gym shoot the sh*t thread

[WoodyAllen]

Hilarious thread. I mean, I think my gym is lame but you guys go to some pathetic gyms.

My gym seems to have two things present at all times - tons of hot chicks and tons of gay dudes. Its kind of hilarious.

There's plenty of shenanigans going on out there on a floor on a daily basis but what really pisses me off is the locker room. Its like Murphy's Law, no matter how empty the gym is, at some point when I"m changing some guy is going to come in and just happen to use the one right next to me. Fuck.

The guys who shit and piss naked are kind of weird too. I mean, I wouldn't be walking around barefoot in that part of the locker room. Filthy.

Also, my gym has the worst shower set up in the history of communal showers. Its like a tiny little room with two columns that each have 4 shower heads so sometimes quarters get uncomfortably cramped. And for some reason, on two occasions that I have had the discomfort to witness, some fucking tool thought it was ok to have an erection in a public shower. NO, IT IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE OK. One time it was this old bastard who has no respect for anyone and he just stood there examining his erect cock like it was the most natural thing in the world. I fucking fled that shower as quick as possible. I probably should have alerted management.

I get a real kick out of watching the personal trainers get paid ridiculous sums of money to tell people what to do when they could just figure it out if they had any modicum of brain activity.

Also, old ladies with flab wearing midriff exposing workout suits - NOT OK. That goes for any woman actually but especially for wrinkled grandmas clinging desperately to the fantasy that they are still attractive and might hook a gym stud.

I have finally noticed that the new year's resolution crowd is beginning to thin. January to mid February is truly the worst time of year at the gym and attracts the lamest of the lame.

 

[needsize]

my favourite is this dude that comes in...he uses 3 different pieces of equipment at once, which isnt the worst part. He takes 10-15 minutes between sets, so he'll tie up a bench for over an hour, to do a few sets(my gym has 8,000 members and only 2 benches, so this aint cool). The other day one of the guys I train with came in and wanted to use the bench, but of course buddy had his stuff on it, but was no where to be seen. So my friend moves his stuff, and starts warming up. This guy shows up 15 minutes later all pissed off, and mutters under his breath "I guess I need to find another bench". My friend, instead of letting it slide, looked at him and said "I guess you are"....and if that wasnt enough, finished with "And next time I come in and see your stuff, but you are gone for 10+ minutes, I'm throwing your shit on the floor again, this isnt your own personal gym"..... This guy gets all red in the face like he wants to start shit, then looks at my buddy, who has honest 20" arms cold, thought better of it, and walked away without a word
I almost pissed my pants

 

[BOOEY]

my favourite is this dude that comes in...he uses 3 different pieces of equipment at once, which isnt the worst part. He takes 10-15 minutes between sets, so he'll tie up a bench for over an hour, to do a few sets(my gym has 8,000 members and only 2 benches, so this aint cool). The other day one of the guys I train with came in and wanted to use the bench, but of course buddy had his stuff on it, but was no where to be seen. So my friend moves his stuff, and starts warming up. This guy shows up 15 minutes later all pissed off, and mutters under his breath "I guess I need to find another bench". My friend, instead of letting it slide, looked at him and said "I guess you are"....and if that wasnt enough, finished with "And next time I come in and see your stuff, but you are gone for 10+ minutes, I'm throwing your shit on the floor again, this isnt your own personal gym"..... This guy gets all red in the face like he wants to start shit, then looks at my buddy, who has honest 20" arms cold, thought better of it, and walked away without a word
I almost pissed my pants

Thats awesome, wish I could have seen that.

Another funny 'let's do chest again today' at my gym the other day:

Guy #1 (puts 45's on each side): I can only do 5, but that was two days ago.
Guy #2: You should be able to do more now.

Why do these people bother breathing? DIE!

 

[n8ive_stylez]

Naw you don't have any idea what it's like to be on a Aircraft Carrier and sharing a gym with about 30people who know what they're doin, 200 other people tryin to get into lifting, and about 4,000 other fuckin idiots that are up there and think it's Crunk hour up in the gym posing after every set and dancing in front of mirrors thinkin that they're bad azz and all that.. Or scrawny lil dude lifting way too much and dropping it on himself and getting hurt.. I look at this everyday, we have about 25 pieces of equipment up in the gym, and 50 people at a time.. 2 flat benches, 1 incline bench, 1 decline, so jus for example we got 1 random fuckin idiot on one of these things that puts on 10lb weights on each side and starts lifting, no idea what he's fuckin doin, and does maybe 15 sets on there. So he ties it up for an hour with 30 other people waiting.. I have no idea what some of these people are thinkin when they get up there..

It's "Amatuer Hour" up there 24/7.. And the people that piss me off the worst are the skinny little gangster wannabe's up there.. I see then tryin to do way more weight than they can even get off the bench, and having one of their buddies lift it up for them everytime they do it.. Then they get up and start jumpin yellin Yeah!! And What Up Dawg!! lmfao..

Oh and try doin heavy weight on this fuckin thing and having the ship go into a massive roll and having your weight jus transfer 30lbs to the other side.. Fuck That Shit... This gym sucks dude...

We got the WEEKEND WARRIORS up there too when we're about to pull into port and the population of the gym triples in like a day.. So imagine this, stand in line for 1 hour to get in the gym, get there and wait 25-30 min for any piece of equipment you're tryin to get on, then watch these fuckin idiots try to flex and show off between every fuckin set.. It's so irratating

U don't have a bad gym compared to the one that's on this floating piece of shit.. Don't take it for granted..

Anyways Jus tellin ya'll a day in the life of n8ive_stylez.. lol..

Take it easy.. Or any way U can get it..

 

[CrayonOfDoom2]

a good friend of mine has been lifting (loosly) for about a yr and a half. Hasn't gained a single pound in strenght on any lift. He wont listen to me and sticks to nothing but machines, negatives, etc etc. Anyhow, we will be discussing weight lifting and strength, and he will be like " ya man im up to 170lb bodyweight" You know I do the usuall "ahh man thats a great job". The sad part about it is its not muscle at all. On a related note, whenever we discuss someone and he starts sayhing how they think there tough, or they are pussys, he will act like hes a manly man and can whip em just because he goes to the gym....oh well.lol

I have a friend like this .

 

[Jim Ouini]

Great gym stories. What's that saying 'Same freaks, different circus'.

Last week I was waiting for the squat rack as there were 3 guys there kind of doing community squatting. One guy seemed to be the expert, I've seen him do 405 quarter squats, and he was instructing and directing and giving pointers. Good basic advice like don't round your lower back and suchlike.

I did hear him say 'don't go too low, research has shown it'll wreck your knees', however.

Anyway, the other 2 guys were squatting 115-135 or so, being real careful as this guy was poking and prodding and cajoling their form along. Well that's cool for a beginner to have a mentor when they're starting out.

That is until I saw one of the guy's shirts. On the back it said 'Director of Personal Training'. Sure enough he had his picture up there on the wall and everything.

Maybe I don't understand the biz but how do you get to be 'Director of Personal Training' without knowing how to squat?

 

[pgsam]

does anyone else have the guys that still do all their lifts on the shitty nautilis machines because its "safer" ?(yes, my gym still has them) we have a bunch of geezebags that take turns on the nautilis bench and "spot" each other to ensure this "safety". i guess it beats eminems curling in the squat rack

 

[TO_MUCH]

hey i love ballys , although after spending $10,000 on weights i dont think i am going back.

 

[AEKDB]

I hope the ballet moves have not proliferated into your gyms yet. Every leg workout at my gym involves pointing your toes.

Move one- Lunges, big step forward, shift weight to from foot stand up, point back leg straight back and point toe, raise up on toe of other foot, pause and repeat across gym.

Move two- squats: use smith machine, stand on one leg, as you go down extend raised leg in front of you, point toe and stand up.

Move three (the best)- stand dumbbell on end, spotter? sits on ground, stand on barbell, bend at waist so torso is parallel to floor, stick one leg straight out behind you, point toe, hold spotter's? hands, hold for 10 count and repeat with other leg.

Who invented this stuff? I think the music in the gym has something to do with it. If they play "I wanta be your lover" one more time, I might start dancing around the gym as well.

 

[rbtrout]

I train at Bally's, too. I'm about the only one that I've seen in 4 years that changed dramatically. Does that mean I'm a badass? Cool. Of course I do have an attitude. I like to wear a Big Dog Tshirt to the gym that says "I've upped my standards, now up yours". I get alot of different looks.
By the way - I always watch for newbies and smaller guys trying to lift too much. I'd hate to see them get hurt. Is that a badass attitude?