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"Hello darling, it's Daddy, is Mummy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Kevin"
Pause
"But you don't have an Uncle Kevin darling"
"Yes I do, he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!"
"Right, this is what I want you to do: Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, go in and tell Mummy and uncle Kevin that my car has just pulled up outside the house. Have you got that?"
"Okay Daddy"
Pause
"I did what you said Daddy"
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mummy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, tripped over the rug, fell out of the front window onto the drive and now she's dead"
"Oh my god! And what about Uncle Kevin?"
"He jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgotten that you drained it last week and he's dead too"
Pause
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-7039?"
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Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!!
Two Southern men walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine
operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the men looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The man walks over to the woman, yanks up the back of her dress, tears down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the man walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
------------------------------------------------------
A priest walks by a hooker, who shouts, “Hey, father, I’ll give you a blow job for 100 bucks!” The embarrassed priest then bumps into a nun from his church. “Perhaps you can help me, sister,” he says. “What’s a blow job?” “One hundred bucks,” the nun replies. “Same as everywhere else.”
"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Kevin"
Pause
"But you don't have an Uncle Kevin darling"
"Yes I do, he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy!"
"Right, this is what I want you to do: Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, go in and tell Mummy and uncle Kevin that my car has just pulled up outside the house. Have you got that?"
"Okay Daddy"
Pause
"I did what you said Daddy"
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mummy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, tripped over the rug, fell out of the front window onto the drive and now she's dead"
"Oh my god! And what about Uncle Kevin?"
"He jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgotten that you drained it last week and he's dead too"
Pause
"Swimming pool? Is this 555-7039?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!!
Two Southern men walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine
operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the men looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The man walks over to the woman, yanks up the back of her dress, tears down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the man walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
------------------------------------------------------
A priest walks by a hooker, who shouts, “Hey, father, I’ll give you a blow job for 100 bucks!” The embarrassed priest then bumps into a nun from his church. “Perhaps you can help me, sister,” he says. “What’s a blow job?” “One hundred bucks,” the nun replies. “Same as everywhere else.”
