Feeling Stuck

[ladymacbeth]

I've been working really hard lately, on a lot of things that DON'T have to do with working out. I feel pulled in a hundred different directions. I work so hard in school, at the gym, on the lit magazine I work for here, and I don't think that anyone appreciates this work except for me.

I think that something about that "what is an acceptable bf% for your girlfriend thread" that made me feel pretty crappy. I'm good at ignoring the status quo, I have no problems feeling attractive, and I think I carry my "unacceptable" bf really well. I like looking at myself in the mirror, I have lots of wonderful friends, I love to date guys, etc, etc...

So will anyone every appreciate the work I do. I'm an athlete. I swim hard all the time, I bike, I run, I play volleyball. But to hear someone gently say "With a little hard work, you too could get down to this acceptable weight" makes me want to pull my hair out. I ALREADY KNOW what hard work is.

So ladies, has anyone found a point in their lives where they were able to put all of this stuff behind them, at least partially? And if not, how do YOU deal with it?

I suppose I just want to know that somebody feels the same way. I'm not sad about this, as much as I am frustrated.

 

[ladymacbeth]

I don't make any money at the magazine, it's all volunteer work. I do a lot of volunteer work. I'm a college student. I don't really feel like I need very much money, I never have. I would like a pat on the back I suppose. But I know in the real world, that's just not possible.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm running on empty, and it's those times that I'm most sensitive to the "with a little hard work" kind of stuff. Nobody ever seems to tell anyone else that they're just doing a good job.

 

[Gladiola]

I don't think that anyone appreciates this work except for me.

If they don't appreciate you, stop helping them out.

I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but if there is any way that you possibly can stop helping those who don't appreciate it, I recommend it. If you are giving & giving & they are just taking & giving nothing in return - you don't gain from the situation -> only LOSE! Don't let people, things, or organizations SUCK YOU DRY - you have to PUT YOURSELF FIRST sometimes - especially if no one else is putting you first.

Fortunately my boyfriend told me this continually when I was teaching aerobics for a gym that was like a total cult. They were taking advantage of my willingness to go the extra mile, treated me like dirt, paid me crap (based on industry standards & my experience), just dumped on me, etc. It definitely was a situation where I was losing much more than gaining - so I'm on sabbatical from teaching & gained a nice amount of LBM . I'm thankful to my man, as well as other friends who said the same thing. I might not have taken the steps to be less self-depricating otherwise.

I think I carry my "unacceptable" bf really well. I like looking at myself in the mirror,

FUCK EM! I don't drop the F bomb too often online - but that is a load of shit. Who cares what anyone else says?! So long as you are healthy, YOU being pleased with YOUR body is the #1 most important thing. So many women aren't, so you are lucky that you are pleased. Hating yourself takes up too much damn energy. (I haven't read that thread tho, so I'm going on what you said here)

To hear someone say "With a little hard work, you too could get down to this acceptable weight"

Why would you let anyone else dictate to you what YOUR goals are? I'm right there with ya - I'm a healthy, fit bodyfat, nowhere near a "competition ripped" body fat. & I don't care. It's not worth it to me. I'd rather not go around hungry & have some time for a life (rather than all my strength workouts PLUS the cardio I would need on top of it).
Stepping off my soapbox

 

[Gladiola]

Gladiola is ON today.

Ha ha - yeah, I was wandering back into late night infomercial rant territory!
If you can't drop the volunteer work, at least cut back & try resisting going the extra mile - if that's at all possible.

I still teach aerobics for the 'cult' - but very few classes & help out subbing VERY rarely. I tell ppl, "I really really don't want to teach your class, but if you call everyone else & no one else can & you are absolutely stuck, I will." It's rare that I get a call back after that, but at least I don't feel guilty (leaving someone hanging just cuz I don't want to) & I also don't have to worry about her refusing to help me if I ever need it b/c I didn't help her.

 

[wyst]

For me, school was miserable until I stopped doing the things that gave me no rewards, and for me the rewards were feeling like I was doing something that I loved. I quit something that I was really good at (a college radio station) that was really politicized and unfun in terms of the sniping, backbiting, insults, egos and so on, and randomly took up something I had no experience at (working on a newspaper) but had a great group of people at it, and suddenly I went from working/school of 8-10 hours per day and no energy to working/school 12-20 hours a day and full of energy and very happy.

I'm an editor now, and wouldn't change it for the world. Don't get stuck in rut! Try something different, maybe. It can be scary and lonely, at first, but it's better than being stuck. Scary is just another way of saying exciting, the way I look at it.

Good luck!

Wyst

 

[Sassy69]

Especially in college its hard to feel like anyone cares about you - I was slave grad student in 2 diff disciplines and living on the shitty little stipend so I could afford Raman noodles & diet Coke between classes, training, working, studying, programming and occassionally passing out on my keyboard for some quality sleep.

The thing that keeps you going is that little piece of paper at the end of it all that says you had the cahonies to stay for 4+ years to finish your studies in order to pursue whatever it is you want to pursue. This is what you call "time logged" - its the slavery you go thru now so you can be appreciated later in life.

ok... the shit is getting so deep, I'm starting to not believe the above.

At the end of the day, you are the one who needs to appreciate what you are doing. Sure, its nice to get acknowledgement from others, but sometimes they are too wrapped in their own personal dramas that they don't say anything. That's not to say that they don't appreciate you. They just may not say it. If it makes you feel a little better, call in sick a few times or call in a few favors from others for some personal time for yourself. Those are the times you will find that those people suddenly realize how important you are to the big picture when you aren't there.

As far as how you look, bf, etc - you are the only one who can make yourself feel bad about your body, etc. Some people are just trying to be helpful. But in general, you know what your goals are & how hard you work for them so fuck the rest of the world. However, if you feel that you are not getting the results you want for all the work you are doing, it might be wise to examine what you are doing to see where it can be improved, because it ain't working w/ what you are doing now, regardless of how hard you do it. Sometimes its not the effort but the method.

On that note, the good news is that college passes relatively quickly in the big picture - compare those couple of years to having a suck ass job that you are roped into for the next 30 years. Its all relative!

 

[wyst]

On that note, the good news is that college passes relatively quickly in the big picture - compare those couple of years to having a suck ass job that you are roped into for the next 30 years. Its all relative!

Well, that's certainly uplifting!

LOL

But often true...

Wyst

 

[FitFossil]

College is a tough time. There're going to be many things you have to do, but if any of the optional things aren't fulfilling or aren't a good use of your time, then cut 'em loose. This includes so-called "friends" who are demeaning or unsupportive.

Even when you're out of college, you'll have to be choosy about where and with whom you spend your time and energy. This can be hard because so many things seem like a good cause, and EVERYONE wants a piece of your time. But remember, YOU TOO are a good cause. No matter how much $$ anyone has, we're all equal when it comes to hours in a day.

As for being appreciated, don't look for it to come from others. If it does, great, consider it icing on the cake. Some people show it better than others, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Rather, set your own goals and give yourself rewards. And DON'T feel guilty about giving yourself rewards because (I'll say it again ) YOU are your own good cause.

 

[TEXgrl]

ladymacbeth,

i know how you feel about not being appreciated, i go thru it all the time myself. i work full time, have an 8 year old, husband, second job part time, housework. sometimes life is just a thankless job, i guess.

as far as how you look, i feel the same way as you. i'll look in the mirror, and i'll feel real good about how i look. i'm not a fitness model either, and don't know that i would ever look like one for that matter, but i know how you feel. peoples comments can take away your self esteem and beat you down in just one sentence. just be proud of yourself and what you've accomplished and try not to let what other people say or think bother you. (when you get that figured out, you could shoot me a tip on it cause i worry all the time about what people think, but i try real hard not to do it)

 

[ladymacbeth]

Wow ladies, thanks for the replies! I stepped out for a second...gladiola, I think you're right on...I am still running a few errands, so I can't stop to comment too much, but keep the posts coming!!

 

[starfish]

I've been working really hard lately, on a lot of things that DON'T have to do with working out. I feel pulled in a hundred different directions. I work so hard in school, at the gym, on the lit magazine I work for here, and I don't think that anyone appreciates this work except for me.

I think that something about that "what is an acceptable bf% for your girlfriend thread" that made me feel pretty crappy. I'm good at ignoring the status quo, I have no problems feeling attractive, and I think I carry my "unacceptable" bf really well. I like looking at myself in the mirror, I have lots of wonderful friends, I love to date guys, etc, etc...

So will anyone every appreciate the work I do. I'm an athlete. I swim hard all the time, I bike, I run, I play volleyball. But to hear someone gently say "With a little hard work, you too could get down to this acceptable weight" makes me want to pull my hair uut. I ALREADY KNOW what hard work is.



So ladies, has anyone found a point in their lives where they were able to put all of this stuff behind them, at least partially? And if not, how do YOU deal with it?

I suppose I just want to know that somebody feels the same way. I'm not sad about this, as much as I am frustrated.

I saw that bodyfat thread.. Those guys were being a little unrealistic.Their ideal partner has 8% bodyfat... Whatever.. Those guys would drool over you and you know it

 

[ladymacbeth]

whoops! I posted the above twice, so I'll just edit this for my next post so y'all don't have to read the same thing twice...

All I have to say is wow, I think I really got some good advice. I think that I have a hard time expressing my frustration to my friends, because once I get around them, it partially disappears, and I think that it's gone. So it was really nice to see that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I suppose that might be a little arrogant to think that way, but I was just having a cruddy day...but, I suppose we all do

I would love to comment on everyone's post, but most of it really doesn't need comment.

.

 

[polarpixie]

I guess what you wrote really hits home for me, because
A.) I've felt the same on many many occasions.
B.) It's taken me a long time to come to grips with my body the way it is and not hate it soooo much because I'm not a stick. and so
C.) If there's any insight I can offer on the subject to help someone else, I am more than happy to share my struggles and experiences.

LadyM, the most important thing I'd like to stress to you is this: I think it's fantastic that you are doing all of these wonderful things, i.e., all the volunteer work, all the sports and training, and you need to never forget that you are doing these things because they make YOU HAPPY and good about YOURSELF, and never stop appreciating your own hard work.

It's apparent, that most, if not all of us enjoy getting some recognition for all of our hard work, but at some point in our lives, I hope everyone comes to realize that there is a great satisfaction in seeking that recognition from within yourself, rather than from someone else. In other words, don't feel so bad that others are too self-absorbed to applaud your efforts. Applaud your own efforts, that should be your status quo, your vanilla ice cream. Recognition from others should be an unexpected surprise, your rainbow jimmies with fudge and cherries on top of your vanilla ice cream.

Just keep doing whatever you are doing, as long as you are gaining something positive from it, whether it be something that's contributing to your ultimate goal, or something that makes you feel happy and good about yourself. Cut out the extraneous things that takes a negative toll on you.

Like Starfish said, that stupid ideal BF% in your girlfriend thread is a load of shit. Alot of them have no idea what they are talking about, and they do not realize that while 25% BF for a guy means a beer gut, a girl can still look fantastic and have a nice shape at that same bf%. Also, several of those who responded to that thread are still in high school.

Ignore those, 'with a little help' people. Work out, live healthy, keep your BF a healthy level, and as long as you do that, you should always be able to be proud of and love the way you look, even if others think you need 'a little help'. You can only work out as hard as you are able to fit it in to your life, and still enjoy it, and live a happy, balanced life.

I hope that helped.

 

[smallmovesal]

don't listen to those guys on that thread... until it was said, they had no idea that male bf% was different from female bf%...

that being said, i think there were a lot of good suggestions here... you have to think of yourself first sometimes... trust me, it's a learned skill i have yet to master.

pix... coming from a skinny girl... i get the "gain some weight girl" comments... so i felt slightly pressured to gain weight even though i was at my natural weight. not to say that gaining the muscle wasn't fun - i'm loving it - but i wasn't unhappy my size and it hurt to hear comments about it.

oh, and pix d) spaghetti

 

[ladymacbeth]

Thank you all so much, you truly helped, and your comments made my day...now back to work...

To everyone---->

 

[new@gettinbig]

Sorry to break the news but in the real world...you will not always get the credit you deserve nor will you get treated the way you should all the time....that is life...bottom line...do things for yourself...to achieve your own personal goals you set for yourself....dont worry about if others approve or appreciate you....you will only be wasting your time and energy...We all burn candles at both ends...I am a single mom, work full time, go to school full time, train, and compete...blah blah blah...we all got our stories...we all get burnt out..its part of life and you just get through it and do what you can with what you got...that is ALL you can do...Your bodyfat is your thing...its your body...dont worry what others think...what are you comfortable at??? They do not walk in your shoes....bodyfat does not make the person...some men love lean women...others like em w/ some meat on them...who cares who are u trying to please?? Yourself...that should be your answer...only yourself and no one else. Dont worry about any other bull shit...u just add stress to your life and cause unhappiness...just be and let the small shit go..

 

[dballer]

I don't make any money at the magazine, it's all volunteer work. I do a lot of volunteer work. I'm a college student. I don't really feel like I need very much money, I never have. I would like a pat on the back I suppose. But I know in the real world, that's just not possible.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm running on empty, and it's those times that I'm most sensitive to the "with a little hard work" kind of stuff. Nobody ever seems to tell anyone else that they're just doing a good job.

you do a great job of making the pizzone disappear!!!!

hahahahahaha

 

[dballer]

oh yeah... I am looking for a skeleton with about 6-8% bodyfat for a forcefeeding test I am doing. hahahahahaa

GIRLS.. at least for me.. ideal bodyfat is in the high teens-mid-twenties.

if your bodyfat is lower than 10%.. you will look like a holocaust survivor.

Ladymacbeth... you are just fine the way you are.. now go eat a pizzone with sausage.

 

[polarpixie]

don't listen to those guys on that thread... until it was said, they had no idea that male bf% was different from female bf%...

that being said, i think there were a lot of good suggestions here... you have to think of yourself first sometimes... trust me, it's a learned skill i have yet to master.

pix... coming from a skinny girl... i get the "gain some weight girl" comments... so i felt slightly pressured to gain weight even though i was at my natural weight. not to say that gaining the muscle wasn't fun - i'm loving it - but i wasn't unhappy my size and it hurt to hear comments about it.

oh, and pix d) spaghetti

D. SPAGHETTI!!!! YOU ARE CORRECT!!!!!! Hehe...I think that will be my answer to everything for the rest of today.

That's funny that I picked 25%, I just reread that thread and what you wrote.

I think everyone gets 'something' to one degree or another, everyone would tell me I was 'fine', and did not need to diet. Yes, I was 'fine' except for I was flabby and I knew I didn't feel good about it. Everyone made me feel guilty about wanting to improve my body.


Dballer, as usual doll, you always know what to say.

 

[ladymacbeth]

Everyone made me feel guilty about wanting to improve my body.

Yes, I think this was one of the main problems I've been having as well...my friends are lovely, but they don't work out, so they have kind of a approach to whenever I even say I'm going to the gym "again" (didn't you just go yesterday?).

I guess what it comes down to is that people will try to make you feel guilty for not improving yourself, and they'll try to make you feel guilty for it, and I really just have to get over listening to them.

There are some great posts on here, very insightful, and I hope y'all read them.

New@, I thought I was cynical girl!! I do think that there is a point when others can be appreciative of you, with sincerity, but I think that it's something that comes with maturity. Most of the people I meet on a college campus, especially in the gym, aren't out to make me feel GOOD about myself. I agree with much of what you said, but I also think that there is hope for people to be supportive of one another...AND I of course agree with Mom when she said "you can't love anyone else until you love yourself"

 

[ladymacbeth]

you do a great job of making the pizzone disappear!!!!

hahahahahaha

Thanks darlin, mentioning my propensity towards greasy, ridiculous cheat day foods is really the way to make me feel better.

Ah well...come here you fool!

 

[polarpixie]

Yes, I think this was one of the main problems I've been having as well...my friends are lovely, but they don't work out, so they have kind of a approach to whenever I even say I'm going to the gym "again" (didn't you just go yesterday?).

I guess what it comes down to is that people will try to make you feel guilty for not improving yourself, and they'll try to make you feel guilty for it, and I really just have to get over listening to them.

YIP. Yipyipyipyipyipyipyip. (Ever see "Hair"? It is awesome!). I know what you are saying. It's almost like a backlash on 'dieting'. That word has now taken on a negative connotation. Everyone's now all about accepting your body the way it is, blah blah blah blah. They shake their heads and roll their eyes if you talk of losing some weight or being on a 'diet', they think your 'obsession' is unhealthy, and that you are falling into media's trap of making you feel like you must look a certain way and blah blah blah blah. And I'm just like nononoooo, you've got it all wrong, that's not what I am after. I'm on your side. I hear you. I want to be help dispel that Barbie Doll idea of beauty! I want to be STRONG! I want to feel POWERFUL!! I want my MUSCLES!!

(this message was bought to you by Shnikee...masters of motivation and inspiration)

 

[polarpixie]

Um...what are rainbow jimmies?

You really don't know??? lol...they are the rainbow sprinkle toppings for ice cream!!! Sugary little suckers they are... I thought everyone knew that!

 

[dballer]

Hm...never had 'em. Course, I'm not a big ice cream eater. I've had those on cup cakes before, I think. Do those count?

they are the same ones!

you most likley need to add more ice cream into your diet.

 

[TheProject]

they are the same ones!

you most likley need to add more ice cream into your diet.

spatts, when was the last time you had ice cream? December?

 

[dballer]

OK... I got UNSIGNED KARMA!!!!!

WHO WAS IT???

It said... "I Like The Way You Think"...

it is good karma.. so I am not mad.. I just wish people would sign their KARMA!!!!

 

[TheProject]

Not sure..you saw the birthday video last. Did I eat ice cream? I probably raided the nut bowl...SALT!

That's the last time I can remember. Cake AND ice cream!

 

[ladymacbeth]

Niiiiice...I was really livin on the edge.

If I could move into any food, it would be a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Or a turkey sandwich. I still haven't decided yet.

Imagine living inside a luscious turkey sandwich, with red onions on your back porch and a spackled ceiling made of that tangy cheese sauce they have at manhatten bagel...

mmmmmmmmoh my god it's time to EAT

 

[TheProject]

Niiiiice...I was really livin on the edge.

Indeed. I could post stills from the video, if you'd like!

 

[ladymacbeth]

Um...you feelin ok, LMB?

I'm great, only because I'm playing air guitar naked. I love the weekend.

Later all, I'm off to Pitts!!!!

 

[polarpixie]

Does anyone else think Lady Macbeth sounds like she would be very scrumptious right about now?


Oh and Spatts --- yes, same ones on cupcakes! I think I'm gonna have to put off re-starting the diet til monday!