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25 ways to impress various faggots - its funny
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1. When a drag queen asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and drag queens love that.
2. Never hold his hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness or worse.. COMMITTMENT (or if he grabs your hand quickly fling it away in disgust while yelling "The fuck you doing bitch???" This will impress everyone nearby and thus showing them what a strong (read : single) man you are. And they will hook up with you later)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock him out. Queers are like girls. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call him in the middle of the night to ask if he's sleeping. If he is, say "sucks to be you cause I got my tina hook up going strong bitch", repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show him you care enough to have stayed home and not out sucking and fucking everything you could hold down at the bathhouse.
5. When he is upset about something, suggest to him that it might be his fault. As usual, cause once again he fucked up. This will pave the way for your own personal improvement, as you manipulate the relationship in a state of codependency that favors you.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when he's sleeping, steal all his small things and some big things too. Because jewellery is for Finders Keepers.
7. If you're talking to another hot man, make sure he's looking. When he is, stare into his eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the other fags ass. Fags love the prospect of a new guy coming home for a three way.
8. Tell him you're taking him out to dinner. Drive for miles so he thinks it's going to be really special. Then take him to the hottest new resturant in town and get a table with the hot, younger waiter you just sexually trounced into a state of exhaustion the night before. The after sex glow and puppy dog adoration will still be evident on his face. Make lots of small talk and touching, laughs and inside jokes. Then drive your date home and make some lame excuse as to why you can't come in or stay an extra minute. When he starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and cackle in his face "...because I can."
9. Introduce him to your friends as "my power bottom". Fags love those special nicknames.
10. Play with his hair. Play with it HARD. Then wipe the pommade off your hands on his small pet or window treatments.
11. Warm him up when he's cold...and not by giving him your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look him in the eye and say "You know when I brought my last two ex lovers up to Aspen in season they never once complained about the cold. I guess cause we spent all that time in the hot tub and snuggled under blankets" The best way to get warm is with unbridled jealousy.
12. Take him to a party. When you get there he'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do their drugs in there). Leave immediately. This will give you ample time to snoop through their house and steal shit by the time they walk back home.
13. Make him laugh. A good way to do this is if he has a small penis. Pull your snake trouser out and make lots of good big penis jokes. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't bottoms?
14. Let him fall asleep in your arms. When he's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND THROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW! Then you can use your arms for more important things. Like carrying their shoes and shit out to your car.
15. Spit often. I hear gays like guys that spit. Just don't spit enough when you getting ready to squash their guts. Cause love is suppose to hurt.
16. If you care about him never ever tell him. Never. Ever. Just don't man.
17. Every time you're in his house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way he'll go crazy. And everyone knows sex with crazy people is the best. Actually, come to think of it, if you ever in a house with someone who wears earrings, it would be a good idea to just get the fuck out. Before you wind up crazy.
18. Take him out to dinner. Right when he's about to eat casually inquire "So your friend mentioned to me that you were starting a diet. I just want you to know that I fully support your efforts." Make him watch you eat. Make sure he picks up the check.
19. Look him in the eyes and smile. Then say "the best thing about you is seeing my reflection in your eyes. I really hate it when you close your eyes during sex"
20. Give him one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A naughty smell. You know what I'm talking about. And so does Pedro The Pool Boy. Cause he contributed.
22. If you're listening to music, and he asks to hear it, tell him no. This way he'll think you've got the latest Celine Dion remix and practically beg borrow and steal you anything you desire in order to find out.
23. Remember his birthday but don't get him something. Teach him material objects aren't important. Unless they are yours. The only thing that's important is that he keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present he can ever get. Spend the day checking out everyone younger than he is and make sure he notices.
24. When he gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell him you love it. Then make sure he finds out you took it back and got a refund. And you went to "that" store with "that" sales person you have "a thing" for.
25. If he's mad at you for not calling him when you say you will, It's really time to cut that controlling bitch loose. Call his best friend instead.
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1. When a drag queen asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and drag queens love that.
2. Never hold his hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness or worse.. COMMITTMENT (or if he grabs your hand quickly fling it away in disgust while yelling "The fuck you doing bitch???" This will impress everyone nearby and thus showing them what a strong (read : single) man you are. And they will hook up with you later)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock him out. Queers are like girls. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call him in the middle of the night to ask if he's sleeping. If he is, say "sucks to be you cause I got my tina hook up going strong bitch", repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show him you care enough to have stayed home and not out sucking and fucking everything you could hold down at the bathhouse.
5. When he is upset about something, suggest to him that it might be his fault. As usual, cause once again he fucked up. This will pave the way for your own personal improvement, as you manipulate the relationship in a state of codependency that favors you.
6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when he's sleeping, steal all his small things and some big things too. Because jewellery is for Finders Keepers.
7. If you're talking to another hot man, make sure he's looking. When he is, stare into his eyes mouth the words f**k you and grab the other fags ass. Fags love the prospect of a new guy coming home for a three way.
8. Tell him you're taking him out to dinner. Drive for miles so he thinks it's going to be really special. Then take him to the hottest new resturant in town and get a table with the hot, younger waiter you just sexually trounced into a state of exhaustion the night before. The after sex glow and puppy dog adoration will still be evident on his face. Make lots of small talk and touching, laughs and inside jokes. Then drive your date home and make some lame excuse as to why you can't come in or stay an extra minute. When he starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and cackle in his face "...because I can."
9. Introduce him to your friends as "my power bottom". Fags love those special nicknames.
10. Play with his hair. Play with it HARD. Then wipe the pommade off your hands on his small pet or window treatments.
11. Warm him up when he's cold...and not by giving him your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look him in the eye and say "You know when I brought my last two ex lovers up to Aspen in season they never once complained about the cold. I guess cause we spent all that time in the hot tub and snuggled under blankets" The best way to get warm is with unbridled jealousy.
12. Take him to a party. When you get there he'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do their drugs in there). Leave immediately. This will give you ample time to snoop through their house and steal shit by the time they walk back home.
13. Make him laugh. A good way to do this is if he has a small penis. Pull your snake trouser out and make lots of good big penis jokes. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't bottoms?
14. Let him fall asleep in your arms. When he's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND THROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW! Then you can use your arms for more important things. Like carrying their shoes and shit out to your car.
15. Spit often. I hear gays like guys that spit. Just don't spit enough when you getting ready to squash their guts. Cause love is suppose to hurt.
16. If you care about him never ever tell him. Never. Ever. Just don't man.
17. Every time you're in his house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way he'll go crazy. And everyone knows sex with crazy people is the best. Actually, come to think of it, if you ever in a house with someone who wears earrings, it would be a good idea to just get the fuck out. Before you wind up crazy.
18. Take him out to dinner. Right when he's about to eat casually inquire "So your friend mentioned to me that you were starting a diet. I just want you to know that I fully support your efforts." Make him watch you eat. Make sure he picks up the check.
19. Look him in the eyes and smile. Then say "the best thing about you is seeing my reflection in your eyes. I really hate it when you close your eyes during sex"
20. Give him one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A naughty smell. You know what I'm talking about. And so does Pedro The Pool Boy. Cause he contributed.
22. If you're listening to music, and he asks to hear it, tell him no. This way he'll think you've got the latest Celine Dion remix and practically beg borrow and steal you anything you desire in order to find out.
23. Remember his birthday but don't get him something. Teach him material objects aren't important. Unless they are yours. The only thing that's important is that he keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present he can ever get. Spend the day checking out everyone younger than he is and make sure he notices.
24. When he gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell him you love it. Then make sure he finds out you took it back and got a refund. And you went to "that" store with "that" sales person you have "a thing" for.
25. If he's mad at you for not calling him when you say you will, It's really time to cut that controlling bitch loose. Call his best friend instead.
