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A TRUE PLAYA
> One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards
with
> some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped
a
> card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across
the
> table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties He sat
up
> and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water
>
> To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and
said,
> "Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you
can
> get more than that but it will cost you $500."
>
> So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She
said,
> "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike
> said, "I'll see you then."
>
> The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.
> Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She
> said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry
> said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to
> borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with
you."
>
> NOW THAT'S A TRUE PLAYA ! ! !
heres another********
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week
ofpersonal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I
decideditwould be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my
enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She was something of a Greek goddess-with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile.
Woo Hoo!!!!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse
after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but
Iattributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after
myworkout today.
Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
Thisis going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I
feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I havea
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
orstop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and
when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
monster. Now why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.
THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
asher thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being
a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I
ranand hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to find me, then, as
punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.
FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever
hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choirdirector?
SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her
made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strengthto
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.
SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
goand thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife (the b*tch), will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root
canal or avasectomy
> One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards
with
> some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped
a
> card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across
the
> table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties He sat
up
> and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water
>
> To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and
said,
> "Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you
can
> get more than that but it will cost you $500."
>
> So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She
said,
> "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike
> said, "I'll see you then."
>
> The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.
> Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She
> said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did."
Terry
> said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to
> borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with
you."
>
> NOW THAT'S A TRUE PLAYA ! ! !
heres another********
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my fiftieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week
ofpersonal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in
great shape since playing on my college football team 30 yrs ago, I
decideditwould be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr old aerobics instructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my
enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She was something of a Greek goddess-with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile.
Woo Hoo!!!!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse
after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but
Iattributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after
myworkout today.
Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
Thisis going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I
feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I havea
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer
orstop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and
when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
monster. Now why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in
shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.
THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
asher thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being
a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I
ranand hid in the men's room.. She sent Lars to find me, then, as
punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.
FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever
hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choirdirector?
SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her
made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strengthto
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.
SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
goand thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife (the b*tch), will choose a gift for me that is fun, like a root
canal or avasectomy
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