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Dear women,

puddlemonkey

puddlemonkey

thou shalt not shill
EF VIP
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do you think you have control when you're on bottom? You are not in control during this time. Bottom is not when you should be squirming all about, and before anyone says it, no she was not trying to get away. When you are on top ladies, you control the rhythm, you control the angle, you control everything. When you're on bottom though I do not need you to try and match my rhythm. I do not need you to mimic my intensity. And for christ's sake I don't need you asking how you feel, I will comment on it if/when the time is right. Missionary is a submissive position, so submit! You're more than welcome to make suggestions, "slower", "faster", "harder". But the last thing I need is you trying to copy my stride, pull back too far, and SNAP! Broken penis. You've seen 'em, in pornos, its hard and all but when the girl goes to do anything with it you see it just bend in the middle. Not cool. Not cool at all. So please, please, ladies, please, try and do this for me. Please.
 
Not sure what I'm more upset about, the sex, or the fact that I wasted a perfectly good cheat meal taking her out to dinner to a place she chose.
 
Maybe its all my fault, maybe I should stop sleeping with 19-22 year olds. Especially ex girlfriends :/
 
Kinda reminds me of the time a few years back when I was dating this girl from Forest Grove. I was her second partner, she was married for like 7 years or something. While in bed having sex she'd reach around and spank me like a racehorse. Clearly this is something her ex had to be into, cause I doubt he'd let it slide for 7 years. I think it should have been his responsibility to tell her hey look, I like this, but it isn't normal!
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Kinda reminds me of the time a few years back when I was dating this girl from Forest Grove. I was her second partner, she was married for like 7 years or something. While in bed having sex she'd reach around and spank me like a racehorse. Clearly this is something her ex had to be into, cause I doubt he'd let it slide for 7 years. I think it should have been his responsibility to tell her hey look, I like this, but it isn't normal!
Click to expand...


Jackpot! I thought I felt a little deja vu happening

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/7313448-post23.html
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do you think you have control when you're on bottom? You are not in control during this time. Bottom is not when you should be squirming all about, and before anyone says it, no she was not trying to get away. When you are on top ladies, you control the rhythm, you control the angle, you control everything. When you're on bottom though I do not need you to try and match my rhythm. I do not need you to mimic my intensity. And for christ's sake I don't need you asking how you feel, I will comment on it if/when the time is right. Missionary is a submissive position, so submit! You're more than welcome to make suggestions, "slower", "faster", "harder". But the last thing I need is you trying to copy my stride, pull back too far, and SNAP! Broken penis. You've seen 'em, in pornos, its hard and all but when the girl goes to do anything with it you see it just bend in the middle. Not cool. Not cool at all. So please, please, ladies, please, try and do this for me. Please.
Click to expand...

well noted. :)
 
Let us know if she gets pregnant.

it will be Puddle Monkey 4

pro lifers 0
 
And I think I made some ground today. I deleted 5 ex girlfriends numbers from my phone, 3 of which I've slept with in the past couple months. I've gotta start making some changes in my life.
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do you think you have control when you're on bottom? You are not in control during this time. Bottom is not when you should be squirming all about, and before anyone says it, no she was not trying to get away. When you are on top ladies, you control the rhythm, you control the angle, you control everything. When you're on bottom though I do not need you to try and match my rhythm. I do not need you to mimic my intensity. And for christ's sake I don't need you asking how you feel, I will comment on it if/when the time is right. Missionary is a submissive position, so submit! You're more than welcome to make suggestions, "slower", "faster", "harder". But the last thing I need is you trying to copy my stride, pull back too far, and SNAP! Broken penis. You've seen 'em, in pornos, its hard and all but when the girl goes to do anything with it you see it just bend in the middle. Not cool. Not cool at all. So please, please, ladies, please, try and do this for me. Please.
Click to expand...

You are obviously sleeping with some very unskilled females.

Good sex is all about communication. No matter what the man's rythm, depth or intensity is HE can't feel where the woman's G-spot is... unless she tells him where it is and how it feels best for her. So now, unless you have been sleeping with someone with regularity to the point where you know one another's verbal and nonverbal cues it is IMPOSSIBLE for one to know when the other is about to cum or what feels good, what feels better and what don't feel good at all, but your partner is tolerating because they know it feels good for you <---- which MANY women are socialized to believe is *their duty* during sex.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
You are obviously sleeping with some very unskilled females.
Click to expand...


Mostly 19-22 year olds, so yeah. I think they just put too much pressure on themselves to be great, thus they sometimes put too much effort into it. There are time less is more, less is more.
 
What is a g spot? Is this the same thing as Santa Claus?


BIKINIMOM said:
You are obviously sleeping with some very unskilled females.

Good sex is all about communication. No matter what the man's rythm, depth or intensity is HE can't feel where the woman's G-spot is... unless she tells him where it is and how it feels best for her. So now, unless you have been sleeping with someone with regularity to the point where you know one another's verbal and nonverbal cues it is IMPOSSIBLE for one to know when the other is about to cum or what feels good, what feels better and what don't feel good at all, but your partner is tolerating because they know it feels good for you <---- which MANY women are socialized to believe is *their duty* during sex.
Click to expand...
 
PuddleMonkey said:
And I think I made some ground today. I deleted 5 ex girlfriends numbers from my phone, 3 of which I've slept with in the past couple months. I've gotta start making some changes in my life.
Click to expand...


Time to break outta the zoo?
 
Pat_McCrotch said:
What is a g spot? Is this the same thing as Santa Claus?
Click to expand...

LOL Nope...

I can't speak for anyone else but mine is this little area on the top wall of my vagina. When my Old Grump's peepee tickles it just right.... GOD DAMN BUT IT FEELS GOOD!!!

Interestingly enough it is way close to the opening of my body rather than closer to my cervix (inside my body) which is just one of the reasons why I have never had a preference for a lover with an above average length penis as they would ALWAYS go to far missing the whole point of the exercise and actually hurt me by hitting my cervix (VERY painful for me). I have never had a lover whose peepee was small enough to hit this spot perfectly when they were all in... So even when I am on the bottom I tell my lover to stay still and I fuck him from underneath. I have very strong leg muscles so I tense up and he can't go any farther than I want him to anyway.... My Old Grump absolutely LOVES it when I do this... as he says that it is like getting a blowjob from my pussy... :qt:

.... just another reason why we are so perfectly matched for one another. He loves to get me off <--- this brings him a tremendous amount of pleasure... and I LOVE IT that this is what gets HIM off. Works out perfectly for both of us.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
LOL Nope...

I can't speak for anyone else but mine is this little area on the top wall of my vagina. When my Old Grump's peepee tickles it just right.... GOD DAMN BUT IT FEELS GOOD!!!

Interestingly enough it is way close to the opening of my body rather than closer to my cervix (inside my body) which is just one of the reasons why I have never had a preference for a lover with an above average length penis as they would ALWAYS go to far missing the whole point of the exercise and actually hurt me by hitting my cervix (VERY painful for me). I have never had a lover whose peepee was small enough to hit this spot perfectly when they were all in... So even when I am on the bottom I tell my lover to stay still and I fuck him from underneath. I have very strong leg muscles so I tense up and he can't go any farther than I want him to anyway.... My Old Grump absolutely LOVES it when I do this... as he says that it is like getting a blowjob from my pussy... :qt:

.... just another reason why we are so perfectly matched for one another. He loves to get me off <--- this brings him a tremendous amount of pleasure... and I LOVE IT that this is what gets HIM off. Works out perfectly for both of us.
Click to expand...


lol...i love him
 
What I don't understand is guys are really simple when it comes to sex. Just about everything you do turns us on, very little doesn't. So how a woman can mess this up is beyond me. You ladies on the other hand, you should each come with your own sex manual. Certain body parts stroked gently certain ways. Each girl likes her oral a little different from the next. Some like a ton of foreplay while others just want the minimum.
 
PuddleMonkey said:
What I don't understand is guys are really simple when it comes to sex. Just about everything you do turns us on, very little doesn't. So how a woman can mess this up is beyond me. You ladies on the other hand, you should each come with your own sex manual. Certain body parts stroked gently certain ways. Each girl likes her oral a little different from the next. Some like a ton of foreplay while others just want the minimum.
Click to expand...

Agreed!

As I stated in the beginning good sex is about communication.

My Old Grump said from the very beginning he wants to learn MY BODY and only do what turns me on as THAT is what turns him on...

If a man is a selfless lover and concerns himself with pleasuring his lady than unless she is a total headcase she will bend over backwards to reciprocate as women are generally not socialized to view sex as something they do for THEIR OWN pleasure, but as something they do to pleasure THEIR MAN. <---- think about that.

What could be better than two givers? Endless circle of giving. :heart:
 
Smurfy said:
Id fuck everyone in this thread until the were blind in the eyes
Click to expand...


I have good vision. it would be a lot of fucking.
 
Ill take thirds.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
You are obviously sleeping with some very unskilled females.

Good sex is all about communication. No matter what the man's rythm, depth or intensity is HE can't feel where the woman's G-spot is... unless she tells him where it is and how it feels best for her. So now, unless you have been sleeping with someone with regularity to the point where you know one another's verbal and nonverbal cues it is IMPOSSIBLE for one to know when the other is about to cum or what feels good, what feels better and what don't feel good at all, but your partner is tolerating because they know it feels good for you <---- which MANY women are socialized to believe is *their duty* during sex.
Click to expand...
Its kind of a medical fact that the g-spot is 2-4 inches in and up. If I girl is on her back.

Also if you finger the girl first its pretty damn easy to find it with your fingers by the way it feels. Just medical facts here thats all.
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why do you think you have control when you're on bottom? You are not in control during this time. Bottom is not when you should be squirming all about, and before anyone says it, no she was not trying to get away. When you are on top ladies, you control the rhythm, you control the angle, you control everything. When you're on bottom though I do not need you to try and match my rhythm. I do not need you to mimic my intensity. And for christ's sake I don't need you asking how you feel, I will comment on it if/when the time is right. Missionary is a submissive position, so submit! You're more than welcome to make suggestions, "slower", "faster", "harder". But the last thing I need is you trying to copy my stride, pull back too far, and SNAP! Broken penis. You've seen 'em, in pornos, its hard and all but when the girl goes to do anything with it you see it just bend in the middle. Not cool. Not cool at all. So please, please, ladies, please, try and do this for me. Please.
Click to expand...
someone slept with you, you filthy simian?


ewwwwwwwwwwwww
 
Wow, what a great way to entertain myself while I'm doing laundry. This is the BEST c&c thread I've read all week. ;)

PM, you didn't delete my number did you? :worried:
 
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PuddleMonkey said:
No ways! I have it. Go Saints!!! er... Seahawks!
Click to expand...


BAND! :evil:
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Just to prove it... 20*-***-**34 :D
Click to expand...

You'd better plan on deleting it if you come up here and cheer for anyone except the boys in green and blue.
 
dirty~d~ said:
BAND! :evil:
Click to expand...


You can't ban me, I've got the very first Seahawks ticket stub from their very first game in the freshly build Kingdom back in '76! First time they took the field they played the 49ers on August 1.
 
dirty~d~ said:
You'd better plan on deleting it if you come up here and cheer for anyone except the boys in green and blue.
Click to expand...


They don't play the Saints, and my brother is a Seahawks fan, so I guess I can root for the blue n green.
 
PuddleMonkey said:
They don't play the Saints, and my brother is a Seahawks fan, so I guess I can root for the blue n green.
Click to expand...

You're forgiven. :qt:
 
Smurfy said:
i dont care WHAT you say, Im the type who is going to buck back when Im on all 4's. you cant stop me from doing that
Click to expand...

lololol yes I would say this is acceptable.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
You are obviously sleeping with some very unskilled females.

Good sex is all about communication. No matter what the man's rythm, depth or intensity is HE can't feel where the woman's G-spot is... unless she tells him where it is and how it feels best for her. So now, unless you have been sleeping with someone with regularity to the point where you know one another's verbal and nonverbal cues it is IMPOSSIBLE for one to know when the other is about to cum or what feels good, what feels better and what don't feel good at all, but your partner is tolerating because they know it feels good for you <---- which MANY women are socialized to believe is *their duty* during sex.
Click to expand...
i disagree, BM. if you keep an eye on their breathing, bodylanguage etc you can pick cues and keep doing what they like until they get there. if you pay some attention, you can be a great lover
 
GoldenDelicious said:
i disagree, BM. if you keep an eye on their breathing, bodylanguage etc you can pick cues and keep doing what they like until they get there. if you pay some attention, you can be a great lover
Click to expand...
Thats still a form of communication bro :)
 
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