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Any Advise On my Daughter Moving Out.

C

curling

New member
No, she is not moving in with any of ya'll.

I just found out this morning when my wife informed me that she was. Which really pissed me off since she knew about it yesterday and didn't mention it to me at all. Life is getting really weird for me to tell you the truth right now. This mid life thing is kicking me in the ass. I don't feel the same love from my wife as I once did(I am in a deep valley of peaks and valleys of marriage right now) and now my daughter wants to move out. My wife says I don't support our daughter in her decisions but it is hard to support them when I know in my heart they are wrong.

This last boyfriend I told her that was no good for her but she didn't listen and went out with him anyway ended up breaking her heart twice. She would have saved her that pain if she would have just listened. I only want the best for her but maybe that is a part of growing up that you have to learn the hard way. Now, I understand the fustration that God has with us for us being so hard headed and stupid.

Well, I guess I will try to support her in this decision even though I think it is totally moronic since it is soo much cheaper to live at home but heck it will let her see what the world is really like I guess.

The advise I need it on a couple of things:

1. Can I still carry her on my insurance if she moves out?
2. What about the tax consequences as far as her being a dependent(btw she is still going to college that I am paying for)

All this is really upsetting me maybe I should just let go and go totally nuts and go buy a Porshe Cayman
 
Hrrmmmmm...


should I say it..

dare I say it..

maybe I should...

maybe I shoudlnt..




I T O L D Y O U S O !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
give her a couple of boxes of condoms and wish her well.....
 
You can still carry her on your insurance I believe, all depends on how your policy is arranged. You can still claim her as a dependant because you are paying for her school (arent you a CPA?). Remember that you and your wife need to be on the same page and stay unified in your decisions concerning your daughter. Dont cave in and make her understand she has to get a job to support herself. And of course if she doesnt make the grade, you dont pay for school or anything else for that matter.
Tough love sucks.
 
DOnt worry.. if everything works out.. Whiskey is gonna take real good care of her.


She "could" always move in with my wife and I.. we can put er on our insurance hehehheheheheheheh
 
a week ago you were asking advice on whether you should kick her out, now she wants to go
 
superdave said:
You can still carry her on your insurance I believe, all depends on how your policy is arranged. You can still claim her as a dependant because you are paying for her school (arent you a CPA?). Remember that you and your wife need to be on the same page and stay unified in your decisions concerning your daughter. Dont cave in and make her understand she has to get a job to support herself. And of course if she doesnt make the grade, you dont pay for school or anything else for that matter.
Tough love sucks.
Click to expand...

Not a cpa got a degree in accounting but always did corporate accounting no tax work and now I don't do any(accounting) for about 15 years now. Oh and thanks for the advise bor. You got a daughter too don't ya?
 
curling said:
No, she is not moving in with any of ya'll.

I just found out this morning when my wife informed me that she was. Which really pissed me off since she knew about it yesterday and didn't mention it to me at all. Life is getting really weird for me to tell you the truth right now. This mid life thing is kicking me in the ass. I don't feel the same love from my wife as I once did(I am in a deep valley of peaks and valleys of marriage right now) and now my daughter wants to move out. My wife says I don't support our daughter in her decisions but it is hard to support them when I know in my heart they are wrong.

This last boyfriend I told her that was no good for her but she didn't listen and went out with him anyway ended up breaking her heart twice. She would have saved her that pain if she would have just listened. I only want the best for her but maybe that is a part of growing up that you have to learn the hard way. Now, I understand the fustration that God has with us for us being so hard headed and stupid.

Well, I guess I will try to support her in this decision even though I think it is totally moronic since it is soo much cheaper to live at home but heck it will let her see what the world is really like I guess.

The advise I need it on a couple of things:

1. Can I still carry her on my insurance if she moves out?
2. What about the tax consequences as far as her being a dependent(btw she is still going to college that I am paying for)

All this is really upsetting me maybe I should just let go and go totally nuts and go buy a Porshe Cayman
Click to expand...


Yes to both questions!

Now when she turnes 21 it's all over and she is on her own!

As for her moving out..... let her do it,these things are life lessons. Just support her and let her know that you will be there if she falls!
 
curling, you've been hypocritical with her from the start. you've shown her how to ride recklessly, and then get upset when you see her out without protection. You show off the stunts you do in traffic, but get mad when she does. You took away her helmet and she's heard you and your wife go at it, but you don't want her riding without the helmet, on the motorcycle you bought her, or going at it with guys her age...
she has to move out... its too confusing in your house.

I'm sure you mean well and i have no doubt you're a loving dad, but you haven't exactly given her a stable environement.
 
imo...when you cant control someone (and you cant) ...pretending to trust them anyway is the best way to stay close enough to them to help them when they really need it
 
You gotta let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. As long as you are there to give advice and support when she needs it, things will be just fine...Look at it like this ...you have raised her to be a good person and she is more than capable of taking care of herself thanks to your great parenting....right?
 
Tytan said:
You gotta let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. As long as you are there to give advice and support when she needs it, things will be just fine...Look at it like this ...you have raised her to be a good person and she is more than capable of taking care of herself thanks to your great parenting....right?
Click to expand...

I hope dude. I hope. Parenting is tough.
 
you do realize that when most kids move out for the first time, they fail and end up moving back home, atleast once.

let her go and fail. she'll be back when she has to pay for all those bills she never accounted for.
 
stilleto said:
curling, you've been hypocritical with her from the start. you've shown her how to ride recklessly, and then get upset when you see her out without protection. You show off the stunts you do in traffic, but get mad when she does. You took away her helmet and she's heard you and your wife go at it, but you don't want her riding without the helmet, on the motorcycle you bought her, or going at it with guys her age...
she has to move out... its too confusing in your house.

I'm sure you mean well and i have no doubt you're a loving dad, but you haven't exactly given her a stable environement.
Click to expand...

I always wear my helmet when I stunt on the sport bike. And I never took her helmet away(not sure what you are talking about there).

As far as the confusing maybe you're right me and the ole lady aren't getting along to well.
 
superdave said:
You can still carry her on your insurance I believe, all depends on how your policy is arranged. You can still claim her as a dependant because you are paying for her school (arent you a CPA?). Remember that you and your wife need to be on the same page and stay unified in your decisions concerning your daughter. Dont cave in and make her understand she has to get a job to support herself. And of course if she doesnt make the grade, you dont pay for school or anything else for that matter.
Tough love sucks.
Click to expand...
You also have to remember, you can tell her every secret & trick in the world. She ain't gonna learn it, until she earns it, fucks it up, breaks it, buys it, or calves it herself. Experience is the best, & sometimes the only teacher.
 
Give her a lifetime supply of condoms and say. "Don't show up here with no baby."
 
If she is still in school how is she going to pay for her apartment and all that goes with being on her own? If she expects you to pay I say F that tell her you will support her emotionally if she wants to move out but financially only thing you’re paying for is her schooling. If she wants to have her own place she should be paying for it not you. If you spoil you kids half as much as you do your wife you’re in for a world of trouble my friend.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
If she is still in school how is she going to pay for her apartment and all that goes with being on her own? If she expects you to pay I say F that tell her you will support her emotionally if she wants to move out but financially only thing you’re paying for is her schooling. If she wants to have her own place she should be paying for it not you. If you spoil you kids half as much as you do your wife you’re in for a world of trouble my friend.
Click to expand...

Heck no I ain't paying the rent. School and gas(only if she makes A's and B's) is all this dad is paying for.
 
HAHAHA! You're paying for her college? What a load of crap, parents should never pay for thier kids' college. They should earn it on their own merit. Jesus, I'm graduating in the spring with a 3.8gpa and my parents never spent a cent. I'm also going to law school next year on my own merit and dime.
 
Beachbum1546 said:
HAHAHA! You're paying for her college? What a load of crap, parents should never pay for thier kids' college. They should earn it on their own merit. Jesus, I'm graduating in the spring with a 3.8gpa and my parents never spent a cent. I'm also going to law school next year on my own merit and dime.
Click to expand...
Some kids squander the opportunity to go through college paid for by parents, some kids take full advantage of it and get good grades and graduate. The trick is finding out if your kid will piss it away your money or get good grades and graduate on your dime. If you are a parent and you arent sure if your kid will piss it away or make the grade, then dont pay for it and let them prove first.
 
curling said:
Not a cpa got a degree in accounting but always did corporate accounting no tax work and now I don't do any(accounting) for about 15 years now. Oh and thanks for the advise bor. You got a daughter too don't ya?
Click to expand...
Im not even a parent. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
 
let the rope go. Seriously! you provided her a home, didn't you even open up the pool house for her? She donesnt' like authority, which IMO is all cool IF you plan on doing things on your own.

BEEN there, done that. Only thing is when I left, I didn't ask for a thing, and It was the day I turned 17.

You keep giving, she will keep taking, You say no then you make exceptions. There is no firm ground... I honestly think she doesn't understand what its like to do without.

Pay for the school, yes I understand that. But hell on the gas, insurance etc. Let her get school insurance, go to the campus nurse... work to pay her gas, food, rent, utilities, and misc.

SHE wants the independance, GIVE IT TO HER!

Your window of opportunity is now... to teach her what it is like to be responsible, I really wish it would have gone down different. A slower process, but sadly enough it hasn't.

If you do all this, honestly I give her two months before she comes running back home for help and guidance. Then and only then will she be willing to listen and learn about 'real' life.
 
curling said:
No, she is not moving in with any of ya'll.

I just found out this morning when my wife informed me that she was. Which really pissed me off since she knew about it yesterday and didn't mention it to me at all. Life is getting really weird for me to tell you the truth right now. This mid life thing is kicking me in the ass. I don't feel the same love from my wife as I once did(I am in a deep valley of peaks and valleys of marriage right now) and now my daughter wants to move out. My wife says I don't support our daughter in her decisions but it is hard to support them when I know in my heart they are wrong.

This last boyfriend I told her that was no good for her but she didn't listen and went out with him anyway ended up breaking her heart twice. She would have saved her that pain if she would have just listened. I only want the best for her but maybe that is a part of growing up that you have to learn the hard way. Now, I understand the fustration that God has with us for us being so hard headed and stupid.

Well, I guess I will try to support her in this decision even though I think it is totally moronic since it is soo much cheaper to live at home but heck it will let her see what the world is really like I guess.

The advise I need it on a couple of things:

1. Can I still carry her on my insurance if she moves out?
2. What about the tax consequences as far as her being a dependent(btw she is still going to college that I am paying for)

All this is really upsetting me maybe I should just let go and go totally nuts and go buy a Porshe Cayman
Click to expand...


You remind me of my parents...You have to let your daughter fall down and let her pick herself back up and that applies to all things..

If she falls in love and get's her heart broken it's okay..You have to let her fall in love and experience what love is man..It's called living..You have to let your daughter live...

My parents tried to beat me to all my mistakes so I wouldn't make them...I finally got pissed and rebeled like everyone does...A man want's experience all his mistakes, not hear them from someone else...


As I told my parents "let me fall and allow myself to pick myself up on my own with out your help..what doesn't brake you makes you stronger..
 
curling said:
What the heck are you talking about?
Click to expand...
Nevermind, it was a joke from those commercials on TV about people who are able to do things with no experience and attribute the ability to staying at a holiday inn.
 
Do not let her go. She may drown.

Yes, you could let her go and have her learn the hard way, but be real man, the hard way could turn out to be very bad. ANYTHING could happen if your daughter hasn't proven to be an independent in your own home. You never know, within months of leaving the household, she might get pregnant, get involved with drugs, drop interest in her school work, ANYTHING. This time in her life is soooo crucial and she doesn't know it. Her priorities are elsewhere. Remember, many kids at this age want this. They want to be on their own. But remember, rarely do kids no what the NEED. Wants and needs are on opposite ends of the continuum, my friend.

Keep her in your house, even if it means a few tough years of a slightly hostile relationship. I know this because I am going through the same process myself with my own father. Life has never been harder or more stressful. And you know, sometimes I think he's out to get me, but I know my father is not a stupid man, I know there is reasoning behind his actions. The real world is not forgiving and will take you down any chance it gets. He knows this, he is trying to prepare me. Even if my house and life is like one big bootcamp, I know that if I tough it out, I'll be THAT much further than if I decided to skip out the final stage of training in becoming an adult.

In the end, it is your decision what you are going to do. And hers to, a little bit. If she really wants to go, you probably cant stop her, but you CAN influence her decision with regards to her finances...and well, those are pretty much that basis for living life, so if she's not stupid, she'll realize this. Keep your daughter under your roof, rebuild the bond with your wife as you both face a challenge of the final stages of upbringing you child. If you succeed, you never know, the satisfaction of team work might bring your wife and yourself together IN ADDITION to getting your daughter on her own in good fashion. You're life and your family's could become THAT much better if you make this one right decision.

Think this one out long and through. Forget about the porcshe, the porsche will always be there and offers no return. Your daughter, on the other hand, your image of you, may not always be there and she has something to return that many things cannot - love.

S'all, man. S'all.
 
Take her to lunch and just talk. Open up to her about your feelings and emotions. Treat her as an equal. Let her know she is your little girl and it crushes you to see her get hurt. That you now realize you can't always be there to protect her.
As everyone said she is old enough to take care of herself. Let her make her mistakes and correct them. She will most likely come crying to you at first but you have to be strong. You can't always be there to swoop down and save her!
Let go. Watch from a distance. Overall, I bet she will make you proud. There will be mistakes along the way but that is what life is about.
Letting go will allow you to focus on yourself and your wife.
Just talk to her at lunch and tell her everything. Make sure to tell her you are proud of her. Its easy to forget to tell a child that when you are always protecting them.

Okay... for the non gay response now:
- my gf and I have a spare room
- this thread is useless without pictures of her
- racist! just wanted to say that
 
Last edited:
Evil_Frisky said:
SHE wants the independance, GIVE IT TO HER!
Click to expand...

I woudl have to agree with most of the replys that say this essentially.

Make sure you don't give her the candy coated version though. She wants to live somewhere else, make her pay rent. She wants a car, then she pays for it and insurance... etc. Covering school tuition is okay as long as she gets As/Bs or whatever (put a stipulation on it-don't just blindly pay for school)

Unfortunately most kids go through a period where they think they know everything and have to get their ass kicked by the world.

The only thing you don't want to do is to half-ass this. If you are going to teach her a lesson, don't bail her out of any messes she creates. She will only do the same thing again.


You have a chance here to do what too many parents are too pussy to do, and their kids end up paying for it in the long run.
 
Curling, she can move in with me.

Whiskey
 
slat1 said:
Take her to lunch and just talk. Open up to her about your feelings and emotions. Treat her as an equal. Let her know she is your little girl and it crushes you to see her get hurt. That you now realize you can't always be there to protect her.
As everyone said she is old enough to take care of herself. Let her make her mistakes and correct them. She will most likely come crying to you at first but you have to be strong. You can't always be there to swoop down and save her!
Let go. Watch from a distance. Overall, I bet she will make you proud. There will be mistakes along the way but that is what life is about.
Letting go will allow you to focus on yourself and your wife.
Just talk to her at lunch and tell her everything. Make sure to tell her you are proud of her. Its easy to forget to tell a child that when you are always protecting them.

Okay... for the non gay response now:
- my gf and I have a spare room
- this thread is useless without pictures of her
- racist! just wanted to say that
Click to expand...


Thanks and LOL at the last part.
 
StickFigure said:
curling, Whiskey wants a pic of her. He says he has an idea for a pic he'll post up! :chomp:
Click to expand...

Yes, yes I do. :evil:

Whiskey
 
love her unconditionally regardless of what happens. that is the only thing you can do. They all come back sooner or later, trust me. Your words of wisdom means shit to her as she needs to learn on her own, we all do.
 
Beachbum1546 said:
HAHAHA! You're paying for her college? What a load of crap, parents should never pay for thier kids' college. They should earn it on their own merit. Jesus, I'm graduating in the spring with a 3.8gpa and my parents never spent a cent. I'm also going to law school next year on my own merit and dime.
Click to expand...

Lawyers have the highest rates of depression of any profession.

http://www.caribscape.com/baldeosingh/miscellaneous/sober/2005/happy2.html

As far as helping out your kids, I say go for it. When you are old they will help you out, that is what family does. You pay for their education, they pay for your depends and your TiVo so you can record murder she wrote while you watch wheel of fortune.

As for curling's situation, this is more of alearning experience than anything from what it sounds. I doubt she'll be gone forever. Let her learn a little bit of independence but I think she'll come back in a little bit. Just let her know she can come back if things don't work out. However try to make sure she doesn't go deep into debt with student loans. That is a risk with kids today, they can easily get 10k+ in loans a year if they want them.
 
Evil_Frisky said:
If you do all this, honestly I give her two months before she comes running back home for help and guidance. Then and only then will she be willing to listen and learn about 'real' life.
Click to expand...
My daughter moved out when she was 18. She needed her independence, & we couldn't tell her anything, or get her to do anything.
When she moved back home 6 months later after having a perverted landlord, a slob/slut/junkie roommate, & a minimum wage job. She realized she wasn't going to be able to pay for college living like that.
 
...................................................................................
....................................................................................
....................................................................................
What if you die tomorrow?


What will she do then?
Will she be ready?
I you let her go now she can learn how to be on her own.
while you are able to watch from a the side. And best of all
what if she makes it. YES SHE MAY DO FINE.
did you ever think that? Also step to the side and quite focusing on what might happen or what could go wrong. leave that shit behind you could spend your whole life doing that. that is a waste.

U should do like slat1 stated .. Go talk to the girl..
if you dont give her any room to slip or if she thinks you are going to be there to say I told you so. she will not want to be around you. No one wants to hear that.
you should say "ops you feel, are you ok" tell her how you fell once or almost did
so she can identify with you a little. if you are always saying do this or do that.
her image of you is just bothersome .. she is thinking about how you just dont understand her... She needs to know you are like her in some way...
U have to have things in commen . or she may go out do good..
and go on her way.. Hell she could find some rick guy hit the road and put your behind her.

there is also a whole list of good thing that she could get from this that you probaby have not even tried to look at. U are stuck on the bad things..

Give her a Hug and say Ok I am letting you go. U are grown honey I love you. I dont want you to get hurt.. But i trust you. I really do Trust you. Ok.. I know you can do it. Have fun enjoy life.

If you get in trouble let me know.. better yet leave that out dont even let her know you are thinking negative... Just be positive.. and smile.. That is what she needs...

Don't make her feel guilty for wanting her own life.. or you will not be part of it.. ;)
I hope this makes since..
 
curling said:
No, she is not moving in with any of ya'll.

I just found out this morning when my wife informed me that she was. Which really pissed me off since she knew about it yesterday and didn't mention it to me at all. Life is getting really weird for me to tell you the truth right now. This mid life thing is kicking me in the ass. I don't feel the same love from my wife as I once did(I am in a deep valley of peaks and valleys of marriage right now) and now my daughter wants to move out. My wife says I don't support our daughter in her decisions but it is hard to support them when I know in my heart they are wrong.

This last boyfriend I told her that was no good for her but she didn't listen and went out with him anyway ended up breaking her heart twice. She would have saved her that pain if she would have just listened. I only want the best for her but maybe that is a part of growing up that you have to learn the hard way. Now, I understand the fustration that God has with us for us being so hard headed and stupid.

Well, I guess I will try to support her in this decision even though I think it is totally moronic since it is soo much cheaper to live at home but heck it will let her see what the world is really like I guess.

The advise I need it on a couple of things:

1. Can I still carry her on my insurance if she moves out?
2. What about the tax consequences as far as her being a dependent(btw she is still going to college that I am paying for)

All this is really upsetting me maybe I should just let go and go totally nuts and go buy a Porshe Cayman
Click to expand...

Been through this ... so I can offer some advice:

Insurance? If you mean auto, yes. Also health and dental. As long as she is a dependant on your Fed taxes.

You can still take her as a dependant on your taxes as long as she doesn't claim herself. She has no reason to claim herself unless she is earning a lot of money while attending school.

After graduation you have to reevaluate.

You didn't say where she is moving to or with whom.
My daughter was in an apartment with 3 other girls for one year.
After all the infighting and stealing and being hungry, she gladly moved into
a sorority house.

Marriage? Go to counseling and rediscover each other. Buying a sports car, getting a girl friend and other actions will destroy you long term.

You will get through this if you follow the rules and march forward.
 
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