When did being nice become a bad thing?

[big4life]

I was just wondering.....

People tend to look at being nice, like it's a weakness.

There is a perception that if someone is nice to you, they want something in return. That they are trying to buy you or your affection.


I know there are people like that, but there are also some genuinely nice people in this world. Maybe not as many as there use to be, but there are some out there, aren't there?

Or do you think everyone is out for themselves?

 

[HappyScrappy]

I've been dumped before for being "too nice" and I also have had people say to me, "you look like a nice person"

on an interesting, yet not entirely related side note... okay, maybe not that interesting - there was a study done showing that a large percent of serial killers had babyfaces.
maybe norstrum can elaborate on that one.

 

[vixenbabe]

You get back what you give.......I BELIEVE THIS 100%!

 

[smallmovesal]

I was just wondering.....

People tend to look at being nice, like it's a weakness.

There is a perception that if someone is nice to you, they want something in return. That they are trying to buy you or your affection.


I know there are people like that, but there are also some genuinely nice people in this world. Maybe not as many as there use to be, but there are some out there, aren't there?

Or do you think everyone is out for themselves?

i dunno. i'm too nice and i know it, but i refuse to be anything else.

i just need to be a tougher business-type person

 

[big4life]

You get back what you give.......I BELIEVE THIS 100%!

Absolutely!!

 

[WODIN]

I don't think that being nice has become a bad thing in day to day, real life.

 

[Big Brother Val]

I think being nice is a bad thing when you're dating a gal. They don't like nice guys, and always go to the assholes.

Other than that, I think being a nice guy is kick-ass. Especially when you don't look like one. It catches people off guard when you call them "sir" or "ma'am", when at first they're too intimidated to look you in the eye.

If I don't know someone, and they're being nice... I think you can tell when someone is being nice just to be nice, when others are genuinely nice people. There's the "salesperson" type nice... and then there's the good person type nice.

I think it's pretty easy to tell them apart.

 

[Binky]

I don't think being nice is a bad thing,
It's the not allowing yourself to get walked all over
while being nice that is the difficult part of the equation.

 

[cure]

Being nice is a good thing if you are a smart person and don't get walked all over or taken advantage of. Take my girlfriend for example. She thinks everyone is so nice at first. I always tell her watch out for that girl or that guy, they have something up their sleeve. She never listens and eventually the person screws her over. This isn't always the case but for some reason i always see it coming. Why are some people so blind?

 

[M56M]

I don't think being nice is a bad thing,
It's the not allowing yourself to get walked all over
while being nice that is the difficult part of the equation.

I agree, and also with Big Bro Val, if you are too nice to a lady she can treat you like shit. Thats why when its time to put you foot down you have to in every sense of the word, and STAND YOU GROUND!!(that is something that is easier said than done, i am trying to get it done to a science myself, if its possible...LOL)


Cure,

Some people are really good at manipulating people and a good liars. I for one don't really trust anybody. But on occasion somebody will come along and they catch you. Those are the good ones, i guess.

M56M

 

[big4life]

I have just seen so many people question someone's kindness towards them, that I just think we want to find something suspicious in their behavior, instead of seeing it as true kindness.

 

[Test boy]

We are becoming more and more..."out for ourselves."

Some people like nice people, others do not. Individual thing.

I will not put up with a bitch...probably be a bachelor forever.

 

[gymnpoppa]

In my experience, and observation, being nice in this business world, will get you walked on, disregarded, or abused. Business has become very cutthroat. From company to company, right down to execs working against each other for a hopeful promotion.

People are so unpredictable these days, that it's difficult to be nice to strangers on the streets. For example, helping distressed motorists, used to be a time when people would stop and help you, or you'd stop and help them. Not anymore, too dangerous.



My .02

 

[starfish]

Big4life,

I agree with you, being nice gets taken as a weakness. I'm probably the nicest girl on the planet and unfortunately it gets me into trouble. It's easy to get taken advantage of.

I'm still as nice but A LOT more guarded now.

It's sad that is the way it has to be...

starfish

P.S. Can you Pleassssssseeee send me some of those S. Carolina peaches

 

[danielson]

yup agree with big bro val and gymn

being nice in this world seems to get you nothing materialistically....if your an asshole and never help anyone its of very little hinderance to you. People won't help others etc for fear of being stabbed or mugged etc

ill never forget getting out the train in a business distict and seeing a 100 peolple in suits barge a lady and her pram out the way

there are still common courtesies extended here in britain which i have a feeling aren't extended elsewhere in the world (merely by the actions of foreigners etc-fair enough they are new to the country so wouldnt know) but it used to be a lot better here a while back

 

[OMEGA]

I was just wondering.....

People tend to look at being nice, like it's a weakness.

There is a perception that if someone is nice to you, they want something in return. That they are trying to buy you or your affection.


I know there are people like that, but there are also some genuinely nice people in this world. Maybe not as many as there use to be, but there are some out there, aren't there?

Or do you think everyone is out for themselves?

freind in these modern times our culture has been radically transformed...

...the old ways of the past, have been supplanted by a new value system which stresses gross consumerism, materialism, ego centric thinking, and overall selfish behavior.....and maginified individualism...

...the individual thus in this new society is conditioned to think that the universe and all gods creation revolves around them...

the only thing that matters to this individual is "what is pertanent to my life, and how will it directly benifit me, so i can get ahead of my neighbor"

yea.......comepetion has replaced cooperation.....individual has replaced community........and the accumulation of material possesions have replaced the self.

when you are nice to these people you are in a sense speaking a "different language of life" that is hard for them to understand and to appreciate...

thus they either think you are weak for not adopting their "principles" or they think you are some sort of social anomoly........non the less

the whole friggen mess....SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!!!!!!!!

 

[big4life]

Big4life,

I agree with you, being nice gets taken as a weakness. I'm probably the nicest girl on the planet and unfortunately it gets me into trouble. It's easy to get taken advantage of.

I'm still as nice but A LOT more guarded now.

It's sad that is the way it has to be...

starfish

P.S. Can you Pleassssssseeee send me some of those S. Carolina peaches

Nothing wrong with being on your guard.


The peaches are gone for the year.

Sorry.

 

[starfish]

I guess it's not the right time of year for peaches. darn.

I flew into S. Carolina to visit my mom in N. Carolina and ate about 50 peaches. Those things are good.



starfish

 

[buksoon]

We need a word other than "nice"--what does that even mean?

Mention "nice" and you will get proclamations such as: "I am probably the nicest girl on the planet" such as what we had on this thread.

Isn't that akin to saying: "I am the smartest girl on the planet" , "I am the prettiest girl on the planet"... "Nice" has been so stripped of meaning that anyone can claim to be the foremost embodiment of it.

When people say "I'm too nice" I have to believe they are saying: "I'm too often made a victim" or "I'm too often/easily hurt" and "nice" is just what they call it.

From the some of most self-proclaimed "nicest" people on this board, I have observed the most self-centeredness. So what is "nice", I wonder.

Conversely, from the biggest assholes, you may just get the person who sends you an anonymous pm: "Hey, you haven't been posting, just wanted to check in and see if you're alright...."

I don't think "nice" means integrity, compassion, warmth, or true-heartedness anymore. I think it's lost that meaning over the years, and now means something else.

 

[Test boy]

Re: Re: When did being nice become a bad thing?

freind in these modern times our culture has been radically transformed...

...the old ways of the past, have been supplanted by a new value system which stresses gross consumerism, materialism, ego centric thinking, and overall selfish behavior.....and maginified individualism...

...the individual thus in this new society is conditioned to think that the universe and all gods creation revolves around them...

the only thing that matters to this individual is "what is pertanent to my life, and how will it directly benifit me, so i can get ahead of my neighbor"

yea.......comepetion has replaced cooperation.....individual has replaced community........and the accumulation of material possesions have replaced the self.

when you are nice to these people you are in a sense speaking a "different language of life" that is hard for them to understand and to appreciate...

thus they either think you are weak for not adopting their "principles" or they think you are some sort of social anomoly........non the less

the whole friggen mess....SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!!!!!!!!

 

[BO-CEPHUS]

From the some of most self-proclaimed "nicest" people on this board, I have observed the most self-centeredness. So what is "nice", I wonder.

Conversely, from the biggest assholes, you may just get the person who sends you an anonymous pm: "Hey, you haven't been posting, just wanted to check in and see if you're alright...."

Very good post, buk.

 

[big4life]

I don't think "nice" means integrity, compassion, warmth, or true-heartedness anymore. I think it's lost that meaning over the years, and now means something else.

That is exactly how I would describe "nice".

Nice, still means the same today that it did years ago. The word
hasn't changed, just people, and that's the sad thing.

 

[starfish]

I think a lot of people play around on this board. Some people take it way too seriously. Some people may read posts between me and Citruside and think we hate each other. We are just playing.

The word nice means what it always has. Why should it mean anything different??? People try and make such simple things so complicated.. But then the world is too damn complicated these days.

We can't even have karma on the board without it becoming an issue.

starfish

 

[buksoon]

That is exactly how I would describe "nice".

Nice, still means the same today that it did years ago. The word
hasn't changed, just people, and that's the sad thing.

I'm not saying I believe less in all those things than you do, Big4. Or that I aspire to them less.

I'm saying I look at how the word "nice" is used--as in "I'm too nice" from people who don't seem to have those traits (integrity, etc) in abundance, or "I'm the nicest girl on the planet" from people who, I can tell you, are not.

When someone gets hurt or rejected in a relationship, you hear: "You're too nice." Too much integrity?? Too much sincerity?? Huh??

No, the word has been over-used and misused so much that I wonder what people are even talking about.

 

[starfish]

buksoon,

Can you kindly ignore my posts. I have been giving you the same courtesy. Move on... And I am putting this nicely..

starfish

 

[buksoon]

buksoon,

Can you kindly ignore my posts. I have been giving you the same courtesy. Move on... And I am putting this nicely..

starfish

Okay, nicest girl on the planet, that's it!

You have proclaimed yourself--in addition to being the "ngotp" (do you get a crown? is there a cash prize? can you bomb any small countries?), an authority on DEPRESSION/ANXIETY MEDS--and that authority comes from sampling everything under the sun, yes? And you have been hospitalized for anxiety/depression, yes?

And yet--you come outta nowhere when you see me being flamed and join in. On any and all threads--like a shadow!! And you offer information you could have only found out had you been pm-ing or emailing others ABOUT me!!!

I wondered what your problem was and I realized: This "girl"--32 in a couple of months--is jealous of a completely past tense bond I had with someone. If you want a certain Strongman, 8 years your junior, by all means dear: GO FOR IT!!!

Now I'll tell you something, Planet's Nicest Girl: If I was a walking pharmacy of mental well-being drugs and had seen the modern equivalent of the padded cell from the inside, I wouldn't be so quick to call others "psycho", "freak", et cetera, so gleefully!!!! IF, those things applied to me (they don't, thank god), I'd be ... ahem ... NICE.

 

[spongebob]

its too hard to be nice.

 

[big4life]

Buksoon, that was totally uncalled for.

There is not a person in this world who does not have issues of one kind or another.


I don't see why you need to go out of your way to be hurtful and yes, even cruel to her here.


Please don't tell me I'm jumping to conclusions either, because I
know what I saw. Maybe you need to take a long look at your own faults before pointing out someone else's.

 

[buksoon]

Big4,

For that one post, I can supply you with 10 (at a minimum) of her saying things where she tried to inflict as much hurt as she could.

What I said was truth. She'd been following me around ready to flame anything and everything-- I had no clue who she ever was, no argument with her -- and then I realized.

Finally, I responded. And it's true. If I had the mental problems on the caliber that she does (and no, I don't pass judgment!!!), I would not take every opportunity I had to call someone "psycho."

As she had done. I would respect the illness a little more, I would be charitable, etc.

 

[basskiller]

yesterday! Did you miss that on the news!

 

[big4life]

Buksoon, I don't want to argue about this or anything else, I
get enough of that in real life, I don't need it here.

I just think it was inappropriate in this thread, where she didn't attack you. If you have problem with her maybe you and her need to talk it out like adults, instead of slinging insults.

 

[smallmovesal]

hey, my doc just upped my meds and for now it's the best thing to happen to me in a year... i finally feel like myself again.

however, i can't wait to get off of them..

 

[starfish]

big4life,

You don't have to defend me.. Thanks though...

buksoon,]

How do you know about my mental problems LOL... Try having surgery 2 times in two months plus meds and see what that does to your system and seratonin levels. I made that post yesterday to help someone and I should have known someone like you would come along... It doesn't matter considering the amount of people that PM for advice, I have no regrets.. I will stand my integrity up against yours anyday

As for the internet stalking, it seems like you are the one who reads all my posts and KEEPS bringing me up.

If you ever what to make a post like that about me or to me, HAVE THE GUTS TO COME DOWN HERE TO TEXAS AND SAY IT TO MY FACE. or LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

starfish

 

[buksoon]

big4life,


As for the internet stalking, it seems like you are the one who reads all my posts and KEEPS bringing me up.

This is seriously the first time I have ever posted to you or about you when it wasn't on a thread where you were flaming me.


I think the reason it seemed hurtful is because it was truth. Because it wasn't nearly as outright mean as the things you've said to me over time. 'Cause in your case it was just random flaming.

 

[OMEGA]

Buksoon, I don't want to argue about this or anything else, I
get enough of that in real life, I don't need it here.

I just think it was inappropriate in this thread, where she didn't attack you. If you have problem with her maybe you and her need to talk it out like adults, instead of slinging insults.

sorry to barge in?

but this is an excellent topic that could be very constructive and meaningfull.......a mini flame war will comprimise, this thread for the rest of us.

so the 2 argueing... please remove the personal attacks for a moment and resume it some place else.....it would be selfish of both of you to continue this here.

whomever is right or wrong is irrelivant

sorry to sound like this...


..but really please take it else where.

 

[starfish]

I don't want to take it elsewhere. I want buksoon to stop referring to me in her posts and to stop posting to me.. I want her to leave me alone!!

PERIOD!!

starfish

 

[LiLady11]

Re: When did being nice become a bad thing?

Nice people for some reason are looked at as being naive and someone that you can step all over. But that has come from people taking advantage of a nice person!! I've said the whole "He's too nice" thing because I've always been afraid that I would either hurt that person or something and then they wouldn't be that nice person anymore. And also a "too nice" guy could also turn out to be a real creep and using the niceness to get something!!

 

[big4life]

Re: When did being nice become a bad thing?

And also a "too nice" guy could also turn out to be a real creep and using the niceness to get something!!

That was my point.....Why do people assume that someone is trying to be nice, just to get something?

 

[spongebob]

i agree with omega,

and from what ive seen, both of you tend to gravitate to each other.

 

[velvett]

Christ Almighty!

What's wrong with you people?

Talk about selfish...

 

[spongebob]

Christ Almighty!

What's wrong with you people?

Talk about selfish...

let me turn this thread in the right direction.

velvett, you look good in your avatar, i liked to see more.

 

[starfish]

First of all, I have been ignoring buksoon's post's until she singled me out...

Oh, except for the one I made the other day on the woman's board trying to compliment what she said and backing her up..

I completely give up...

starfish

 

[LiLady11]

That was my point.....Why do people assume that someone is trying to be nice, just to get something?


It's something that has been programmed into our minds!! Haven't you ever kissed a teachers ass, a bosses ass, just to get something? As children we are told, "If you behave, you'll get yada yada" I know whenever I was told that, I shut my lil mouth or hit my brother behind my moms back!!
I have worked in retail all my life, and as a sales girl at a very high end department store we were taught to kiss major booty!! Our sales would equal what we would get paid!! We would lie with a smile on our face and make a sale. Now, whenever I go shopping I get no ones opinion but my own!! Even friends may tell you that something looks good, but they know you may not wear it and hope that they'll get to borrow it someday!! It sucks, but this is the truth!!

 

[spongebob]

That was my point.....Why do people assume that someone is trying to be nice, just to get something?


It's something that has been programmed into our minds!! Haven't you ever kissed a teachers ass, a bosses ass, just to get something? As children we are told, "If you behave, you'll get yada yada" I know whenever I was told that, I shut my lil mouth or hit my brother behind my moms back!!
I have worked in retail all my life, and as a sales girl at a very high end department store we were taught to kiss major booty!! Our sales would equal what we would get paid!! We would lie with a smile on our face and make a sale. Now, whenever I go shopping I get no ones opinion but my own!! Even friends may tell you that something looks good, but they know you may not wear it and hope that they'll get to borrow it someday!! It sucks, but this is the truth!!

just dont confuse the corporate world with the real world.

i know plenty of ginuinely nice people.

 

[LiLady11]

Oh believe me, I don't confuse the corporate with the real world!! I am not that sacarine sweet when I'm off the floor!! But unfortunately, some people do get confused. My father and older brother are both salesmen, and when they try to explain something to me or anyone else, or try to make a point, they sure know how to sell!!
I know plenty of genuinely nice people too, people that don't have a hidden agenda, with me at least!! Everyone is out to get what they want from life, and if that means being fake and pretending to be nice, they will do it

 

[big4life]

That was my point.....Why do people assume that someone is trying to be nice, just to get something?


It's something that has been programmed into our minds!! Haven't you ever kissed a teachers ass, a bosses ass, just to get something?

No, I've been told that I don't know how to play office politics, that if I did, I could advance in my company.

I just give my opinion when they ask, and let it go. I have quit volunteering my opinion though.

I mainly meant in our daily interactions with our peers. Why look for reasons to be suspicious of someone?

 

[Train Harder]

I get told I'm too nice at times but mostly I'm nice until someone erks me. Mostly I just try to get through the day conflict free less stress = better me.

 

[velvett]

When DOES being nice become a bad thing?

When people start to take advantage of you.

 

[big4life]

Re: Re: When did being nice become a bad thing?

When people start to take advantage of you.

I know, you're right....



And thank you for being there for me.

 

[velvett]

Re: Re: Re: When did being nice become a bad thing?

And thank you for being there for me.

 

[musclebrains]

This is Nice. I think the Promenade des Anglais is very nice. And, when in Nice-ville, I always find fucking in the Hotel Negresco tres nice.