Girls i need some help....

[PBR]

I came here to get straight answers from women only- womens insight and advice: some of you know that iam divorced...going on 3 years now. ive been dating thats all..no full-time GF or relationships since. my ex-wife recently joined my gym, ive written about it before...she had an affair with one of the employees at our gym here in town. she eventually left me for him.
i moved to another newer/bigger gym immediately actually before i knew what had happened or who was invloved....again this was 3 years ago. i confronted her about 3 months ago when i saw her come into my gym and started working out...i didnt make a scene but i was not discrete. i was angry... we talked about it...she agreed to come in at different times to avoid me...well it has worked for the most part, but as you know shit happens and we have run into each other on occassion.
she's acted very strangely towards me, like she wanted to talk, touches me and kissed me once ...she actually engaged me several times in conversation...there are alot of loose ends to this story and i have tried to get her to talk about it...she has agreed but never taken the time to deal with it. i have offered many times.
she has recently (last couple of weeks) brought "this guy" into my gym to workout...so of course i hear about it...i wrote her a letter the other day explaining the disbelief of her actions and thought process...no answer. i did not threaten her nor was i angry (so past that). i just conveyed my sadness toward her as to why she would do such a thing....i specifically asked her not to do this to me. (bring him in there) they do not come in at my time..."she" has been tho for the last 2 days...she has ignored me.
it is really bothering me alot...this kid IMO, has alot of BALLS to be in my gym...i let him live twice...once coming out of my house with her and once in a store... whatever... he is really not the issue- you see my point?
i dont know what to do. am i over-reacting to this situation. should i have said anything at all? should i just let it go?...im lost. what do you think is going on in her head? why do you think she did this?

 

[needtogetaas]

I dident even read what you rote.but gass what.move on bro

 

[starfish]

She is being disrespectful and rude. Even though you two are not together anymore, to do that to you in front of your face is poor taste. Be happy she is with someone else. You don't deserve that.

 

[PBR]

ntga...you are correct. i have told myself this many times...i have moved on. but everytime i move, she shows up. in one way or another. this happens to be in my face...our pain is self chosen... im more looking for understanding, maybe its not to be understood by me, thats why i posted the topic.

starfish....i agree, i think this is totally out of line in my eyes...if i had an affair, even if i did not have an affair- i would not expose another women to an ex if i could help it...there are occassions where sometimes we meet others from our past, thats life, and i get it...

 

[superqt4u2nv]

PBR I have no idea what is going on in her head but it is total disrespect what she is doing. I wouldn't let her know anymore that it bothers you. I also wouldn't let her have access to you. Your better then her she does not have the right to speak to you ignore her and ignore him go on with your life.

 

[courtneybcca]

its like she wants to dangle it in front of your face.. try to be the bigger person and ingore it.. I know that is hard to do.. but if you are able she will stop.. she is probably doing it because she is getting a reaction out of you and is in some sick way enjoying it... but if you don't react then there will be no point.. I suggest to try to ignore her as well.. next time she tries to talk to you be polite and just say you are busy in your workout and can't talk... and DON'T talk to her.. avoid her.. if you see her in the gym IGNORE.. because she is not getting an reaction out of you the novelty will ware off... I know it sucks but some people enjoy games... be happy you got out when you did and do whatever it is you need to do to move on...

 

[PBR]

superqt....i guess thats what i needed to hear...i didnt know if i was over-reacting, i thought this was total disrespect and shows a lack of integrity on her part...its painful to watch people destroy themselves and people around them, when they had a chance for a better life and found something that was for real and unconditonal...its a choice tho, and we all make our own...thank you. (QT cant give u any more K yet)

courtney...i suppose you have put me in my place...something im not used to doing-ignoring situations when i have the answer or the ability to solve a problem...mens ego's= we're problem solvers, we think we have to "ACT" all the time when sometimes it is better not to act at all....a womens strength/cunning at times is immeasurable...you are right. as painful as it might be....again, thank you for your thoughts and time...

 

[graciepoop]

i agree w/ courtney- some women do the craziest things JUST to get that reaction out of guys. you've done your part- you've talked to her, expressed how you feel, and went about it in a mature way. she should have more respect for you than what she's showing through her actions, and that lack of consideration doesn't deserve to be dignified with a response. i'm sorry that she's doing this to you...in your gym of all places!

 

[The Shadow]

Jealously is a wasted emotion

 

[Sassy69]

All of what was said above. I'm sure guys do it occassionally too, but women are generally fucked in the head and they are always after the next best thing. And they like to see what sort of power they have over someone. Obviously she thinks she can work you and she may trying to get back into your good graces now that you take the time to talk to her, even if to just confront her, probably for some closure for yourself and to deal w/ this situation. I think she is a real ho-bag for doing what she is doing to you at the gym, but the best thing you can do is rise above it for yourself, but also make it expressly clear to her that she has NO power over you anymore and DO NOT give her the time of day to even think she has that sort of power over you. That will probably drive her more nuts than anything. I've always found that the day I have NO emotion about a past relationship is the day I can get on w/ life honestly and not have struggle to hide a feeling (jealousy or otherwise) or get pissed off because someone showed up or whatever. When you don't even have the inclination to do anything more than just offer the same degree of politeness that you would give to someone you passed at the door going into your gym, then you are "free".

I wish you speed in getting to that point, and patience until you get there.

 

[Quadsweeps Sister]

Do you wear headphones in the gym? If you do - just get so into your workout that you don't even glance (their) way. She will realize you are so over her. If she approaches you - which she will when you are not paying her any attention...ask her to please not interrupt your workout, thank-you and goodbye. Say it as many times as she approaches you and nothing more. She'll get the idea you won't play into her games and hopefully will just "disappear".

Good for you. I wish you all the best. Glad you've rid yourself of that emotional vampire.

Take care.

 

[PBR]

All of what was said above. I'm sure guys do it occassionally too, but women are generally fucked in the head and they are always after the next best thing. And they like to see what sort of power they have over someone. Obviously she thinks she can work you and she may trying to get back into your good graces now that you take the time to talk to her, even if to just confront her, probably for some closure for yourself and to deal w/ this situation. I think she is a real ho-bag for doing what she is doing to you at the gym, but the best thing you can do is rise above it for yourself, but also make it expressly clear to her that she has NO power over you anymore and DO NOT give her the time of day to even think she has that sort of power over you. That will probably drive her more nuts than anything. I've always found that the day I have NO emotion about a past relationship is the day I can get on w/ life honestly and not have struggle to hide a feeling (jealousy or otherwise) or get pissed off because someone showed up or whatever. When you don't even have the inclination to do anything more than just offer the same degree of politeness that you would give to someone you passed at the door going into your gym, then you are "free".

I wish you speed in getting to that point, and patience until you get there.

Wow Sassy....without going into details, this girl wasted me at one time. Iam a communicator, i like to act/talk/discuss and ponder...this will be very difficult to do- "be silent and still"...i should know this is a very powerful virtue i study it every day. this seems to be a common piece of advice from the women here, so i will take you up on it....i beleive you to be 100% correct, i just kept trying to meet force with force. your analogy of "freedom" is quite clear and profound, a goal for me to see and understand....thank you Sassy.

 

[PBR]

Do you wear headphones in the gym? If you do - just get so into your workout that you don't even glance (their) way. She will realize you are so over her. If she approaches you - which she will when you are not paying her any attention...ask her to please not interrupt your workout, thank-you and goodbye. Say it as many times as she approaches you and nothing more. She'll get the idea you won't play into her games and hopefully will just "disappear".

Good for you. I wish you all the best. Glad you've rid yourself of that emotional vampire.

Take care.

, LOL yes i do!!! i did that the last 2X i saw her...it does work, for a short time...i just leave..but i will practice looking elsewhere and concentrate more...i need some harder stuff maybe?( music)

 

[Sassy69]

PBR -- whatever it takes. I've sooo been there before and I am one who cannot deal w/ conflict or people being mad at me or me being mad at them. I have an evil explosive temper & I carry grudges to the point of self-destruction, so I know of what I speak I"ve gotten a lot better w/ not taking things so personally, but also protecting myself a little more & keeping my expectations of other people very low so as to not get fucked over so hard. But you also have to let yourself live life - it isn't always a bowl full of cherries - sometimes you get one w/ a really hard pit. But it also takes the lows to really appreciate the highs. (OK enough philosophy...)

But I've found that I have to give myself a certain amount of time to "grieve" and just to bring closure as best I can. Then you hit the day when every extra second you spend feeling mad / sad / upset / pissed / jealous as a result of the other person, that it counts against you. Don't burn your precious seconds of life on something that is only destructive. You can't expect people to consider your emotions and often people are so irresponsible of their own emotions that they can come across as really mean, rude and disrespectful or manipulative of your emotions that you just want them to die in the flaming bowels of hell... and they may not even be doing it to be mean. They are just stupid. And it isn't your problem. They have to live w/ their own faults and its no longer your problem. Remember the good times & also revel in the person you have become as a result of your experiences with this person -- both good & bad -- because it has contributed to who you are right now. But also learn from it, rise above and be a better person for it. Especially if it is becoming apparent that the other person has not. So .. fuck 'em. Not your problem anymore, and they represent nothing more than a way to waste your precious time and efforts on this planet. So don't let it -- like Shadow said - Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Give it the appropriate amount of time to heal yourself, but then move on. The day you realize how inconsequential that person is in your life is the day you are truly free to enjoy someone who you can allow to be supremely consequential in your life.

 

[230lbs]

I have to agree with the jist of all of the posts. She is trying to rub the breakup/new boyfriend in your face.
My approach would be one of two things.....
1) Change your workout times....for me that is easy, I own my own business and can come and go as I wish.
2) Make sure the little puke boyfriend is curling his 25 lb. dumbells right next to you as 2 guys are spotting your 375 lb. bench press. You know the on where three or more people are egging and encouraging you to "push Motherfucker" and half of the free weight room is chearing you and applauding you as you sit up from a great push.

But also remember this........she did this - not him. Who knows what she was saying to him, he may not of even known that she had a BF and hes i is not to blame if that is the case.
oh ya...there is a 3..
3) Start working out with the hottet girl in the gym. I say get Gymgirl or CanadianCutie to come lift with ya !!!!

 

[Greggorial]

Sassy69

Well spoken "fuck em" ... Life to short !

 

[*Bunny*]

PBR -- whatever it takes. I've sooo been there before and I am one who cannot deal w/ conflict or people being mad at me or me being mad at them. I have an evil explosive temper & I carry grudges to the point of self-destruction, so I know of what I speak I"ve gotten a lot better w/ not taking things so personally, but also protecting myself a little more & keeping my expectations of other people very low so as to not get fucked over so hard. But you also have to let yourself live life - it isn't always a bowl full of cherries - sometimes you get one w/ a really hard pit. But it also takes the lows to really appreciate the highs. (OK enough philosophy...)

But I've found that I have to give myself a certain amount of time to "grieve" and just to bring closure as best I can. Then you hit the day when every extra second you spend feeling mad / sad / upset / pissed / jealous as a result of the other person, that it counts against you. Don't burn your precious seconds of life on something that is only destructive. You can't expect people to consider your emotions and often people are so irresponsible of their own emotions that they can come across as really mean, rude and disrespectful or manipulative of your emotions that you just want them to die in the flaming bowels of hell... and they may not even be doing it to be mean. They are just stupid. And it isn't your problem. They have to live w/ their own faults and its no longer your problem. Remember the good times & also revel in the person you have become as a result of your experiences with this person -- both good & bad -- because it has contributed to who you are right now. But also learn from it, rise above and be a better person for it. Especially if it is becoming apparent that the other person has not. So .. fuck 'em. Not your problem anymore, and they represent nothing more than a way to waste your precious time and efforts on this planet. So don't let it -- like Shadow said - Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Give it the appropriate amount of time to heal yourself, but then move on. The day you realize how inconsequential that person is in your life is the day you are truly free to enjoy someone who you can allow to be supremely consequential in your life.

^^^ for emphasis as well as her 1st post
Good luck

 

[PBR]

230- this was my "wife" and he knew very well who she was married to....i confronted him one day in a vitamin store shortly after i found out what was going on, about 2 1/2 years ago...i shoved him real hard- but he is only 5"-6" 23 yrs old and i would have killed him so i stopped ...i said a few words and left...my ego is not what this is about..he is of no concern to me anymore...she is still with him and has been with him for some time...i will never change that...the point of the thread/post was to find out WHY a "woman" would do this...what her reasoning would be behind this action....
thanks for the advice tho....i dont need to SHOW anyone anything however, im past this point of my life...understanding carries much more weight to me than a bench press or a curl....but i will confess- there was a time and place where i did such a thing.
you cannot make anyone want to be with you.
you cannot make anyone love you.
Love is "acceptance" and "trust"...Love waits on welcome, and not on time....

 

[ischia99]

Hello PBR!!

Sassy: Awesome comments, I totally agree with you girl!!

PBR: I have kind of been in a similar situation, I was engaged, my ex-fiance got another woman pregnant!! and she was a freaking beast!! Ugly as hell..lol.. Go figure!! Anyway, I dont know why women or men do such things because these hurtful acts come from both opposite sexes. People are just messed up in the head and your lucky to have gotten out of that relationship when you did!! Dont show this woman your emotions, you did your part as far as communicating and being an adult about this whole situation, dont show her this bothers you!! incorporate this negativity she brings you in your weight training and turn it into positive energy or fuel for yourself!! You seem like a very sensitive and understanding man, qualities that many men in general lack!! Dont ever lose them!! Women appreciate men like this!! Again let me stress that WOMEN appreciate real MEN!!! As far as I can tell your ex wife is a silly immature little girl who couldnt handle a real MAN so she had to get herself a little boy!!!

Keep doing what your doing and just ignore her!! Act as if she is not there, i promise that will burn her even more, no one likes to be ignored, especially us women, its a blow to the self esteem!! Give her a taste of her own medicine!!
You seem like such a sweet person, again dont change that quality and when you meet the right person, dont let them pay for your ex-wife's mistakes!! Many men hold grudges against women in general just because of one selfish, self centered little girl!! Dont do that!!

Hope my little 2 cents helped

As far as why she is doing this goes? ummm maybe b/c she is a sick and demented person??

Ischia

 

[Sassy69]

Yep, NOTHING burns people more than when they realize they have no power over you. When you ignore them, and can truly say they are inconsequential to your life, they are completely powerless.

 

[PBR]

Hello PBR!!

Sassy: Awesome comments, I totally agree with you girl!!

PBR: I have kind of been in a similar situation, I was engaged, my ex-fiance got another woman pregnant!! and she was a freaking beast!! Ugly as hell..lol.. Go figure!! Anyway, I dont know why women or men do such things because these hurtful acts come from both opposite sexes. People are just messed up in the head and your lucky to have gotten out of that relationship when you did!! Dont show this woman your emotions, you did your part as far as communicating and being an adult about this whole situation, dont show her this bothers you!! incorporate this negativity she brings you in your weight training and turn it into positive energy or fuel for yourself!! You seem like a very sensitive and understanding man, qualities that many men in general lack!! Dont ever lose them!! Women appreciate men like this!! Again let me stress that WOMEN appreciate real MEN!!! As far as I can tell your ex wife is a silly immature little girl who couldnt handle a real MAN so she had to get herself a little boy!!!

Keep doing what your doing and just ignore her!! Act as if she is not there, i promise that will burn her even more, no one likes to be ignored, especially us women, its a blow to the self esteem!! Give her a taste of her own medicine!!
You seem like such a sweet person, again dont change that quality and when you meet the right person, dont let them pay for your ex-wife's mistakes!! Many men hold grudges against women in general just because of one selfish, self centered little girl!! Dont do that!!

Hope my little 2 cents helped

As far as why she is doing this goes? ummm maybe b/c she is a sick and demented person??

Ischia

i think it was actually .25 cents!! good post, thank you...youre story tops mine...damn. no grudges here, but i will admit i have trust issues, not only with women but with myself...i wonder what to think of my choice of choosing a mate with these capabilities and shallowness...perhaps they were not there, perhaps i chose not to see them...love is blind... i see so much of human beings discarding one another at will- as if they never existed in the first place. our world has become so "disposable", everything in it can be replaced or a new model can be aquired, just go get a new one...very sad when it comes to relationships in that way...Karma does exist and it comes full circle, to all of us.