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Doktor Bollix
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I think we've all asked ourselves that question. Arse
A Happy Medium
Tarot cards, astrology and palm reading. Three of the most popular methods that otherwise logical people use to predict their future. Then there are the more regional strains of clairvoyancy: Ruhn stones in Scandinavia, reading tea leaves in the British Isles and now, from the fatherland, a new and bizarre twist on gazing into the future. In Germany, a blind man is causing a stir with his readings of the town folk's heinies. Thirty-nine-year-old clairvoyant Ulf Buck, who has been totally sightless since the age of three, claims he can read people's futures by feeling the lines on naked buttocks in the same way that palm readers do. "The bottom is much more intense — it has a much stronger power of expression than the hand in my experience," Buck told reporters earlier this week. "I am not a new-age freak," insisted the cheeky ham-grabber. "All sorts come, from cleaning ladies and secretaries to prominent members of the community. For them, my being blind is an advantage because I can do it without recognizing them again in the future." Buck says even amateur buttock readers can make a broad-brush assessment of people's personalities. "An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life," he said. "A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." He is quick to shoot down anybody that implies that his buttock groping might be motivated by anything other than a genuine desire to probe people's futures. "I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me," he said. Buck is reluctant to speak about his successes, but says he correctly predicted that an actress from a popular German soap-opera was going to write a book.
It's a pity you can't do this over the phone. This would totally corner the market back from Ms. Cleo.
A Happy Medium
Tarot cards, astrology and palm reading. Three of the most popular methods that otherwise logical people use to predict their future. Then there are the more regional strains of clairvoyancy: Ruhn stones in Scandinavia, reading tea leaves in the British Isles and now, from the fatherland, a new and bizarre twist on gazing into the future. In Germany, a blind man is causing a stir with his readings of the town folk's heinies. Thirty-nine-year-old clairvoyant Ulf Buck, who has been totally sightless since the age of three, claims he can read people's futures by feeling the lines on naked buttocks in the same way that palm readers do. "The bottom is much more intense — it has a much stronger power of expression than the hand in my experience," Buck told reporters earlier this week. "I am not a new-age freak," insisted the cheeky ham-grabber. "All sorts come, from cleaning ladies and secretaries to prominent members of the community. For them, my being blind is an advantage because I can do it without recognizing them again in the future." Buck says even amateur buttock readers can make a broad-brush assessment of people's personalities. "An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life," he said. "A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." He is quick to shoot down anybody that implies that his buttock groping might be motivated by anything other than a genuine desire to probe people's futures. "I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me," he said. Buck is reluctant to speak about his successes, but says he correctly predicted that an actress from a popular German soap-opera was going to write a book.
It's a pity you can't do this over the phone. This would totally corner the market back from Ms. Cleo.
