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T
The Shadow
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....From website written by a woman - so guys - listen up
1- The orifice phenomenon
You burp, you fart, you spit, and -- the king of all orifice abilities -- you fire some wicked snot rockets. These habits are unwelcome, plain and simple. If women walked around all day spewing phlegm while belching and leaving behind a few SBD (silent-but-deadly) intestinal gasses, you would be grossed out too. Go to the washroom. Keep your private little habits to yourself. We do, don't we?
2- Adjusting the privates
I'm not talking cars here. I'm talking about those precious parts of yours that you just can't seem to keep away from. They won't go anywhere. Don't worry. And if you have to scratch, be discreet. Women aren't immune to the occasional itch either, but you don't see us reaching up under our skirts for a quick fix. Again, use the washroom. (I can see it in the papers now -- "Men being fired because of increased bathroom breaks").
3- Listening... when you feel like it
What's with the selective hearing? Is there something in your brain that acts like a filter, and only grabs your attention when an interesting word comes up, like food, or sex, or anything that has to do with you? Or is it just a lack of interest in what we have to say?
I know women can be chatty, expressive creatures, and go on and on about this and that. But men just have this ability to pick and choose what they hear in a conversation. Maybe all discussions need to be geared more toward, "Threesome. Take the trash out."
4- Tuning out
This one is my favorite. Where is it that you go exactly? I am quite curious to know because I'd love to go there sometime. You all look so content and focused, like nothing else seems to matter. Women, on the other hand, can't help but have at least ten things going through their minds at all times.
It's frustrating that you can simply wander off to wonderland and not have a care in the world. But until women master that skill, we will only be content once men start paying attention to what we have to say.
5- Leaving a trail
Whether it be taking a shower or preparing a meal, cleaning the yard or working on a project, men have this tendency to leave a long line of items behind them wherever they go. From clothes leading to the bathroom when you're about to bathe, to dishes and pots and pans to "help out" with dinner, women can always tell where you are and what you've been doing. Is it to facilitate finding your way back? Maybe you're taking certain fairy tales a little too far.
6- Clippings and shavings
If you walked into the bathroom to find tampon wrappers and little bits of leg and armpit hairs everywhere, you would probably find it somewhat bothersome. Well, when we find those miniscule pieces of beard shavings stuck to the rim of the sink, or nail clippings on the floor, it's not only unpleasant, but extremely annoying. Clean up after yourself.
7- Unobservant, plainly stated
It's funny how many of these "habits" seem to overlap and coincide. Not noticing our new haircut or dress is one thing, but men need to see past themselves and pay more attention to the women in their lives.
Who cares if there's a new rug in the living room or she's wearing a new scent, right? It's not really that important in the grand scheme of things, but it's these little details that make life fun and exciting. So open yourself up to the insignificant things. It may be quite a substantial investment in the woman you love.
8- The "I'm sick, take care of me" syndrome
It seems that most guys tend to turn into complete babies when they get sick. They whine, they complain, and nothing is ever "right." Your woman doesn't mind taking care of you, but instead of whining, why don't you try appreciating what she's doing for you?
9- The wandering eye
There are certain men who have the magic lazy eye, and casually glance at other women just long enough so that their girlfriends don't catch them.
Then there are other guys -- the ones who carelessly whistle or holler at women walking down the street. But the majority of men, try to be tactful in eyeballing, but just can't seem to pull it off.
They are googly-eyed -- like a cartoon character -- and are extremely noticeable. Reevaluate your body language tactics. Quit freezing in your actions to look us up and down, and stop walking into people because of your rubberneck. Learn the fine art of discretion.
it's a two-way street
Women are quirky too -- don't get me wrong. I could've gone on and on about women's annoying habits as well. But if we're a little more aware of what the opposite sex knows about us, maybe it'll help alleviate all the superficial suspicions we have of one another.
I can say from personal experience that if my man just stopped tuning me out for a stupid computer game, I would probably have less reservations toward the damn machine. And if men would stop picking their noses and scratching their... parts in public, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to wash my hands as often as I do.
Nevertheless, both sexes would do well to stop annoying each other once the honeymoon phase dies down. And if you would agree to stop ignoring her for the television, maybe she'll stop doing something that annoys you just as much. We have to work together, right.
Wait, what's that I smell? Oh, come on guys...
1- The orifice phenomenon
You burp, you fart, you spit, and -- the king of all orifice abilities -- you fire some wicked snot rockets. These habits are unwelcome, plain and simple. If women walked around all day spewing phlegm while belching and leaving behind a few SBD (silent-but-deadly) intestinal gasses, you would be grossed out too. Go to the washroom. Keep your private little habits to yourself. We do, don't we?
2- Adjusting the privates
I'm not talking cars here. I'm talking about those precious parts of yours that you just can't seem to keep away from. They won't go anywhere. Don't worry. And if you have to scratch, be discreet. Women aren't immune to the occasional itch either, but you don't see us reaching up under our skirts for a quick fix. Again, use the washroom. (I can see it in the papers now -- "Men being fired because of increased bathroom breaks").
3- Listening... when you feel like it
What's with the selective hearing? Is there something in your brain that acts like a filter, and only grabs your attention when an interesting word comes up, like food, or sex, or anything that has to do with you? Or is it just a lack of interest in what we have to say?
I know women can be chatty, expressive creatures, and go on and on about this and that. But men just have this ability to pick and choose what they hear in a conversation. Maybe all discussions need to be geared more toward, "Threesome. Take the trash out."
4- Tuning out
This one is my favorite. Where is it that you go exactly? I am quite curious to know because I'd love to go there sometime. You all look so content and focused, like nothing else seems to matter. Women, on the other hand, can't help but have at least ten things going through their minds at all times.
It's frustrating that you can simply wander off to wonderland and not have a care in the world. But until women master that skill, we will only be content once men start paying attention to what we have to say.
5- Leaving a trail
Whether it be taking a shower or preparing a meal, cleaning the yard or working on a project, men have this tendency to leave a long line of items behind them wherever they go. From clothes leading to the bathroom when you're about to bathe, to dishes and pots and pans to "help out" with dinner, women can always tell where you are and what you've been doing. Is it to facilitate finding your way back? Maybe you're taking certain fairy tales a little too far.
6- Clippings and shavings
If you walked into the bathroom to find tampon wrappers and little bits of leg and armpit hairs everywhere, you would probably find it somewhat bothersome. Well, when we find those miniscule pieces of beard shavings stuck to the rim of the sink, or nail clippings on the floor, it's not only unpleasant, but extremely annoying. Clean up after yourself.
7- Unobservant, plainly stated
It's funny how many of these "habits" seem to overlap and coincide. Not noticing our new haircut or dress is one thing, but men need to see past themselves and pay more attention to the women in their lives.
Who cares if there's a new rug in the living room or she's wearing a new scent, right? It's not really that important in the grand scheme of things, but it's these little details that make life fun and exciting. So open yourself up to the insignificant things. It may be quite a substantial investment in the woman you love.
8- The "I'm sick, take care of me" syndrome
It seems that most guys tend to turn into complete babies when they get sick. They whine, they complain, and nothing is ever "right." Your woman doesn't mind taking care of you, but instead of whining, why don't you try appreciating what she's doing for you?
9- The wandering eye
There are certain men who have the magic lazy eye, and casually glance at other women just long enough so that their girlfriends don't catch them.
Then there are other guys -- the ones who carelessly whistle or holler at women walking down the street. But the majority of men, try to be tactful in eyeballing, but just can't seem to pull it off.
They are googly-eyed -- like a cartoon character -- and are extremely noticeable. Reevaluate your body language tactics. Quit freezing in your actions to look us up and down, and stop walking into people because of your rubberneck. Learn the fine art of discretion.
it's a two-way street
Women are quirky too -- don't get me wrong. I could've gone on and on about women's annoying habits as well. But if we're a little more aware of what the opposite sex knows about us, maybe it'll help alleviate all the superficial suspicions we have of one another.
I can say from personal experience that if my man just stopped tuning me out for a stupid computer game, I would probably have less reservations toward the damn machine. And if men would stop picking their noses and scratching their... parts in public, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to wash my hands as often as I do.
Nevertheless, both sexes would do well to stop annoying each other once the honeymoon phase dies down. And if you would agree to stop ignoring her for the television, maybe she'll stop doing something that annoys you just as much. We have to work together, right.
Wait, what's that I smell? Oh, come on guys...
(Not the itching part tho) ]
