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Bodybuilding Funnies!!!

FreakMonster

New member
A woman walked up to a bald little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I take huge amounts of testosterone every week, as well as growth hormone, DNP, winstrol, deca, T3 and diuretics. Besides that I party hard every weekend, take ecstasy, cocaine and drink like hell"
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six," he said.
 
How many body builders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Five. One to screw in the light bulb, and four others to tell him how great he looks while doing it.
 
The Queen of England was visiting some of the USA's top hospitals, and during her tours of one of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my God", said the queen, "that's disgraceful, what's the purpose of this?" The doctor replied, "That man is a body builder who is taking special treatment to build up his testosterone levels after a cycle. As a result his testicles fill up with semen very rapidly. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and the man would die instantly." "Oh, I'm sorry", said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex. "Oh my God", said the Queen,
"what's happening in there?" The doctor replied, "same problem, better health plan."
 
can you believe it.

they have lived side by side for 27 years.

shared everything

shared the same women,same shower,same pants.

and yet through it all they are still sticking together.

wanna know who im talkin about?????
---------------------------

DEEZ MUTHA FUKIN NUUUTTZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!


:FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol:
 
FreakMonster said:
A woman walked up to a bald little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I take huge amounts of testosterone every week, as well as growth hormone, DNP, winstrol, deca, T3 and diuretics. Besides that I party hard every weekend, take ecstasy, cocaine and drink like hell"
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?" "Twenty-six," he said.
:FRlol: :FRlol: :FRlol: ;)
 
FreakMonster said:
The Queen of England was visiting some of the USA's top hospitals, and during her tours of one of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh my God", said the queen, "that's disgraceful, what's the purpose of this?" The doctor replied, "That man is a body builder who is taking special treatment to build up his testosterone levels after a cycle. As a result his testicles fill up with semen very rapidly. If he doesn't do that 5 times a day, they'll explode, and the man would die instantly." "Oh, I'm sorry", said the Queen. On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex. "Oh my God", said the Queen,
"what's happening in there?" The doctor replied, "same problem, better health plan."


lmao!! fucking classic!!
 
Very good stuff!!!! Karma coming :D
 
Some of these are pretty stupid, but some funny.



Cut from http://www.criticalbench.com/bodybuilderif.htm

You Know You're A Bodybuilder If....


You cut the collars out of all of your workout shirts.


You wear shorts that are tighter than most womens shorts.


All of your workout clothes resemble a zebra for some reason.


You drink more water than a camel in the middle of a drought.


You wear some kind of big utility work boot when you lift.


You know where the best mirror is in the gym that shows your definition.


You tend to do most of your workouts in front of the mirror.


You literally read Bodybuilding magazines cover to cover.


You have face wrinkles from intense grunting and straining that normal people don't have.


You have no idea what supplements to take.


Your monthly supplement bill is more than your monthly mortgage.


If you happen to wake up at 3:00 a.m., you make yourself a protein shake.


You start lifting earlier than the U.S. military even gets out of bed.


You take 30 minutes loading 45 pound plates on the leg press machine when you do legs.


You tend to run instead of sprint, jog instead of run, speed walk instead of jog, walk instead of speed walk, sit instead of walk, lay down instead of sit, nap instead of lay down and sleep instead of nap just to give yourself more rest and recuperation time to grow.


You have more bikini's than your wife or girlfriend.


You can't stop yourself from squeezing a front abdominal shot in the mirror when you are the only one in a public restroom.


You do the above even with people in the restroom and ask them what they think.


Your wife or girlfriend has more body hair than you do.


Your abdominals are super ripped, but for some reason this area is so bloated that it bulges out further than your chest.


You hate 13 page magazine information articles on new supplements.


Eight of your buddies have to sit on top of the leg press machine when you do legs.


Donkey calf raises don't embarrass you anymore.


You prefer black and white photos of yourself instead of color.


You appear in 4 out of 8 major Bodybuilding magazines each month.


You camp out in front of the book store waiting for the new Bodybuilding magazines to hit the shelf.


You know that watching T.V. and eating protein powder won't make your muscles grow.


You own part of a major supplement company or nutrition franchise.


You endorse supplements that you wouldn't even use yourself.


When you were in the military and had to deploy over seas, you packed tons of tuna in your luggage.


Your workout now takes 1 hour or less compared to when you use to lift for 3 hours a day every day.


You know where the best corner of the gym is where the light above you shows off all of your serration's the best.


People stop working out and watch you as you do your dead lifts.


You need 2 spotters when you do squats.


You pose more than 20 times a day in any mirror available.


You boil eggs 3 dozen at a time.


You eat tuna and rice for breakfast.


You have to tan year around.


You listen to punk music on your walkman during your leg and dead lift days.


You have realized and accepted that your "partying" days are now over.
You eat 6 to 9 meals a day.


You know the gram count of every known protein food source on the planet.


A rice cake contains more water in it than you do on the day of your competition.


Even your butt has serration's on it.


Your veins look like a road atlas of the U.S.


Your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend just up and left you one day.


You have thrown up after doing heavy legs.


You dry heave after doing heavy legs.


You REALLY can't straighten out your elbows.


Your triceps sit out at 45 degree angles from resting on your huge lats.


When you hear six-pack, you think of abs instead of beer.


You always have a cooler of food riding shottie in you car.


You have ever missed an event because it would have interferred with your workout schedule.
 
The other day I was talking to this really fine girl at the gym. She looked great. Lots of muscles and low bodyfat. All that. So I was asking how she got to look so good and she says "well to be honest I started taking steroids about a year ago." I said wow - but aren't you afraid of the side effects? And she says that at first she was but the only side effect she's noticed is that she's growing hair in places she's never had before. Naturally I had to ask where. "On my balls." she says.

Badump bump.
 
Dweeb walks up to the Big Guy in the gym.

"Hey, Big Guy, how can I look bigger."

Big Guy sizes dweeb up for a moment, and replies cooly:

"Move to Japan."



--I ripped that off from something, but it gave me a chuckle.
 
good stuff man but that BUNS UP AVATAR has got me distracted...

8162447_F_tn.jpg
 
An older man sidles up to an older woman at a hotel bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. She accepts and after the drink says she has to go. He offers to walk her to her room and she says no.

The next night he sees her there again, buys her a couple drinks, and this time she lets him walk her to her room. He asks for a kiss, sh says no, thats that.

Next night he sees her there again, buys her soem drinks, walks her up, and this time he gets a kiss. He asks if he can come in but no.

The next night all the same stuff happens except she lets him come in. They do the thing consenting adults do.

Afterwards he says, if I'd realized you were a virgin, I wouldn't have been so aggressive.

She says, if I'd realized you could get it up, I would have taken my panty hose off!
 
Lumberg said:
An older man sidles up to an older woman at a hotel bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. She accepts and after the drink says she has to go. He offers to walk her to her room and she says no.

The next night he sees her there again, buys her a couple drinks, and this time she lets him walk her to her room. He asks for a kiss, sh says no, thats that.

Next night he sees her there again, buys her soem drinks, walks her up, and this time he gets a kiss. He asks if he can come in but no.

The next night all the same stuff happens except she lets him come in. They do the thing consenting adults do.

Afterwards he says, if I'd realized you were a virgin, I wouldn't have been so aggressive.

She says, if I'd realized you could get it up, I would have taken my panty hose off!

I don't get it...
 
Lumberg said:


He had to really force it in there cos she was wearing panty hose...causing him to think she was a virgin.....

lol, reminds me of when i was a youngster and would be so anxious for sex I would just pull her panties to one side and go for it

anyone else ever do that?
 
BonerBoy said:


lol, reminds me of when i was a youngster and would be so anxious for sex I would just pull her panties to one side and go for it

anyone else ever do that?

:sperm: :sperm: :sperm:

should be a new elite rule:

no more nice tits in avatars!
that shit turns me on!!
 
BonerBoy said:


lol, reminds me of when i was a youngster and would be so anxious for sex I would just pull her panties to one side and go for it

anyone else ever do that?


hell yeah man, everybody has
 
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