HAS to be the Last Boy Scout:
Alright, you want it in the chest, or the head?
Joe Hallenbeck: Yeah, that's what your wife said.
Alley Thug: Hey man, would you stop with the wife shit?
Joe Hallenbeck: Ask me how fat she is. Ask me.
Alley Thug: Fuck you, man! How fat is she?
Joe Hallenbeck: She's so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. Motherfucker, if you wanna fuck her you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in. Now I'm saying she's fat, her high school picture was an aerial shot.
"She's good, Joe. She rates a three on my finger scale. That means I'd cut off three of my fingers if God would let me fuck her."
"Sure, sure, it just happened. Could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, fell on the floor and accidently stuck your dick into my wife"
"She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool but you've got to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two"
Jimmy Dix: Hey, man. You ever play ball? You've got a good build.
Joe Hallenbeck: What are you, a fag?
Jimmy Dix: No, I'm just trying to break the ice.
Joe Hallenbeck: I like ice. Leave it the fuck alone.