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Funny Joke

jnevin

jnevin

New member
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
 
Man walks into a confessional.

"Father, I am 77 years old and last night I made love to two beautiful 25 years old girls"

I see. are you married.

No father, I am a widower and unattached

Do you feel guilty about the sexual relations

No father we were all consenting adults.

Are you a regular church goer sir?

No father, actually I'm Jewish

Sir, then I am confused why you are telling me this.

Father, I'm telling everybody
 
Two sociology professors are walking down one of the paths on their campus one day, when they see a group of teens beating up an old lady and stealing her purse. One prof turns to the other and says "Poor kids".
 
jnevin said:
Man walks into a confessional.

"Father, I am 77 years old and last night I made love to two beautiful 25 years old girls"

I see. are you married.

No father, I am a widower and unattached

Do you feel guilty about the sexual relations

No father we were all consenting adults.

Are you a regular church goer sir?

No father, actually I'm Jewish

Sir, then I am confused why you are telling me this.

Father, I'm telling everybody
Click to expand...

loloo
 
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that
her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams,
then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes
her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
 
jnevin said:
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
Click to expand...


L
M
F
A
O
 
jnevin said:
Two sociology professors are walking down one of the paths on their campus one day, when they see a group of teens beating up an old lady and stealing her purse. One prof turns to the other and says "Poor kids".
Click to expand...

lol at #2 and this one llolol fuckin liberal art douchebags
 
Three women -- one german, one japanese and a hillbilly – were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The german pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "that was my pager," she said. " i have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The japanese women lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive.

She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The hillbilly woman finally said, "well, will you look at that. I'm gettin' a fax."
 
A man and a woman decide to have a picnic. They settle under a beautifully blossomed cherry tree in a large field miles away from the nearest highway. As the man unwraps his sandwich his wife starts crying. When he asks her what the problem is she tells him, "I wish you were swole and would fuck me in the ass like he did last night omgomgomg it was awesome!!! fuck i'm leaving and calling him for a rendezvous. bye needto."
 
swole said:
A man and a woman decide to have a picnic. They settle under a beautifully blossomed cherry tree in a large field miles away from the nearest highway. As the man unwraps his sandwich his wife starts crying. When he asks her what the problem is she tells him, "I wish you were swole and would fuck me in the ass like he did last night omgomgomg it was awesome!!! fuck i'm leaving and calling him for a rendezvous. bye needto."
Click to expand...
lol
 
jnevin said:
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that
her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams,
then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes
her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Click to expand...
ha
 
jnevin said:
I didn't make it up, damnit.
Click to expand...

But you posted it and so are still responsible for subjecting us all to it. You said right in the title of the thread, and I quote, "FUNNY joke." You're a liar and you fucking know it. I bet this means that there's a whole host of other things you can't do right either and then lie about. Grow up.
 
Nathan said:
But you posted it and so are still responsible for subjecting us all to it. You said right in the title of the thread, and I quote, "FUNNY joke." You're a liar and you fucking know it. I bet this means that there's a whole host of other things you can't do right either and then lie about. Grow up.
Click to expand...


Shit
 
I have to agree with Nathan on the hee haws you posted. I think I agree because Nay Nay is not fat, unlike you, and lets face it, he's better looking too.



I'm kidding! I got a chuckle.
 
jnevin said:
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
Click to expand...


lmao ..thats a good one
 
vixensghost said:
I have to agree with Nathan on the hee haws you posted. I think I agree because Nay Nay is not fat, unlike you, and lets face it, he's better looking too.
Click to expand...

*chest bumps vix*
 
jnevin said:
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
Click to expand...

first time I heard that ... I walked outside and slipped on dinosaur shit :rolleyes:
 
Man walks into Greek tailoring shop, puts a pair of pants on the counter. Examining them, the tailor finds a big tear in the fabric.

Tailor: "Euripides?"

Customer: "Yes. Eumenides?"
 
Picasso dies and goes to heaven, at the pearly gates St. Peter says to him "Well, you look like Picasso, but we've had people lying about their identity, could you prove that you are in fact Picasso on that chalk board over there?" Picasso proceeds to draw a beautiful portrait on the chalk board and is allowed entrance. Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates St. Peter says to him, "Well, you look like Einstein, but we've had people lying about their identity, could you prove that you are in fact Einstein on that chalk board over there?" Einstein proceeds to prove his theory of relativity of the chalk board and is allowed entrance.

George Bush dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates St. Peter says to him "Well, you look like George Bush, but we've had people lying about their identity, could you prove that you are in fact George Bush on that chalk board over there?" Bush replies "Well, how could I do that?" St. Peter says, "Well, Einstein proved his theory of relativity, and Picasso drew a picture". Bush says "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" St. Peter chuckles and says "Come on in George"
 
jnevin said:
Man walks into Greek tailoring shop, puts a pair of pants on the counter. Examining them, the tailor finds a big tear in the fabric.

Tailor: "Euripides?"

Customer: "Yes. Eumenides?"
Click to expand...

lmao. GOLD.
 
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