Body image issues and disorders

[nefertiti]

Just wanted to link this thread by tat so it didn't get lost as a resource:

http://www.elitefitness.com/forum/w...g-training/stop-starving-yourself-644219.html

 

[nefertiti]

Beauty Mark

Beauty Mark presents an alarming, infuriating, and at times humorous look at the myriad of forces that shape our perceptions of beauty.

At age 28, Diane Israel stepped down from her career as one of the world’s top women triathletes. Competing since she was 14, her body finally collapsed under the extreme physical pressures required of professional athletes. Though sports had been her life, Diane switched gears, went back to school, and became a psychotherapist.

In her new role, Diane heard a multitude of stories from patients, each more shocking than the last, of the lengths they would go in order to achieve the “perfect body.” To understand this heartfelt desire for physical perfection at any cost, Diane set out to explore the broader context of culture and the business of beauty in America. What she discovers over the course of her journey his frighteningly close to home.

The film follows Diane as she speaks with champion athletes, body builders, fashion models, burn victims, and inner city teens on their experiences and insights relating to self-image. Notable luminaries such as playwright Eve Ensler, author Paul Campos, and cultural critic Naomi Wolf provide commentary. Woven throughout is Diane’s relationship with her family, for whom maintaining the façade of a picture-perfect household mean everything.

 

[nefertiti]

Thanks for taking the time and effort to share that, BM...

 

[shirlene29]

I am 100% body dysmorphic

I have a very serious problem seeing my size for what it actually is in either direction and can't seem to get around it.
A brief hx on me, up until 3 years ago I never never never had a problem with my weight/bf % I had naturally low bf and always above average muscle.
Even then I had a problem with my size. I always felt I was big and awkward but not overweight. I am truly just a thick girl and always will be. I'm 5' 8" and am taller than a lot of women I know. This always made me feel big. My wrists (with prominent bones and tendons) are 7 3/4 inches around. I hate buying watches. The body building set can probably appreciate the aggravation I've always had with womens tops. The sleeves usually rip out on them because my upper arms are large compared to the rest of me.
That was before baby number 3. For some reason with my last daughter besides quitting smoking (weight gain number one but awesome for me and the baby) I decided I would give in to every single whim of a craving. I ate Burger King like they may go under some time soon, finished it off with my two favorite men Ben and Jerry and would frequently eat any low to high end chocolate I could get my hot little hands on. Needless to say, maternity clothes didn't fit me by the time I was 6 months pregnant.

I have spent the last two years working on getting my bodyfat down from 34% to 24% but I still only see the 34% and refuse to buy clothes anywhere but goodwill/savers because "one day I'll be thin again"
Ive ranged from starving myself only to binge, to counting every single macro and calorie to saying fuck it 2 weeks in and binging again.
I'm getting married again in september in hawaii . And though I haven't seen real physical exercise since the army I jumped into p90x after numerous failed attempts at going back to the gym. I can't handle the gym because of the mirrors. I took down every mirror in the house.
I'd love to get below 20% bf again but I just don't know when i'll ever see it again.
I have pcos and some very very weird issues with my thyroid.
I would be thrilled for someone to ask me if I played softball again (a question I was always asked that i used to be insulted by) I'd be thrilled to have the forearms I had when I worked as a mechanic years ago. Hell I'd be happy to be called a dyke again for looking so "butch". But even though everyone tells me I've come a long way, all I see is the woman with little baby in the pictures holding the child up like some sort of shield for pictures.
I sobbed when I saw pictures of myself in my new wedding dress. And truth be told i don't look that bad but I don't recognize the person I am anymore.
I started smoking again last year because I wanted to eat less. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food so dialing in my diet is playing with fire for me.

My old "bloat" days pants fit again but I won't wear em out because it can't be true.
I implore all women to pay attention to their health, not a number on a scale.
I just wish my image of myself would improve so I would be comfortable in my own skin but i dont think that'll ever really happen because when I was tight and buff i was unhappy with not being a skinny fat twig that could wear a size 0.
God help me

 

[LilaWebber4646]

First of all, I want to say thank you for this forum. This is such a great place where we can talk about things that we can't talk about anywhere else. I know I've never been comfortable talking about issues, but having this safe place, I feel like I'm going to start.

When I was 12, I was extremely overweight. I was 5 and a half feet and 165 pounds. Over the course of 10 months (I was 13) , I gained 1 full inch, and was down to 106 pounds. I felt so great and healthy, and had lost all the weight healthily. Before losing the weight, I didn't really have many friends because I had terrible self esteem and would often just sulk alone. My family seemed embarrassed by me, I always felt like a burden to everyone. After losing the weight however, kids in school started talking to me, telling me I was pretty, being super friendly. My family seemed proud of me and I often heard my dad bragging about me to his friends. You would think that all this positive attention would make me feel great and recognize that I was fine the way I was but it didn't. Instead I got this idea in my mind that people would only like me if I was thin, and I didn't see myself as thin anymore. All I wanted was to be accepted. I started counting calories and overexcersising to lose weight. I thought that eating an egg was too many calories so I purged it up. My weight sropped to 98 pounds, whcih was still in the healthy range, but my parents were worried. They started asking me why I was still losing weight and watched me eat at dinner. They didn't know I was purging afterwards. Things slowly started to get better, my weight went back to 102. I know I should be happy, but I can't. I'm 14 now and I still constantly wish to be thinner and go back to those times when everyone was proud of me and loved me for who I was. Now I constantly feel judged and people at school have gone back to their friends, and it feels like nothings changed. All I want is to be accepted, but I still feel like I can't until I'm thinner. I look in the mirror and hate the way I look. I just think that if I was skinnier and prettier people would love me again. I didn't use to feel this way. I wish it would go away. Can anyone give me some advice?

(p.s. I'm sorry for posting in this thread when I'm only 14, and it's more of an adult-like thread, but I thought it could be useful to get some help from those who've been through this. I don't think I have an ED, but I just can't seem to love my body. Thanks.)

 

[cindylou]

sweetie :hug: I can't help with the eating disorder part but just wanted to throw something out there maybe you didn't realize; the only way for things to get better is to stop looking to people outside yourself to feel good about yourself. You can not control what other people think about you but you can control how you feel about yourself. Self confidence is just that self confidence! You don't want to depend on others for your own self-image and confidence. Trust me. That path is the wrong path and it ends up in a bad place. I know you think that you can stay on that path and somehow avoid that destination, but I'm telling you right now that you can't. What path are you on right now? Get on another path that leads to a destination outside of despair and wasted oh so precious time on worthless things.

Being at a healthy weight is one thing and everyone should be healthy but anything outside of that that starts to cause worry is a WASTE of your precious life. Life is too short to even waste a year of it being obsessing about food and your appearance. You are young! Enjoy your life! One day you will be old (and it will be here sooner than you think) and you won't be able to taste food, or be able to exercise. Who cares about people that won't be friends with you because of your appearance! Spend time cultivating relationships with people that love you for who you are. Don't waste your youth. Now is the time to seize the day and enjoy your life, not worrying about things that don't matter in the long run. Life is short. Enjoy it.

 

[jjtt]

I just noticed this thread.
I have a long history of disordered body image and eating. I put myself on my first diet when I was ten, and I wrote it all down in a little notebook. Looking back at it I wonder where I got those ideas. i would list my calorie intake and water intake, and label the day as "good" or "bad". I also began to steal Dexatrim at that time.
The thing is, I was never fat. I'm not fat now- I will probably never be fat or even overwieght.
I just can't then and now seem to see the correct reflection in the mirror. I can see what is correct in photographs though, and it bothers me when I can't see what I really look like in the mirror. All I can see is segments of imperfection. I can never see the whole.
One thing I do know for a fact is that when calories get too restrictive, the brain reacts by getting incredibly obsessive and irrational about food. On a 400 calorie day, food is all you think about, and also your biggest fear. Planning out days in advance of how many exact calories you can have and what foods that involves is a deeply pleasurable experience because I feel virtuous somehow. The actual eating of it is unbearable because it is never enough.
I go back and forth between healthy and disordered eating, and I can only control it ironically by detailed food planning, but just including more variety and more food with no calorie counting.
Lilawebber646- you seem like a very smart young lady, and all I can suggest to you is to find activities and interests that you enjoy and that you feel empowered by. If you do sports, or join some good clubs, you will find that people just enjoy being around friendly people who aren't too hung up on themselves. Good luck to you

 

[Zaes]

Its amazing to read others stories and know that Im not alone ... for me I was always a smaller girl weighing around 120 max as an adult. Growing up I didnt have any eating disorders, but def had an image disorder. I was addicted to working out, and was on every girls team available in h.s (except b-ball). No matter what I did I always felt fat even though in h.s I weighed 107 soaking wet. My step-dad ever since I could remember has always called me fat. So Im sure thats where that comes from. Now after struggling with depression from the loss of my mother, and after having my child I am weighing around 205 at the age of 25. 3 years ago I only weighed 135. Because of my depression I have isolated myself from the outside world and have lost every friend I had. Most moved away and I never even knew they moved until someone else told me, and the others just stopped trying to talk to me since I never returned calls or texts. Nothing I own fits, I have to go around in sweats since I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I have been actively trying to lose the weight for only 1 1/2 weeks now. Ive been unhappy with my weight for a long time but lacked the motivation and energy to try to lose it. Lately, I have been feeling like my husband is less attracted to me (even tho he swears he is still and always tries to tell me I look good), but our sex life has diminished and Im not sure if its because of lack of attraction or just me feeling embarrassed about the way I look. I do feel that no matter how much weight I lose it will never be enough, any time I look in the mirror I will always find something wrong with the way I look. I hate feeling like this. Ive been working on my image by trying to look for positive things instead of negative.

 

[cindylou]

zaes, you need to tackle your depression. I hate to psychoanalyze you but from what it sounds like what you have posted about your step-dad and your weight issues you might want to tackle the emotional and psychological issues as well as the food and physical activity. Children (you) know precisely what is happening when their caretakers don't "love" them the way they ought to be loved. They know something is missing. Next time you eat when you're not hungry or you eat past full, stop for a second and think about what you were thinking when you thought about food. Give it time. Look in the mirror and love yourself. Don't let that inner devious voice tell you any different. That voice is sinister, don't negotiate, associate, or allow it to master you because it wants to destroy you.

Don't be too hard on yourself, I don't know how long ago you had a child but it takes time for everything to get back to normal after you have a kiddo. (I have a 2.5 year old)

 

[steph79]

Hey guys never had an eating disorder I was overweight for my height now a healthy weight completely obsessed with calories tho going to the gym often 2 classes in a row and weighing myself and my food sure this isn't normal!! I don't talk to my family about it because they worry!! I have 3 slim sisters and was basically fed up with being the short fat 1!! I now do eat enough am only 5ft 2 and am maintaining at 109 pounds I went as low as 105 and gained abit back 4 pounds doesn't sound like alot but when you are light it makes the difference between looking healthy and seeing ribs!! I'm aware of what I am eating if I feel I eat too much I beat myself up or up until recently even with the excersize calories ignoring them and going hungry to stay within them without using my excersize calories at all!! I now try and eat a few back never will eat them all back tho because what some app tells you you have burned off is never accurate!! Think I may have finally cracked maintaining my weight but that doesn't stop me from being abit obsessed!! Probably should delete myfitnesspal but not sure if I can do it!!