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How can I convince the gf to clean up her lifestyle?

hanselthecaretaker

High End Bro
Platinum
First the good. She does great with school and work. Everyone likes her and she's as sweet as can be. Always helpful and courteous, and she also goes out of her way for people probably more than she should, especially when it comes to her siblings and even her parents. She has to juggle a lot since she works full time and goes to school full time.

The problem is it creates a lot of stress for her. The other problem is, she never developed a healthy way of dealing with it. Her best friend, who has pretty much devolved into an alcoholic pothead who can't even hold a part time job and barely goes to school anymore, introduced her to smoking herb, long before I met her. Like just out of high school. She also ran with a less than respectable crowd growing up, to which I kinda blame passive parenting more than anything.

Fast forward about 8 years and she's admittedly addicted. I know, "you can't get addicted to pot". Well, it's a big deal for her to go a weekend without it. Her personal life lacks the self discipline she has for school and work. So this weekend in particular she decided to drive an hour each way to get "cheap" stuff from this girl. I don't want to get into too many details of her living situation. Let's just say we were clear with each other she doesn't go into her house, which is actually her scrubby boyfriend's house whose roommates recently had scabies. Yeah. We're both talking about saving money for a trip this winter, as well as all the other random things we want to do til then, but she didn't want to wait a few days til she can get some from in town.

I'll admit I've smoked in the past before her and have since joined her for some here and there but it's getting old, and I wonder if she'll ever change. She doesn't always eat very well, never exercises, and can be careless with things when she smokes. The more serious we get the less I'm willing to put up with it. Makes me very leery about ever having kids, because they don't deserve to have to deal with it.

The problem is her having to keep it a secret from so many people, including many we work with (yup, we work same place, actually how we met). It obviously puts us both in a bind.

I've tried leveling with her at least once a year about it all, but some of the stuff she comes back at me with makes me kinda wonder why we're still together. Her reply is almost verbatim "maybe we're not meant for each other". Ok, so say we break up, then everyone's wondering why and I have to keep the reasons a secret or else she gets into trouble with work at the very least.

This is the type of shit drug habits bring into people's lives.
So, if anyone still wonders why I'm so conservative and hardass about things, it's because the alternative far too often leads to what you just read through.


:(
 
Is this post serious? How old are you, she's smoking pot not meth, and I always said there was two types of smokers, first the smoker that just chills and second the working smoker. I used to roof houses while smoking all day, it sounds like you got the latter.
 
Good luck "getting her to". Dude , decide what your bottom line is, then stick to it. DO NOT get any more serious with this girl. You cannot change her and she won't change just because that's what YOU want. Trust me, Ive been there. If youcant see yourself with her long term exactly as she is now, then leave.
 
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Is this post serious? How old are you, she's smoking pot not meth, and I always said there was two types of smokers, first the smoker that just chills and second the working smoker. I used to roof houses while smoking all day, it sounds like you got the latter.

So just because "its not meth ", that means he should be ok with it? That makes no sense. He does not want this person to be his wife or the mother of his children. (If he ever wants kids). If it makes him unhappy, then it's not ok
 
You try to talk about something serious and she comes back with "maybe we arent meant to be together"?
Bro, you know the answer to all this but you are hoping not to have to hear it. You dont change behavior like this, accept it or dump her. Its not worth the effort if you arent married. Doesnt sound like she even gives a shit about being with you in the first place if shes talking that smack
 
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