WTF? Why can't I have super powers?

[Nathan]

I'm sick of this shit. I spend like half my day trying to make things move with my mind but it never happens quite like I imagine it would. I try to spontaneously combust, transforming my flesh into living flames but nothing. I concentrate on floating myself into the sky but remain less than buoyant no matter how hard I apply myself. Frankly, this is discouraging and I've had enough of it. I've decided the only solution is a nasty letter to some random member of parliament and hope that he can get his shit together here and deliver me some super powers. I'm not even picky as to what my powers will be. So long as I'm indestructible and look bad-ass then I'm happy. That's all I ask. Maybe if I throw in another 6 hours of sleep a day it'll help things along some. Okay, so I'm going to first try sleeping 18 hours a day and then if that doesn't work I'm going to write me a nasty letter.

 

[havoc]

What is Clark Kent without a telephone booth?

 

[HG Pennypacker]

From what I hear, you're quite accomplished with your anus. Maybe you could think of some type of hiney superhero things to do. I bet you'd be more successful.

 

[HappyScrappy]

I think an issue of the Harvard Lampoon said it best.
I can't recall it exactly, but it is something like this:

"We are all superheros. The soccer mom in her minivan. The grocer, the man on the street, everyone. Everyone in their own way has a supperpower. Except the blind. Those people make me sick."

It might have been the deaf instead of the blind.
I forget.

 

[Nathan]

From what I hear, you're quite accomplished with your anus. Maybe you could think of some type of hiney superhero things to do. I bet you'd be more successful.

OR..........................you could go fuck yourself. Huh? Huh?

Havoc: He'd still be superman I would hope.

 

[knight69]

nathan dont worry,Not all people give out the right body language. It's something that is learned subconsciously from when you are quite young, but some people may not learn everything, and things like ADD disrupt a hell of a lot of this. Also, many people might accidentally give out the wrong signs, and there's no way it's possible to actually tell a person's thoughts from body language. You can't tell shit from body language. This superpower would be the only way to make sense of the world.

 

[big4life]

Gasoline and matches will help with the spontaneous combustion problem that you are suffering through.


You can thank me later.


BTW. I will let you have my magnet, once I find where they put it.

 

[Nathan]

nathan dont worry,Not all people give out the right body language. It's something that is learned subconsciously from when you are quite young, but some people may not learn everything, and things like ADD disrupt a hell of a lot of this. Also, many people might accidentally give out the wrong signs, and there's no way it's possible to actually tell a person's thoughts from body language. You can't tell shit from body language. This superpower would be the only way to make sense of the world.

Right. It all makes sense now. What the fuck are you talking about though?

 

[gymtime]

From what I hear, you're quite accomplished with your anus. Maybe you could think of some type of hiney superhero things to do. I bet you'd be more successful.

Good idea. You could maybe like poop out fires or something...

 

[HG Pennypacker]

I don't think Nathan likes me. I'm going to go stab myself in the thigh with my Monsters Inc letter opener.

 

[Nathan]

I don't think Nathan likes me. I'm going to go stab myself in the thigh with my Monsters Inc letter opener.

I like you just fine...except when you say sarcastic remarks like that that are intended to hurt my feelings. Well....mission acomplished asshole.