are children overrated? came across this article, thought it was interesting

[cw801]

I had my kiddos in my early 20's......in retrospect, there are good things and bad things about having them younger, as opposed to mid-thirties.....while I had more energy for them and was young enough to have very low-risk pregnancies, we also didn't have a ton of money back then. Yes we provided just fine for them (my ex and I), but the financial issues we had put a huge strain on our marriage/relationship. Plus, I hadn't really had a chance to do all of the things I wanted to do with my life before I had kids......I think if I had them at this point in my life, rather than earlier, I would have been able to provide for them better, and would have been more "settled down" - meaning I would have done a lot of things I had wanted to do already....been more ready for kids. If I were able to do it all over again, I'd probably choose to have them in my 30's.......but, I adore my kids, and I am who I am today because of the way they shaped my life - so......absolutely no regrets in that department!

 

[billfred]

I disagree. Mostly because this is too much of a generalization. A woman doesn't "need" to be young to have kids, that's a ridiculous claim. Of course you see it this way because you had your girl in your 20's, and you even made it relatively impossible to argue by taking it to the highest authority ("god made it that way"). Yes, they have options. Ever hear about grandma carrying a baby for her daughter? Where are you getting these bullshit ideas from anyway?

Some people are just wired to worry. They can have money in the bank, solid job/career, happy children and spouse, little to no debt, and still worry...no matter how old or young they are. Actually, I think a 20 year old girl in most cases has a LOT more to worry about than that 35 year old woman who is at least done with school and probably has a career, and hopefully some savings.

Also, there are more and more women who start having kids now in their 30's (hell, even 40's). It's certainly not impossible, nor is it necessarily anything to worry about.

Dude - lighten up. Cindy is not bashing material here.

 

[cindylou]

Um, no you didn't. You didn't use the word opinion at all. Maybe you should read your post again. You did say you "think" that men need to wait, but then you said that women "don't have that option" because, "God made it that way." So, like I said, you made it impossible for anyone to argue your ridiculous and unsubstantiated point because you already took it to (your) highest authority. "God made it like that so there's just no other way and no arguing."

It's not that I don't respect you, I just don't respect the way you went about presenting your case. There isn't a fact to be found in it, yet you made it inarguable. And, when presented with an argument, you run away instead of trying to find any facts to support your claims.

Does it become more difficult to have kids when a woman is 35 rather than 25? Statistically, yes. Does it mean women "NEED to be young to have children" and, "don't have that option" of waiting until they are in their 30's? No, not at all.

And if you post absolute bullshit, expect to be called on it. It doesn't mean people don't respect you, and it's no reason to act like a child.

I am not the one acting like a child. Look ceo you dont have to agree with me, but I've been on this board since 2003 and I wont tolerate you calling my posts bullshit or my ideas bullshit. Are you unable to be civil and disagree with someone without insulting them? Save that shit for other newbs and drama starters who thrive on contention because I wont be a part of it.

Women for the most part have to be young to conceive naturally. Thats a fact. Now, young might be relative to you but I consider a woman in her early to mid 30's still on the young side. Possibly because Im 29 and still view myself as young. I dont always feel sorry for a woman who cant conceive because she waited until she was 37 and extensive rounds of hormones and fertility treatments didnt work. Its not wise for a woman to wait forever if family is important to her and she wants to conceive naturally.

SO. You dont like my idea about WHY nature intended it that way. Thats fine. I was just thinking outloud, and yes I did use the word MAYBE. Its obviously my opinion, maybe I didnt type that out exactly but going back and reading my post, I dont see where it isnt clear that I was just speculating, its obviously an opinion, anyone who can read and has a little social skill can tell fact from opinion without having to have it stated for them. I think we all learned that from elementary school.


There must be a reason that only women in their 20s and early 30's can conceive naturally and men can go on forever... I dont know the reason, but I can think about it and wonder..

 

[ceo]

I dont see where it isnt clear that I was just speculating, its obviously an opinion, anyone who can read and has a little social skill can tell fact from opinion without having to have it stated for them. I think we all learned that from elementary school.

Let me help you:

Sadly, women dont have that option. I cant explain why a woman needs to be young to have children, God made it that way.

No maybes, no opinions. Now do you see where I put my elementary school skill set to use?

There must be a reason that only women in their 20s and early 30's can conceive naturally and men can go on forever... I dont know the reason, but I can think about it and wonder..

OK, so before I LOL at this and refute it, would you like to clarify for me if this is your opinion/speculation too?

signed,

child of a 42 year old

 

[cindylou]

Okay, its FACT that its easier for a 20 year old to conceive naturally than it is for a late 30's early 40 year old woman. You really want to start an argument that women should wait that long just because it worked out okay for your family?

My opinion on that fact was WHY. That was my "idea". That was my opinion and what you had such a problem with.

And I've spoken about God in all my posts on this site since I've been here. I've been able to keep civil and make friends, good friends, with an athiest and a witch, and many other people with different ideas than me. Your offense at my wording says more about you than it does about me. So forget that I used God, replace that with whatever you believe, why did evolution set it up for younger women to conceive in droves while it is hard for older women if that is really what is in the best interest of the children and mother/father?

 

[TableFun]

how did this become an argument about the age at which a woman conceives? if a 40 yr old woman wants a baby, and she conceives then I say great for her! maybe she didnt *wait* but maybe she already had kids and wanted MORE. or maybe the circumstances of her life NOW are such that it would ideal to procreate with her current partner (maybe partners before were not really worthy?). who knows. there are so many variables, who are we to judge?

 

[cindylou]

how did this become an argument about the age at which a woman conceives? if a 40 yr old woman wants a baby, and she conceives then I say great for her! maybe she didnt *wait* but maybe she already had kids and wanted MORE. or maybe the circumstances of her life NOW are such that it would ideal to procreate with her current partner (maybe partners before were not really worthy?). who knows. there are so many variables, who are we to judge?

I totally agree w/ you. I wouldnt want to judge anyone. I made a statement about how women dont always have the choice to wait as long as men (we dont.) I pissed off Ceo.

 

[TableFun]

I totally agree w/ you. I wouldnt want to judge anyone. I made a statement about how women dont always have the choice to wait as long as men (we dont.) I pissed off Ceo.

oh, you're right. biology dictates that for us (for men and for women).

 

[ceo]

Okay, its FACT that its easier for a 20 year old to conceive naturally than it is for a late 30's early 40 year old woman. You really want to start an argument that women should wait that long just because it worked out okay for your family?

My opinion on that fact was WHY. That was my "idea". That was my opinion and what you had such a problem with.

And I've spoken about God in all my posts on this site since I've been here. I've been able to keep civil and make friends, good friends, with an athiest and a witch, and many other people with different ideas than me. Your offense at my wording says more about you than it does about me. So forget that I used God, replace that with whatever you believe, why did evolution set it up for younger women to conceive in droves while it is hard for older women if that is really what is in the best interest of the children and mother/father?

It's not your use of God (although again, it makes it pretty much impossible to debate an issue with someone who uses that argument), it was your use of absolutes. Though apparently, you either didn't see that you were in fact using absolutes, or you worded your posts poorly.

But surely you can see that when someone states things like "a woman needs to be young to have children" and, "only women in their 20s and early 30's can conceive naturally," it does seem pretty absolute. In fact though, it is not.

I am not trying to start an argument that a woman should wait until her late 30's or later to have children. Women have been having kids at all ages since the beginning of time. My friend has a beautiful 9 year old girl who was born to a 41 year old woman (her first child). They weren't trying, but they weren't prophylacting either. According to the bible, Sarah was 90 when she gave birth to Isaac, and 86 when she had Ishmael, so to say God made it so women need to be young to have kids, is refuted by God himself.

Regardless, we are both speaking in generalities when it comes to the best age for a woman to conceive. I've known females in their 20's who haven't been able to conceive. I worked with a lady who tried to conceive for 20 years (starting in her early 20's), then wound up having a friend be a surrogate. Every case is different. In general though, I disagree with your view that a 20 year old is better suited to have kids than a 30 or 35 year old. Physically speaking, that is usually true. But these days, emotionally speaking? No way. Things aren't like they were 50+ years ago.

Things did work out ok for my parents I guess. I mean my mom was 23 when she had my oldest brother, and 42 when she had her last of 4 (me). Now in that 19 year span there were a couple miscarriages and a stillborn child. I imagine those were difficult events...hell I know the miscarriage was, because I went through that with my wife...but yes, things did turn out ok. But that is just one case and hardly the sole reason for basing an opinion.

Perhaps we are just not communicating well with each other. I am ready to concede that you are not intending to speak in terms of absolutes.

 

[miplank]

I absolutely love being a father and I wouldn't change it for anything. My son is my world. I don't see how anyone could say that being a parent is overrated.