Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below Steroid_Virgin
New member
Two atoms are walking down the street, one turn to the other and says, "Hey, I just lost an electron". The second atom asked, "Are you sure?" The other atom replied, "Im positive."
Corny joke thread
- Thread starter Steroid_Virgin
- Start date
BodhiDharma
New member
I only find that funny because I am baked :havoc: 
TheProject
New member
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A two-knee fish!
A two-knee fish!
An old country doctor went way out into the boonies to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old son. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see to deliver the baby. The child held the lantern, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and swatted him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. Watching in wide-eyed wonder, the five-year-old shouted, "Hit him again! He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
HappyScrappy
New member
The best joke I've heard was from a 4 year old:
Kid: Ask me if I'm a fire truck!
HappyScrappy: Are you a fire truck?
Kid: NO!!! *bursts out laughing and rolling around on the ground*
Kid: Ask me if I'm a fire truck!
HappyScrappy: Are you a fire truck?
Kid: NO!!! *bursts out laughing and rolling around on the ground*
Digger Dan
New member
A monkey sees an elephant walking through the forest.
What does the monkey say?
"There's an elephant."
Next time the monkey sees the same elephant walking through the forest with a pair of sunglasses on, what does the monkey say?
Nothing. He can't recognise him!
What does the monkey say?
"There's an elephant."
Next time the monkey sees the same elephant walking through the forest with a pair of sunglasses on, what does the monkey say?
Nothing. He can't recognise him!
THeMaCHinE
New member
Disclaimer: told to me by a gay person
Q: How does a gay guy fake an orgasm?
A: He spits on your back...
Ba-dum-bump!
Q: How does a gay guy fake an orgasm?
A: He spits on your back...
Ba-dum-bump!
Zebo
New member
Dear Abby,
I have been engaged for almost a year, and I am to be married next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list, because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred. Then, she floored me. She said that, in a month, I would be a married man. And, before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then, she just stood up and walked to her bedroom; on her way, she
said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door . . .
There, leaning against my car was her husband--my father-in-law to be. He was smiling, and he explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid who would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or, should I keep the whole thing to myself--including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
I have been engaged for almost a year, and I am to be married next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list, because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred. Then, she floored me. She said that, in a month, I would be a married man. And, before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then, she just stood up and walked to her bedroom; on her way, she
said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door . . .
There, leaning against my car was her husband--my father-in-law to be. He was smiling, and he explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid who would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or, should I keep the whole thing to myself--including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!
Steroid_Virgin
New member
i knew wodin would be all over this shit...
D
DcupSheepNipples
Guest
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, ´´Hey, you don´t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.´´ The lady asks, ´´How do I do it without surgery?´´ ´´Just rub toilet paper between them.´´ ´´How does that make them bigger?´´ ´´I don´t know, but it worked for your ass."
There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked.
The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked.
The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."
HappyScrappy
New member
what is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
one's a scum sucking bottom feeder, and the other one's a fish.
one's a scum sucking bottom feeder, and the other one's a fish.
The Difference Between The Liberal and Conservative "Debate" Over The War On Terrorism:
Question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities.
In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer:
Shoot the son of a bitch! Then take your family to a baseball game,
eat some hot dogs and apple pie, sing the national anthem, go to church and praise the Lord for one more day of freedom.
Question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities.
In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
Conservative Answer:
Shoot the son of a bitch! Then take your family to a baseball game,
eat some hot dogs and apple pie, sing the national anthem, go to church and praise the Lord for one more day of freedom.
KHMER ROGUE
Banned
Steriod Virgin, here's another one. (Used to be a chem geek too)
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Steroid_Virgin
New member
lol...
pushing_fe
New member
One evening this drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and happens to notice a 12" tall man standing on the bar. Astonished, the man asks the guy next to him; "What the hell is that?"
The guy next to him replies "He's a pianist!", to which the drunk replied "Horse shit, your pulling my leg"
So the guy next to him picks up the 12" man , grabs some books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this little man started hammerin out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons.
Stunned, the drunk asks "That little guy is cool, where the hell did you get him"? The fella told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley, rubbed it til a genie appeared, and was granted one wish.
All of a sudden the drunk hauls ass out the back door, finds the bottle, and starts rubbing it: when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish. In a slur, the drunk asks "I wish for a million bucks".
All of a sudden, the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead shittin all over him. Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and begins cursing "You son of a bitch, I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks shitting all over my new suit."
The fella started laughing and wildly exclaimed "You don't really think I wished for a 12" pianist do you?"
The guy next to him replies "He's a pianist!", to which the drunk replied "Horse shit, your pulling my leg"
So the guy next to him picks up the 12" man , grabs some books, and props the little man up to the piano. Sure enough, this little man started hammerin out all the favorite tunes of the bars' patrons.
Stunned, the drunk asks "That little guy is cool, where the hell did you get him"? The fella told the drunk how he had found a genie bottle out in the alley, rubbed it til a genie appeared, and was granted one wish.
All of a sudden the drunk hauls ass out the back door, finds the bottle, and starts rubbing it: when all of a sudden a genie pops out and grants him one wish. In a slur, the drunk asks "I wish for a million bucks".
All of a sudden, the sky turns black and overhead a million ducks come flying overhead shittin all over him. Angrily, the drunk runs back inside, slams the door and begins cursing "You son of a bitch, I found that genie bottle and wished for a million bucks and all of a sudden there are a million ducks shitting all over my new suit."
The fella started laughing and wildly exclaimed "You don't really think I wished for a 12" pianist do you?"
bigschweeler
New member
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she
decided to go to the party. Inasmuch as her husband did not know what her costume was,
she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on
the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the
costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I
loaned my costume to!"
decided to go to the party. Inasmuch as her husband did not know what her costume was,
she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on
the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the
costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I
loaned my costume to!"
HappyScrappy
New member
why is 6 afraid of 7?
because 7, 8, 9.
because 7, 8, 9.
HappyScrappy
New member
Sickest joke ever:
What's the best part about fucking a 5 year old?
Hearing their hips crack.
What's the worst part about fucking a 5 year old?
Have to take the clown suit to the cleaners to get the blood out.
I must admit that I use the "clown suit to the cleaners" little bit in "normal" conversation occasionally just to get weird looks from people.
"Hey HappyScrappy, what have you been up to?"
"Not much... oh - yesterday I took my clown suit to the cleaners."
What's the best part about fucking a 5 year old?
Hearing their hips crack.
What's the worst part about fucking a 5 year old?
Have to take the clown suit to the cleaners to get the blood out.
I must admit that I use the "clown suit to the cleaners" little bit in "normal" conversation occasionally just to get weird looks from people.
"Hey HappyScrappy, what have you been up to?"
"Not much... oh - yesterday I took my clown suit to the cleaners."
Steroid_Virgin
New member
thats not corney... that's jusy sick
Happy scrappy takes his new girlfriend to a movie.
After the movie he asks." Hey, straight out. What do really think of me?"
His girlfriend replys," well, you kinda remind me of some type of pedophile."
Happy scrappy says," you know, I'm impressed, that's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."
After the movie he asks." Hey, straight out. What do really think of me?"
His girlfriend replys," well, you kinda remind me of some type of pedophile."
Happy scrappy says," you know, I'm impressed, that's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."
Happy remember that joke you told about the Doctor and the guy whos wife was in the hospital, and it ends with him going "Just kidding, she's dead."
It was a while ago, anyways it was last year when I was still in High School, I was telling it to a friend and someone overheard me and told me to speak up...anyways that made the whole class listen to it.
After I was done telling it everyone just gave me the "Man, you are one sick fuck" look. I haven't gotten that many dirty looks since the last time I wore my Goatse T-Shirt.
It was a while ago, anyways it was last year when I was still in High School, I was telling it to a friend and someone overheard me and told me to speak up...anyways that made the whole class listen to it.
After I was done telling it everyone just gave me the "Man, you are one sick fuck" look. I haven't gotten that many dirty looks since the last time I wore my Goatse T-Shirt.
PURE EXTRACT
New member
I just flew in from California and boy am I tired!!
KHMER ROGUE
Banned
Wow, you can get away with that comments but I can't get away with comments about NAMBLA?
Damn heterosexual bastards.
Damn heterosexual bastards.
Lumberg
New member
Alright, a guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Barkeep, if I show you something you've never seen before, how's about you buy me a drink?" The bartender, a veteran of 20 years, says, "You're on."
The guy takes a hamster out of his pocket. The hamster scurries over to a piano that is in the corner and starts playing. He's incredible. A few seconds into his masterful performance the barkeep concedes and serves the customer up a drink.
Several minutes later the customer's glass is empty. He's still thirsty. He says "If I can show you somethign ELSE you've never seen before, will you buy me another drink?" The bartender agrees again.
This time the customer produces a frog. All of a sudden the most marvelous sounds start coming from the frog; he's singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. I mean, the pipes on this frog!
The bartender, aghast, pours the the guy another drink. At just that moment, a regular who was watching the whole scene comes over and offers the guy $300 for the singing frog. The customer hesitates then says, "sure, why not?" The guy produces $300 and takes the frog, happily leaving the bar muttering something about showing his buddies.
The bartender turns to the customer and says, "Are you crazy? A frog like this is priceles! And you sold him for a measly 300 bucks?!"
And the guy says, it's OK, the hamster is a ventriloquist."
Ba-dum-bum!
JC
The guy takes a hamster out of his pocket. The hamster scurries over to a piano that is in the corner and starts playing. He's incredible. A few seconds into his masterful performance the barkeep concedes and serves the customer up a drink.
Several minutes later the customer's glass is empty. He's still thirsty. He says "If I can show you somethign ELSE you've never seen before, will you buy me another drink?" The bartender agrees again.
This time the customer produces a frog. All of a sudden the most marvelous sounds start coming from the frog; he's singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. I mean, the pipes on this frog!
The bartender, aghast, pours the the guy another drink. At just that moment, a regular who was watching the whole scene comes over and offers the guy $300 for the singing frog. The customer hesitates then says, "sure, why not?" The guy produces $300 and takes the frog, happily leaving the bar muttering something about showing his buddies.
The bartender turns to the customer and says, "Are you crazy? A frog like this is priceles! And you sold him for a measly 300 bucks?!"
And the guy says, it's OK, the hamster is a ventriloquist."
Ba-dum-bum!
JC
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