Guys...advice needed quite urgently please.

[jd_uk]

Here's an easy one....

What do you do when you completely fall for a good female friend? I've known her for 2 years now but only really liked her for the last 6 months.

She has a long term boyfriend, and there's no way she'd ever cheat on him, I wouldn't want her to. (Even though i want her badly)

I've tried everything, if i just try and be good friends then i always end up getting frustrated, we start arguing over stupid little things and she gets upset.

If i try staying clear of her then she thinks I'm being nasty and dont like her and gets upset.

I feel like i just keep on hurting her and can't do it anymore. Anyway I just got this e-mail off her after we had to go on an overnight work trip together.....it's about a conversation we had on the way home, where she started asking how if we were good friends and kind of hinted that i didnt think men and women could really be friends. Here's the e-mail....What the hell should i reply with? Serious replies please.

-----
Hey!

I get home to a message saying they don't want to go out tonight! And I was really looking forward to it as well, shame eh?? I think after last night I need a good sleep!

Anyways . . . . I know you hate the internet and blah blah, but seeing as you haven't given me your new phone number and I can't do anything else, I'll resort to emailing you. Sorry for being such a shitty friend over the summer, I'm so so sorry. What you said today did hurt me quite a bit, and I know you say you didn't mean it the way it came out, but it did hurt because I would hate to not have you as a friend. And I hate the thought that I'm such a crap friend to make you feel like that. As I said on the train, you did make this trip fun, and yes I still blame you for getting me drunk . . . nothing to do with me, entirely your fault! But I imagine it would have been awful if you hadn't been there, it would've been 2 glasses of lemonade and off to bed by 11! At least there's something to look back on and laugh about, but that doesn't mean you can laugh at me. But the point is I did really enjoy it because I had fun with you, even if it does involve some severe embarassment on my part (don't you dare tell anyone anything!).

Ahh I'm babbling now, and before I start getting really deep and meaningful on you, I just want you to know that I do value you as a friend and I'd love to think that we could be really good friends, because we do get on so well when we want to. I just feel rubbish for being a pain and ruining stuff sometimes. Slap me around the head next time I do!

Right I'm gonna shut up now! I'm going to be in bed by about 10:30 . . . I feel dead on my feet, but I had to say this to you somehow first, although you probably won't read it till next week or something! I hope you get a bit more than half an hour's sleep tonight, although I bet you miss Karl! I'll see you next Wednesday chicken, if you're in desparate need of someone to walk with I'm sure I could help out.

x

 

[jd_uk]

By the way, despite the e-mail I didn't try to get her drunk, I was trying to stop her from drinking.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

i see all the ingredients for something ugly

what can i say. she obviously cares. if i was trying to steal her, i would really subtly let her know (preferably by her "finding out" in some other way, like reading some private email) but dont let her know that you know thet she knows...remain respectful, and a tad distant, never bring up the subject with her, be a good friend and a good bloke. the foundation will be there, and if her other relationship fails, youre well set up for it to happen...although you should be aware that you will be putting a bit of "grass is greener on the other side" pressure on her current relationship, which isnt a nice thing to do.

of course, you can cripple yourself emotionally by leaving yourself open like that, and possibly ruin your friendship with awkwardness if it goes the wrong way. really, you should find yourself another girl. good friends are awfully hard to come by

all the best

 

[MrMuscle]

Been there done that.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to stay clear. Or else all kinda tension can build up between you two. I prefer to stay away from trouble as much as possible though. If you're different, that might not be the way to go.

 

[jd_uk]

Thanks for the replies guys. Karma.

golden delicious...I dont want to try to steal her. She's obviously very happy in her current relationship and I don't want to mess that up. It's just I dont think she understands that I can't be just good friends with her, it's way too hard, I like her too much.

MrMuscle....Like i said I've tried to stay clear and she just gets upset. The thing is i'm gonna be working with her almost every single day for the next year, so if i try and stay clear then it seems to her that i dont even like her as a friend. Last 'term' I was an emotional wreck because of this (hearing her talk about her boyfriend, having her flirt with me, all the little petty arguments) and I honestly dont think i can handle it again. Hence the problem ....What the hell am i supposed to do?

 

[MrMuscle]

Keep your "friendship" stricly buisness. And if she says something. Just lay it all out to her. Better out than in I always say.

 

[jd_uk]

And if she says something. Just lay it all out to her. Better out than in I always say.

I'm not really understanding this.


She just texted me asking to check my mail so I feel i need to reply. Just don't have a clue what to say apart from sorry for upsetting her again.

Thanks again for replying. Ladies please feel free to reply too if you can be bothered to read all this crap.

 

[DIVISION]

Ok

What do you do when you completely fall for a good female friend? I've known her for 2 years now but only really liked her for the last 6 months.

She has a long term boyfriend, and there's no way she'd ever cheat on him, I wouldn't want her to. (Even though i want her badly)

I've tried everything, if i just try and be good friends then i always end up getting frustrated, we start arguing over stupid little things and she gets upset.

If i try staying clear of her then she thinks I'm being nasty and dont like her and gets upset.

I feel like i just keep on hurting her and can't do it anymore.

Ok, I've seen this scenario before and I know exactly what you need to do.

Have a sitdown between the two of you and break it down to her basic-like that you have these conflicted feelings and that you can't maintain the relationship as it is anymore. Basically you need to let her know that you can't be her "friend" because you can't look at her without wanting to dick her down like a fucking veteran and it's driving you absolutely INSANE! Tell her that it's over, the friendship and that you'll always care for her but that you can't go on like this. You gotta be true to yourself and true to her, as painful as it seems. You've got to end this.

DIV

 

[MrMuscle]

^^^thats what i said

 

[DIVISION]

^^^thats what i said

Yes, but I broke it down simple-like for the brother....

I made it user-friendly so there's no way he could misunderstand what I mean.

I'm trying to help the poor fuck with his woman troubles.

DIV

 

[MrMuscle]

Yes, but I broke it down simple-like for the brother....

I made it user-friendly so there's no way he could misunderstand what I mean.

I'm trying to help the poor fuck with his woman troubles.

DIV

yes, you are much better with them there words than me. i liked your explination better.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Thanks for the replies guys. Karma.

golden delicious...I dont want to try to steal her. She's obviously very happy in her current relationship and I don't want to mess that up. It's just I dont think she understands that I can't be just good friends with her, it's way too hard, I like her too much.

oh well now youve said that, you should tell her exactly how you feel, how torn you are, and that it is the cause of the friction between you (no pun intended, ok). that way at least, you can continue your friendship when you find yourself a woman, or start something if her relationship fails. otherwise, its just going to be a heartbreaking mess.

from her flirting with you, and the tone of her email, she has some feelings certainly imo, but life isnt a fairytale and you need to use the big head.

cheers

 

[jd_uk]

Re: Ok

Ok, I've seen this scenario before and I know exactly what you need to do.

Have a sitdown between the two of you and break it down to her basic-like that you have these conflicted feelings and that you can't maintain the relationship as it is anymore. Basically you need to let her know that you can't be her "friend" because you can't look at her without wanting to dick her down like a fucking veteran and it's driving you absolutely INSANE! Tell her that it's over, the friendship and that you'll always care for her but that you can't go on like this. You gotta be true to yourself and true to her, as painful as it seems. You've got to end this.

DIV

:-(

I seriosuly don't think i could do that. I work with her every day, her friends in work are my friends. It would be too awkward.

Last time I tried staying clear of her btw she walked out of the lecture theatre crying. It would be so harsh of me to not sit with her.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

oh i just read the otehr replies (i never do, i feel it creates bias) and yeah, listen to the otehr guys

 

[MrMuscle]

Sometimes you have to put yourself before others bro.

 

[DIVISION]

Re: Ok

:-(

I seriosuly don't think i could do that. I work with her every day, her friends in work are my friends. It would be too awkward.

Last time I tried staying clear of her btw she walked out of the lecture theatre crying. It would be so hash of me to not sit with her.

Lil JD...

Look I'm telling you what you need to do in order to get things manageable again. You can't have a friendship with her if you are thinking about fucking her all the fucking time. It doesn't work, I'VE BEEN THERE! You've got to be all in or all out......choose. If you don't you'll always be conflicted about this and I know you don't want to deal with this 24-7-365. You need to make a decision and be real with yourself and this girl.

DIV

 

[jd_uk]

Bump for any more replies.

 

[Sub-Zero]

if ur gunna "Stear clear" u risk losing her either way, so u may as well just tell her exactly how you feel, what you dont wanna do and why u feel u need to not see her anymore for a whil euntill these feelings pass.