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Adultery, what's your opinion?
- Thread starter big4life
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heatherrae
Guest
Is anyone pro-adultery? That just sucks. Also dating someone who is married when you are not married sucks too.
That is a tough call. I've been put in some rough spots before because of this, I have had a friend in a relationship who has cheated.big4life said:
I never condoned or encouraged the behavior, but would it mean they could no longer be my friend? No. No one is perfect, and people are going to do things that I don't agree with. I don't believe it is my job to judge people in that way.
Is adultery wrong if the person being cheated on never finds out? What they don't know doesn't hurt right?
Lestat said:
I think that even if the other person didn't know that it would cause harm to the relationship. There is no way it couldn't, unless the person committing adultery was a very cold person, or didn't care about their spouse in the first place.
Which brings up the character issue again. How can you stay married to, and be intimate with someone on a daily basis when you care so little about them that you will go from one person's bed to another?
StickFigure
New member
One of the worst things one person could do to another. It is the worst pain I know and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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heatherrae
Guest
Yes, the person who made the vow is ultimately responsible to their partner. That is why if a man cheated on me, I wouldn't confront the woman. She didn't make a vow to me. However, these women suck because not only are they harming the wife, but they are also harming the stability of the husband. They are doing no one any favors.
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heatherrae
Guest
Who me? are we enemies. I didn't know...lol.curling said:
StickFigure
New member
HeatherRae said:
I'm pretty sure he said LIAR........uummm, wait, is there a difference?
I keed I keed!!
well to me, its just about the lying aspect of it.big4life said:
Sex is sex, it means a whole hell of a lot to some, and it means very little to others. Its PEOPLE who choose to place great importance and significance on fucking. I don't get it personally. Why is a massage ok but a blowjob is not? its people giving people physical pleasure. Of course there are health issues to be concerned with, and those are major. But I think two people can be deeply in love with each other yet still want to fuck other people.
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heatherrae
Guest
xxxooo ;-)StickFigure said:I'm pretty sure he said LIAR........uummm, wait, is there a difference?
I keed I keed!!
StickFigure
New member
HeatherRae said:
Longhorn85
New member
SublimeZM said:
Are you sure about that? If a one-time discretion occurs should it cause pain in an otherwise healthy marriage? Is it worth breaking up a family? Breaking the hearts of children who look up to their parent?
I think it would be better to keep the secret, seek forgiveness from God and move on with your life.
Then stop fucking around.
The sacred bond of trust, love, etc that is marriage is fatally compromised and should be annulled. If someone's the cheating type (and yes it's something to be consciously aware of) you shouldn't get married.
Lestat said:
Yeah but the acting on it part is where things go wrong.
Put it this way- a kid from a broken family or even a shakey family bond is much more likely to cheat in his/her own relationships. What does this say about the importance of a strong family unit? This goes for other things as well.
Longhorn85
New member
hanselthecaretaker said:
The concept of annullment tickles me.
"Okay, let's all pretend this never happened." Poof! We're single again!
Being an adultress from both sides of the isle, sometimes you get caught up in the moment. Married woman is hot and you are together and things happen. you say sorry and move on, or you say I'll see you next year, same time same place.
Other end is spouse is never around, never takin care of you. situations arrise and you go with the flow. But the flow takes you to the BR. Tell me you can say NO. Tell me you have the strength when alone all the time, you will say NO. Everyone has needs and when someone else fills that need, you go with it. Typically it is the end of the "married" relation. But you have found someone else that will be with you and fulfills your needs, hopefully beyond the physical aspects.
Other end is spouse is never around, never takin care of you. situations arrise and you go with the flow. But the flow takes you to the BR. Tell me you can say NO. Tell me you have the strength when alone all the time, you will say NO. Everyone has needs and when someone else fills that need, you go with it. Typically it is the end of the "married" relation. But you have found someone else that will be with you and fulfills your needs, hopefully beyond the physical aspects.
Longhorn85
New member
SublimeZM said:
...but if you didn't know you'd continue to live on happily married. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.
digimon7068
New member
If you stick your penis in another woman's vagina and then go home and stick it in your wife's mouth, you'll get a front row seat in hell. 
If you like to travel first class where ever you go, then I suppose it's a good move.
If you like to travel first class where ever you go, then I suppose it's a good move.
dutchman063
Active member
people who feel the need to cheat shouldnt be married in the first place and if you need to cheat after you're married then just get a divorce...actually there is no reason for anyone to get married anymore unless they want to raise a family...and really... what do men have to gain by bein married that they cant get by bein single?
Longhorn85
New member
dutchman063 said:
If the majority of men took your selfish approach to marriage and family our society would crumble.
dutchman063
Active member
Longhorn85 said:
so what does a man benefit by bein married that he cant get by bein single?.. unless he wants kids
Longhorn85
New member
dutchman063 said:
I guess you really don't know, maybe your Dad set a bad example for you.
First of all, everything worth doing in life isn't necessarily about "what you can get".
Stable families produce good citizens. Children benefit when raised in a two parent family (not just shacking up). Our economy is strenthened by the traditional family. Married men tend to be more responsible, more reliable, more productive, happier.
If you have skills, talents, experience and resources, these are gifts that can be passed on to a next generation who hopefully will do better than we did.
I loved being single and I'm not hatin' on anyone who is. If my goal in life was simply to nab as much different types of pussy out there, I would still be that way.
dutchman063
Active member
well since you obviously couldnt answer my question we'll leave it at that..oh and i previously said that having kids is a good reason and the only one btw to get married
Longhorn85
New member
dutchman063 said:
Apparently your Pop didn't teach you much about reading comprehension either.
dutchman063
Active member
Longhorn85 said:
well since i went back and corrected myself prior to your post..whats next? mamma jokes?
PBR
New member
LH85- you make some good points here and your opinions support common inerests. However, the "STABLE" american family is dwindling rapidly. take any given neighborhood and 3 out of every 7 households have a serious domestic problem of some nature. the divorce rate among married couples is well over 50% to say the least. Cost of raising a child and or family is outrageous. Not to mention what a pitiful world this has become, and to bring a new life into it- takes alot of resources and planning.Longhorn85 said:
Marraige and children are not for everyone, even tho alot of people think its a "duty" of theirs. Societies pressures and stresses are not well handled by everyone.
Single life may be just a personal choice...some feel they are better equiped at being single. Some dont want to take the risk of being in a failed marraige and having kids strung along for the next 18+ years, alimoney, child support, court battles, etc etc. examples set forth by other family members or friends.
Selfish is thinking of yourself and not being responsible for your actions when it affects others. Not taking a "plunge" is not being selfish...Selfish is not thinking things thru and having others suffer the consequences you have set in motion.
Each one of us has our own personal needs and requirements...they are "ours" alone, and do not need to be validated.
Sassy69
New member
PBR said:
*edit for clarity .... sorry to PBR if anyone thought he was saying it is easily forgotte*
Agree 1000%. Those things that are betrayal of the most fundmental experience & commitment w/ another person stab the deepest and will also make you feel like that person took a part of you, ripped it out & set fire to, and laughed while watching it smolder.
If it can be forgiven & easily forgetten, then what is the point of making the commitment? It has no meaning.
If you are not happy in your relationship, then fucking cut it off. Tie up your loose ends and be done with it before you go & get a 3rd party involved. It is particularly interesting in how the SO is the one who is usually the most taken for granted when this is also the greatest commitment you can get from someone. Sure maybe you can get away with it, but it's not something I'd be proud of. It's just one symptom of a relationship that is on its way to the dumper anyway in one way or another.
I guess I couldn't stand in judgement of a friend who did that because various things lead to it (not necessarily forgiveable, but sometimes understandable), but the fact that something led up to the situation indicates that the person should've dealt w/ that something first before involving other people. Its disrespectful on so many levels and just complicates things for so many people when just a little bit of forethought and responsibility coudl've handled things better.
It is part of human nature, but the mind & spirit are the things that got us out of the trees flinging poo at each other.
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heatherrae
Guest
hehehe...good one.digimon7068 said:If you stick your penis in another woman's vagina and then go home and stick it in your wife's mouth, you'll get a front row seat in hell.
If you like to travel first class where ever you go, then I suppose it's a good move.
you very much. 
Put it this way, don't pass judgement until you've walked in another (wo)man's shoes.
Committing adultery doesn't always make a person right or wrong, it can mean they're stupid or caught up in something and can't clearly see the way out. Never forget, you don't necessarily know what's going on in their marriage. The money involved, child support, custody, real estate ... there's a lot to give up and if you think it's easy to start over again, guess what, IT AIN'T.
People commit to honor their spouses, but what about when the spouse doesn't honor them? Maybe not in the fidelity department, but what about repeated lying, abuse, manipulation?
Generally speaking, two people don't get married thinking, "oooh, man, I can't wait to screw him/her over," (we're talking average citizens here, average income, average people). No, they get married and want to make a life together, but it's amazing the pure, unadulterated SHITsome people will put their spouse through, trying to grind this person down emotionally just to make themselves feel better.
Frankly, it IS possible to be married to someone who treats you like shit and makes you feel utterly undesirable ... but financial obligations force you to stay in a misable marriage until you find a break somewhere. Saying, "Well, just get a divorce," yeah, that's easy, until you hear your spouse saying, "I'll fucking quit my job you bitch, you try to get child support from me if I'm not employed, you'll lose the fucking house and you're credit rating will be destroyed." No, then that means you have to wait on the divorce until you find a job that will allow you to pay the mortgage whether he pays child support or not *sigh*
Just ... have a heart, that's all I'm saying ... you don't know all the sides of the story until you live it.
Committing adultery doesn't always make a person right or wrong, it can mean they're stupid or caught up in something and can't clearly see the way out. Never forget, you don't necessarily know what's going on in their marriage. The money involved, child support, custody, real estate ... there's a lot to give up and if you think it's easy to start over again, guess what, IT AIN'T.
People commit to honor their spouses, but what about when the spouse doesn't honor them? Maybe not in the fidelity department, but what about repeated lying, abuse, manipulation?
Generally speaking, two people don't get married thinking, "oooh, man, I can't wait to screw him/her over," (we're talking average citizens here, average income, average people). No, they get married and want to make a life together, but it's amazing the pure, unadulterated SHITsome people will put their spouse through, trying to grind this person down emotionally just to make themselves feel better.
Frankly, it IS possible to be married to someone who treats you like shit and makes you feel utterly undesirable ... but financial obligations force you to stay in a misable marriage until you find a break somewhere. Saying, "Well, just get a divorce," yeah, that's easy, until you hear your spouse saying, "I'll fucking quit my job you bitch, you try to get child support from me if I'm not employed, you'll lose the fucking house and you're credit rating will be destroyed." No, then that means you have to wait on the divorce until you find a job that will allow you to pay the mortgage whether he pays child support or not *sigh*
Just ... have a heart, that's all I'm saying ... you don't know all the sides of the story until you live it.
My ex made me feel like I was ... inadequate, undesirable, inferior ... never GOOD enough. It's hard to live with that year in and year out.PBR said:
We married for the wrong reasons, he was attracted to the IMAGE of me, and I was in love with the person he LED me to believe he was. The reality is, the person I REALLY was (in my head) totally turned him off, he wanted me to be someone that I wasn't and could never be. Instead of calling it quits he hung on, because I was his possession, like his comic books or video games.
Being loved by a man who loved me FOR ME is what gave me the courage to change the situation and the realization that I was worthy of respect, if that makes sense.PBR said:
My adulterous relationship gave me the courage and motivation to get OUT of a TRULY vile marriage. I got hungry to feel GOOD, DECENT, LOVABLE, and RESPECTABLE all the time.
I editted.
Sassy69
New member
musclemom said:
This is why I can't say I could stand in judgement because I don't know all the details - but if you stray or seek emotional support from someone else & it comes out, does it make anything better? I guess w/ the caveat of WHERE POSSIBLE, tie up your loose ends, close off one relationship before involving others.
JarheadChiro
New member
I had an X-wife who left me for another guy...
While I was of fighting in Desert Storm 1.
Nothing makes me more upset...
I have left movies because of it.
While I was of fighting in Desert Storm 1.
Nothing makes me more upset...
I have left movies because of it.
fistfullofsteel
Well-known member
2dagym said:
.....
coldblue1955
New member
it is forbidden! Stay clean!big4life said:
I
Introspective
Guest
big4life said:
If it's female and moves hit it.
AinteasybeingDiesie
Banned
I'll say my famous line - for every hot chick there is someone sick of fuckin her! - but if you cant commit you shouldnt. If you are with a chick dont fuck around behind her back - dump her and get an upgrade - I said it before & I'll say it again - the ass is always leaner on the other side! being in a relationship has its ups & downs & being single has many girls going up & down - decide what you want -
but you cant have your cake & eat her freind too!
but you cant have your cake & eat her freind too!
javaguru
Banned
I was raised to believe the female was more honorable when it comes to infidelity; It isn't the case. What I have discovered that most women have another guy lined up BEFORE they end the relationship. It isn't outright cheating but it's borderline because you are diverting your emotional attention prematurely. Of course, the new guy is talking her out of the relationship all along; It's tough in the dating world.
Longhorn85
New member
PBR said:
The family unit is weakened in America at our collective peril. What we needn't do is give up on it. That is why legislation such as tax policy encourage those who are raising children. One reason the divorce rate is so high is because of the "no fault" divorce. You make a committment, and then one day you wake up and the Cheerios are soggy, so you end it, regardless of how it affects others.
You say the cost of raising a child is outrageous. What do you base this judgement on? Experience or hearsay? Today's parents and children live in an economy that provides tools and services yesterday's mom's could only have dreamed of: the internet, cell phones, nutritional standards, car seat safety standards, powdered formula, WIC, breast pumps, low unemployment, etc.
A parent who raised a child during the Great Depression or a black family who raised child in the 1960s might take issue with your contention of how tough it is these days.
I think it is terrible. Do I hold anything against people who have commited it? Definitaly NOPE, not a thing! People make mistakes.Infact I am more apt to hold some thing against some one who cannot forgive more so than some one who commited the offense.big4life said:
PBR
New member
Longhorn85 said:
This is a very BIG topic and could go into much depth: Right now im not provoked enough to do so...(I'll skim the surface for now).
my comment is based on experience...yeah our "system" is great and wonderful for raising a family and supporting marraige....
(if it was we would not see the on-going failures day after day in our society). As far as taxes go?????....all it does is put you into a higher bracket- that you end up having to file seperately...single mothers actually get screwed upon getting married if they are employed.... we do have tools and access to alot of information that we did not have at one time...however, extremely overcrowded schools are nothing more than babysitting services..in so cal- our public schools are jammed with illegal aliens from Mexico as is our Doctor's offices...(been to the Docs or hospital lately??)...look around in the waiting rooms...check out ER.
Our Public Education system is a joke....
Our private school sector is overcrowded also, most have waiting lists...
What is your Medical Insurance Premiums for a family????
You have a teenage driver???
If you dont have alot of money to raise a kid- get him/her into Private school from day one- they will have a very tough time making it later on.
Wal- Mart and Mc Donalds are not options IMO...
drive to any public school and take a look around in the parking lots...What kinds of cars do you see students driving?????...what kinds of clothes do you see them wearing???....this could go on and on....
All im saying is: Its not a cheap ride to raise a kid now days-there are alot of risk factors that were never present before ....and there is little margin for error on the part of the parents....Basing/arguing a correlation between the 1960's and Present time is irrelevant...Population Increase alone has negatively impacted the American family as we once knew it.
Ive been married before bro- it was the best years of my life. Im single now and will most likely stay that way- as i see no reason to start over again...thats my choice. ( I could not afford another Divorce) and mine was very cheap and had no issues or attorneys....
Longhorn85
New member
PBR said:...single mothers actually get screwed upon getting married if they are employed.... (you mean they have to come off of welfare and live off family earnings? Yes. Also working is their choice. I know of many single income familes, including my own)
been to the Docs or hospital lately??)...look around in the waiting rooms...check out ER.
Our Public Education system is a joke....(My oldest is graduating this month from a public HS and was accepted to 6 of 7 schools she applied to, and will attend a private Univ on scholarship)
What is your Medical Insurance Premiums for a family???? (Great plan with my employer, which is one reason I chose and stay with that employer. Solution: make yourself marketable and choose your employer carefully)
You have a teenage driver??? (Yes, and I pay her insurance and bought her car)
If you dont have alot of money to raise a kid- get him/her into Private school from day one- they will have a very tough time making it later on. (see above)
Bottom line is you are speaking not of what you know, but of what you hear and fear, and you are incorrect.
javaguru
Banned
I agree, it's the emotional betrayal that hurts me most. I made the post about women lining up a new relationship before ending a current one and I do consider it a betrayal of the relationship. I have usually taken a month to myself to work through issues before starting a new relationship.HiDnGoD said:
Sassy69
New member
I think everyone has experienced something akin to an adulterous experience - meaning either they've been screwed around on or screwed around on. Every situation has its own context, but dividing line is when you've made a commitment & somethign happens that makes you want to break that commitment. My optimal answer would be to please be clear about disengaging from the commitment if you feel that you are going to betray it anyway.
Blah... its a tough one and rarely do people not get hurt. But that's where you would hope that you are really honest with yourself and your partner & they vice versa about taking that step into the commitment. I'm not married, never been married, came close a few times. So I guess I can sit here & be a bit more philosophical about it - but I have backed away from situations that didn't feel right. Maybe they woudl've worked out, maybe not. But that commitment to me, is one I'd like to make once in my life and make it the right one. So I try to keep those "rules of thumb" about me -- end a relaionship if it isn't right for me / him, move on, whatever -- when you dont' have the full-on commitment you do have that freedom. When you make the commitment, don't make it blindly or w/o a lot of thought and make it w/ the intention of making it grow & flourish. But just like a friendship - if it doesn't contribute positively to you as a person, its not a good decision. Move on.
(Don't you love preachy, non-specific rules to live by...?)
Blah... its a tough one and rarely do people not get hurt. But that's where you would hope that you are really honest with yourself and your partner & they vice versa about taking that step into the commitment. I'm not married, never been married, came close a few times. So I guess I can sit here & be a bit more philosophical about it - but I have backed away from situations that didn't feel right. Maybe they woudl've worked out, maybe not. But that commitment to me, is one I'd like to make once in my life and make it the right one. So I try to keep those "rules of thumb" about me -- end a relaionship if it isn't right for me / him, move on, whatever -- when you dont' have the full-on commitment you do have that freedom. When you make the commitment, don't make it blindly or w/o a lot of thought and make it w/ the intention of making it grow & flourish. But just like a friendship - if it doesn't contribute positively to you as a person, its not a good decision. Move on.
(Don't you love preachy, non-specific rules to live by...?)
