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26 things the perfect guy would do
- Thread starter Burning_Inside
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Frackal
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OWNED
WOT or NOT
New member
#'s 5,11, and 12 are great, sad but so damn true.
F
Frackal
Guest
DUMBASS WOMEN OWNED AGAIN
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1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
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1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that shit makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshit. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asshole. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
nvrbuffenuff_girl
New member
There is no such thing as a perfect man!
Men can't be perfect
Men can't be perfect
Stangfriik
New member
LOLOL
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
Lao Tzu
New member
http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi?p=1#MARATHON
Date: Sun, 20 Apr 2003 02:06:25 EDT
From: SummerGrlJess19
To: [email protected]
Subject: ur just jealous!!!
To who it may concern:
Okay I read your article about the 26 things the perfect guy
should do. And you r so mad and angry! Im sure youve played with a girls hair before. Or held their hand. All in a depserate attempt to get invited into their bedrooms but youre once again let down and sent home by yourself. So why get mad when it works for other people? Youll never find a girl because you pubicly talk about promoting domestic violence and abuse. My boyfriend read the 26 things, and now he does them and I
love him now. We will be together forever thanks to that email. And Im sorry that youll never be blessed with the gift of love. Youre a homofobic mysogynist....good luck finding someone.
Sincerely,
Jessica
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What makes you so sure I've played with a girl's hair before, "SummerGrl19?" Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words "happy, cute" or "princess" to the name. Why are women so hung up about their hair? It's not interesting enough to talk about, let alone to play with. Really, nobody gives a shit about your hair. We don't care about the kind of dye you use, the momentous decision of wearing it "up" or "down," and frankly, there isn't anyone in the world important enough to be able to talk about the type of conditioner they use without inducing a mighty yawn from me.
What makes you think I'd play with a girl's hair or hold her hand to get invited to her bedroom? Even if I was a whore, like every guy you've dated apparently, it wouldn't be worth it. If not having to play flirty grab-ass games with a girl means not getting laid, I consider it a bargain.
As for your boyfriend, what kind of dumbass takes chain mail seriously? What if someone sent your genius boyfriend a list titled "26 ways to clothes-line your girlfriend"? What kind of gullible idiot takes that shit seriously? People like him are the reason cults exist. Congratulations for your new-found love, I can only imagine the deep bond two people share as a result of junk mail.
One last thing: you claim that I'll always be alone because I promote domestic violence? I guess you forgot that the list suggests that guys should "act cutely" when women hit them and it hurts; that's domestic abuse by definition, not that it matters because you're too much of a putz to understand anything anyway. Enjoy making other life-altering decisions in your otherwise empty life based off of stupid email you receive.
More to come...
Date: Sun, 20 Apr 2003 02:06:25 EDT
From: SummerGrlJess19
To: [email protected]
Subject: ur just jealous!!!
To who it may concern:
Okay I read your article about the 26 things the perfect guy
should do. And you r so mad and angry! Im sure youve played with a girls hair before. Or held their hand. All in a depserate attempt to get invited into their bedrooms but youre once again let down and sent home by yourself. So why get mad when it works for other people? Youll never find a girl because you pubicly talk about promoting domestic violence and abuse. My boyfriend read the 26 things, and now he does them and I
love him now. We will be together forever thanks to that email. And Im sorry that youll never be blessed with the gift of love. Youre a homofobic mysogynist....good luck finding someone.
Sincerely,
Jessica
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What makes you so sure I've played with a girl's hair before, "SummerGrl19?" Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words "happy, cute" or "princess" to the name. Why are women so hung up about their hair? It's not interesting enough to talk about, let alone to play with. Really, nobody gives a shit about your hair. We don't care about the kind of dye you use, the momentous decision of wearing it "up" or "down," and frankly, there isn't anyone in the world important enough to be able to talk about the type of conditioner they use without inducing a mighty yawn from me.
What makes you think I'd play with a girl's hair or hold her hand to get invited to her bedroom? Even if I was a whore, like every guy you've dated apparently, it wouldn't be worth it. If not having to play flirty grab-ass games with a girl means not getting laid, I consider it a bargain.
As for your boyfriend, what kind of dumbass takes chain mail seriously? What if someone sent your genius boyfriend a list titled "26 ways to clothes-line your girlfriend"? What kind of gullible idiot takes that shit seriously? People like him are the reason cults exist. Congratulations for your new-found love, I can only imagine the deep bond two people share as a result of junk mail.
One last thing: you claim that I'll always be alone because I promote domestic violence? I guess you forgot that the list suggests that guys should "act cutely" when women hit them and it hurts; that's domestic abuse by definition, not that it matters because you're too much of a putz to understand anything anyway. Enjoy making other life-altering decisions in your otherwise empty life based off of stupid email you receive.
More to come...
F
Frackal
Guest
owned again by the PIRATE
