do something worth mentioning one of these days. Probably not but I still tell people that.
Click to expand...

Hey, I'd say being present at an execution is noteworthy.
 
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