Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say

[*MissFit*]

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


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I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


####################################################

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go..

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.



********************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia & South Dakota)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


=====================================================

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.


))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder..

"What the hell was I thinking?"



-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into
my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.





+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.

 

[blut wump]

That's worth a mass mail-out. Top quality material.

 

[*MissFit*]

i thought it was pretty funny

That's worth a mass mail-out. Top quality material.

 

[Gymgurl]

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
You freaking jackass
I guess you loved her too....

 

[tinytank]

i thought it was pretty funny

i knew you were Evil deep down.

 

[Gymgurl]

You make evil sound like a bad thing

 

[*MissFit*]

apprently im a devious angel

i knew you were Evil deep down.

 

[Gymgurl]

Pure angel she is.....100% pure

 

[feisty11975]

This shit was pretty funny!

 

[Tytan]

last one is my fav, but they all are very good....

 

[anthrax]

lol