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Gay Joke's

Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.

2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.

3. It's customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an open bar during the ceremony.

4. Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating wedding cake because it's all carbs.

5. It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.

6. During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or handheld lasers.

7. For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.

8. The father of the Bottom pays for everything!
 
Gay Sons

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
 
Runs in the Family
A man walks into the bar and orders three double-shots of vodka.

The bartender asks, "that's a lot of liquor, what's the problem?"

The man replies, "I just found out my younger brother was gay."

The next day, he comes back and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "What's wrong now?"

The man says, "I just found out that my older brother is gay."

The next day, he comes in again, and orders the same thing. The bartender asks, "Man, isn't there anyone in your family that likes women?"

He replies, "yeah, my wife."
 
You know you gay when...

You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.
You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.
You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.
You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.
You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.
You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.
No one expects you to kiss and not tell.
You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.
You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer.
Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.
You understand why the good Lord created spandex.
You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.
You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.
You know how to get back at just about everyone.
Your pets always have great names.
Nobody expects you to change a tire.
You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.
You know how to get a waiter's attention.
You only wear polyester when you mean to.
At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.
You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.
You get to choose your family.
You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.
You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.
You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.
You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.
You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
You know how to "air kiss".
You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.
You know how to dress strategically.
You know when to move out and move on.
You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.
You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.
You know which wine to bring.
Sales clerks don't mess with you.
You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.
You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.
You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach.
You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.
You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
You have the latest International Male catalog.
You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.
You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
 
2 of my friends are planning their event for next month and this is so true!

yonkers weights said:
Etiquette Tips For The Gay Male Wedding

1. On the day of a gay wedding, it's bad luck for the two grooms to see each other at the gym.

2. Superstition suggests that for good luck the couple should have something bold, something flirty, something trashy, something dirty.

3. It's customary at gay and lesbian nuptials for the parents to have an open bar during the ceremony.

4. Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms refrain from eating wedding cake because it's all carbs.

5. It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to have dated the priest.

6. During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to use glow sticks, flags, whistles or handheld lasers.

7. For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.

8. The father of the Bottom pays for everything!
 
Attention All Heterosexual Men!

Are you disillusioned by your lifestyle? Do you want more from life besides monster truck shows? Do Budweiser commercials confuse you? Are you tired of being a year behind in fashion? Do you wish you had a nice apartment like the ones you see on "Will & Grace"?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Act now, and you'll be on your way to living a fabulous, glamorous life as a HOMOSEXUAL! We are now recruiting heterosexual men ages 18-65 to become homosexuals. Let us assist you in your transformation from bland to beautiful! We'll give you all the steps you'll need to be a happy fairy, such as:

Drag Queen make-up tips!
How to have sex with a man WITHOUT the six pack of beer!
How to decorate with frills and throw pillows to brighten up any room!
Essential Madonna and Cher records to own
That tongue trick invented circa 1978 in some alley in NYC
Ricky Martin's fan club address
Style and grooming tips NO self respecting gay would be without (hope you're not too attached to that uni-brow)
How to wear a G-string with poise and dignity (we'll insert a few bucks to get you started)
Finger-snapping lessons, and a dialect coach to assist in "gaylingo"
Learn important historical dates, like: the year Donna Summer won her first Grammy, Barbra's wedding anniversary, and the day Judy died!
ACT NOW AND YOU'LL RECEIVE A GOLD-PLATED CLOSET DOOR HINGE TO SYMBOLIZE YOUR FREEDOM!

Don't delay any longer! Do you want to have more women hanging off you than when you were straight? Aren't you tired of the snickers whenever you walk into a room?

Call 1-800-976-HOMO to BEGIN YOUR LIFE AS A FABULOUS FAG!!!

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