I really would like to avoid having to go to a Dr so that my insurance is not aware of such a thing. The anxiety and nausea is what's killing me. I haven't had anxiety this bad since my alcohol problem a few years back.
It all comes down to weakness which I am aware of.
Drugs have always been a way to make life better and I fully admit that. People that have never done drugs have no concept of how much drugs alter your state of mind in everything that you do. Have a shitty day at work, pop a few painkillers and you are happy. Happy to talk to people. Happy to do the boring ass shitty job that pays $8/hr just so that we could have insurance for our daughter while I was in school.
You never think that it can happen to you as the only drug I have ever done that created a problem was alcohol. Maybe that's because I stuck to nonaddictive substances such as weed, acid, X, etc back when I was a kid. We played with painkillers for the passed year with no problems then last week I felt different. I woke with horrible anxiety and the first thing I thought was that I need some painkillers. So I got some from my friend. This happened all last week up until today.
I try to tell myself that I need to lead a more healthy life for not only myself but our daughter also. My wife is in the same boat as I but doesn't consider it such a problem as I think she has been in denial of our substance problems. It seems we're never really happy together or even tell each other how much we care for one another unless we're fucked up. If we're not fucked up, we're arguing. To me that says even though we argue when sober, our true feelings come out when we're fucked up. It's that our insecurities block that when sober.
So here's to a better year