Breaking up is hard to do-

[hardrock]

I have been with this woman for almost 2 years and engaged since new years. Things are good for the most part, but once in a while I get sick of her shit and she flips out on me. She doesn't appreciate me or all the changes I've made for her and her daughter so that we can have a happy family together. Looking at apartments on Friday.

I think this time it's for real and it makes me feel like shit, but at the same time, I am kinda looking forward to living my own life again, not the one someone else wants me to.

Kinda sucks.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Sorry to hear that, but it is better to end things now than to marry and go through an ugly divorce.

 

[-SD-]

If she cant appreciate a man taking on both her and her daughter tell her to have fun going back to being a cold statistic again.

 

[SouthernLord]

Good luck bor. GO out and do your own thing. Live for yourself..

 

[manny78]

Do what you have to do and be happy. That's what matters the most.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Sorry to hear that bro. But hey, now you get to hang with us losers all the time here on EF

 

[GUARDIAN]

take care of yourself

 

[txbondsman]

if you have been together that long, the little girl thinks of you as daddy, to heck with the GF, but take special care to assure the little one that she can stay intouch if she wants, call whatever if that is something that you feel you should/ could do...

 

[all the whey]

I have been with this woman for almost 2 years and engaged since new years. Things are good for the most part, but once in a while I get sick of her shit and she flips out on me. She doesn't appreciate me or all the changes I've made for her and her daughter so that we can have a happy family together. Looking at apartments on Friday.

I think this time it's for real and it makes me feel like shit, but at the same time, I am kinda looking forward to living my own life again, not the one someone else wants me to.

Kinda sucks.

repost

 

[wootoom]

Dude........Im sorry...Fuck sakes i hate poeple feeling unappreciated like me! Fucking pathetic!

 

[all the whey]

Dude........Im sorry...Fuck sakes i hate poeple feeling unappreciated like me! Fucking pathetic!

That might be the number 1 complaint I hear from married guys. I know it was for me when I had gf's.

Good luck Hardrock!!! We take care of our boys here!

 

[wootoom]

That might be the number 1 complaint I hear from married guys. I know it was for me when I had gf's.

Good luck Hardrock!!! We take care of our boys here!

Man, It's terrible..Let alone getting cheated on.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Believe me when I tell you, I also knew what it felt like to be unappreciated. I have said it many times, if my ex hadn't beat the shit out of me, I would have stayed at least until my kids were grown. Which is sorta fucked up still as NO ONE EVER said, "Thank you." for all that I did for our family.

I mean, I did the things I did because it was my happy responsibility but it was pretty fucked up when I realized that my kids were treating me nearly as shitty as their father... and who could I blame for that... EXCEPT ME FOR LETTING IT HAPPEN?

Anyway... strayed too far, I just wanted to let the brothers know that this happens to women too and it sucks regardless of who is the one being taken for granted.

 

[wootoom]

me me me me me me me me lol

 

[Bikini Mod]

me me me me me me me me lol

meh... you did it first.

so there!

 

[wootoom]

meh... you did it first.

so there!

i know lol

 

[BNG]

Good for you! Too many men don't have the stones!

 

[txbondsman]

Good for you! Too many men don't have the stones!

when children are involved, whole different world, "stones" aren't even in the thought process......

no kids it's like , "fuck you, Im leaving."
"Why!?"
"because your a psychotic bitch and you need to make somebody else's life miserable, not mine... bye".
done.

 

[BNG]

Not his kid.
I know it sounds f'd up but I've dated a a couple of single moms. When I find myself more attached to the kids than her I cut her loose. The kids will get over it. So will you.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Its for the better bro, she's probably cheating on you anyway. Seriously, wouldn't surprise me one bit. Was talking to my buddy last night on the phone, his ex-girlfriend was just leaving his place. Nice fat rock on her hand from her current boyfriend, doesn't stop her from fucking him. Same with his ex wife, the three of us went out to eat a few days back. She's got a boyfriend but it doesn't stop her either. And in my own case I've been introduced as a "friend" by many taken women in the past, and every damn time there was more than a friendship going on. Marriage needs to be abolished, doesn't seem to mean shit to anyone anymore.

 

[rnch]

comma-comma-down-doobee-do-down-down



















doubt anyone except mr. db or digger will get this reference......

 

[lartinos]

good for you man, you have some tough times ahead for sure but sometimes gotta just keep you eyes on the prize and fight through it. It just took me two months to feel normal again after 4 years with my now Ex.

 

[txbondsman]

comma-comma-down-doobee-do-down-down



















doubt anyone except mr. db or digger will get this reference......

what-ev-er... I don't get no respect.....

 

[hardrock]

if you have been together that long, the little girl thinks of you as daddy, to heck with the GF, but take special care to assure the little one that she can stay intouch if she wants, call whatever if that is something that you feel you should/ could do...

She does call me daddy, and I adore her. Fucked up thing is while my lady was yelling at me, I kept my cool and held my temper. We had been going to counseling and that was my thing is temper. Not violent or anything, but yelling and insulting her. Since then I have made great improvements and held my tongue during this one. Her daughter is very protective, and afterwards told me that if I ever spoke to her mom that way again she would hurt me. Made me feel like shit. The kid is 10 years old, and the most I said to her mom was to get away from me. I don't wanna hear it or play your games right now. This while she's screaming at me and calling me and my family names. I think it just pissed her off more that I didn't get angry.

 

[puddlemonkey]

I think it just pissed her off more that I didn't get angry.

You have no idea how true this is.

 

[all the whey]

You have no idea how true this is.

!!!!!!!!

 

[Bikini Mod]

She does call me daddy, and I adore her. Fucked up thing is while my lady was yelling at me, I kept my cool and held my temper. We had been going to counseling and that was my thing is temper. Not violent or anything, but yelling and insulting her. Since then I have made great improvements and held my tongue during this one. Her daughter is very protective, and afterwards told me that if I ever spoke to her mom that way again she would hurt me. Made me feel like shit. The kid is 10 years old, and the most I said to her mom was to get away from me. I don't wanna hear it or play your games right now. This while she's screaming at me and calling me and my family names. I think it just pissed her off more that I didn't get angry.

I came from a family that yelled and screamed very hurtfull names. So now, there is NO YELLING here...

When my husband and I get angry w/one another I just leave the room. It took him awhile to get used to the idea that when I leave the room it is NOT to withhold affection or agitate him by not talking. It is actually because I love him too much to say hurtfull things out of anger. So when I leave, he knows not to follow me. We will talk when WE cool down.

Hope that helps.

It is NEVER a good thing for people to be in such a toxic environment... but it does take TWO. She has to work at not yelling and screaming at you, just as much as you do.

I'm really sorry that things are so unhappy for you all.

 

[txbondsman]

She does call me daddy, and I adore her. Fucked up thing is while my lady was yelling at me, I kept my cool and held my temper. We had been going to counseling and that was my thing is temper. Not violent or anything, but yelling and insulting her. Since then I have made great improvements and held my tongue during this one. Her daughter is very protective, and afterwards told me that if I ever spoke to her mom that way again she would hurt me. Made me feel like shit. The kid is 10 years old, and the most I said to her mom was to get away from me. I don't wanna hear it or play your games right now. This while she's screaming at me and calling me and my family names. I think it just pissed her off more that I didn't get angry.

<<<< sigh.... sorry, I know it hurt your feelings when she said that, it would anybody.

She's 10, momma has been there for her whether good, bad, or indifferent, no telling what she has been told either. Just keep telling her that you love her. She'll see for herself why things are the way they are. I'd be ready for a phone call, if her mother allows it, to come get her.
Now, THAT, will piss her off, you can bet that. It'll happen.

Yes, the silent treatment fucked with her bad, she was hoping that you would get dead in her shit and she would ahve a good reason to tell the daughter why the relationship not working was all your falt. You didn't give her that....

 

[rnch]

what-ev-er... I don't get no respect.....

busted! by someone about my age, of course...

 

[all the whey]

Sorry to hear it duder.

Personally, I would get as far away from that as I could. Having no emotional attachement to it, it really does not look ideal for somebody with your options.

This is very hard to comment on without being judgemental or bringing in too many of my own personal life decisions so it's hard to give advice knowing it is solid in so far as making you happy. For example, I couldn't date a mom so there is one thing right off the bat with which we differ. For me, it is too far away still and hence would be too complicated.

Some things I have found work very well for me personally (and will probably change as I get older):

- I like minimal baggage - i.e. no girls who have been around the block with dudes, no head cases, no major problems like some huge debt (though if they have a great job and are on top of paying it down then whatever), no exes in the picture, etc.
- I like girls I have things in common with - fitness, pushing myself in other aspects of life like career, similar family values and ideas of where our future will go, etc.
- I like being physically attracted to girls but for me this means being careful not to overlook the other things simply because I am physically attracted

Basically, I make a list in my head and if the girl in question falls massively short in some ways, I start looking elsewhere. Fuck the emotional attachement and fuck it hard. I try to be as objective as possible I suppose, which isn't always easy but whatever. It can be messy but doing simple evaluations like the above definitely help my resolve. I think a lot of it simply comes down to believing you can find what you want.

Anyways, rooting for you buddy. Hope this all goes your way, whatever it may be.

Bro, this is what we all want.

But, we get tripped up by a single mom with issues who fucks us really good.

 

[pappad]

if you have been together that long, the little girl thinks of you as daddy, to heck with the GF, but take special care to assure the little one that she can stay intouch if she wants, call whatever if that is something that you feel you should/ could do...

+1^^^^ Be Blessed!

 

[Lestat]

that does suck man, breaking up is rough

 

[hardrock]

I would tend to agree, which is why I am reminding hardrock of this shite. He knows he is a strong and capable dude with lots of things going for him. He has a lot to offer and there's no reason he shouldn't be able to find what he is after. I personally think a lot of it comes down to who you are trying to make a relationship work with. Some people don't go well together. Not saying hardrock and his lady necessarily fall into that category, I am just saying it happens a lot and I think a lot of people ignore that stuff in favor of other more immediately relevant things.

I really have no idea. All I really wanted to get across was that thinking things through in an objective manner (at least at one point), isn't a bad idea. People think differently by nature - that could easily cause problems in a relationship if the subject matter is crucial enough.

Looks good on paper, but is easier said than done for me. I can develop feelings for a girl in a few days, but until this one I was always ready to walk at any given moment for any given reason. I have changed so much with her and am actually amazed that I've changed so much. Much of it for the better too. It's the changes that make me feel like less of a man or the ones I end up resenting her for that I regret. AND IT SEMMS IT'S NEVER ENOUGH.

 

[all the whey]

I would tend to agree, which is why I am reminding hardrock of this shite. He knows he is a strong and capable dude with lots of things going for him. He has a lot to offer and there's no reason he shouldn't be able to find what he is after. I personally think a lot of it comes down to who you are trying to make a relationship work with. Some people don't go well together. Not saying hardrock and his lady necessarily fall into that category, I am just saying it happens a lot and I think a lot of people ignore that stuff in favor of other more immediately relevant things.

I really have no idea. All I really wanted to get across was that thinking things through in an objective manner (at least at one point), isn't a bad idea. People think differently by nature - that could easily cause problems in a relationship if the subject matter is crucial enough.

good post

I was just letting him know we have all been there.

 

[Frisky]

I have been with this woman for almost 2 years and engaged since new years. Things are good for the most part, but once in a while I get sick of her shit and she flips out on me. She doesn't appreciate me or all the changes I've made for her and her daughter so that we can have a happy family together. Looking at apartments on Friday.

I think this time it's for real and it makes me feel like shit, but at the same time, I am kinda looking forward to living my own life again, not the one someone else wants me to.

Kinda sucks.

not to sound like a hard ass bitch (ahem) but open that door and walk the hell out. I Don't think breakups are hard, but then again I am a crazy bitch.

Don't feel bad for making yourself feel better... what is wrong with you? She chose your outlet now you are just using it.

 

[ceo]

not to sound like a hard ass bitch (ahem) but open that door and walk the hell out. I Don't think breakups are hard, but then again I am a crazy bitch.

Don't feel bad for making yourself feel better... what is wrong with you? She chose your outlet now you are just using it.

I would GTFO too! Especially with her yelling at you and her kid saying that to you after you were calm about things. I'd be done. Look it as a good experience. Like you said, you changed, you grew. Bring that to the next relationship. Seriously...get out and don't look back.

Good luck broly!

 

[canadianhitman]

Sounds like it's time to get out for sure. Relationships aren't easy, but they shouldn't be incredibly difficult either; if it's a whole hell of a lot of work, then you simply aren't a good match...so why bother fighting an uphill battle? Just not worth it.

I think Nathan's 'checklist' is very wise...if you hold out for the person that you are really and truly looking for, rather than selling yourself short by settling for someone who's just 'not bad', you're far more likely to find happiness. It's worth the extra time it takes to find someone who fits all your criteria.

 

[Frisky]

I would GTFO too! Especially with her yelling at you and her kid saying that to you after you were calm about things. I'd be done. Look it as a good experience. Like you said, you changed, you grew. Bring that to the next relationship. Seriously...get out and don't look back.

Good luck broly!

omg...... someone actually agreed with me

 

[hardrock]

Thanks everyone.

This will be the 4th day since we've spoken. I am viewing 3 apartments tomorrow. Problem is most everything I look at, I can't get in until May 1. I need to be out of that house now. Not to mention I don't own anything. When we moved out here, I threw all my shit out, including my PC. All her shit was nicer. After that we bought all new shit anyway. I literally own a futon, my Xbox 360, a really nice pot and pan set, and my cat. Guess my new place will be pretty empty for a while.

 

[hardrock]

Thanks everyone.

This will be the 4th day since we've spoken. I am viewing 3 apartments tomorrow. Problem is most everything I look at, I can't get in until May 1. I need to be out of that house now. Not to mention I don't own anything. When we moved out here, I threw all my shit out, including my PC. All her shit was nicer. After that we bought all new shit anyway. I literally own a futon, my Xbox 360, a really nice pot and pan set, and my cat. Guess my new place will be pretty empty for a while.

Oh yeah, and a bad assed stainless steel grill

 

[seaking420]

when children are involved, whole different world, "stones" aren't even in the thought process......

no kids it's like , "fuck you, Im leaving."
"Why!?"
"because your a psychotic bitch and you need to make somebody else's life miserable, not mine... bye".
done.

Especially when you have kids together with that person makes it even harder

I agree with alot of people here, i think if you dont leave now you will find yourself 5-10 years from now saying to yourself i shouldve left before i got married.....and then its alot harder

Good luck bro....breaking up is VERY hard to do....even when you know its the right thing its still hard. Its hard on you because you are making that decision and are going to be hurting her, so you might feel some guilt and regret afterwards but i think those are normal emotions to go through after a break-up

 

[txbondsman]

Thanks everyone.

This will be the 4th day since we've spoken. I am viewing 3 apartments tomorrow. Problem is most everything I look at, I can't get in until May 1. I need to be out of that house now. Not to mention I don't own anything. When we moved out here, I threw all my shit out, including my PC. All her shit was nicer. After that we bought all new shit anyway. I literally own a futon, my Xbox 360, a really nice pot and pan set, and my cat. Guess my new place will be pretty empty for a while.

good, that way you won't have to bother your buddies to help you move.
I've had less. Furniture, albeit, prolly not what you want, can be found cheap. garage sales, resale shops, etc. You should be able to pick up a decent bed at a wholesale store for a couple of hundred bucks. That's what i did.

 

[jestro]

Oh yeah, and a bad assed stainless steel grill

Thats all you need bro!
Futon, xbox, grill? You're set.

It's gonna feel like shit for a long time, maybe months or years, but you'll be very happy about it sooner or later.

(I might as well put the mememe part in here)

My X would scream yell freak like a fucking psycho when she got mad. Absolutely went apeshit. And you know what? Almost 10 years since we've been divorced, she's still the same way.
She tried to get more than her 6 weeks with the kid this summer, just bought plane tickets, didn't even call me. So I called her and said "ummm, no." She went bananas "I hate you, I fucking hate you, and your daughter will hate you too, and so on."
God I'm glad I don't live with that anymore!

 

[txbondsman]

Especially when you have kids together with that person makes it even harder

I agree with alot of people here, i think if you dont leave now you will find yourself 5-10 years from now saying to yourself i shouldve left before i got married.....and then its alot harder

Good luck bro....breaking up is VERY hard to do....even when you know its the right thing its still hard. Its hard on you because you are making that decision and are going to be hurting her, so you might feel some guilt and regret afterwards but i think those are normal emotions to go through after a break-up

X's 1K! good post....

 

[all the whey]

Oh yeah, and a bad assed stainless steel grill

nice! got to have a grill.

You have all you need.

Don't worry about what other shit you bought, because you will get shit from her from taking stuff from her child.

I have a friend that moved out last week.


He said he wasn't even going to ask for tv and everything he bought. He knew it would be a fight/guilt. He just took his tools.

 

[hardrock]

He just took his tools.

Oh, I'm taking my tools.

I'm actually going back to the Twin Cities to see some family this week. Spur of the moment thing. Plus sis has a couch for me and mom has a table. Prolly give her my grill since my new apartment don't allow em. Momma needs a new grill anyhow.

 

[silverstar1025]

Oh, I'm taking my tools.

I'm actually going back to the Twin Cities to see some family this week. Spur of the moment thing. Plus sis has a couch for me and mom has a table. Prolly give her my grill since my new apartment don't allow em. Momma needs a new grill anyhow.

Good luck to you! It will all work out. You will have all you need soon I am sure.

 

[hardrock]

I'm envious of you dude. A relaxing weekend with the fam sounds pretty damn nice to me. Have a good one.

Once I get past driving a fucking box truck 300 miles to get there it will be nice. Can't wait to see my niece and nephews. Hang out with the old crew too for a night.

 

[javaguru]

I have been with this woman for almost 2 years and engaged since new years. Things are good for the most part, but once in a while I get sick of her shit and she flips out on me. She doesn't appreciate me or all the changes I've made for her and her daughter so that we can have a happy family together. Looking at apartments on Friday.

I think this time it's for real and it makes me feel like shit, but at the same time, I am kinda looking forward to living my own life again, not the one someone else wants me to.

Kinda sucks.

It's only hard when you actually care. Emotionally distance yourself and you'll never care. You'll probably never find the one in a million "good one" but that's up to you. Remember, you two broke up for a reason.

 

[the_alcatraz]

How you doin Hardrock?

 

[Razorguns]

It's only hard when you actually care. Emotionally distance yourself and you'll never care. You'll probably never find the one in a million "good one" but that's up to you. Remember, you two broke up for a reason.

Also,

One cannot ignore the science of PEA's. (i forget the spelling of the full word).

It's also what's called "love struck", or "new relationship high".

For some it lasts 2 weeks, some 2 years.

But it's a chemical reaction in the brain. And when 2 people have it - they dance around on rooftops, make love 10x a day, talk for hours on the phone. This is also why some women are SO ADDICTED to this chemical, they can never be single for long. They always need a new bf to get 'high' again.

Also why couples, 30 years married, no longer have these chemicals. And why they no longer act like they do when they first me each other.

The absense of PEA has destroyed many a relationships/marriages. But people are not scientists, and can't understand this.

So they just chalk it up as "emotional differences" or "he just doens't excite me anymore" or "i'm just not attracted to her anymore" or any other description they can conjure up to explain the absense of PEA.

r

 

[javaguru]

Also,

One cannot ignore the science of PEA's. (i forget the spelling of the full word).

It's also what's called "love struck", or "new relationship high".

For some it lasts 2 weeks, some 2 years.

But it's a chemical reaction in the brain. And when 2 people have it - they dance around on rooftops, make love 10x a day, talk for hours on the phone. This is also why some women are SO ADDICTED to this chemical, they can never be single for long. They always need a new bf to get 'high' again.

Also why couples, 30 years married, no longer have these chemicals. And why they no longer act like they do when they first me each other.

The absense of PEA has destroyed many a relationships/marriages. But people are not scientists, and can't understand this.

So they just chalk it up as "emotional differences" or "he just doens't excite me anymore" or "i'm just not attracted to her anymore" or any other description they can conjure up to explain the absense of PEA.

r

I've been given the "I love you" by chicks within the first month of dating. People just need to reign in the emotion and let a real relationship develop, on both sides.

 

[jackangel]

all the best to you.

 

[seaking420]

Also,

One cannot ignore the science of PEA's. (i forget the spelling of the full word).

It's also what's called "love struck", or "new relationship high".

For some it lasts 2 weeks, some 2 years.

But it's a chemical reaction in the brain. And when 2 people have it - they dance around on rooftops, make love 10x a day, talk for hours on the phone. This is also why some women are SO ADDICTED to this chemical, they can never be single for long. They always need a new bf to get 'high' again.

Also why couples, 30 years married, no longer have these chemicals. And why they no longer act like they do when they first me each other.

The absense of PEA has destroyed many a relationships/marriages. But people are not scientists, and can't understand this.

So they just chalk it up as "emotional differences" or "he just doens't excite me anymore" or "i'm just not attracted to her anymore" or any other description they can conjure up to explain the absense of PEA.

r

True.....it makes you wonder if long term relationships really work. Years ago people only live till 40/50 so they stayed married the whole time. But now people live much longer and both genders are equal and like their independence. So it makes it much more difficult to have a long term relationship/marriage now-a-days. I've been to counceling regarding my marriage and brought something like this up, saying that after that "inlove" phase goes away its not as much fun or rewarding as it use to be and maybe its time to move on, so relationships shouldnt last longer than 5-7 years. She said there are studies on that and people will agree/disagree with that. Who the fuck knows.

 

[mwm5]

it sucks bro, i've been with a chick for 4.5 years and pretty much wanted to get out of it on and off for the past 2 years.

some days they make u feel like u want to be with them forever and others u want to literally kill them.

whatever u do..........don't just settle for ok, find great

 

[Megalomaniac]

That is why you don't, you do it like Vincent Chase does and all is good.

 

[seaking420]

it sucks bro, i've been with a chick for 4.5 years and pretty much wanted to get out of it on and off for the past 2 years.

some days they make u feel like u want to be with them forever and others u want to literally kill them.

whatever u do..........don't just settle for ok, find great

yep...thats what im talking about.........but do you really think you can find great and if you can, will it last more than 5 years

 

[all the whey]

It's only hard when you actually care. Emotionally distance yourself and you'll never care. You'll probably never find the one in a million "good one" but that's up to you. Remember, you two broke up for a reason.

yeah

I think the younger girls actually believe they are in love. (younger girls have some many emotions going on that any of those feeling heightened may make them feel in love)

The older women just say it to get your house.


But, I loved java with in the first month!

(only after I found out he was Captain of his High School Football Team)

 

[roadwarrior]

... Marriage needs to be abolished, doesn't seem to mean shit to anyone anymore.

Not true.... just be sure who you are marrying before you do it. Don't rush in.

S

 

[Razorguns]

Not true.... just be sure who you are marrying before you do it. Don't rush in.

S

Word. Unfortunately in society,

When two people are driven by PEA (dancing on rooftops, making love 10x a day, always on the phone with each other, enjoying that "high") -- it's impossible to reach them. And then they get married, pop out kids, and later on PEA (thanks to Mother Nature) finally leaves. Then "reality" sinks in.

This is why old folks (listen to the wise ones!) say "Don't rush into LOVE!" "Think before you commit!" "Let the relationship last for a bit, before you jump in". Those old stogies know a thing or two.

If you have PEA, you have it. Nothing you can do. But also use some common sense. Notice if you two HAVE in common. Figure out, if that "high" is gone - do you two even have anything in common? Anything to make it work?

Most people don't want to ask those tough q's. They may not like the answers. Easier to just keep dancing in the flowers, and enjoy that high, and keep dreaming about the future. 10 years later, fat, 3 kids - is not a thing they desire to think about.

Then 10 (or less) years later - eventually comes.

r

 

[hardrock]

How you doin Hardrock?

I'm doing ok today. Yesterday I was on the verge of a breakdown. Found a new apartment today and am really looking forward to it. Hoping to move in Friday.

Just got to Minneapolis to my moms. Good to be home. Playing PS2 with my nephews and their new dog. I'm here through Sunday. Wish I could stay till Friday.

Thank you all for the kind words.

 

[pintoca]

Bite that bullet and don't be a SWV