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APPLICATION TO LIVE IN WEST VIRGINIA
NAME: ___________________________________
(last)
(first) (_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
C.B. HANDLE: ____________________
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
(_)Coal Miner
ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _________________________________________________
DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): _____________________________
MAMA: ______________________________________________________________________
NECK SHADE:
( ) LIGHT RED
( ) MEDIUM RED
( ) DARK RED
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: ______ UPPER: _____ LOWER: ______
MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: __________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ________________
NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ______________________________
TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH:
( ) GUN RACK
( ) MUD FLAPS
( ) CAMPER TOP
( ) AIR HORN
( ) 8 TRACK
( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE
( ) AMERICAN FLAG
( ) RUST
( ) FUZZ BUSTER
( ) LOAD OF WOOD
( ) HIJACK SHOCKS
( ) MUD TIRES
( ) SPITTOON
( ) RUNNING BOARDS
( ) C.B. ANTENNAS
( ) ROLL BAR
BUMPER STICKERS:
( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY
( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS
( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT
( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA
( ) OLD FART
( ) I LOVE HINEY WINE
( ) SHIT HAPPENS
( ) REDMAN CHEWING TOBACCO
( ) WOOD IS WONDERFUL
( ) SAVE THE BLACK FLY
FAVORITE BEVERAGE:
( ) BUSCH
( ) STAG
( ) OLD STYLE
( ) FALSTAFF
( ) BUCKHORN
( ) RED WHITE & BLUE
( ) BUDWEISER
( ) OLD MILWAUKEE
FAVORITE VOCALIST:
( ) ELVIS
( ) CONWAY TWITTY
( ) LORETTA LYNN
( ) SLIM WHITMAN
( ) JOHNNY CASH
( ) WILLIE NELSON
( ) DICK CURTIS
( ) GEORGE JONES
( ) YOURSELF IN THE SHOWER
FAVORITE RECREATION:
( ) SQUARE DANCING
( ) COON HUNTING
( ) FISHING WITH THE BOYS
( ) DRINKING
( ) BLUE GRASS FEST
( ) FISHING ALONE
( ) RACE TRACK
( ) FLOATING
( ) DEER HUNTING
( ) APPLE BUTTER FEST
( ) THREE WHEELING
( ) RODEO
HOW MANY CARS DO YOU HAVE UP ON BLOCKS IN YOUR FRONT YARD? _________________
HOW MANY KITCHEN APPLIANCES ARE ON YOUR FRONT PORCH? ____
HOW MANY WORK? __
NUMBER OF HOUNDS: _________ TYPE:
( ) BLUE TICK
( ) BEAGLE
( ) BLACK/TAN
MEMBERSHIPS:
( ) NRA
( ) VFW
( ) PTL CLUB
( ) DUCKS UNLIMITED
( ) FISH & GAME CLUB
( ) KKK
( ) WACKY WARRIORS ( ) ELKS
BASEBALL CAP EMBLEM:
( ) JOHN DEERE
( ) FORD
( ) SKOAL
( ) CAT
( ) BUDWEISER
( ) CHEVY
( ) BASS PRO
( ) EAT ME
ARE YOU MARRIED TO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING? (Check all that apply)
( ) SISTER
( ) COUSIN
( ) COUSIN'S SISTER
( ) SOW
DOES YOUR WIFE WEIGH MORE THAN YOUR PICKUP?
( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU WEAR MOSTLY POLYESTER PANTS WITH SNAGS? ( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU OWN ANY SHOES (NOT COUNTING BOOTS)? IF SO, HOW MANY? ______________
LENGTH OF RIGHT LEG: ______________
LENGTH OF LEFT LEG: _________________
CAN YOU SIGN YOUR NAME AND SPELL IT CORRECTLY EVERY TIME?
( ) YES
( ) NO
HAVE YOU EVER HAD MORE THAN ONE BATH A WEEK?
( ) YES
( ) NO
ARE YOU A REGISTERED VOTER? ____ DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO DO IT? ________
DO YOU WONDER IF YOU NEED TO FILE A TAX RETURN? ( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU WORRY THAT YOUR HOUSE COULD BLOW AWAY IN HIGH WINDS?
( ) YES
( ) NO
WHEN WAS YOUR LAST UFO SIGHTING? _________ ELVIS SIGHTING? ___________
MEDICAL INFORMATION (DO YOU HAVE AT LEAST TWO OF THE FOLLOWING?):
( ) B.O.
( ) CRABS
( ) HEAD LICE
( ) BAD BREATH
( ) SCABIES
( ) YELLOW TEETH
( ) GREEN TEETH
( ) FLEAS
( ) RUNNY NOSE
( ) TATTOOS
( ) CROSSED EYES
( ) STUTTER
SIGNATURE (ONE `X' WILL DO) _________________________ DATED: ____________
**********************
A West Virginian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The West Virginian noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy," exclaimed the West Virginian, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"
*******************
Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
A. Anyway you look at it someone is about to lose a trailer.
****************
Q. What do the unabomber and a West Virginia girl have in common?
A. Both were fingered by their brothers!
Q. What do you get when you have 32 West Virginians in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth!!!
Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A. Everyone has the same DNA.
A new law was passed in West Virginia:
When a couple gets a divorce they're still legally brother and sister.
A young West Virgina teenage boy and his younger sister went to see the country doctor.
The boy said "Doc, I think we need to get sis some of them there birth control pills".
Incredulous, the doctor asked, "Why? Is she sexually active?"
The boy thought for a moment, then replied, "Naw, she just lays there like her Mom."
BWAUGH!!!!
NAME: ___________________________________
(last)
(first) (_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
C.B. HANDLE: ____________________
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
(_)Coal Miner
ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _________________________________________________
DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): _____________________________
MAMA: ______________________________________________________________________
NECK SHADE:
( ) LIGHT RED
( ) MEDIUM RED
( ) DARK RED
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: ______ UPPER: _____ LOWER: ______
MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: __________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ________________
NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ______________________________
TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH:
( ) GUN RACK
( ) MUD FLAPS
( ) CAMPER TOP
( ) AIR HORN
( ) 8 TRACK
( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE
( ) AMERICAN FLAG
( ) RUST
( ) FUZZ BUSTER
( ) LOAD OF WOOD
( ) HIJACK SHOCKS
( ) MUD TIRES
( ) SPITTOON
( ) RUNNING BOARDS
( ) C.B. ANTENNAS
( ) ROLL BAR
BUMPER STICKERS:
( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY
( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS
( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT
( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA
( ) OLD FART
( ) I LOVE HINEY WINE
( ) SHIT HAPPENS
( ) REDMAN CHEWING TOBACCO
( ) WOOD IS WONDERFUL
( ) SAVE THE BLACK FLY
FAVORITE BEVERAGE:
( ) BUSCH
( ) STAG
( ) OLD STYLE
( ) FALSTAFF
( ) BUCKHORN
( ) RED WHITE & BLUE
( ) BUDWEISER
( ) OLD MILWAUKEE
FAVORITE VOCALIST:
( ) ELVIS
( ) CONWAY TWITTY
( ) LORETTA LYNN
( ) SLIM WHITMAN
( ) JOHNNY CASH
( ) WILLIE NELSON
( ) DICK CURTIS
( ) GEORGE JONES
( ) YOURSELF IN THE SHOWER
FAVORITE RECREATION:
( ) SQUARE DANCING
( ) COON HUNTING
( ) FISHING WITH THE BOYS
( ) DRINKING
( ) BLUE GRASS FEST
( ) FISHING ALONE
( ) RACE TRACK
( ) FLOATING
( ) DEER HUNTING
( ) APPLE BUTTER FEST
( ) THREE WHEELING
( ) RODEO
HOW MANY CARS DO YOU HAVE UP ON BLOCKS IN YOUR FRONT YARD? _________________
HOW MANY KITCHEN APPLIANCES ARE ON YOUR FRONT PORCH? ____
HOW MANY WORK? __
NUMBER OF HOUNDS: _________ TYPE:
( ) BLUE TICK
( ) BEAGLE
( ) BLACK/TAN
MEMBERSHIPS:
( ) NRA
( ) VFW
( ) PTL CLUB
( ) DUCKS UNLIMITED
( ) FISH & GAME CLUB
( ) KKK
( ) WACKY WARRIORS ( ) ELKS
BASEBALL CAP EMBLEM:
( ) JOHN DEERE
( ) FORD
( ) SKOAL
( ) CAT
( ) BUDWEISER
( ) CHEVY
( ) BASS PRO
( ) EAT ME
ARE YOU MARRIED TO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING? (Check all that apply)
( ) SISTER
( ) COUSIN
( ) COUSIN'S SISTER
( ) SOW
DOES YOUR WIFE WEIGH MORE THAN YOUR PICKUP?
( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU WEAR MOSTLY POLYESTER PANTS WITH SNAGS? ( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU OWN ANY SHOES (NOT COUNTING BOOTS)? IF SO, HOW MANY? ______________
LENGTH OF RIGHT LEG: ______________
LENGTH OF LEFT LEG: _________________
CAN YOU SIGN YOUR NAME AND SPELL IT CORRECTLY EVERY TIME?
( ) YES
( ) NO
HAVE YOU EVER HAD MORE THAN ONE BATH A WEEK?
( ) YES
( ) NO
ARE YOU A REGISTERED VOTER? ____ DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO DO IT? ________
DO YOU WONDER IF YOU NEED TO FILE A TAX RETURN? ( ) YES
( ) NO
DO YOU WORRY THAT YOUR HOUSE COULD BLOW AWAY IN HIGH WINDS?
( ) YES
( ) NO
WHEN WAS YOUR LAST UFO SIGHTING? _________ ELVIS SIGHTING? ___________
MEDICAL INFORMATION (DO YOU HAVE AT LEAST TWO OF THE FOLLOWING?):
( ) B.O.
( ) CRABS
( ) HEAD LICE
( ) BAD BREATH
( ) SCABIES
( ) YELLOW TEETH
( ) GREEN TEETH
( ) FLEAS
( ) RUNNY NOSE
( ) TATTOOS
( ) CROSSED EYES
( ) STUTTER
SIGNATURE (ONE `X' WILL DO) _________________________ DATED: ____________
**********************
A West Virginian hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The West Virginian noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy," exclaimed the West Virginian, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?"
*******************
Q. What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
A. Anyway you look at it someone is about to lose a trailer.
****************
Q. What do the unabomber and a West Virginia girl have in common?
A. Both were fingered by their brothers!
Q. What do you get when you have 32 West Virginians in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth!!!
Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A. Everyone has the same DNA.
A new law was passed in West Virginia:
When a couple gets a divorce they're still legally brother and sister.
A young West Virgina teenage boy and his younger sister went to see the country doctor.
The boy said "Doc, I think we need to get sis some of them there birth control pills".
Incredulous, the doctor asked, "Why? Is she sexually active?"
The boy thought for a moment, then replied, "Naw, she just lays there like her Mom."
BWAUGH!!!!
The only thing that really gets her is the nausea. She can handle being bed ridden and exhausted (she's got a big screen tv in her room and just got a DVD player, that she absolutely luvvs). I dunno I got another week of vacation left, so I might go up and hang with her for it. Depends on what type she goes on this time. FDA approving some better chemo therapies now a days.
