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Black Jesus is a homeless evangelical street preaching prophet. He has devoted his life to delivering the Lord's blessed word to the social pariahs of Minneapolis, MN's lower east side. In the projects, amidst prostitutes, crack heads, drunks, pimps, and thieves, wearing his signature white terry-cloth robe, Leroy Pontrell Perkins shares his special brand of salvation. "If a man loves God and God loves him hows he is gonna love him less for sharing a brother forty ounce?"
Unlike those of his ilk, Black Jesus does not moralize the word of God and speaks of the joys of life and of the certain vices that can enhance it. Other orthodox evangelical preachers may take issue with Black Jesus's bastardized doctrine, but citing Black Jesus's depraved environment it is only logical he should adapt his methodology to suit it. "They ain't no better than I is, saying I shouldn't be tellin' peoples who Jesus is. If Jesus was very cold one night sitting in a subway terminal by hisself he'd seek the warmth of fortified wines too."
But what has enraged Black Jesus's critics the most is his infamous "Jesus was a Black man" sermon which describes the son of God as a man of carnal satisfaction. Delivered after a two day bender of heavy drinking Black Jesus stepped onto his trash can pulpit with inebriated zeal and set the record straight:
"Many peoples say Jesus was a black man. So it stands to reason that he had need for a round bubble butt and pair of wobbly big brown breasteses. Jesus was a man. Mens have the cravings. Don't give me that saint shee-it. Jesus had the rubber neck when a fine black mamma with an ample breasteses walks by. Jesus is getting a hard bone just like we all does from times to times. I even think Jesus got laid. Yeah, Jesus was a playa. But the girls didn't get pregnant 'cause jesus zapped them asses infertile. He can do that you know. He's ain't gonna bother hisself with the child support. He don't wants to be nobody's baby's daddy. Jesus was a man! Mens loves the big butts, big legs, and the full breast! It's just the way things is. Even Jesus, the son of God, know that."
Amen.
"If a man loves God and God loves him hows he gonna love him less for sharing a brother forty ounce?"
www.templeofblackjesus.com
Man the internet has too much shit on it.
Unlike those of his ilk, Black Jesus does not moralize the word of God and speaks of the joys of life and of the certain vices that can enhance it. Other orthodox evangelical preachers may take issue with Black Jesus's bastardized doctrine, but citing Black Jesus's depraved environment it is only logical he should adapt his methodology to suit it. "They ain't no better than I is, saying I shouldn't be tellin' peoples who Jesus is. If Jesus was very cold one night sitting in a subway terminal by hisself he'd seek the warmth of fortified wines too."
But what has enraged Black Jesus's critics the most is his infamous "Jesus was a Black man" sermon which describes the son of God as a man of carnal satisfaction. Delivered after a two day bender of heavy drinking Black Jesus stepped onto his trash can pulpit with inebriated zeal and set the record straight:
"Many peoples say Jesus was a black man. So it stands to reason that he had need for a round bubble butt and pair of wobbly big brown breasteses. Jesus was a man. Mens have the cravings. Don't give me that saint shee-it. Jesus had the rubber neck when a fine black mamma with an ample breasteses walks by. Jesus is getting a hard bone just like we all does from times to times. I even think Jesus got laid. Yeah, Jesus was a playa. But the girls didn't get pregnant 'cause jesus zapped them asses infertile. He can do that you know. He's ain't gonna bother hisself with the child support. He don't wants to be nobody's baby's daddy. Jesus was a man! Mens loves the big butts, big legs, and the full breast! It's just the way things is. Even Jesus, the son of God, know that."
Amen.
"If a man loves God and God loves him hows he gonna love him less for sharing a brother forty ounce?"
www.templeofblackjesus.com
Man the internet has too much shit on it.
