Dear Coworker (part II)

[Raina]

As I sit here listening to your pointless drivel I wish that God would have the mercy to cave the building down onto me or something and put me out of my misery.

When I don't respond to your commentary or look at you that doesn't mean "oh please tell me more about your stupid kitchen remodel". I truly wish it was an option to have a gun at my desk for a day without consequences. I'd only need to use it once. I'm pretty sure the world would be better off without your cocky annoying self running around being a fucktard.

You really think you're charming but what you don't get is that everyone is laughing about you behind your back. Hell, I'm laughing at you to your face. You are pointless. I have more respect and affection for a penny in a parking lot than I have for you. I'd love to just smack you across the face but the idea of physical contact with you turns my stomach.

Please stop bickering with me about what color my nail polish is too. What the hell is wrong with you?

Please just die.

Thanks,
Raina

 

[chefbone]

Guns aren't the solution...HATE is the solution.

 

[WODIN]

Start using just various shades of pink to red for polish and tell him that u match the color to your vulva every morning and that varies depending on how much of a pounding you took the night before. Then say..you know newley weds do the weirdest things.

 

[Dunk]

Raina's dear co-workers thread made me just realize.

im "that guy"

 

[Whiskey]

sorry to hear about your problem... I have a feeling that a visit to your job by all of the EF men is necesary to get the point across.... Or better yet, by all the EF women and just kick his arse ;-)

Whiskey

 

[slat1]

Put a thumb tack on his chair... small victory!

 

[Raina]

The truth is that I wish he'd just go away-- that I'd never have to talk to him, see him, or hear from him. Sometimes it's all I can do not to slit his throat with a letter opener or something.

 

[chefbone]

The truth is that I wish he'd just go away-- that I'd never have to talk to him, see him, or hear from him. Sometimes it's all I can do not to slit his throat with a letter opener or something.

Now we're getting somewhere!!! It's meesy though and might spray all over the place. The dry-cleaning bill would be through the roof. Stab him in the upper, inner part of the thigh. Just bend over like you are going to pick something up then...WHAM....kill shot.

 

[SoKlueles]

LOL dang ur evil woman
I like that

 

[Raina]

My little sister liked this idea and composed 2 of her own:

I told my little sister about this thread and she composed her own:

Dear co-worker,

You are not attractive. I'm not sure where exactly you're getting this notion, but you are not 18. Stop trying to dress like you're 18 and then adding your own "accessories" to try to give it a more "Mature" look. I know you told me that you think that your look is hot and effective, but you look like a RETARD. You can't take a peach half-shirt that ties in the front (like my black one) and put it over a large, floral patterned navy blue, button down blouse. You also can't wear that with black flare legged pants.

You have a flat butt and big hips, stop wearing such tight pants-- it is not flattering.

Now that I'm in beauty school, I'm 99% sure you do your hair by yourself. Why do I think that? Because it looks like SHIT. Do you perm it by yourself and then bleach it? No wonder it looks so awful all the time, that is horrible for your hair! Your hair is ORANGE and frizzy!

Btw, nice job on the self-tanner application. Do you realize you have a streak down your forehead that is extremely noticeable? Do you also realize that your tan looks really orange? Why is that-- to match your hair?

Have fun cheating on your husband, you rude, ugly whore. Nobody here likes you and it makes me happy when you're on vacation because I don't have to watch you and the production manager be gross in front of me.

Just remember, as much as you'd probably like to think you're young and hip-- you're not. I really AM 23. You need to accept your age.

Love,
Raina's Sister

 

[Raina]

Dear coworker,

I know you are a family friend. I grew up with you. I grew up camping with you and your sons. That is wonderful.

However, I have concluded that outside of a camping/social scenario, you are not very bright. You are a terrible boss. You say you don't micromanage; what you really mean is that you don't do ANYTHING!

You are shocked I've announced my plans to leave this company in the next two months-- do you realize what a dysfunctional piece of crap this department is? DO SOMETHING. I know you are really non-confrontational and that is wonderful for you... however it really screws people like me over!

I went to you when a coworker threw the things she wanted mailed at me the second time and you LAUGHED IT OFF! You didn't even talk to her! Granted, I know she's hard to get a hold of, but if you look up from your desk you'll occasionally see a blur of orange-haired white trash with a can of sugar-free Red Bull whisk by. Maybe you can catch her with a trap baited with a box of wine and a Good Will gift certificate.

I really wish you'd listen to me. Do you realize how dumb the complaints are on my reviews? How can you sit there and look at me with a straight face while you tell me about complaints about my desk needing to be dusted more often and the fax machine not having enough paper sometimes? These are PETTY COMPLAINTS, because these women are twice my age and apparently are threatened by me! HELLO, have you ever talked to women? Don't you see how they are?

DO YOUR DAMN JOB! I'm sexually harrassed by guys at work 5 million times a day and I don't say anything to you because I KNOW you won't do anything but laugh it off and say "Boys will be boys".

Really?

If I was a mean person, I could take this company to court and probably never have to work another day in my life-- you're lucky that I'm not that kind of person.

 

[beastboy]

Switch his Toothpaste with a hemroid cream.

 

[H_T_]

i have a rule: Don't feed the bears. sometimes, all it takes is a simple glance and you make eye contact. or a meaningless nod, but it all leads to the same thing. you have caught the bears attention. now he knows where to get fed.

 

[Sub-Zero]

come on to him and make him think hes getting sex then at the last second, fake a seizure, and then completely deny remember it ever happened.


his life will be ruined