Bummed...

[VeggieLifterChick]

Had another fight with my boyfriend. I showed him a picture of 3V and he got mad and said my ideals are too masculine. All I could tell him is I don't have her genetics...or her gear (hehe...sorry if that was a low blow there). This really depresses me when it happens. I know there was a whole thread about this. Just wanted to post it because venting a bit to people who can relate makes me feel better. He says I'm being inconsiderate by ignoring his opinions. A little while ago, he even accused me of using the fat loss as a cover to get muscular! I'm not even trying to be huge. Jeez. I just enjoy lifting and I'm trying to get in better shape, and yes I really do admire people like 3V whose hard work and dedication is obvious.

 

[smallmovesal]

fuck him. look how you want to look... have your own goals...

he isn't you and you owe him nothing in that department.

i hate to sound harsh, but tell him if he doesn't like your lifestyle or how you live, to get lost. he sounds like he wants to control you.

 

[Gladiola]

It's your body & and you will do what you want with it (so long as it's healthy & basically sensible.)

If it makes you happy to be muscular, then if he loves you he should want you to be happy.

You don't get big muscles overnight. Just b/c a certain physique is something you admire doesn't mean you will ever get there anyway. Either way, it won't happen overnight. So cross the bridge when you come to it if you end up monstrous - why stress now about that?

 

[Temple]

IMO - a relationship can only be truly successful when both parties wholeheartedly support the goals and aspirations of the other.

 

[Gladiola]

I agree you should support one another, but no 2 ppl will always agree on *everything*. You also have to agree to disagree.

He shouldn't be discouraging & try to impede your goals, but I feel I also have to respect that my boyfriend doesn't like the physique of Jenny Worth & he doesn't want me looking like that (Don't think that's gonna happen anyway!).

As I've said before, if he were to aspire to the physique of a competitive cyclist, I would be just as upset!

I respect his opinion.. but it's still my body.

 

[Gladiola]

Stop asking him what he thinks about it.

yeah, I like that idea. Tell him, "Yes, OK, I know how you feel. And you know how I feel, so shut up now!"

Oh - and DEFINITELY don't show him pics of a physique you admire (M&F Hers Mag, for example) - it will only lead to more arguments. Conversely, he needs to shut his pie hole about bodies he likes.

"She looks great."
"Eww she totally looks like a man! That's disguesting, you're sick."
"Whatever, muscle has no gender, it's beautiful on men & women. She looks awesome."
"You're sick."

"Mmm, she's sexy."
"What? She's totally too skinny, emaciated! Where are her quadriceps?! Her arm is as skinny at the bicep as the forearm, that's nasty!"
"Who cares about biceps? Look at her ass, she's hot."

Can I just tell you how many times we've had those conversations???? We really need to just stop having them.

 

[Temple]

My concern here is that if he is totally unattracted to a physically fit body for lack of a better word what are you going to do when he is looking at you saying those things. I absolutely agree that you will never agree on everything - you should hear some the the discussions the DH and I have sometimes but this could be a pretty core issue.

 

[Quarkey]

Yes, you need to find out where this relationship is going and if you're bf can handle your goals when you accomplish them. This is something that you will have to figure out now, because you can't let someone control your life. You need to be happy with yourself. If he is not happy with what you want, he will try to interfere with that the whole time you are working on it. Just do what's best for you and be happy

 

[legs]

You need a bigger man, one that can handle you!

 

[wyst]

I don't really share my goals with ppl anymore, unless I know they agree. It's funny, but the people who disagreed most with my goals are the ones who keep telling me how great I look now. Not that I'm huge or anything, but you see what I'm getting at? If you get fitter and into better and better shape gradually, I'm betting a lot of guys will react the same way. If you told them, "I'm going to gain 20 lbs of muscle," they'd be horrified, but if you just went out and did it, they'd never say a thing, and they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off you.

Maybe?

Wyst