Once YOU LiveTogther, It never works long Term

[Muscle Catalyst]

I have tried it with every GF of mine a total of 7 live-ins over 20 yar span never married not one of them.

Here is a great question for everyone.

Love at first site ????? Would you marry someone man or women without really knowing them and just work out the kinks as you go.

I have 2 friends that there parents did this and both have had over 40 year marriages.

My Mom always said once you live togther the build up to get married diminshes to nothing.

INPUTT..............

 

[wrestlemania100]

i would never marry someone without really knowing them

 

[billfred]

Ever thought the problem might be Y O U???

 

[musclemom]

I have tried it with every GF of mine a total of 7 live-ins over 20 yar span never married not one of them.

Here is a great question for everyone.

Love at first site ????? Would you marry someone man or women without really knowing them and just work out the kinks as you go.

I have 2 friends that there parents did this and both have had over 40 year marriages.

My Mom always said once you live togther the build up to get married diminshes to nothing.

INPUTT..............

I married my first husband after knowing him, total, slightly more than three months (we had our first date mid October 1983 and married February 14, 1984). I was seriously realizing what a mistake I had made within six months, but stuck it out for over ten years before I moved out and filed for divorce.

I dated my current husband for four years, then we lived together for over two years before getting married. We have been together a total of 14 years and are still very happy, have great passion and laugh all the time.

Marry your best friend, marry a person who you trust 100% (to the point that if they woke up and could read minds tomorrow morning you wouldn't be worried), marry someone who you share life goals and laughter with and don't waste your time with someone you don't trust and you can't be honest with.

 

[NEO1]

All great advice MM...OR.... you could just stay single

I married my first husband after knowing him, total, slightly more than three months (we had our first date mid October 1983 and married February 14, 1984). I was seriously realizing what a mistake I had made within six months, but stuck it out for over ten years before I moved out and filed for divorce.

I dated my current husband for four years, then we lived together for over two years before getting married. We have been together a total of 14 years and are still very happy, have great passion and laugh all the time.

Marry your best friend, marry a person who you trust 100% (to the point that if they woke up and could read minds tomorrow morning you wouldn't be worried), marry someone who you share life goals and laughter with and don't waste your time with someone you don't trust and you can't be honest with.

 

[musclemom]

All great advice MM...OR.... you could just stay single

Generally speaking, single is great up to a certain age, then it gets kind of lonely (unless you have a very close family).

 

[captainahole]

I married my first wife after 3 months of knowing her. More out of guilt than anything I think. We were way to different lasted 10 years of most was tollerable.
Second wife knew about a year been together 20 years and I still haven't killed her.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I met my FIRST husband when I was nearly 21 years old. We moved in a few months later, became engage within 6 weeks or so. He wanted to elope and marry that summer which meant that we would have met, moved in, gotten engaged and gotten married within one years time. But I was like, "We can't do that. Everyone will think I am pregnant." *shakes head* If only I knew then was I know now. We got married almost two years later after our engagement.

He was a monumental controlling asshole but sadly, I was so fucked up in the head that I thought this was "love". Sad, but true. I stuck it out till he beat me to the ground then I tossed his ass out... Thirteen years of faithfull, dutifull wife, exceptional mother and invaluable life partner right down the crapper.

I was separated/divorced for nearly 6 years and dated out the wazoo.

I met my LAST husband when I was nearly 39. Our first date lasted two weeks (we met online, chatted/IM/phone every day for about 6 weeks till we met in the flesh). Our second date also two weeks. We got married on our third date. We will be married 2 years 31 OCT.

Let me tell you - it has been tough but not so much because we aren't suited well for one another - because we get along famously. It has more to do with the fact that our lives (circumstances beyond our control) have just been NUTS.

Marry for love?

Hogwash...

You marry for sex then as you don't know what love is in the beginning of the marriage. Love is what you find along the way.

Like MM said, you should marry for LIKE, RESPECT and COMMON LIFE GOALS.

 

[ricco561]

I have tried it with every GF of mine a total of 7 live-ins over 20 yar span never married not one of them.

Here is a great question for everyone.

Love at first site ????? Would you marry someone man or women without really knowing them and just work out the kinks as you go.

I have 2 friends that there parents did this and both have had over 40 year marriages.

My Mom always said once you live togther the build up to get married diminshes to nothing.

INPUTT..............

I married so I wouldn't be deported to my home planet.

 

[ironwings]

"My Mom always said once you live togther the build up to get married diminshes to nothing."

I thought this was important to not miss. And I'm interested in the topic of moving in together as well. I was married very young and had not lived with my former spouse prior to marriage. There was so much anticipation to starting life together and the wedding ceremony was a celebration of that. Not just a legal paper. I remember that feeling very well. Now, divorced 14 years later, I still find the ceremony or celebration between two people making a lifetime commitment to each other an important moment to have (for me it would be very private if there is ever another life partner). BUT, what happens to that moment when you have lived together for awhile before taking that step. Is it as meaningful? Is it celebratory? Is there anticipation? Or does it simply become a task?

I've just always known the ceremony to be the point at which you join lives. I'm old fashioned I guess.

I have several friends who have lived together prior to marriage and they said there was no anticipation - it was old news.

Either way I don't think it has a thing to do with how long you are together.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I disagree with the "no anticipation" thing. Even though I lived with my exhusband nearly 2 years before we married, I was every bit as excited to "start our lives together as husband and wife". In my eyes the living together was NOT a "trial marriage." We were JUST gf and bf until we made it legal. My parents opposed my relationship (wish I had listened LOL) but because I was in suuuuuuuuch a hurry to get out of my parent's house, not to mention how insanely jealous my exhusband was (he had to know where I was all the time so god forbid I should sleep in my bed in my parent's house )... goodness from one fucked up situation to another.

My husband (Grumpy Old Man) and I got married so quickly for many reasons but the main one was well, why wait? We were both old and experienced enough to know what we were getting into, but more so because he REALLY REALLY wanted to get married. Heck, I didn't even want a bf at first. LOL

Society treats you very differently as a live in girlfriend (even if you share a child) than they do when you are a LEGAL WIFE. Anyone who states differently is flat out lying. I am not *just* his "old lady" or "girlfriend" - he made a legal commitment to me. And I am honored to be HIS WIFE.

I can't remember the last time I heard a woman say that she was honored to be HIS BABY-DADDY or HIS LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND.

 

[ironwings]

Yeah, I hear you on the social pressure.. I feel it, everywhere I go. People looking at my finger to see if I have a ring. I'm in a little bit of an anti marriage mood right now - if it weren't so pressured and society weren't set up to reward those that believe in marriage I might feel less pressured. I guess I am rebelling. I loved hearing that you were excited about the commitment. I would imagine I would be too, that it would simply come from the fact that you are celebrating a life together. For me the formal act of marriage is more of a private celebration of your love in a ceremonial manner. I hate that a legal document is tied to it and government has made christian family values the norm. (ignore that)

I don't really see marriage as a commitment. I'm in a committed relationship and a legal document doesn't make it more so for me. I like waking up next to him because I want to, not because a piece of paper makes it more difficult for me not to. Unfortunately I'm a little grumpy about the subject and think marriage is simply social pressure to be "normal". On the other hand, I'd kinda like to have a ceremonial moment in which we celebrated that commitment and life partnership. I guess the benefits that come along with being legally married aren't all that bad ;-)

Thanks for sharing your story bikinimom. I worry about the move in and then not having the same anticipation when you do decide to celebrate (or get married) as mrstein originally posted. I think it is my old fashioned ways getting me all hung up - I need to get a grip.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Ironwings I didn't get married to my Old Grump because of ANY pressure. Hell, it's hard for a 39 y/o single mother of four to feel pressured about much except paying the rent and making sure her kids are ok.

My Old Grump was simply the first man who asked me to marry him where I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe at the very notion of it. I was VERY turned off to the idea of legal commitment only because it was so damned hard to get un-entangled from the first one. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!

When my husband asked me to do him the honor of being his wife, it wasn't about being old-fashioned. Hell, I doinked him within hours of meeting him for the first time in the flesh! LOL It was more of him telling me that no matter how screwed up my life was (because of my ex and my health issues) that he wanted more than anything to stand by me and support me and be kind to me and be my BEST FRIEND... no matter what.

To this day everytime we drink a toast he always says, "Here's to my wife, the love and light of my life." ...and he means that.

He is an amazing man and human being and the fact that he chose ME to marry... that is what it is all about, not the piece of paper.

I am wife number SIX for him... so I guess you might say that this makes it "not so special"... but that is far from the case as he states with his words and his actions that I am the only woman he has ever loved. He has fought harder for ME and MY GIRLS then sometimes I have. I have given up on myself and us so many times. I never strayed - EVER. I am faithful and loyal to the bitter end. But mentally I have checked out so many times and that is when he has carried me and fought harder - enough for the both of us.

If you are feeling pressure to marry then don't do it. You will regret it because it is coming from the outside and working its way in. Happiness should come from within and work its way outward and so should the desire to marry.

You are a very sweet and wise woman and if I haven't had the opportunity to tell you yet, I am happy that you are here, sharing on elite.

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

Ironwings I didn't get married to my Old Grump because of ANY pressure. Hell, it's hard for a 39 y/o single mother of four to feel pressured about much except paying the rent and making sure her kids are ok.

My Old Grump was simply the first man who asked me to marry him where I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe at the very notion of it. I was VERY turned off to the idea of legal commitment only because it was so damned hard to get un-entangled from the first one. WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!

When my husband asked me to do him the honor of being his wife, it wasn't about being old-fashioned. Hell, I doinked him within hours of meeting him for the first time in the flesh! LOL It was more of him telling me that no matter how screwed up my life was (because of my ex and my health issues) that he wanted more than anything to stand by me and support me and be kind to me and be my BEST FRIEND... no matter what.

To this day everytime we drink a toast he always says, "Here's to my wife, the love and light of my life." ...and he means that.

He is an amazing man and human being and the fact that he chose ME to marry... that is what it is all about, not the piece of paper.

I am wife number SIX for him... so I guess you might say that this makes it "not so special"... but that is far from the case as he states with his words and his actions that I am the only woman he has ever loved. He has fought harder for ME and MY GIRLS then sometimes I have. I have given up on myself and us so many times. I never strayed - EVER. I am faithful and loyal to the bitter end. But mentally I have checked out so many times and that is when he has carried me and fought harder - enough for the both of us.

If you are feeling pressure to marry then don't do it. You will regret it because it is coming from the outside and working its way in. Happiness should come from within and work its way outward and so should the desire to marry.

You are a very sweet and wise woman and if I haven't had the opportunity to tell you yet, I am happy that you are here, sharing on elite.

Here is to you my wife the love of my life. I had to work late tonight! But I miss you! Wish I was there or you were here. Can I come there?

 

[ironwings]

You are so cute! Thanks for sharing - perhaps marriage isn't so bad after all ;-)

Thank god I have no pressure on me to marry - other than the social pressure that is placed on a single mom. You know the looks I'm talking about I'm sure. I always just mumble "f@#k you" when I get them. I was married 14 years, I didn't get knocked up and the babydaddy left - matter of fact, I adopted and have a beautiful story. I wasn't abused physically or have any horror stories from my marriage (until I left that is) but imagine being a young, naive, successful woman putting her life on complete hold to move to another country to adopt a little boy and the man that had been my life partner for 12 years had an affair. It would have been nice if I didn't have to spend the last year filling out paperwork to undo what we did in minutes back in 1993 when we said "I do." All of the emotional stuff and drama would have occured paper or not.

Anywho, not until recently did I know what it was like to have a connection with someone so deep that it is unexplainable. I would marry my soul mate anytime for many of the reasons you did the same. I just find the entire engagement philosophy and public ceremony ludicrus (for me) so I can only hope that if we decide to become husband and wife that it is a momental decision that we make together and will know exactly when the time is right.

I feel a tad better about the move in thing knowing that the exitment and anticipation of becoming life partners still occurs even after shacking up together ;-) I have a feeling it will be even more magical than I had originally imagined.

Thanks my lady...

btw - mrstein - I have a very close friend who has a similar situation (not quit as many live ins) and we used to think it was because he really didn't believe in marriage. We found that it was that he just hadn't met the right woman. About the move in....I'll let you know.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I'm so sorry to hear that you were disrespected that way. I know how it hurts... And good for you for learning to trust again. Not so easy to do!

My husband and I got married on Halloween in costume at my apartment in Jersey. We had NO MONEY and very little prep time... I don't think the whole affair (including rings that my sister bought) cost more than 300$-$500 if that! Hell the rings didn't cost $100! We had ny sister and her family and my best gf gave me away. Sadly only two of my four girls attended (They didn't know we were getting married)...

We wanted to just go to city hall or justice of the peace but there wasn't time. I was in Jersey and he was still in Texas...

There is A LOT to be said for "jumping the broom". Maybe one day we will have a grand party to celebrate our anniversary. Even if we don't I will never forget that day. Halloween is my favorite holiday... I felt alive for the first time in over 8 years...

I am certain that you will know when the time is right.

 

[Muscle Catalyst]

I have had enough live-ins to make an average man go bald or grey which ever comes first.

It just seems the longer you are with someone whom you live with the easier the relationship becomes NUMB.At least with marriage you have something to work on besides yourself and whats good only for you.

The divorce rate is SO High I feel because people marry for all the wrong reasons SEX is not enough to make a long-term bond.Show me a super hot wife or husband and I will introduce you to their spouse who is tired of fucking them.

Sad but true......... Oh well Shit happens

Stein

 

[musclemom]

The divorce rate is SO High I feel because people marry for all the wrong reasons SEX is not enough to make a long-term bond.Show me a super hot wife or husband and I will introduce you to their spouse who is tired of fucking them.

Sad but true......... Oh well Shit happens

Stein

See the last paragraph of my first post.

My husband is my best friend whom I happen to have great sex with. There is no one I'd rather hang out with than him (and our idea of a good vacation is camping out in the middle of nowhere, and we still find things to laugh our asses off about). Sexual attraction is nurtured and supported through friendship.

I don't care how hot someone is, if your primary reason for being with them is appearance and you have good sex but you don't think of them as a best friend (you'd still rather hang with your guy friends to really chill out), then it ain't going anywhere.

 

[Bikini Mod]

See the last paragraph of my first post.

My husband is my best friend whom I happen to have great sex with. There is no one I'd rather hang out with than him (and our idea of a good vacation is camping out in the middle of nowhere, and we still find things to laugh our asses off about). Sexual attraction is nurtured and supported through friendship.

I don't care how hot someone is, if your primary reason for being with them is appearance and you have good sex but you don't think of them as a best friend (you'd still rather hang with your guy friends to really chill out), then it ain't going anywhere.

I have had enough live-ins to make an average man go bald or grey which ever comes first.

It just seems the longer you are with someone whom you live with the easier the relationship becomes NUMB.At least with marriage you have something to work on besides yourself and whats good only for you.

The divorce rate is SO High I feel because people marry for all the wrong reasons SEX is not enough to make a long-term bond.Show me a super hot wife or husband and I will introduce you to their spouse who is tired of fucking them.

Sad but true......... Oh well Shit happens

Stein

+1

You don't get married for love as you don't know what love is in the beginning. I don't care how long you have known someone. Love is what happens somewhere along the way. You get married then, for sex. Big mistake.

You SHOULD get married for

1. LIKE

2. RESPECT

3. COMMON LIFE GOALS

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

+1

You don't get married for love as you don't know what love is in the beginning. I don't care how long you have known someone. Love is what happens somewhere along the way. You get married then, for sex. Big mistake.

You SHOULD get married for

1. LIKE

2. RESPECT

3. COMMON LIFE GOALS

I sure miss you!

 

[ricco561]

I sure miss you!

I think I'm gonna cry.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I sure miss you!

Yea well I miss you too.... especially when you aren't busy pissing me off.

 

[02gixxersix]

I have tried it with every GF of mine a total of 7 live-ins over 20 yar span never married not one of them.

Here is a great question for everyone.

Love at first site ????? Would you marry someone man or women without really knowing them and just work out the kinks as you go.

I have 2 friends that there parents did this and both have had over 40 year marriages.

My Mom always said once you live togther the build up to get married diminshes to nothing.

INPUTT..............

I am married after knowing my wife a very short time and it is NOT working lol. There are a whole lot of things we each found out about each other that we don't like. Will it work......maybe.......is it fun in the meantime.......def not. Find out everything you can about someone before jumping into something that serious IMO.

 

[jeepchick]

My DH and I just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary and I love him more everyday. We dated for 5 years before marriage and three of those years we lived together. For us, living together didn't diminish our relationship but it did answer the question "Can we live together?". Our marriage is a very personal affair, literally. Neither one of us wear rings. And we often are not seen together nor do I feel compelled to talk incessantly about my relationship especially because everyone I know is getting divorced and it is rather obnoxious to discuss a wonderful relationship with someone who is separated. But any one who knows us quickly realizes that we have one of the strongest relationships possible. We are friends, lovers and parents. Our number one focus is our marital relationship But I think a big factor in our relationship is how I feel about myself. I don't need to be with him. I choose to be with him every single day. He accepts me for who I am- nothing more, nothing less. I refused to marry him until I finished my degree and knew that I would never be locked in a marriage because of financial reasons. I can support myself and my children on my own. Yes, it would be a serious cut back in funds but I can do it. I also feel good about myself. I am not afraid to have fun or be aggressive. I'm also old enough to realize that life is finite and that you better enjoy today because you or he might not be here tomorrow. Living together is a personal decision as is marriage. It is not for everyone. JCK