Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
GoldenDelicious
New member
As some of you know, Im currently in Darwin working for my family building company doing all sorts of insane shit like shovelling dirt painting walls and fixing gardens. Everyone thinks Im just a really nice guy for doing it, but really, I just want an excuse to walk around shirtless, work on my tan, and spontaneously drink a whole can of Diet Coke in front of drooling secretaries like in the Diet Coke ads. I even wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and look at the can like its really a perfect set of tits, with a big shit eating grin, just for effect.
Anyway, back to me nearly dying.
So Im driving along in my massive four wheel drive landcruiser (old skool manly mans car, sooooo doesnt suit me as I listen to Spice Girls on my Ipod driving along bopping my head A Night at the Roxbury Style) towing a trailer made in about 1976 that has about a tonne of sand in it.
Anyway, I was probably at the chorus of "Viva Forever, Ill Be Waiting" singing and I hear this massive BOOOOM!!!! GGGRRRGRGRRRRR!!!! from the trailer (meanwhile, Im driving at 90km/hr) and the car starts to sway from side to side, and I had "That Feeling" - the feeling you get when you KNOW shit is about to go bad
Isnt it funny that when you get "That Feeling", you sort of go into automatic, and part of you just kind of observes you doing whatever it is youre doing while you actually do it?
So time slowed down, and while my physical body wrestled with controlling the car as it went from side to side with the trailer full of sand fishtailing along with fucking giant sparks flying and bits of the trailer falling off like debris from the tail of a comet, and I noticed something very strange - the wheel of the trailer had come off, and was bouncing along, at 90km/hr, on the footpath next to the road. Its bouncing and just going "doong doong doong" as it bounced
Who the fuck notices this shit while theyre about to roll their car and get splattered everywhere while fucking Spice Girls play in the background?
And not just that, my idiot brain said to me, in a goofy voice like the character Krunk in The Emperors New Groove, "Heeeyyy. The wheel is bouncing along on the footpath. hehe. Look, you can see it spinning. hehe."
BRAIN, WE'RE GOING TO DIE, GET BACK ON THE JOB DAMMIT!!!
So cut a long story short, I control the car and everything comes to a stop (including the wheel, which hit a fence) and I get out of the car to inspect the damage.
Anyway some of you who know me know that, without ego, Im the coolest guy in the world under pressure. The world could be ending and Id probably make a comment about not having to pay my parking ticket after all, cos everyone at the parking ticket office is going to be dead. I think I even changed the song on my ipod as I unbuckled my seatbelt - and this guy who was walking his dog comes up to me and says "HOLY SHIT MATE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?!?"
So I look back down the road at the trail of destruction/massive groove in the bitumen/bits of trailer scattered around/smell of hot metal and im like "yeah. fuckin thing, now I have to fix it and my dad is going to whinge that I didnt get enough work done" and this guy looks at me like Im a fucking alien.
Silly people. why get all upset about such little things. Death and destruction, I can handle. My dad finding yet ANOTHER excuse to complain...fuck that, send me to Guatanamo or something
Anyway once again Golden survives to eat belgian chocolates and drink coffee on EF hahaaaaaaaaa!!! wooooooo!!!
(thats my latest blog entry. good eh
)
Anyway, back to me nearly dying.
So Im driving along in my massive four wheel drive landcruiser (old skool manly mans car, sooooo doesnt suit me as I listen to Spice Girls on my Ipod driving along bopping my head A Night at the Roxbury Style) towing a trailer made in about 1976 that has about a tonne of sand in it.
Anyway, I was probably at the chorus of "Viva Forever, Ill Be Waiting" singing and I hear this massive BOOOOM!!!! GGGRRRGRGRRRRR!!!! from the trailer (meanwhile, Im driving at 90km/hr) and the car starts to sway from side to side, and I had "That Feeling" - the feeling you get when you KNOW shit is about to go bad
Isnt it funny that when you get "That Feeling", you sort of go into automatic, and part of you just kind of observes you doing whatever it is youre doing while you actually do it?
So time slowed down, and while my physical body wrestled with controlling the car as it went from side to side with the trailer full of sand fishtailing along with fucking giant sparks flying and bits of the trailer falling off like debris from the tail of a comet, and I noticed something very strange - the wheel of the trailer had come off, and was bouncing along, at 90km/hr, on the footpath next to the road. Its bouncing and just going "doong doong doong" as it bounced
Who the fuck notices this shit while theyre about to roll their car and get splattered everywhere while fucking Spice Girls play in the background?
And not just that, my idiot brain said to me, in a goofy voice like the character Krunk in The Emperors New Groove, "Heeeyyy. The wheel is bouncing along on the footpath. hehe. Look, you can see it spinning. hehe."
BRAIN, WE'RE GOING TO DIE, GET BACK ON THE JOB DAMMIT!!!
So cut a long story short, I control the car and everything comes to a stop (including the wheel, which hit a fence) and I get out of the car to inspect the damage.
Anyway some of you who know me know that, without ego, Im the coolest guy in the world under pressure. The world could be ending and Id probably make a comment about not having to pay my parking ticket after all, cos everyone at the parking ticket office is going to be dead. I think I even changed the song on my ipod as I unbuckled my seatbelt - and this guy who was walking his dog comes up to me and says "HOLY SHIT MATE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!?!?"
So I look back down the road at the trail of destruction/massive groove in the bitumen/bits of trailer scattered around/smell of hot metal and im like "yeah. fuckin thing, now I have to fix it and my dad is going to whinge that I didnt get enough work done" and this guy looks at me like Im a fucking alien.
Silly people. why get all upset about such little things. Death and destruction, I can handle. My dad finding yet ANOTHER excuse to complain...fuck that, send me to Guatanamo or something
Anyway once again Golden survives to eat belgian chocolates and drink coffee on EF hahaaaaaaaaa!!! wooooooo!!!
(thats my latest blog entry. good eh
)
now im anxious, wheres ma xannies
