what do i do?

[flickenu]

what the hell do you do when your old babysitter who you havent talked to in 2 years tells you this stuff?


her-[1:51 AM]: how are your parents doing? did they get remarried?
me[1:51 AM]: i dont know, i dont talk to them about it...i didnt even know they got a divorce until like 3 months ago [1:51 AM]: fuckers never told me...i found it on the internet
her: how?
me: just typed their names in google and the thing came up with the dissolutions of the day, i gues they got a divorce 4 years ago
her [1:52 AM]: man that sucks...i heard they were planning a big wedding in las vegas or something
me- what, r u seirous?
me-4 when????????
her-[1:53 AM]: yeah thats what my mom said a couple of months ago....i don't know for sure but they were talking a bout it i guess
me- what do you mean by a big wedding? tell me everyhting you know about this
her- i don't know much just that they were going to have a big weeding there and they wanted all the guests to fly up there for it...they like invited fred and my mom but i haven't heard anything since


what the hell????????????? how am i supposed to react to hearing something like that? my dad moved out when i was in 8th grade for one year but they never told me they got a divorce. i thoght they just separated, then he moved back in a year later. now they live together but i always thought they were still married until a few months ago i searched on google and found out they got a divorce. but i cant believe they didnt say anything about getting remarried to me. what should i do?

 

[flickenu]

c'monnnnnnnnnnnn

 

[fiatconspiracy]

oh man you are fucked, this is years of therapy....gonna cost you, i would sue them for negligent infliction of emotional distress to pay for your prozac.....

 

[TxLonghorn]

Well, this is a uniquely horrible experience. Nobody will be able to tell you definitively 'what to do'. So, the best advice on what to do is to try and figure out what YOU want. Figure out the questions you want to have answered, and have a talk with your parents. I would also recommend a one-on-one session with one while the other one won't know what you are doing. I would want their answers unrehearsed, you know?

So I would settle my thoughts a little, write them down. And then wait for the right moment. Like I said, I would be worried that the first would 'sound the alarm', and I would not want them to have any advance knowledge. They sure as hell didn't give you any breaks, did they?

Man, that's rough. I hope you are ok.

 

[flickenu]

id have problems bringing it up with them though. ive never been very close to either of them, as a matter of fact i havent told either of them i love them in 10+ years. the extent of our conversations our, "hi, bye" I think i might just wait until i get in a fight with one of them and then bring it up...then i'll be able to get their true reaction.

 

[TxLonghorn]

id have problems bringing it up with them though. ive never been very close to either of them, as a matter of fact i havent told either of them i love them in 10+ years. the extent of our conversations our, "hi, bye" I think i might just wait until i get in a fight with one of them and then bring it up...then i'll be able to get their true reaction.

Oh man, I don't know what to say. Has this affected your relationship with others? Like do you have any close friends, brothers, sisters?

And how does this make you feel? You say you aren't close to them, and yet it is obvious you want to be a part of their lives. This has got to be very confusing for you.

I wish there was something I could do to help.

 

[flickenu]

i haven't talked to anybody else about it. look at the timestamp on the conversation, it happened just an hour and 20 minutes ago when i found out. the only person ive talked to about it is my girlfriend which kind of helps cuz she can relate. (hasnt seen her real dad in 4 years, mom got remarried, hates the new guy, mom had an affair on the new guy, etc.) anyways...i have 2 little brothers which sucks because i odnt want them to have to hear it, at least not when im around. it's not really that i want ot be part of their lives, it's just more that i'd rather know whats going on in their lives. im more or less just shocked that they wouldn't tell me about this. thats not real healthy if you can't tell your oldest son you're divorced, or married, whatever they are. when i went to college orientation 2 months ago they went to vegas afterwards, i wonder if they got married there?

 

[TxLonghorn]

I think you are handling this better than I would. I would be lit right about now. I would be hurt, angry, and confused. This is the kind of thing you just don't come back from. Not the same, anyways.

 

[flickenu]

anyone else have any opinions? put yourself in my situation and tell me what you'd do....

 

[flickenu]

eh?

 

[HamHock]

Well, they obviously did not want you to know for reasons of their own. It is obviously a delicate subject for them and starting a fight in order to bring out in the open is a pattern found in disfunctional homes.

Either trust their motives for not telling you and wait for them to tell you, or confront them maturely and calmly and let them know what finding this out has done to you. If you choose the latter route, give it a little time so that you've had a chance to mull over it rationally and without the level of emotion that you are feeling now and will feel for a while. Good luck bro, I hope it works out for you.

 

[flickenu]

i really don't know what to think right now. i've been up for the past 5 hours just thinking about it. im supposed to have class in an hour but i don't think im going to be able to go and concentrate. one part of me wants to confront them today, and another part of me wants to get out of town for the weekend and think about it some more and then decide.

 

[WODIN]

Ehxtortion is your only option...

Tell dad... I know about the whole divorce and if you don't want mom to know that I know you will cough up $X per month....

Tel mom... Can you believe what I found on the web, I'm sure dad would be heartbroken if he found out I knew this...blah blah...It'll costs you $x per month...blah blah...

Then when they do one day compare notes then you can pull out the see how it feels card..

 

[flickenu]

well, thanks for the advice wodin....but thats not really on the list of options...im sure u were just jokin anyways.

 

[runner]

what hamhock said.