Elusive Social Goals

[healother]

A lot of us are used to setting some concrete straightforward goals in our life, being bodybuilders and all.

I've been trying to set some social goals in my life, and ive found its very hard, because unlike bodybuilding, social status/progress is hard to measure.


I always have wanted a woman in my life (never had one and I'm 22), and wanted one thats hot (im picky, ugly wont do). But I'm worried that the more proficient i get with women, the less satisfied I will be, and the hotter the woman i will want.

Ive also wanted a solid number of good friends in my life. I find this goal hard to quantify too. currently i hang out with 2 friends regularly, like once a week each. i get pretty much no messages on my facebook or myspace. and i dont come close to using up my phone minutes each month. and i spend most nights home by myself on the computer.

I want to become popular and have lots of good friends. unfortunately i tend to compare myself to others. meaning there will always be something higher to achieve.


I believe that once I accomplish my 2 social goals I'll be happy. And then I can start thinking about myself less and start thinking about other people more.
The unfortunate thing is that I find it hard to decide what is considered "accomplished".
Will I ever be able to become satisfied with myself socially?

Right now I know I'm in a horrible position and it needs to improve.

 

[D-Shots]

Consider Buddhism.

 

[bran987]

edietd.

 

[D-Shots]

A lot of us are used to setting some concrete straightforward goals in our life, being bodybuilders and all.

I've been trying to set some social goals in my life, and ive found its very hard, because unlike bodybuilding, social status/progress is hard to measure.


I always have wanted a woman in my life (never had one and I'm 22), and wanted one thats hot (im picky, ugly wont do). But I'm worried that the more proficient i get with women, the less satisfied I will be, and the hotter the woman i will want.

Ive also wanted a solid number of good friends in my life. I find this goal hard to quantify too. currently i hang out with 2 friends regularly, like once a week each. i get pretty much no messages on my facebook or myspace. and i dont come close to using up my phone minutes each month. and i spend most nights home by myself on the computer.

I want to become popular and have lots of good friends. unfortunately i tend to compare myself to others. meaning there will always be something higher to achieve.


I believe that once I accomplish my 2 social goals I'll be happy. And then I can start thinking about myself less and start thinking about other people more.
The unfortunate thing is that I find it hard to decide what is considered "accomplished".
Will I ever be able to become satisfied with myself socially?

Right now I know I'm in a horrible position and it needs to improve.

Seriously dude...you want a hot chick and to be popular.

Congratulations on fitting the social goals of every other male out there.

Your struggle is with desire ...

 

[bran987]

dieted

 

[healother]

Seriously dude...you want a hot chick and to be popular.

Congratulations on fitting the social goals of every other male out there.

Your struggle is with desire ...

thats what im saying, my desire clouds my judgement, and then it becomes hard to set some limits on my goals.

i want to apply myself to these goals a little, because i know i can, and i know it will make my happier.

but i just dont want to get sucked in. so what is considered enough then?

 

[megamania500]

A lot of us are used to setting some concrete straightforward goals in our life, being bodybuilders and all.

I've been trying to set some social goals in my life, and ive found its very hard, because unlike bodybuilding, social status/progress is hard to measure.


I always have wanted a woman in my life (never had one and I'm 22), and wanted one thats hot (im picky, ugly wont do). But I'm worried that the more proficient i get with women, the less satisfied I will be, and the hotter the woman i will want.

Ive also wanted a solid number of good friends in my life. I find this goal hard to quantify too. currently i hang out with 2 friends regularly, like once a week each. i get pretty much no messages on my facebook or myspace. and i dont come close to using up my phone minutes each month. and i spend most nights home by myself on the computer.

I want to become popular and have lots of good friends. unfortunately i tend to compare myself to others. meaning there will always be something higher to achieve.


I believe that once I accomplish my 2 social goals I'll be happy. And then I can start thinking about myself less and start thinking about other people more.
The unfortunate thing is that I find it hard to decide what is considered "accomplished".
Will I ever be able to become satisfied with myself socially?

Right now I know I'm in a horrible position and it needs to improve.

Your on the wrong road, dude, I'm telling you right now. Some of the biggest letdowns in a person's life can be from expecting happiness from reaching some sort of goal. One day your chasing your goal, and the next day you've reached your goal. Thing is, though, is that your the same person inside from the day before to the day you reached that goal. You don't feel any different, you aren't any happier. You've waited and waited for that day to arrive, only to find out when it does you don't feel any different than you did the day before. You may be happy you've reached it, but don't expect your whole world to change the way you wanted it to because of it.
Your looking for happiness. YOu've stated that. But remember, true happiness comes from within. Happiness is present in someone's life not BECAUSE of good outside influences, but DESPITE the bad ones. Sure, stuff like money, friends, women, and other stuff can make life more enjoyable and pleasant, but there are alot of people out there that already have these things but are still depressed and down.
Appreciate life itself and everything it has to offer, and find happiness from within. Convincing yourself that you will only have happiness "If this happens" or "If I can get that" could be setting yourself up for a big fall. If you feel that finding happiness is based on finding a girl and more friends, then with that logic you can just as easily lose that happiness if you lose the girl and the friends.
If you base your happiness on a goal, you'll spend your life waiting and waiting for the goal to be reached, anticipating the future while forgetting the present. But life is lived in the present, it is lived right now, today.

If you feel that you're in a horrible position right now, find out why you feel that way inside. Don't consider outside things like your daily routine and how you spend your leisure time. Because that really doesn't have any relation to your happiness. If that last sentence made you go like this.... , then consider this: any maximum security prison inmate doing 25 years, and just started sitting his sentence last week would probably give his right foot to be in your position right now. See how a different perspective can change how you see things? I'll bet somewhere someone your age in the world did something this week that caused paralysis that he'll have for the rest of his life. Someone, somewhere, lost an eye today. Was it you? If it wasn't just think how you would feel if it was you that it happened to. You would probably give anything to have a normal, boring day of sitting at your computer thinking about how to improve your life. If you start appreciating what you do have more, and thinking less about what you don't have, you will start enjoying life more. ONce you start just enjoying life in general, you will be a more positive person to be around. People will like that in you, you will find more friends, and maybe that girlfriend that you want.

Remember, life isn't the destination (goal you set), but the journey (the living you do as you wait to acheive your goal).

 

[heatherrae]

Seriously dude...you want a hot chick and to be popular.

Congratulations on fitting the social goals of every other male out there.

Your struggle is with desire ...

You are 100% correct. He needs to learn to be happy with the here and now. People delay their happiness until they achieve some goal and then they put another goal out there. They never are happy.

When I was in my twenties, I thought I would be happy when I finished graduate school. I finished graduate school and thought I would be happy when I got married. I got married and thought I would be happy when I achieved a certain level in my career. I achieved that and then thought, "what now." I realized you just have to slow down and be happy. Happiness comes from a conscious decision to let go of desire and cultivate inner peace and hapiness as your first goal. It makes you a better lover, friend and parent, a better person overall.

 

[Smurfy]

and i spend most nights home by myself on the computer.

ding! ding! ding!

therein lies your problem.

 

[KillahBee]

There are so many issues in that thread I don't even know where to begin....

but, knowing you, you are the type to be all talk and absolutely no action. you have lost the battle in your own mind before you even step on the field. you do not have the testicular fortitude to take action on your self-created issues.

so, there is no use in talking sense with you, unfortunately.

either get out and there and start improving/living your life or die more and more each day.

 

[bran987]

lol @ all the newbs and non-newbs falling for it though

 

[KillahBee]

lol @ all the newbs and non-newbs falling for it though

Branston, you and I both know that people will always fall for the damsel in distress situation.

Tough love is a concept that died a generation ago....

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

This could become a very philosophical thread.

 

[TightSlacks]

This could become a very philosophical thread.

Fuck that.

He needs to just get a hooker

 

[PICK3]

stock up on hand lotion bor

 

[healother]

.

you brought up some very good points. and while i will agree its important to be content, i also think that humans have some basic needs, and that it is important to spell those out and seperate them from wants.

i am very glad right now that im not in a prison or disabled or trapped like some other people.

You are 100% correct. He needs to learn to be happy with the here and now. People delay their happiness until they achieve some goal and then they put another goal out there. They never are happy.

When I was in my twenties, I thought I would be happy when I finished graduate school. I finished graduate school and thought I would be happy when I got married. I got married and thought I would be happy when I achieved a certain level in my career. I achieved that and then thought, "what now." I realized you just have to slow down and be happy. Happiness comes from a conscious decision to let go of desire and cultivate inner peace and hapiness as your first goal. It makes you a better lover, friend and parent, a better person overall.

hmmm, is this true? a degree, good career, and marriage wont make you any happier at all?

shoot, what's the point of trying to accomplish anything in life then?

ding! ding! ding!

therein lies your problem.

i thought about that, but in reality its not the root of the problem, but rather a symptom.

the reason i stay home alone, is because i have no one to hangout with other than a couple friends who are boring to be around more than 1 day of the week (they dont like to be super social or go to bars/parties or anything like that)

i am capable of making friends online and then hanging out with them. unfortunately, very few online people (even locals) seem like they want to hang out! maybe the women i talk to just dont think im good enough.

There are so many issues in that thread I don't even know where to begin....

but, knowing you, you are the type to be all talk and absolutely no action. you have lost the battle in your own mind before you even step on the field. you do not have the testicular fortitude to take action on your self-created issues.

no, i just hate the idea of having to drop my standards! I have needs, and i feel by dropping my standards am i no better off than where i am now.

This could become a very philosophical thread.

this is actually what i was hoping for.

 

[biteme]

A lot of us are used to setting some concrete straightforward goals in our life, being bodybuilders and all.

I've been trying to set some social goals in my life, and ive found its very hard, because unlike bodybuilding, social status/progress is hard to measure.


I always have wanted a woman in my life (never had one and I'm 22), and wanted one thats hot (im picky, ugly wont do). But I'm worried that the more proficient i get with women, the less satisfied I will be, and the hotter the woman i will want.

Ive also wanted a solid number of good friends in my life. I find this goal hard to quantify too. currently i hang out with 2 friends regularly, like once a week each. i get pretty much no messages on my facebook or myspace. and i dont come close to using up my phone minutes each month. and i spend most nights home by myself on the computer.

I want to become popular and have lots of good friends. unfortunately i tend to compare myself to others. meaning there will always be something higher to achieve.


I believe that once I accomplish my 2 social goals I'll be happy. And then I can start thinking about myself less and start thinking about other people more.
The unfortunate thing is that I find it hard to decide what is considered "accomplished".
Will I ever be able to become satisfied with myself socially?

Right now I know I'm in a horrible position and it needs to improve.

Brother it's highly overrated, but I recommend it at least a few times.

 

[biteme]

I'm happy after a good meal, workout, sex, etc.

I"m unhappy when I'm bored or doing something unpleasant or feeling tired.

 

[TightSlacks]

Fuck that.

He needs to just get a hooker

.....

 

[TanOsaurus]

She's cheating on you...

 

[Lestat]

Your on the wrong road, dude, I'm telling you right now. Some of the biggest letdowns in a person's life can be from expecting happiness from reaching some sort of goal. One day your chasing your goal, and the next day you've reached your goal. Thing is, though, is that your the same person inside from the day before to the day you reached that goal. You don't feel any different, you aren't any happier. You've waited and waited for that day to arrive, only to find out when it does you don't feel any different than you did the day before. You may be happy you've reached it, but don't expect your whole world to change the way you wanted it to because of it.
Your looking for happiness. YOu've stated that. But remember, true happiness comes from within. Happiness is present in someone's life not BECAUSE of good outside influences, but DESPITE the bad ones. Sure, stuff like money, friends, women, and other stuff can make life more enjoyable and pleasant, but there are alot of people out there that already have these things but are still depressed and down.
Appreciate life itself and everything it has to offer, and find happiness from within. Convincing yourself that you will only have happiness "If this happens" or "If I can get that" could be setting yourself up for a big fall. If you feel that finding happiness is based on finding a girl and more friends, then with that logic you can just as easily lose that happiness if you lose the girl and the friends.
If you base your happiness on a goal, you'll spend your life waiting and waiting for the goal to be reached, anticipating the future while forgetting the present. But life is lived in the present, it is lived right now, today.

If you feel that you're in a horrible position right now, find out why you feel that way inside. Don't consider outside things like your daily routine and how you spend your leisure time. Because that really doesn't have any relation to your happiness. If that last sentence made you go like this.... , then consider this: any maximum security prison inmate doing 25 years, and just started sitting his sentence last week would probably give his right foot to be in your position right now. See how a different perspective can change how you see things? I'll bet somewhere someone your age in the world did something this week that caused paralysis that he'll have for the rest of his life. Someone, somewhere, lost an eye today. Was it you? If it wasn't just think how you would feel if it was you that it happened to. You would probably give anything to have a normal, boring day of sitting at your computer thinking about how to improve your life. If you start appreciating what you do have more, and thinking less about what you don't have, you will start enjoying life more. ONce you start just enjoying life in general, you will be a more positive person to be around. People will like that in you, you will find more friends, and maybe that girlfriend that you want.

Remember, life isn't the destination (goal you set), but the journey (the living you do as you wait to acheive your goal).

great post man, you and I think a lot alike

 

[Sub-Zero]

this has probably been said by everyone in this thread, but if your not happy now achievements will never make you be. its impossible to attain happyness, either your a happy person or you arnt.

your "popularity" <(whats popular? whose worth impressing that makes u popular) and your "hot girl" wont make you happy. chances are your setting standards that are impossible to achieve, sort of like me with bbing

 

[healother]

this has probably been said by everyone in this thread, but if your not happy now achievements will never make you be. its impossible to attain happyness, either your a happy person or you arnt.

your "popularity" <(whats popular? whose worth impressing that makes u popular) and your "hot girl" wont make you happy. chances are your setting standards that are impossible to achieve, sort of like me with bbing

ok, then i am happy as i am, but i just want these other things in life.

it sounds like the only way im going to get it is by lowering my standards. i sure hope this doesnt leave a sour taste in my mouth afterwards.

trying to get a woman is like trying to sell a computer on craigslist. you have to keep lowering the price gradually, until you finally hit a deal that some lowballer bitch agrees on.

 

[Sub-Zero]

ok, then i am happy as i am, but i just want these other things in life.

it sounds like the only way im going to get it is by lowering my standards. i sure hope this doesnt leave a sour taste in my mouth afterwards.

trying to get a woman is like trying to sell a computer on craigslist. you have to keep lowering the price gradually, until you finally hit a deal that some lowballer bitch agrees on.

u shouldnt settle or it will never last. if u find someone u like/love as a person and enjoy and gets u up and u wanna fuck, and u miss when ur not with, give them a chance at a relationship, even fi they are ugly

 

[megamania500]

ok, then i am happy as i am, but i just want these other things in life.

it sounds like the only way im going to get it is by lowering my standards. i sure hope this doesnt leave a sour taste in my mouth afterwards.

trying to get a woman is like trying to sell a computer on craigslist. you have to keep lowering the price gradually, until you finally hit a deal that some lowballer bitch agrees on.

Well, you can decide what type of woman you want, and decide whether your the type of guy that will attract that type of woman. If you arent, then work at becoming that type of man.

Like Tony Montana said in Scarface:

"In America, first you get the money, then you get the power. Then you get the woman."

This is true, unless your a pick-up artist.