Two Questions

[Arioch]

I have two female field athletes that are confusing me terribly.

Athlete number one: Incredible genetics, no confidence. I have no real idea of how to motivate her. My number one problem in dealing with this is that I have no basis for comprehension as condfidence is not exactly something I have ever been lacking in. Any suggestions would help.

Athlete number two: Genetics not as good, but her performance would improve if she lifted, which she has been doing, but only going through the motions. She does not want to get "too big." <sigh> I have never run into this with a collegiate athlete before, at least not one who has a real goal in mind. And yes, I have tried all of the usual arguments, and even had my wife come down for lunch and she proceeded to give her a 30 minute lecture on why she was an idiot. Once again, any suggestions would be helpful.

Note: It is bad enough that if I was their exclusive coach, I would cut them both. As it is, I must find a way to work with them.

 

[Temple]

You can't make someone do anything they don't want to do. They either want it or they don't. I would tell them exactly what you have said here and also let them know that it is up to them.

 

[Arioch]

Unfortunately, I have to work with them. It is rather like when your department head dumps a project that you have no hope of completing on you and says "See what you can do."

If the two of them were male, by this time I would have taken them off somewhere and phsycially adjusted their view of reality.

 

[Arioch]

Bump

 

[FitFossil]

I do know what it's like to lack confidence. Put her in situations she can succeed in and then gradually increase the difficulty. She'll gain confidence as she sees herself succeeding. Emphasize her strengths (like her good genetics). Keep telling her, even when you think you've said it enough.

People like this have a tape in their head that runs 24/7 telling them they're crap, can't do it, will fail, etc. She needs as much positive reinforcement you can give. It will not swell her head. Obviously don't tell her or anyone on the team why you're doing this. If she feels like you're doing remedial work w/ her, it will blow her confidence even more.

As for lack of drive, I don't really know what that's like. I'm like the "Little Engine that could" - seems like the more the deck is stacked against me, the more I fight, and as much as I love competition, the fight is more against myself than anyone else.

You said she has a real goal in mind, so perhaps it would help to periodically review her goals and set down a plan in writing for what she needs to do to get there.

 

[Gladiola]

For lacking confidence: What about working with a sports psychologist? I've heard visualization works wonders.

 

[Arioch]

The sports psychologist is such a good idea I am upset with myself for not thinking of it.

Thank you.

Other suggestions would be welcome, however.

 

[Gladiola]

The sports psychologist is such a good idea

Awwww! Thanks - I needed the 'warm fuzzy' today.

I had thought of another thing anyway [before I read this post]
Regarding fear of bulking up:
Does it help to remind her that 'if you don't use it, you lose it' & muscle will atrophy pretty quickly if she doesn't use it? It's not like her body would be permanently altered & she's stuck with it - or it'll turn to fat! ( I still love that one - if only lean muscle mass & adipose tissue could just transform one into the other!)

Perhaps that'll alleviate some fears & hesitation. Although we all know odds are so slim she'll build more muscle than she would like ANYWAY! & she can get stronger without getting much larger. But I figured you & your wife might have already mentioned that to her.

Personally I always view the muscle mass I have as a temporary thing.... if I don't keep working for it, it'll be gone - hence the duration for which I have it is only directly related to how long I keep lifting intensely.

 

[Arioch]

I also see that I did not present something as well as I should have. The impression that I get from both of them to one degree or another is as follows:

Athlete #1: Very used to getting by on natural ability, and when suddenly faced with the fact that she will have to work much harder than ever before, is cracking under the sudden pressure of adult responsibility.

Athlete #2: Roughly similar, but discouraged by the fact that several other athletes have performances superior to hers. Part of this is due to the fact that they are stronger and better conditioned than she is, largely due to the fact that they have been putting in the extra work, to one degree or another.

 

[Gladiola]

Athlete #2: Roughly similar, but discouraged by the fact that several other athletes have performances superior to hers.

I'm confused - Others are out performing her & she DOES want to do better... but doesn't want to put in the work (strength training) the way these superior athletes have in order to improve?

Perhaps in reality she doesn't want to put in the work b/c then she can always point to, "Well, sure Jane is better than me... look how muscular/strong she is / she puts in so much effort at the gym. I don't want to 'get big' so I'll let Jane be stronger & faster"

But in reality... if she trained AS HARD as Jane & Jane was still faster.... she can't point to the handicap - she has to just admit that she's INFERIOR to Jane & FAILED to reach that degree of success.... & that fear (of failure) is stopping her from trying.

Just a thought...

 

[SteelWeaver]

Sorry - no specific suggestions, but I think Gladi has a point there on #2 - sounds just like my sister - could be very good at stuff if she put in the effort, but is very afraid of finding out that she might not be as good as people say she might be able to be, or as other people actually are, so she just accepts mediocrity as her lot ...

Still can't figure her out.

As for #1, maybe a lot of compliments would help. Not overly effusive - just firm and honest ..

Just my 2 cents

 

[Arioch]

I do not understand either one of them, hence my posting it here. It is coming down to the point where my recommendation will be to cut them both, and I hate doing this.

I mean, I had excellent genetics, but I continued to work as wanted to get better. Seems simple.

 

[Gladiola]

I do not understand either one of them, hence my posting it here. It is coming down to the point where my recommendation will be to cut them both, and I hate doing this.

I mean, I had excellent genetics, but I continued to work as wanted to get better. Seems simple.

If only a logical realization of the fact that our emotions are STUPID would make us stop *feeling* that way.. but it doesn't.

I have felt absolutely crippling insecurity at times... like I just wanted the floor to open up & swallow me. I couldn't imagine having these feelings & then trying to compete.

Even when I felt that way.. I knew in my mind, without a doubt, that I wasn't really THAT BAD... heck, I was probably above average & better than 50% of the ppl out there. But this intellectual realization didn't stop the crippling feeling.

My point - I totally agre with you. it's really stupid & hard to understand. I also wish it was something you could just 'fix' But I surely don't know the answer.

 

[Arioch]

Gladiola, thanks for your help.

This is also one of the most desperate bumps ever to take place in the Western hemisphere, if not the world.

 

[SteelWeaver]

Maybe if you just honestly told them what you've told us here .... just tackle the whole issue head on. Set up appointments with each of them and say what you have to say, then it's up to them ...

 

[Arioch]

I have.

I honestly have to confess that the biggest problem I have with the entire issue is that when I have to cut an athlete, I feel like I have failed. Or worse yet, quit. I hate that.