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Divorced people..

who filed first

  • husband

    Votes: 6 31.6%

  • wife

    Votes: 10 52.6%
  • Total voters
    19
C

Cutiebaby

the 1 who knows it all
Chairman Member
I am curious as to see how many woman vs. men are the ones to go through with it and file first. Figure I would make a thread here because I saw the thread with the poll about single,taken, and divorced people.
 
I can tell you that statistically... women out file the men...

The reason is simple:

Men tend to go about day to day thinking things are okay, decent, etc.

While the women had given up along time ago and simply started planning for a new life in silence and finally decided to go file and get started with said new life.


Not a knock, but that's what I have heard over and over and over....

Statistically more women file than men... by two or three fold if I remember right.
 
jh1 said:
I can tell you that statistically... women out file the men...

The reason is simple:

Men tend to go about day to day thinking things are okay, decent, etc.

While the women had given up along time ago and simply started planning for a new life in silence and finally decided to go file and get started with said new life.


Not a knock, but that's what I have heard over and over and over....

Statistically more women file than men... by two or three fold if I remember right.
Click to expand...
That is what I figured.More woman than men. Men tend to walk around not even noticing if there is a problem in there marriage or not.
 
ksharp01 said:
men tend to be the last to know
Click to expand...


...

Yup... we are clueless fugs, generally speaking. Me... I don't think that'd every happen to, I tend to me more in touch with whats going on in a relationship more so than the women I've dated.

Whatever...
 
Angel said:
That is what I figured.More woman than men. Men tend to walk around not even noticing if there is a problem in there marriage or not.
Click to expand...

That's because everything in the female's mind is a problem and since we can't read minds, we have no idea what's going on.

:)
 
alien amp pharm said:
That's because everything in the female's mind is a problem and since we can't read minds, we have no idea what's going on.

:)
Click to expand...
That is not the case all the time!
 
Angel said:
That is what I figured.More woman than men. Men tend to walk around not even noticing if there is a problem in there marriage or not.
Click to expand...

in my case they start to take you for granted and don't see the resentment on our faces when we walk in the door and they have their asses plopped on the couch all relaxed and your running around like a chicken with his head cut off..It use to accur to them that you might need a fucking helping hand while your doing laundry, cooking, empting the dishwasher, putting out the trash, feeding the animals....etc.
I wouldn't know what it would be like to come home and sit on my ass while someone waits on me hand and foot. Must be nice. Yes, I still have to do these things without him there but it not as much, I don't have to cook a full meal every night, nor do I have as many clothes or dishes to wash. Life has become a bit simplier.
 
ksharp01 said:
in my case they start to take you for granted and don't see the resentment on our faces when we walk in the door and they have their asses plopped on the couch all relaxed and your running around like a chicken with his head cut off..It use to accur to them that you might need a fucking helping hand while your doing laundry, cooking, empting the dishwasher, putting out the trash, feeding the animals....etc.
I wouldn't know what it would be like to come home and sit on my ass while someone waits on me hand and foot. Must be nice. Yes, I still have to do these things without him there but it not as much, I don't have to cook a full meal every night, nor do I have as many clothes or dishes to wash. Life has become a bit simplier.
Click to expand...

Yes, it is... Back in the kitchen, woman!! lmao...
 
ksharp01 said:
in my case they start to take you for granted and don't see the resentment on our faces when we walk in the door and they have their asses plopped on the couch all relaxed and your running around like a chicken with his head cut off..It use to accur to them that you might need a fucking helping hand while your doing laundry, cooking, empting the dishwasher, putting out the trash, feeding the animals....etc.
I wouldn't know what it would be like to come home and sit on my ass while someone waits on me hand and foot. Must be nice. Yes, I still have to do these things without him there but it not as much, I don't have to cook a full meal every night, nor do I have as many clothes or dishes to wash. Life has become a bit simplier.
Click to expand...
So you were working a full-time job too or were you a homemaker?
 
jh1 said:
I can tell you that statistically... women out file the men...

The reason is simple:

Men tend to go about day to day thinking things are okay, decent, etc.

While the women had given up along time ago and simply started planning for a new life in silence and finally decided to go file and get started with said new life.


Not a knock, but that's what I have heard over and over and over....

Statistically more women file than men... by two or three fold if I remember right.
Click to expand...

yep... you are correct

Not sure why... and in my case it was not a secret that things were going down hill.. I voiced them but he never listened. Eventually, words were brought upon deaf ears and I got tired of it... (i'm talking years of trying to make things better... not months) So I did ask for a time out and whhhhhhoooooossssshhhhhh... I was then married to man that I hardly reconized. I mean, One reason I am divorcing you is due to your obsession and jealousy... (not the only reason) and then when I decide time is needed to maybe make things right you convert our storage shed into an apartment and refuse to leave the property... threaten me and dig thru my garbage... LOL

Oh that was a sure shot of winning me over right there.
 
Angel said:
I am curious as to see how many woman vs. men are the ones to go through with it and file first. Figure I would make a thread here because I saw the thread with the poll about single,taken, and divorced people.
Click to expand...


See the answer in my case is not straight-forward. I kicked my ex to the curb and told him that there was NEVER any hope of reconciliation but that I had zero interest in other men or making lawyers rich off of his stupidity. When he saw that I was serious and wouldn't take him back, he was the one that actually filed the paperwork. Came to find out though, that he had consulted with attorneys long before I ever kicked him out. Sorta makes you go "Hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm".
 
I would say the woman leaves first...and no the men never see it coming
but once the woman is out the door (or them)


men tend to file (scramble)for the divorce first as they want to keep there money
 
my hubbie and I filed a joint petition, and I did all the paperwork. So, in our case, neither filed first.
 
mrplunkey said:
So you were working a full-time job too or were you a homemaker?
Click to expand...
Not to try to get an argument going here, but i am curious to your reply.
What if he were a full time worker and her a homemaker.
Is she to do all of this 7 days a week without any help because he works fulltime?
 
i hope you and needto aren't getting a divorce :(
 
mightymouse69 said:
yeeehaawww...that's what I'm talking about? is that your friend?
Click to expand...
I don't who the fuck he is
his expression says it all though
 
Angel said:
That is what I figured.More woman than men. Men tend to walk around not even noticing if there is a problem in there marriage or not.
Click to expand...

True. Men tend to be too trusting when the slut is running around behind his back screwing everything with two legs and a dick.
 
Smurfy said:
I couldnt wait to leave that motherfucker
Click to expand...
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, smurfy
And get yourself free
 
ksharp01 said:
in my case they start to take you for granted and don't see the resentment on our faces when we walk in the door and they have their asses plopped on the couch all relaxed and your running around like a chicken with his head cut off..It use to accur to them that you might need a fucking helping hand while your doing laundry, cooking, empting the dishwasher, putting out the trash, feeding the animals....etc.
I wouldn't know what it would be like to come home and sit on my ass while someone waits on me hand and foot. Must be nice. Yes, I still have to do these things without him there but it not as much, I don't have to cook a full meal every night, nor do I have as many clothes or dishes to wash. Life has become a bit simplier.
Click to expand...
I cook all the meals :)
 
Mr. dB said:
True. Men tend to be too trusting when the slut is running around behind his back screwing everything with two legs and a dick.
Click to expand...

Profesional Wrestler/invester John Bradshaw wrote a book and dedicated his success with the book and his career to his wife. (second wife of only a few yrs) He was served the separation papers at his first book signing and was shocked.

She was planning on leaving him, and was seeing someone else when he was on the road. But, she waited until the book came out to use the dedication in court, and the income from it.

He had no idea.
 
all the whey said:
Profesional Wrestler/invester John Bradshaw wrote a book and dedicated his success with the book and his career to his wife. (second wife of only a few yrs) He was served the separation papers at his first book signing and was shocked.

She was planning on leaving him, and was seeing someone else when he was on the road. But, she waited until the book came out to use the dedication in court, and the income from it.

He had no idea.
Click to expand...
Proof positive that women are evil!
 
Poor Needto....





*@#
 
Angel said:
why is that?

and what is up with your
-BRR, is come out looking funny
Click to expand...



You looking for divorce advice...





)
 
It comes down to allot of issues..

I ended the relationship.. period.. she asked me to allow her to file for the divorce so that she could salvage some of her pride. I said that was acceptable..

We shared custody of the kids, and I paid her an agreed upon amount for child support for my 2 teenage daughters..

They lived with me and my new wife for 2 years until they went away to college..
 
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
 
musclemom said:
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
Click to expand...

well how about you guys (women) attaching two cans with a string, give us men one of them- and when your pissed off shout into the can so we can frickin hear you!!??.... :heart: (btw this could be a great product to market).
:)
 
alien amp pharm said:
That's because everything in the female's mind is a problem and since we can't read minds, we have no idea what's going on.

:)
Click to expand...

Exactly my case. then boom the whole sky is falling and you hear the "my feelings are changing" BS. It's like this, guys can deal with the issue at the time, work it then be over with it. Girls build them up over time and never get over a damn thing. I am still paying for shit that happened 4 years ago. :)
 
Turd Ferguson said:
Exactly my case. then boom the whole sky is falling and you hear the "my feelings are changing" BS. It's like this, guys can deal with the issue at the time, work it then be over with it. Girls build them up over time and never get over a damn thing. I am still paying for shit that happened 4 years ago. :)
Click to expand...


And will be for the next 14 years... assfuck.

You're like a good dog, rolls over when it's told.
 
mrplunkey said:
So you were working a full-time job too or were you a homemaker?
Click to expand...

yes, full time employment...since I hardley ever leave for lunch..I work about 45 hours a week.
If I was a homemaker I should be expected to do all these chores and not complain..that would be my job.
 
musclemom said:
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
Click to expand...

My situation exactaly. But to me that isn't what love is all about. Jesus forgave and forgot. Why cant you?
 
musclemom said:
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
Click to expand...

Well said as always! :qt:
 
musclemom said:
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
Click to expand...
thats a bunch of bullshit right there.you have a chose every time I thought comes into your mind to ether dismiss it or entertain it.old things may come up more for you but thats because you have bult a habit of letting them....you have just as much control over your thoughts as any one else dos.the mind is a battle field its not our fault you are week and lack what it takes to strap up and win over your thoughts.
 
Turd Ferguson said:
My situation exactaly. But to me that isn't what love is all about. Jesus forgave and forgot. Why cant you?
Click to expand...

You are incorrect sir. Forgiving does NOT mean forgetting. It only means that you no longer bear ill will against that particular individual, not that you want to sit at the same table with them again though.

Forgiveness isn't for the one that caused the transgression though. It is for the one that was slighted actually.

HATE IS A VERY STRONG GLUE. THE SOONER YOU FORGIVE THAT PERSON, THE SOONER YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LET HATE GO AND THE SOONER YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME BETTER.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
You are incorrect sir. Forgiving does NOT mean forgetting. It only means that you no longer bear ill will against that particular individual, not that you want to sit at the same table with them again though.

Forgiveness isn't for the one that caused the transgression though. It is for the one that was slighted actually.

HATE IS A VERY STRONG GLUE. THE SOONER YOU FORGIVE THAT PERSON, THE SOONER YOU WILL BE ABLE TO LET HATE GO AND THE SOONER YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME BETTER.
Click to expand...

hate to say it but more bull shit........gods explanation of forgivness is this...

he says when he forgives you he"throws your transgression in the sea or FORGETFULNESS"and that"THE THOUGHTS OF IT ARE AS FOR FROM HIM AS IS THE EAST TO THE WEST" and that and only that is true forgiveness.
forgiveness holds "no record of wrongs" he also says.
so its a hard pill so swallow but if you cant forget it then you have not forgiven it.
 
needtogetas said:
hate to say it but more bull shit........gods explanation of forgivness is this...

he says when he forgives you he"throws your transgression in the sea or FORGETFULNESS"and that"THE THOUGHTS OF IT ARE AS FOR FROM HIM AS IS THE EAST TO THE WEST" and that and only that is true forgiveness.
forgiveness holds "no record of wrongs" he also says.
so its a hard pill so swallow but if you cant forget it then you have not forgiven it.
Click to expand...

Then we will simply have to agree to disagree.

Several Reverends and I have had this discussion and they were actually the ones that enlightened me.

Forgiving is NOT the same as forgetting. It only means that you have let go of your anger towards that person and not that you necessarily want to have anything to do with them ever again.

See, I can forgive my husband for him not telling me something in an attempt to protect me. And yes, I can forget about it. But he is a good man and he is VERY good for me. And if we have successfully worked through our delima then I should think that he wouldn't do it again.

I can also forgive the man who raped me, but that doesn't mean that I ever EVER have to see him again... and yes, there will come a time that we will most likely be in the same room again. But you'd better believe that we won't be having too much to say to each other.

See the difference?
 
needtogetas said:
hate to say it but more bull shit........gods explanation of forgivness is this...

he says when he forgives you he"throws your transgression in the sea or FORGETFULNESS"and that"THE THOUGHTS OF IT ARE AS FOR FROM HIM AS IS THE EAST TO THE WEST" and that and only that is true forgiveness.
forgiveness holds "no record of wrongs" he also says.
so its a hard pill so swallow but if you cant forget it then you have not forgiven it.
Click to expand...

Godcat-2.jpg
 
musclemom said:
What a lot of men don't get (because they aren't wired that way) is that shit piles up with us, and it's not like we can help this. Shit that pissed us off last year still pisses us off this year and will piss us off next year. And that inconsideration, your spouse/significant other doing the thing(s) that drive you bugshit, just keeps piling up.

But we do not CHOOSE to hold onto the things that make us angry/frustrated, we'd love to let it go, too. It's part of the "female package" to remember details in human interaction.
Click to expand...
Right...
And what about the stupid shitheads that know the things that they do bothers/hurts their spouses, they say sorry and fuckin do it again anyways... :rolleyes:
Obviously the husband and or wife cannot forgive and forget if never given the chance!
It is like I slap you in the face, say sorry, slap you again,say sorry,slap you again, say sorry, etc..Then I expect you to "get the fuck over it"......
Not gonna happen so easily now is it?
 
Angel said:
Right...
And what about the stupid shitheads that know the things that they do bothers/hurts their spouses, they say sorry and fuckin do it again anyways... :rolleyes:
Obviously the husband and or wife cannot forgive and forget if never given the chance!
It is like I slap you in the face, say sorry, slap you again,say sorry,slap you again, say sorry, etc..Then I expect you to "get the fuck over it"......
Not gonna happen so easily now is it?
Click to expand...

so needto slaps you in the face constantly?
 
needtogetas said:
thats a bunch of bullshit right there.you have a chose every time I thought comes into your mind to ether dismiss it or entertain it.old things may come up more for you but thats because you have bult a habit of letting them....you have just as much control over your thoughts as any one else dos.the mind is a battle field its not our fault you are week and lack what it takes to strap up and win over your thoughts.
Click to expand...
Okay, I'm older than you, I've been married, in total, almost as long as you've been sucking oxygen. Take a little advice, honey: you got a lot of nerve to tell anyone what to fucking think. NOBODY has that right, dear.

Now, this is true for me, and the vast majority of women: I CANNOT shut off the "shit I'm pissed/irritated/annoyed/hurt by" any more than you can stop yourself from getting turned on when you look at something that turns you on, okay? So don't tell me this is a matter of "controlling my feelings." We are talking fucking R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Get that? If your s/o says that something YOU'RE doing upsets them, only an ignorant asshole would tell them to get their "thoughts under control." What you do is RESPECT the person you're WITH.

If your s/o tells you XYZ hurts/pisses them off you fucking STOP DOING THAT SHIT! Because if you KEEP doing that shit, one day your s/o is gonna pack a bag and slap your ignorant ass with divorce papers, because THAT'S just what I did to MY ex who didn't give a fuck about what mattered to ME. I got tired of wasting breath and telling him, for the 500th time, why XYZ was driving me crazy.

I just got sick and tired and quit giving a shit, short and sweet, and that was the day my marriage died.
 
musclemom said:
Okay, I'm older than you, I've been married, in total, almost as long as you've been sucking oxygen. Take a little advice, honey: you got a lot of nerve to tell anyone what to fucking think. NOBODY has that right, dear.

Now, this is true for me, and the vast majority of women: I CANNOT shut off the "shit I'm pissed/irritated/annoyed/hurt by" any more than you can stop yourself from getting turned on when you look at something that turns you on, okay? So don't tell me this is a matter of "controlling my feelings." We are talking fucking R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Get that? If your s/o says that something YOU'RE doing upsets them, only an ignorant asshole would tell them to get their "thoughts under control." What you do is RESPECT the person you're WITH.

If your s/o tells you XYZ hurts/pisses them off you fucking STOP DOING THAT SHIT! Because if you KEEP doing that shit, one day your s/o is gonna pack a bag and slap your ignorant ass with divorce papers, because THAT'S just what I did to MY ex who didn't give a fuck about what mattered to ME. I got tired of wasting breath and telling him, for the 500th time, why XYZ was driving me crazy.

I just got sick and tired and quit giving a shit, short and sweet, and that was the day my marriage died.
Click to expand...


:sulk:
 
musclemom said:
Okay, I'm older than you, I've been married, in total, almost as long as you've been sucking oxygen. Take a little advice, honey: you got a lot of nerve to tell anyone what to fucking think. NOBODY has that right, dear.

Now, this is true for me, and the vast majority of women: I CANNOT shut off the "shit I'm pissed/irritated/annoyed/hurt by" any more than you can stop yourself from getting turned on when you look at something that turns you on, okay? So don't tell me this is a matter of "controlling my feelings." We are talking fucking R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Get that? If your s/o says that something YOU'RE doing upsets them, only an ignorant asshole would tell them to get their "thoughts under control." What you do is RESPECT the person you're WITH.

If your s/o tells you XYZ hurts/pisses them off you fucking STOP DOING THAT SHIT! Because if you KEEP doing that shit, one day your s/o is gonna pack a bag and slap your ignorant ass with divorce papers, because THAT'S just what I did to MY ex who didn't give a fuck about what mattered to ME. I got tired of wasting breath and telling him, for the 500th time, why XYZ was driving me crazy.

I just got sick and tired and quit giving a shit, short and sweet, and that was the day my marriage died.
Click to expand...
well for one I can control if some one terns me on or not.I "chose to not think about them in a sexual way"and they dont tern me on.......its pretty fucking simple just because you have no dame self control when it comes to your thinking dont make it right

see look at you your a mess.still to this day you cant even control you thoughts about it.he is long gon and now some one says something and you go off on a tangent about how you ex was so bad and you cant control how you feel.your so week its not funny.letting some one else control how you feel
lmao bahahahaha and years latter to might I add long after there gone and you still cant get it in check....your mind and your will is "WEEK" YOU ARE "WEEK"

and if some one wanted to leave me for some thing I did 5 years ago then good fucking redince theres the fucking door.


JUST BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN THE THEN AND ARE TO WEEK TO LIVE IN THE NOW AND HAVE BIN DOING IT BEFORE i WAS BORN LOL DONT MAKE IT GOOD ADVICE TOOTS.
 
needtogetas said:
well for one I can control if some one terns me on or not.I "chose to not think about them in a sexual way"and they dont tern me on.......its pretty fucking simple just because you have no dame self control when it comes to your thinking dont make it right

see look at you your a mess.still to this day you cant even control you thoughts about it.he is long gon and now some one says something and you go off on a tangent about how you ex was so bad and you cant control how you feel.your so week its not funny.letting some one else control how you feel
lmao bahahahaha and years latter to might I add long after there gone and you still cant get it in check....your mind and your will is "WEEK" YOU ARE "WEEK"

and if some one wanted to leave me for some thing I did 5 years ago then good fucking redince theres the fucking door.


JUST BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN THE THEN AND ARE TO WEEK TO LIVE IN THE NOW AND HAVE BIN DOING IT BEFORE i WAS BORN LOL DONT MAKE IT GOOD ADVICE TOOTS.
Click to expand...
Okay, I think you're reading way too much into my post, and jumping to an awful lot of conclusions. I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing.

Let me give you an example of the situation I'm talking about (you need to know that I don't have a driver's license):

I once hit the windshield when the car I was riding in rear-ended someone. This wouldn't have happened if the car hadn't been tailgaiting. Consequently, I get very, VERY nervous when somone drives too close to the car in front of them (my comfort zone is 2 car lengths and out). You have to understand it REALLY upsets the hell out of me to be under 2 car lengths away from the leading car, and my panic grows as the travelling speed increases.

Now, my first husband knew this, he knew it made me a nervous wreck, and virtually EVERY time we got in the car he was riding up the car's ass in front of him. I'd ask him, nicely, to please put a little breathing room between him and the car in front of him. He'd back off for about 10 seconds then be RIGHT back up on the fucker's bumper again. This shit would happen over and over again, and about the 5th or 6th time it happened I'd usually be a wreck and would be virtually shouting at him, "PLEASE fucking stop running up that guys ass!!!" things devolved into a fight from there, and the fight was always, in his opinion, MY fault.

Now my current husband started doing something very similar, and I commented on it, once. He apologized and has never tailgated anyone to my recollection. If you were to ask him what makes me nervous in a car, to this day (several years later) he immediately remembers that having less than 2 seconds between him and the car in front of him bugs the shit out of me.

That's the type of situation I'm talking about, not dredging up an incident of many years ago. I'm talking dumb day to day shit: tailgating someone, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, leaving wet towels on the floor, leaving the ring up on the toilet, spending too much money on the credit card, etc. If you know that leaving a wet towel on the floor drives your s/o up the wall, and he/she has told you about it not once, not twice but many, many times, dropping that towel on the floor has stopped being a matter of "ooops, I forgot," it has become a slap in the face, a "Fuck You" situation, short and sweet.

A lot of couples pull these kinds of headgames, it's a power play. It's where a lot of arguments stem from.

I'm not talking, here on these posts, about weak-mindedness, Needto. I am addressing the specific issue that I originally posted about: respecting your partner, which means having compassion for their needs, caring about their sensibilities, not doing things just for the sake of upsetting them or because you can get away with it. A successful relationship, one in which the partners aren't fighting on a daily or weekly basis, is usually a cooperative effort based out of mutual respect, not a power trip.

I pull up my experiences with my ex husband because I have had two marriages, one which I considered a shining example of "what not to do" and another which is successful. For the record, at the most all I feel for my ex husband these days is a little pity.
 
musclemom said:
Okay, I think you're reading way too much into my post, and jumping to an awful lot of conclusions. I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing.

Let me give you an example of the situation I'm talking about (you need to know that I don't have a driver's license):

I once hit the windshield when the car I was riding in rear-ended someone. This wouldn't have happened if the car hadn't been tailgaiting. Consequently, I get very, VERY nervous when somone drives too close to the car in front of them (my comfort zone is 2 car lengths and out). You have to understand it REALLY upsets the hell out of me to be under 2 car lengths away from the leading car, and my panic grows as the travelling speed increases.

Now, my first husband knew this, he knew it made me a nervous wreck, and virtually EVERY time we got in the car he was riding up the car's ass in front of him. I'd ask him, nicely, to please put a little breathing room between him and the car in front of him. He'd back off for about 10 seconds then be RIGHT back up on the fucker's bumper again. This shit would happen over and over again, and about the 5th or 6th time it happened I'd usually be a wreck and would be virtually shouting at him, "PLEASE fucking stop running up that guys ass!!!" things devolved into a fight from there, and the fight was always, in his opinion, MY fault.

Now my current husband started doing something very similar, and I commented on it, once. He apologized and has never tailgated anyone to my recollection. If you were to ask him what makes me nervous in a car, to this day (several years later) he immediately remembers that having less than 2 seconds between him and the car in front of him bugs the shit out of me.

That's the type of situation I'm talking about, not dredging up an incident of many years ago. I'm talking dumb day to day shit: tailgating someone, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, leaving wet towels on the floor, leaving the ring up on the toilet, spending too much money on the credit card, etc. If you know that leaving a wet towel on the floor drives your s/o up the wall, and he/she has told you about it not once, not twice but many, many times, dropping that towel on the floor has stopped being a matter of "ooops, I forgot," it has become a slap in the face, a "Fuck You" situation, short and sweet. so your saying if my house is a pig pin I have a right to get mad about it.cause in my hous its not a big thing its not the same thing lol

A lot of couples pull these kinds of headgames, it's a power play. It's where a lot of arguments stem from.

I'm not talking, here on these posts, about weak-mindedness, Needto. I am addressing the specific issue that I originally posted about: respecting your partner, which means having compassion for their needs, caring about their sensibilities, not doing things just for the sake of upsetting them or because you can get away with it. A successful relationship, one in which the partners aren't fighting on a daily or weekly basis, is usually a cooperative effort based out of mutual respect, not a power trip.

I pull up my experiences with my ex husband because I have had two marriages, one which I considered a shining example of "what not to do" and another which is successful. For the record, at the most all I feel for my ex husband these days is a little pity.
Click to expand...
blah blabh blblblbllalalalaaahhahahahha blah....


this is perfect I will use this......ok now lets say your husband the one you have now tail gates a care what would you do....would you get all mad and bitch about the last time he did it 5 years ago.I am betting you would.lol

its things like this tail gatting a fucking car wtf........what if your husband now
was doing his best in life "to not tail gate a fucking car for you" but he did it from time to time........I bet you would bitch at him hold resentment twards him and never ever forget each time he did it....thats a fucking sickness...not to mention selfish and every little thing in this world dont revolve around you.your hasband cant think about you 24 hours a day well he is on the rode or what ever.shore your husband now seems to be good about not doing it but what if he was not.your going to tell me you would leave him for it....fuck then good fucking buy is what I would say
 
needtogetas said:
blah blabh blblblbllalalalaaahhahahahha blah....

this is perfect I will use this......ok now lets say your husband the one you have now tail gates a care what would you do....would you get all mad and bitch about the last time he did it 5 years ago.I am betting you would.lol

its things like this tail gatting a fucking car wtf........what if your husband now
was doing his best in life "to not tail gate a fucking car for you" but he did it from time to time........I bet you would bitch at him hold resentment twards him and never ever forget each time he did it....thats a fucking sickness...not to mention selfish and every little thing in this world dont revolve around you.your hasband cant think about you 24 hours a day well he is on the rode or what ever.shore your husband now seems to be good about not doing it but what if he was not.your going to tell me you would leave him for it....fuck then good fucking buy is what I would say
Click to expand...
The point is, if something you do really bothers your s/o, the respectful (and courteous) thing to do is not to do it. Because to do otherwise is destructive to your relationship.

I have a wicked temper, okay? I have a really fucking short fuse and I blow up loud, but I'm over it quickly. My current husband finds it upsetting as shit. If I have a problem with him I know it's much better to approach it calmly, because if I go off half cocked I'll end up hurting his feelings. I wish I could blow off steam occasionally, but the hurt it causes him is, on the balance, more emotional pain to him than it would be a relief to me if that makes sense. So I have to take a couple of extra seconds of effort to calm down and approach a problem rationally rather than emotionally, big deal. I feel shitty when I make him feel bad, so it benefits us both in the end, anyway.

Now for his side, he KNOWS I have a bad temper, so if he knows something bugs/upsets me he really tries to avoid doing that, because HE knows I make a concerted effort to control my temper for his sake.

So yes, in my house you do think about your partner, mainly because making them feel badly, in the end, only really hurts you anyway.
 
musclemom said:
The point is, if something you do really bothers your s/o, the respectful (and courteous) thing to do is not to do it. Because to do otherwise is destructive to your relationship.

I have a wicked temper, okay? I have a really fucking short fuse and I blow up loud, but I'm over it quickly. My current husband finds it upsetting as shit. If I have a problem with him I know it's much better to approach it calmly, because if I go off half cocked I'll end up hurting his feelings. I wish I could blow off steam occasionally, but the hurt it causes him is, on the balance, more emotional pain to him than it would be a relief to me if that makes sense. So I have to take a couple of extra seconds of effort to calm down and approach a problem rationally rather than emotionally, big deal. I feel shitty when I make him feel bad, so it benefits us both in the end, anyway.

Now for his side, he KNOWS I have a bad temper, so if he knows something bugs/upsets me he really tries to avoid doing that, because HE knows I make a concerted effort to control my temper for his sake.

So yes, in my house you do think about your partner, mainly because making them feel badly, in the end, only really hurts you anyway.
Click to expand...

now this makes sense to me...if you want some one to care about things that bother you"no matter how big or small they seem to you"then you should do the same for them"no matter how big or small it seems to you"

right....
 
needtogetas said:
blah blabh blblblbllalalalaaahhahahahha blah....


this is perfect I will use this......ok now lets say your husband the one you have now tail gates a care what would you do....would you get all mad and bitch about the last time he did it 5 years ago.I am betting you would.lol

its things like this tail gatting a fucking car wtf........what if your husband now
was doing his best in life "to not tail gate a fucking car for you" but he did it from time to time........I bet you would bitch at him hold resentment twards him and never ever forget each time he did it....thats a fucking sickness...not to mention selfish and every little thing in this world dont revolve around you.your hasband cant think about you 24 hours a day well he is on the rode or what ever.shore your husband now seems to be good about not doing it but what if he was not.your going to tell me you would leave him for it....fuck then good fucking buy is what I would say
Click to expand...

I told you before, I'm not big on dredging up the past, not to mention the fact I really don't have a very good memory, anyway. I remember things that are repeatedly mentioned, but that's different.

The simple fact is, if something bothers your s/o, and you know that it bothers them, the question comes down to what's more important to you? Tailgaiting the car, or having a happy wife? It simply makes no sense to do something that has very little or no redeeming benefit and creates a rift in your relationship, to boot. Like I said, it comes back to power plays, mind games and respect.
 
musclemom said:
Okay, I think you're reading way too much into my post, and jumping to an awful lot of conclusions. I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing.

Let me give you an example of the situation I'm talking about (you need to know that I don't have a driver's license):

I once hit the windshield when the car I was riding in rear-ended someone. This wouldn't have happened if the car hadn't been tailgaiting. Consequently, I get very, VERY nervous when somone drives too close to the car in front of them (my comfort zone is 2 car lengths and out). You have to understand it REALLY upsets the hell out of me to be under 2 car lengths away from the leading car, and my panic grows as the travelling speed increases.

Now, my first husband knew this, he knew it made me a nervous wreck, and virtually EVERY time we got in the car he was riding up the car's ass in front of him. I'd ask him, nicely, to please put a little breathing room between him and the car in front of him. He'd back off for about 10 seconds then be RIGHT back up on the fucker's bumper again. This shit would happen over and over again, and about the 5th or 6th time it happened I'd usually be a wreck and would be virtually shouting at him, "PLEASE fucking stop running up that guys ass!!!" things devolved into a fight from there, and the fight was always, in his opinion, MY fault.

Now my current husband started doing something very similar, and I commented on it, once. He apologized and has never tailgated anyone to my recollection. If you were to ask him what makes me nervous in a car, to this day (several years later) he immediately remembers that having less than 2 seconds between him and the car in front of him bugs the shit out of me.

That's the type of situation I'm talking about, not dredging up an incident of many years ago. I'm talking dumb day to day shit: tailgating someone, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, leaving wet towels on the floor, leaving the ring up on the toilet, spending too much money on the credit card, etc. If you know that leaving a wet towel on the floor drives your s/o up the wall, and he/she has told you about it not once, not twice but many, many times, dropping that towel on the floor has stopped being a matter of "ooops, I forgot," it has become a slap in the face, a "Fuck You" situation, short and sweet.

A lot of couples pull these kinds of headgames, it's a power play. It's where a lot of arguments stem from.

I'm not talking, here on these posts, about weak-mindedness, Needto. I am addressing the specific issue that I originally posted about: respecting your partner, which means having compassion for their needs, caring about their sensibilities, not doing things just for the sake of upsetting them or because you can get away with it. A successful relationship, one in which the partners aren't fighting on a daily or weekly basis, is usually a cooperative effort based out of mutual respect, not a power trip.

I pull up my experiences with my ex husband because I have had two marriages, one which I considered a shining example of "what not to do" and another which is successful. For the record, at the most all I feel for my ex husband these days is a little pity.
Click to expand...

omg. This is the fucking best post ever.
 
needtogetas said:
now this makes sense to me...if you want some one to care about things that bother you"no matter how big or small they seem to you"then you should do the same for them"no matter how big or small it seems to you"

right....
Click to expand...
It's the little shit that piles up that turns into the 800 lb. gorilla sitting in the room, I'm totally serious. The big shit crops up and it's usually dealt with then and there. The little things have a tendency to pile up and pile up and then out of the blue they overwhelm you. If you deal with the little things constantly a relationship can withstand the big stuff (makes a relationship sound like cleaning your living room but it's the truth).
 
needtogetas said:
now this makes sense to me...if you want some one to care about things that bother you"no matter how big or small they seem to you"then you should do the same for them"no matter how big or small it seems to you"

right....
Click to expand...
Do me a favor, shut the fuck up and chew on a dirty sock will you?
You are not understanding what she is saying at all..You like to compare an apple to a damn orange, well dear love of mine..They are not the fucking same, never will be.
Ok so anyway, this proves the theory that men do not pay attention at all to anything!
 
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