Am I the only one who does this?

[Nathan]

A few times over the years, I began a relationship with a girl in sort of "where is this going to go" territory (i.e. I'm not totally into them or else obviously I'd be like purrrrrrr) and it ended up turning into friendships. Now, in a few cases I knew I wasn't interested right off the bat but thought the girl was funny or whatever so never minded her being around. It was weird at first but then things cooled down and we'd be friends and be able to talk openly and crap. And then at that point I'd be glad I took the time to get to know the person and had some good times with them.

Now, I used to wonder why the hell I'd do that shit since a lot of guys just pork the girls anyways, or will just be rude. I'm just a sucker it ends up. I will let people blab on forever and only smile and nod without being rude - even if they weigh like 400lbs and can't string a sentence together to save their life. I somehow try to find something about what they are saying that I find interesting or I agree with, and if I can't I try to get out of their whilst still being polite. I have my limits like everyone, but I do sometimes feel my limit is probably a little farther out there than it is for most.

If I were to calculate how much time I've wasted with that shit over the years, it'd probably be a lot. What I'm trying to say is that I am going to be an asshole from here on out. No more wasting my time, even if I don't feel like I am wasting it. If I don't feel the need or see an opening to use a person for something, I'm just not going to bother anymore.

 

[H_T_]

nothing is a waste of time, as long as you're paying attention....

 

[alien amp pharm]

 

[calveless wonder]

I know plenty of people like that. It's not a bad thing if you can find the balance. YOu have to be open to listening to people and hearing what they have to say, but if the minute you realize you're wasting your time, walk away or distance yourself or whatever. You just need to make minor adjustments


i'm pretty blunt when it comes to that. i used to be a jerk about it, and very direct but now i'm a little more civil. I still make my intentions clear and i don't really subject myself to people i don't watn to be around. sure it means i'm alone more sometimes, but i rather be by myself than with boring or lame people.

i've dismissed alot of girls or people because of that, but it worked out when i did. being picky and not settling shows you have standards

 

[puddlemonkey]

Speaking of wastes...

 

[alien amp pharm]

bro, don't be an asshole to girls.

Be yourself and do what you feel comfortable with. Not every guy bangs everything with a vagina and two legs.

I realize society deems it cool to bang numerous strange chicks. Remember, a lot of those guys are lying and the few others probably have numerous STD's.

Enjoy life, enjoy yourself. Then what happens with females will flow smoothly.

 

[heatherrae]

I have a hard time with that, too. I will have people try to spend lots of time with me, and I just don't have anything in common with them. Sometimes it is very obvious that they want a romantic relationship and there just is NO chemistry on my side. I have a hard time being rude or making people feel bad in any way. So, I try to find a way to cool it off but still be friendly.

 

[all the whey]

I have a hard time with that, too. I will have people try to spend lots of time with me, and I just don't have anything in common with them. Sometimes it is very obvious that they want a romantic relationship and there just is NO chemistry on my side. I have a hard time being rude or making people feel bad in any way. So, I try to find a way to cool it off but still be friendly.

They don't like you either. You just have a vagina.

 

[calveless wonder]

people think they're being nice by doing that, but in the end it's saving everyone trouble. it may be a temporary sting or feeling of rejection, but ultimately it's the best decision for everybody. leading anybody on is poor character.

it's like a client that strings me a long and is just a shit kicker, and then after 2 weeks of still being on the fence he goes "well....i think im going to go with <xyz>" or just avoids my phone calls altogether. you either want to do business with me, or not.

you either want to be date me or not, it's simple.

 

[the_clockwork]

i hate 400lbs... they can't make sentence... poor grammar... that annoy me...

 

[alien amp pharm]

okay, now that I actually read past the first sentence of the original post I realize my advice made no sense.

Carry on without me soldiers...

 

[Nathan]

Wtf dude?

Yeah, I don't feel like it hurts me really. Mostly it's been around school though I don't really have a choice since I can't very well be a dick or else completely screw myself over with my co-workers. So I duck out of the outside of work get-togethers cause ti's like fucking hell, I deal with you people 40 hours a week, NO MORE. But to them it's their social outlet (no friends outside school) so it's kind of interepreted the wrong way. I think they get it, but still.

And as for the girls, one of them has been pissing me off recently and my buddies put it into perspective which sort of sucks. To me she's a friend but she had a thing for me when we started hanging out. She's a riot and we have lots of mutual friends so I was like whatever, we can chill. But obviously my intentions were clear by never making a move. So this girl texts me and IMs me all the time LET'S GET TOGETHER. So I'm like sure let's do it up - though mostly it's this bullshit with this girl. But she blows me off, and it pisses me off cause I wouldn't do that to a friend, which tells me I'm still that other guy to her and since there isn't much chance of anything happening she's bailing (hopefully I'm wrong). Bitch. It's not like I think she's into me still - it's just more like we're casual friends which is all well and good but in that case shouldn't she message me with the frequency of a casual friend instead of almost daily for fuck sake? And naturally I won't be rude and just ignore her cause I'm an idiot. She's fucking lucky she's funny.

Am I the only one who can separate shit like that? Once you are in the friend zone, you're fucking there. Let it go. Whatever. I've got enough friends it's just sort of like either fuck off or chill. God damn.

 

[Nathan]

people think they're being nice by doing that, but in the end it's saving everyone trouble. it may be a temporary sting or feeling of rejection, but ultimately it's the best decision for everybody. leading anybody on is poor character.

it's like a client that strings me a long and is just a shit kicker, and then after 2 weeks of still being on the fence he goes "well....i think im going to go with <xyz>" or just avoids my phone calls altogether. you either want to do business with me, or not.

you either want to be date me or not, it's simple.

This is very true. And I definitely try to make it clear what I am up for and what I am not. I'm not perfect and I'm sure have fucked this up in the past, but you can always tell. And as for the whole waste shit, there a few girls I'm very glad I didnt' sleep with since I didn't want a relationship with them but did enjoy their company. And because of that I've enjoyed cottage trips with groups of mutual friends, concerts, parties, nights out, meeting other girls I really WAS into through them, etc.

I used to give myself a hard time for it since a lot of my buddies would just bang the girls they weren't really into anyways to get their numbers up (or something - still not clear on why dudes do that), but in retrospect, man alive one of the best decisions I ever made. If nothing else, girls know other girls. And by keeping the descent ones around, you get introduced to other, often hotter descent girls.

 

[calveless wonder]

This is very true. And I definitely try to make it clear what I am up for and what I am not. I'm not perfect and I'm sure have fucked this up in the past, but you can always tell. And as for the whole waste shit, there a few girls I'm very glad I didnt' sleep with since I didn't want a relationship with them but did enjoy their company. And because of that I've enjoyed cottage trips with groups of mutual friends, concerts, parties, nights out, meeting other girls I really WAS into through them, etc.

I used to give myself a hard time for it since a lot of my buddies would just bang the girls they weren't really into anyways to get their numbers up (or something - still not clear on why dudes do that), but in retrospect, man alive one of the best decisions I ever made. If nothing else, girls know other girls. And by keeping the descent ones around, you get introduced to other, often hotter descent girls.

that's true. i give you credit for not banging girls you're not really interested in. i do the same thing, if they turn me off in other ways, i can't be turned on by them physically. i guess i'm kinda like a chick in that way.
my friends used to bust my balls (especially in late high school, early college) because i would reject very attractive girls beacuse i didn't like their personality or they were just fuckin annoying. like i said, it came back in other ways, and usually made the girl want me more (and other girls)
and yes, karma bro. you fuck people over, you manipulate them..you're only harming yourself and burning bridges. chicks always know other chicks, and the cool ones LOVE hooking their guy friends up!@

 

[Nathan]

I'm with you there. I think it just took a few years to actually start enjoying the perks of not being a dirtbag. I'm not going to lie to you, I wasn't so good that I didnt' sleep with girls I found annoying. There have been a few times...unfortunately a good chunk of my list....that it was a purely physical attraction and I knew after the sex I was going to be done with it. BUT I was pretty honest about it usually. And not only that, but there are a lot more attractvie retards out there than there are attractive non-retards. Maybe that is just my impression but yeah.

 

[jerkbox]

i'm much too polite with people....though, over the years, my patience has worn thin...i've learned to let people know i'm not interested in whatever it may be, with a little tact.

 

[heavy_duty]

I'm hearing all this shit and reminds me of my younger days.
I think I missed out of banging about 25 more chicks than I did because of this.

Yah you get the pussy but just not as much as the assholes!

 

[Nathan]

I'm hearing all this shit and reminds me of my younger days.
I think I missed out of banging about 25 more chicks than I did because of this.

Yah you get the pussy but just not as much as the assholes!

See, girls will let certain things go if they're really attracted to you, but I like having a descent rep (at least from my perspective). And not only that, but I generally don't say no to the ones I'm really into or really atracted to - I've been powerfully shallow for a while now. I'd say I have friends who have been with more girls, but not typically more girls I actually found really hot. Like, I was attracted to every girl on my list. The one I would say I was the least attracted to I found cute and she'd get hit on in the gym and crap in front of me but I wasn't like whoa I'm way into this girl. That was a mistake too since she ended up basically breaking into my house uninvited and threw herself on top of me while I was watching tv in bed I HAVE TO BE WITH YOU I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. Pretty sure I undershot with that one. I mean, who does that shit? Still, the story makes me sound like an all-star so I'll tell it. I'm awesome in bed, just in case there's any confusion here.

 

[LuluDeren]

Honestly, no need to beat yourself up over being compassionate, or having a conscience.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Honestly, no need to beat yourself up over being compassionate, or having a conscience.

What she said, but minimizing your time with people that you really dont like (even as friends... WTF was up with that one broad who was up in your shit, begs you to hang out and then blows you off? Male or female, that broad is WHACK.) is in your best interest.

I would rather be alone or spend time with a good friend or family than to feel like I am trapped socializing with someone of either gender just because I dont know how to feel like I am being mean for not wanting to hang with them.

Does that make sense?

I can not tell you how many dates I had been on that should have been over after, "Hello." but continued on for what seemed like YEARS because I didn't know how to interrupt or just not go out for fear of hurting the dude's feelings.

Thank goodness I dont have to date anymore.

But seriously, why do you feel that your feelings and free time are so much less valuable than those of someone else?

You seem like a really sweet guy but you need to *stand up for yourself* a bit. Remember, YOUR TIME is your most precious commodity for you can NEVER get it back once its gone.

 

[Nathan]

What she said, but minimizing your time with people that you really dont like (even as friends... WTF was up with that one broad who was up in your shit, begs you to hang out and then blows you off? Male or female, that broad is WHACK.) is in your best interest.

I would rather be alone or spend time with a good friend or family than to feel like I am trapped socializing with someone of either gender just because I dont know how to feel like I am being mean for not wanting to hang with them.

Does that make sense?

I can not tell you how many dates I had been on that should have been over after, "Hello." but continued on for what seemed like YEARS because I didn't know how to interrupt or just not go out for fear of hurting the dude's feelings.

Thank goodness I dont have to date anymore.

But seriously, why do you feel that your feelings and free time are so much less valuable than those of someone else?

You seem like a really sweet guy but you need to *stand up for yourself* a bit. Remember, YOUR TIME is your most precious commodity for you can NEVER get it back once its gone.

She's a nice girl but she gets me into trouble. Like, she dated a guy I'm sort of friends with (dude has been mega nice to me) a long ass time ago and she doesnt' hide the fact she's sweet on me (or whatever) so things have always been slightly weird between him and I because I think he thinks I boned her or some shit and their still talk I gather. Plus, she leaves me facebook messages that really make it look like I've slept with her. Who jokes around about that shit? I fucking have to explain that shit to other girls I AM dating. It hasn't hurt me yet thank christ but man alive if it did, I'd fucking kill her.

Whatever, apart from the bullshit, she's a cool girl and makes me laugh so I'm not gonna be rude. I don't message her much unless I feel bad for not responding for a while, so I guess I'll just keep going with that only minus the feeling bad part.

 

[Bikini Mod]

She's a nice girl but she gets me into trouble. Like, she dated a guy I'm sort of friends with (dude has been mega nice to me) a long ass time ago and she doesnt' hide the fact she's sweet on me (or whatever) so things have always been slightly weird between him and I because I think he thinks I boned her or some shit and their still talk I gather. Plus, she leaves me facebook messages that really make it look like I've slept with her. Who jokes around about that shit? I fucking have to explain that shit to other girls I AM dating. It hasn't hurt me yet thank christ but man alive if it did, I'd fucking kill her.

Whatever, apart from the bullshit, she's a cool girl and makes me laugh so I'm not gonna be rude. I don't message her much unless I feel bad for not responding for a while, so I guess I'll just keep going with that only minus the feeling bad part.

You are WAAAAAAAYYYY too nice.

Surely there are other women out there that are equally funny and who would treat you far more respectfully as their friend?

 

[Nathan]

You are WAAAAAAAYYYY too nice.

Surely there are other women out there that are equally funny and who would treat you far more respectfully as their friend?

Yeah, I've got some of them too. I see this girl like once a month, if that. It's not a tight friendship at all, but we do have mutual friends - she went to high school with a couple buddies. You're right actually, it is lacking in respect. I never thought of it like that - when you're a dude I guess respect stuff doesn't factor in as much. Or something like that. Merci.

 

[heavy_duty]

lol man I love being married.

 

[habitualhealth]

Be yourself and do what you feel comfortable with. Not every guy bangs everything with a vagina and two legs.

we all know you're more of a dingdong with two legs, kinda man.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Yeah, I've got some of them too. I see this girl like once a month, if that. It's not a tight friendship at all, but we do have mutual friends - she went to high school with a couple buddies. You're right actually, it is lacking in respect. I never thought of it like that - when you're a dude I guess respect stuff doesn't factor in as much. Or something like that. Merci.

No trouble at all.

My pleasure actually... too many of us *really nice people* allow ourselves to get steamrolled because we are afraid to hurt other peoples' feelings. When put within the framework of those peeps DISRESPECTING our good nature and taking advantage of us, suddenly we don't feel so bad!

Whether a friend has a vag or not is irrelevant. I told my 13 y/o daughter tonite on the phone that ANYONE regardless of whether they are male/female bf or *just friend* does NOT care about you if they treat you disrespectfully. I don't care what their other redeeming qualities might be. Everything begins (and should end) with respect.

And heavy_duty we echo your sentiments!