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Wow...body dysmorphia is crazy.

N

nefertiti

Memeber
Elite Moderator
Moderator
So.....as 99% of you who have read any of my posts know, for years I struggled with an eating disorder. My recovery process is what brought me to EF to begin with. Now, I've been almost completely ok in the last 18 months save a couple of slippery moments last summer/fall, but I feel like I'm finally starting to take real steps forward in the sense that I've really altered how I feel about myself and my body.

It doesn't hurt that I've been seeing someone who quite regularly and vocally appreciates my body and I really actually think that's had a lot to do with the repair work on my self esteem.

So last weekend I went shopping for a couple of dresses and noticed that for the first time I didn't leave the fitting room feeling like I needed therapy. I'm sure the other women can concur, but there's something about fitting room lighting that makes it about as unflattering as it could possibly be. But I brushed this off as maybe someone finally wising up and getting better lighting.

But just now I was looking through a bunch of "progress" pictures I took last year when I first started lifting to add a couple of pounds and I am blown away by what I see. All the bulges and bumps and fat that I swore i could see before when i looked at them....gone. My stomach is flat. Everything is tight. I mean, I always knew my brain played tricks on me and distorted things, but I am astounded by how much differently these pictures look to me now than they did then.

Holy hell.

(no pics lol)
 
"Oh, look at me. I don't have body dysmorphia."
 
And that's really great for you. My brother was bulemic during high school so he could make weight for wrestling. His coach wouldn't let him wrestle heavier, so he did what he had to in order to keep the weight off. A year after he stopped he was still purging after he ate. He wouldn't even try, it was just his body's reraction to food. He took care of it on his own, but he told me he'd think he looked heavier than he should even though he knew he was fine. That'd be a mindfuck.
 
jnevin said:
And that's really great for you. My brother was bulemic during high school so he could make weight for wrestling. His coach wouldn't let him wrestle heavier, so he did what he had to in order to keep the weight off. A year after he stopped he was still purging after he ate. He wouldn't even try, it was just his body's reraction to food. He took care of it on his own, but he told me he'd think he looked heavier than he should even though he knew he was fine. That'd be a mindfuck.
Click to expand...

his way of fighting your fattyness gene
 
jnevin said:
And that's really great for you. My brother was bulemic during high school so he could make weight for wrestling. His coach wouldn't let him wrestle heavier, so he did what he had to in order to keep the weight off. A year after he stopped he was still purging after he ate. He wouldn't even try, it was just his body's reraction to food. He took care of it on his own, but he told me he'd think he looked heavier than he should even though he knew he was fine. That'd be a mindfuck.
Click to expand...

my mind has me thinking I'm in OK shape when really I'm a fat cow :worried: :(
 
calveless wonder said:
his way of fighting your fattyness gene
Click to expand...


I'll fuck your skinny fat ass up kniggah.

I'm still stronger than shit and in decent "shape", I'm just gutly. And the veins in my biceps went away.
 
jnevin said:
And that's really great for you. My brother was bulemic during high school so he could make weight for wrestling. His coach wouldn't let him wrestle heavier, so he did what he had to in order to keep the weight off. A year after he stopped he was still purging after he ate. He wouldn't even try, it was just his body's reraction to food. He took care of it on his own, but he told me he'd think he looked heavier than he should even though he knew he was fine. That'd be a mindfuck.
Click to expand...

I know some body builders get dysmorphia, too, though in reverse (thinking they are smaller than they are). The things our minds can do to us are crazy. I feel like I just crawled out of the rabbit hole and realized what normalcy is like.
 
that's awesome.

i'm happy for you- you are really a beautiful woman.
 
now for serious non making of jnevin post

you've come a long way. sounds like you pretty much have it beat. actually becoming fat aside :)

whatever cure you found for it, give it to meeeeee
 
women are weird.

i hate when skinny chicks ask me if i think they are fat. i respond with, "are you retarded? you are so damn skinny, it would be better if you put some weight on."

i've seen your pics and you have a great body. :p not bullshitting or ass kissing. you have a very very pretty face too.

if you are feeling bad about yourself then look at pictures of fat people and you will feel much better about yourself. :D
 
fistfullofsteel said:
stop being a jets fan and everything will be fine
Click to expand...

i can't wait to own you come the season start.

then you'll be crying and living in the past in attempts to cope with the fact your team sucks this year
 
calveless wonder said:
now for serious non making of jnevin post

you've come a long way. sounds like you pretty much have it beat. actually becoming fat aside :)

whatever cure you found for it, give it to meeeeee
Click to expand...

lol my cure you won't like. lots and lots of support group meetings where I actively let "the crazy" out and let people who could recognize and relate to "the crazy" set me straight. There's some real magic in being able to hear your own dark thoughts coming from the mouth of someone else. it sounds entirely different when it's not in your own head and you're able to separate it from rational thinking that much more easily.
 
nefertiti said:
lol my cure you won't like. lots and lots of support group meetings where I actively let "the crazy" out and let people who could recognize and relate to "the crazy" set me straight. There's some real magic in being able to hear your own dark thoughts coming from the mouth of someone else. it sounds entirely different when it's not in your own head and you're able to separate it from rational thinking that much more easily.
Click to expand...

yeah screw that
 
calveless wonder said:
i can't wait to own you come the season start.

then you'll be crying and living in the past in attempts to cope with the fact your team sucks this year
Click to expand...


defending superbowl champs, biznitch. 3 time superbowl champs too. you weren't even alive when the jets won their one and only superbowl. the ny football giants will do better than the jets this year and any other year.
 
fistfullofsteel said:
defending superbowl champs, biznitch. 3 time superbowl champs too. you weren't even alive when the jets won their one and only superbowl. the ny football giants will do better than the jets this year and any other year.
Click to expand...

care to wager on that?
 
Oh Nef,

You just dont know :)
You are dazzlingly beautiful, long lean and full of grace with a classic beauty's face.

I promise you there will be a time that seeing yourself as we do will overshadow any doubts you may have at any time and everyday will be like today.

:rose:
 
nefertiti said:
Or, date someone who thinks you're insanely hot and bask in the intensity of their attraction to you lol ;)
Click to expand...

E flirt alert!
 
nef and calveless should get together and watch jets games together so they can hold each other and cry themselves to sleep, because their team sucks so bad. :D
 
fistfullofsteel said:
nef and calveless should get together and watch jets games together so they can hold each other and cry themselves to sleep, because their team sucks so bad. :D
Click to expand...

:chomp:
 
Smurfy said:
nef, you've done a lot of work to make the progress you have made. you should be very proud. you are a beautiful lady inside and out.
Click to expand...
agreed
 
nefertiti said:
I know some body builders get dysmorphia, too, though in reverse (thinking they are smaller than they are). The things our minds can do to us are crazy. I feel like I just crawled out of the rabbit hole and realized what normalcy is like.
Click to expand...


you know its funny you say that. I always feel smaller than other guys at the gym and the only time I snap out of it is when one of the guys that I think looks big is working out next to me and I see us side by side in the mirror and I think, wow, we are about the same size.

I think my mind plays tricks on me for sure
 
nefertiti said:
So.....as 99% of you who have read any of my posts know, for years I struggled with an eating disorder. My recovery process is what brought me to EF to begin with. Now, I've been almost completely ok in the last 18 months save a couple of slippery moments last summer/fall, but I feel like I'm finally starting to take real steps forward in the sense that I've really altered how I feel about myself and my body.

It doesn't hurt that I've been seeing someone who quite regularly and vocally appreciates my body and I really actually think that's had a lot to do with the repair work on my self esteem.

So last weekend I went shopping for a couple of dresses and noticed that for the first time I didn't leave the fitting room feeling like I needed therapy. I'm sure the other women can concur, but there's something about fitting room lighting that makes it about as unflattering as it could possibly be. But I brushed this off as maybe someone finally wising up and getting better lighting.

But just now I was looking through a bunch of "progress" pictures I took last year when I first started lifting to add a couple of pounds and I am blown away by what I see. All the bulges and bumps and fat that I swore i could see before when i looked at them....gone. My stomach is flat. Everything is tight. I mean, I always knew my brain played tricks on me and distorted things, but I am astounded by how much differently these pictures look to me now than they did then.

Holy hell.

(no pics lol)
Click to expand...

good for you, that's awesome. I can totally relate, I cried when I saw my pictures, I have huge issues with my body as well.
 
nefertiti said:
So.....as 99% of you who have read any of my posts know, for years I struggled with an eating disorder. My recovery process is what brought me to EF to begin with. Now, I've been almost completely ok in the last 18 months save a couple of slippery moments last summer/fall, but I feel like I'm finally starting to take real steps forward in the sense that I've really altered how I feel about myself and my body.

It doesn't hurt that I've been seeing someone who quite regularly and vocally appreciates my body and I really actually think that's had a lot to do with the repair work on my self esteem.

So last weekend I went shopping for a couple of dresses and noticed that for the first time I didn't leave the fitting room feeling like I needed therapy. I'm sure the other women can concur, but there's something about fitting room lighting that makes it about as unflattering as it could possibly be. But I brushed this off as maybe someone finally wising up and getting better lighting.

But just now I was looking through a bunch of "progress" pictures I took last year when I first started lifting to add a couple of pounds and I am blown away by what I see. All the bulges and bumps and fat that I swore i could see before when i looked at them....gone. My stomach is flat. Everything is tight. I mean, I always knew my brain played tricks on me and distorted things, but I am astounded by how much differently these pictures look to me now than they did then.

Holy hell.

(no pics lol)
Click to expand...

pics would be great
 
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