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theoak01
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>DECEMBER 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
>and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
>
>watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
>Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love the
>snow!
>
>DECEMBER 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
>covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
>be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
>I've ever had.
>Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
>both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
>along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
>to shovel again. What a perfect life.
>
>DECEMBER 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
>a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
>have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
>again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad
>he's our neighbor.
>
>DECEMBER 14: Snow, lovely snow!! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
>to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
>the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
>again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
>but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and
>puff so.
>
>DECEMBER 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer.
>Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
>freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
>think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>DECEMBER 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
>driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
>which I
>think was very cruel.
>
>DECEMBER 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
>Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
>warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
>Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
>God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in
>my own living room.
>
>DECEMBER 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
>stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow
>came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
>They're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
>Hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
>might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
>have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying
>
>
>DECEMBER 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
>inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
>melt til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
>dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
>plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
>I think the asshole is lying.
>
>DECEMBER 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
>wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
>she.....nuts???
>Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
>think she's damn well lying.
>
>DECEMBER 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
>Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
>who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls.
>I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
>then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all
>over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
>carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
>goddamn snowplow.
>
>DECEMBER 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS. 20 more inches of the !=3D@!#!~x*! >
>slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
>hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
>and I hit him over the head with my shovel! The wife says I have a bad
>attitude. I think she's an idiot.. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful
>Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
>
>DECEMBER 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all
>HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>
>DECEMBER 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>DECEMBER 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving
>me crazy!!!
>
>DECEMBER 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
>could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>DECEMBER 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
>million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother.
>9" predicted.
>
>DECEMBER 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>JANUARY 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
> keep giving me. Why am I tied to this bed?
>and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
>
>watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a
>Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love the
>snow!
>
>DECEMBER 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
>covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there
>be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea
>I've ever had.
>Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
>both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
>along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
>to shovel again. What a perfect life.
>
>DECEMBER 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
>disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have
>a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
>have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow
>again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad
>he's our neighbor.
>
>DECEMBER 14: Snow, lovely snow!! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
>to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
>away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
>the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
>again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
>but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and
>puff so.
>
>DECEMBER 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer.
>Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
>freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
>think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
>
>DECEMBER 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
>driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,
>which I
>think was very cruel.
>
>DECEMBER 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
>Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
>warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
>Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
>God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in
>my own living room.
>
>DECEMBER 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
>stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow
>came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
>They're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
>Hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
>might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I
>have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying
>
>
>DECEMBER 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
>inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't
>melt til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to
>shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
>dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a
>plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
>I think the asshole is lying.
>
>DECEMBER 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
>wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
>she.....nuts???
>Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
>think she's damn well lying.
>
>DECEMBER 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
>Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
>who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls.
>I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and
>then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all
>over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
>carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the
>goddamn snowplow.
>
>DECEMBER 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS. 20 more inches of the !=3D@!#!~x*! >
>slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
>hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
>and I hit him over the head with my shovel! The wife says I have a bad
>attitude. I think she's an idiot.. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful
>Life" one more time, I'm going to kill her.
>
>DECEMBER 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all
>HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
>
>DECEMBER 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
>
>DECEMBER 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving
>me crazy!!!
>
>DECEMBER 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
>could cave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>DECEMBER 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
>million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother.
>9" predicted.
>
>DECEMBER 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
>
>JANUARY 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
> keep giving me. Why am I tied to this bed?
