goodbye mother.

[stilleto]

my mother, the size 4 plastic surgery princess, who is sometimes a wonderful person, and most other times, a controlling, judgemental, overly opinionated woman, insulted me so badly on friday that I can't see how I can talk to her again.

I was on my way home from work and I called her, like i usually do.
I told her about a presentation i made that went well and she was impressed. Then i told her i'm worried about the financial stability of my company, and she got very very worried. Then i told her that a friend of mine got a job at johnson and johnson and it sounded so great. I said it's not near me, but i'm just going to look for a new job and hope that I find one before something happens to this one.

My mother said, "(long sigh)... you can't work at J&J."
I said, "Well i wasn't going to, but why not?"
(another long sigh, and then a pause). "Stilleto. (another long pause). J&J only hires.... very young, thin, attractive people."

i said, "and?"

my mother said, "You are none of those things."
i hung up on her, then didn't take her calls. She wrote me later to tell me it wasn't said to be mean- she said it because she cares.

The whole thing has gotten me very very sad. not because of the actual insult, since i know she's wrong, but because that's my MOTHER saying that. i didn't even ask her- she just felt I needed to know so badly that she felt it was her duty as my mother to let me know she doesn't think i'm hot.

i can't speak to her again. i don't want to see her and I certainly don't want to ever tell her anything anymore.
that's what has gotten me sad- the loss.

 

[future]

I have no relationship with my mother as well. Several years back I was going to meet my dad for the first time. He no showed. My mom asked "Well what did you do to make him not come." I didnt talk to her for a year. Toxic people need to be disposed of like toxic waste if only figuratively.

 

[nefertiti]

Oh god, that's terrible.... I'm not sure I could forgive something like that either.

 

[swole]

smear dog shit on a razor blade, put the blade under her car door handle so when she goes to open the car door she cuts herself and dog shit gets in her bloodstream, giving her crazy bacteria diseases then she loses her finger (at least)

 

[SouthernLord]

My grandfather is in hospice care on his death bed. My aunt (his daughter) has been estranged from my grandparents for 10+ years. She is ate up with guilt and grief because of all the time lost between them. It was her choice to stop the relationship and whatever the petty reason was dosent matter now. She will never get that time missed back.

Just something to think about before you cut ties with your mother. Lifes short and you only have one mother. She won't be around forever.

 

[rnch]

parents say stuff to their children that they wounldn't dream of saying to a friend or co-worker.

 

[Razorguns]

Well use that as an excuse to get your butt to the gym. There's no excuse to be fat and in today's economic climate, being fat works against you in trying to get a job! So consider this tough (albiet crass) love!

r

 

[stilleto]

Oh god, that's terrible.... I'm not sure I could forgive something like that either.

Before my mother married her current husband (he's #3), she was very very worried and upset about being alone and not finding anyone.
I always reassured her that of COURSE she would find someone else. The truth was, i was worried that given her personality, she WOULDN'T find anyone else. I told her that in an email when i got home on friday. I told her that i didn't share my worry because it would only make her feel like crap, wouldn't actually change her personality, and it would drive a permanent wedge between us and that's what she did with her comment to me.

her reply was, "you're very vindictive and nasty" and then she stopped talking to me.

 

[stilleto]

Well use that as an excuse to get your butt to the gym. There's no excuse to be fat and in today's economic climate, being fat works against you in trying to get a job! So consider this tough (albiet crass) love!

r

lol. i'm not fat.
and i do workout.

and i don't need an excuse.

 

[stilleto]

My grandfather is in hospice care on his death bed. My aunt (his daughter) has been estranged from my grandparents for 10+ years. She is ate up with guilt and grief because of all the time lost between them. It was her choice to stop the relationship and whatever the petty reason was dosent matter now. She will never get that time missed back.

Just something to think about before you cut ties with your mother. Lifes short and you only have one mother. She won't be around forever.

yeah, i know. it was so hurtful though. my own mother thinks i'm not attractive enough to even apply to a major pharmaceutical company? it's not like I was asking if she thought i could be a super model.
btw, of the last 3 interviews that i went on- one was for my current job, another was a second interview at a job that was over my head, and the third didn't call me back.
so really, i think my interview to job offer ratio is pretty good.
i am 42 and no beauty queen, but i'm certainly attractive enough to work at most companies, i think. The fact that my mother doesn't think so is what is so upsetting.