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Back at The Starting Line, wait where's that?

Dere.Fried32

New member
I've always admired those guys at the gym that had great size AND definition at the gym. Ever since junior high I've promised myself that I'd do what I can to achieve that perfectly proportional muscular definition with almost robotic like endurance and strength.
I started to run sprints on my schools field track, do push ups and sit ups and doing so put me ahead of the curve in football, basketball and baseball. And going into high school I hit the weights hard and it showed. I was the only freshman to letter in football. Not only that but the next year I literally did not come out of a game for one play. I did it all, running back, fullback, linebacker, defensive end, corner, and was even the punter and kicker.
But at the last practice of the week before my last game Bam, fully dislocated shoulder. Found out I need major surgery to repair what was left of my shoulder. My doc said it was the worst he'd seen in sports related injuries for shoulders. Almost almost a 7 month recovery.
I worked my ass off at therapy and slowly hit the weights until I was back where I was. I'm excited to start the next season and I go into summer, football camps. Man I felt pumped, I loved to knock the snot outa the regional teams who came to camp. Then only two weeks in, Bam dislocate my other shoulder (left this time).
Shit, fuck, I remember screaming, I ran to one of my assistant coaches and told him to put it back in. I still wanted to continue camp but my coach yanked me back. I remember the hardship I went through before so I decide to ignore what happened and tell my coach I want to continue the season. But then during two a days I dislocate it again running the ball through a linebacker during practice. My shoulder gives at the easiest little chuck.
I return to my doctor and tells me that my MRI shows near identical injuries as my other shoulder. I'll be honest man I broke down. Sports was my life. I wasn't a very social kid, and I always felt like I was different because of that so I used to distance myself. Football was my way to show who I was, to let my anger, pain and frustrations out. And now it was gone.
I fell into a deep depression cuz I knew I was done with football for good. I got involved with pain pills which were prescribed to me for over two years from both surgeries. I was messed up I resorted to getting high then once in a while as I dropped low off my high is cut myself. Then one night I took about 15 hydro 15 muscle relaxants and a 1/3 a bottle of rum. I didn't care I had hoped it wod kill me. Then I do the dumbest shit ever and decide to drive, I crash hard and stay the night In my car in the middle of a Nebraska winter.
My parents sent me to Omaha to some phyc ward, I was taken by the cops.
Then in the middle of my junior year I get a call, one of my childhood friends I grew up with killed himself. He came to visit me while I was in Omaha in the ward, he talked with me for a while and he helped me improve a bit in my depression.
Fheew what a fun sample of my high scho years right? Anyways I know what you may be thinking "why the fuck is he publicly writing a journal?" It's because exercise saved me from suicide, it's true. After football I didn't do shit for 4 years. I'm now a sophomore in college and about a year ago I started doing p90x. And I got huge and more defined then I've ever been. But recently I've been hit again with a really low thyroid as well as low testosterone and I hadn't worked out in 3 months. P90x was great but it was frickin difficult to maintain everyday.
I was hoping for some advice on what program or methods I could use to get back at it.
Please feel free to give me your advice. Thanks
 
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