Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
p0ink
New member
Chirac Creates le Department de l'Enorme Panique
Broken News 4/26/2004 - Marni Malarkey
French president Jacques Chirac has announced the creation of a department of homeland security for France -- called le Department de l'Enorme Panique -- as well as a French version of a colour-coded terror alert system.
The minister in charge of le Department de l'Enorme Panique, Jean-Louis Berger Allemand, held a press conference with Chirac at the Elysee Palace this morning, stating that in the wake of the Madrid bombings and the threatened terrorist attacks in France (due to the recent legislation banning Muslim headscarves in public schools), "eet eeze eye time we ad a meeneestry for panique, as well as a terror alerte systeme. But, since we are French, our colores weel bee much prettiayre zan zose gaudy Americane colores!"
Berger Allemand unveiled the French terror alert system, which, like the US system, consists of five levels. The first, or lowest, is called "Pretend there is no problem" and will be represented by a lovely pastel blue shade. The second level is called "Look away and blame others, especially Americans" and will be represented by a dusty rose shade. The third, or middle level, will be called "Take cover," and indicates, with its topaze hue, that the problem is indeed there and no longer deniable and that the best solution is to try to avoid any conflict. The second highest alert level in the French system will be called "Try to run" and will be represented with an ashen gray shade. The highest level of the French terror alert system is called "Surrender and Collaborate" and will be represented by yellow. But not, Berger Allemand, was quick to point out "a tackee rainbow yellow, but, razayre, a most elegante butter yellow. Like zee yellow of zee butter we French people spread on our baguette each morning!"
Broken News 4/26/2004 - Marni Malarkey
French president Jacques Chirac has announced the creation of a department of homeland security for France -- called le Department de l'Enorme Panique -- as well as a French version of a colour-coded terror alert system.
The minister in charge of le Department de l'Enorme Panique, Jean-Louis Berger Allemand, held a press conference with Chirac at the Elysee Palace this morning, stating that in the wake of the Madrid bombings and the threatened terrorist attacks in France (due to the recent legislation banning Muslim headscarves in public schools), "eet eeze eye time we ad a meeneestry for panique, as well as a terror alerte systeme. But, since we are French, our colores weel bee much prettiayre zan zose gaudy Americane colores!"
Berger Allemand unveiled the French terror alert system, which, like the US system, consists of five levels. The first, or lowest, is called "Pretend there is no problem" and will be represented by a lovely pastel blue shade. The second level is called "Look away and blame others, especially Americans" and will be represented by a dusty rose shade. The third, or middle level, will be called "Take cover," and indicates, with its topaze hue, that the problem is indeed there and no longer deniable and that the best solution is to try to avoid any conflict. The second highest alert level in the French system will be called "Try to run" and will be represented with an ashen gray shade. The highest level of the French terror alert system is called "Surrender and Collaborate" and will be represented by yellow. But not, Berger Allemand, was quick to point out "a tackee rainbow yellow, but, razayre, a most elegante butter yellow. Like zee yellow of zee butter we French people spread on our baguette each morning!"
