Deep Thoughts....

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is"God is crying." And if he asks why god is crying, another cute thing to tell him is"Probably because of something you did."

 

[vinylgroover]

What about if the kid says 'then why doesn't shit ever fall from the sky'.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

To me, clowns arent funny. In fact, theyre kinda scary. Ive wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time when I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

 

[Nathan]

Jack Handy is hilarious.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Id like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

I guess of all my ucles, I like UncleCave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because he would sometimes eat on of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Anytime I see someting screech across the room and latch onto someones neck, and that guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because WHAT IS that thing?!?

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

In weightlifting, I dont think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If you defing cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, MISTER BRAVE MAN, I guess I AM a coward.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Blow ye winds,
Like the trumpet blows,
But without that fucking noise.

 

[WarriorPL]

Jack Handy owns. Some of them are so funny i shed a tear.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel to bad.

 

[2Thick]

Anytime I see someting screech across the room and latch onto someones neck, and that guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because WHAT IS that thing?!?

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If you go parachuting, and youre parachute doesnt open, and youre friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

The face of a child an say it all, especially the mouth part.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I dont think Id call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store.
On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramps gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Too bad you cant just grab a tree by the very tiptop and bend it clear over to the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be surprised at all the stuff that comes flying out.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guys gloves touch your lips, becasue you have no idea where that glove has been.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Its too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If youre at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you dont like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like youre eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when youre out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Most people dont realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look likea deer.

 

[WarriorPL]

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

That was funny WizKid

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they dont want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, "WHAT WAS THAT?!?"

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If youre a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet its really embarrasing if someone tries to kill you.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then i think, What if i was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldnt seem quite so funny.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside hes real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldnt be laughing that evening, when he'd come home with some whore he'd picked up in town.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

I think inone of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what i say.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

n doesnt automatically get my respect.He has to get dwon in the dirt and beg for it.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having V cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Seaworld says, "You cant throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."

Sure they eat fish, if thats all you give them.

MAN, Wise up

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.

 

[Vulgar_Display_Of_Power]

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.

 

[skaman607]