Taming a Shrew?

[CrimsonKing]

Anyone with experience slaying a shrew? I married one 7 years ago! Of course I didn’t realize she was a shrew then… I admired her strong will and spunk.. I had always walked all over the weak personalities of the girls I dated before her. I am a strong MOFO willed guy too.. After all I am a KING!..

Anyway, she is now a full-time stay home mom with 2 kids in a brick colonial on acre wooded lot in a exclusive part of town.. Sound like heaven right? WRONG! She is still miserable and making my life miserable now too.. I use to like her strong will, now it annoys the hell out of me to no end.

If I didn’t strongly believe in marriage as well as love my kids very dearly I’d boot her ass out of my life. But, realistically that will not happen. She is the mother of my kids. So I have to figure out how to slay the shrew!

BTW, advice to you single bros – WATCH your girlfriends and how they interact with their mom/dads.. That relationship and the respect or lack there of will tell you a lot (assuming ‘normal’ family relations) about there personality.. On my first date with my wife I remember meeting her mom and dad in their kitchen and my wife yelling at her mom about something lame in front of me! I was embarrassed for her mom, but her mom didn’t seem to care, and neither did my wife. Also, I remember when I asked her father for permission for ask for his daughter hand in marriage ( ok, a little old fashioned !).. He said yes and “.. just remember that her bark is much worse than her bite…”


Any advice from married EF bro’s on how to slay / tame a shrew?

-CK

 

[pushing_fe]

Strychnine in her corn flakes.

 

[Imnotdutch]

Sit on her head and let out a protein fart.......

But seriously I don't have a clue......hope somebody can help you.

Anyone with experience slaying a shrew? I married one 7 years ago! Of course I didn’t realize she was a shrew then… I admired her strong will and spunk.. I had always walked all over the weak personalities of the girls I dated before her. I am a strong MOFO willed guy too.. After all I am a KING!..

Anyway, she is now a full-time stay home mom with 2 kids in a brick colonial on acre wooded lot in a exclusive part of town.. Sound like heaven right? WRONG! She is still miserable and making my life miserable now too.. I use to like her strong will, now it annoys the hell out of me to no end.

If I didn’t strongly believe in marriage as well as love my kids very dearly I’d boot her ass out of my life. But, realistically that will not happen. She is the mother of my kids. So I have to figure out how to slay the shrew!

BTW, advice to you single bros – WATCH your girlfriends and how they interact with their mom/dads.. That relationship and the respect or lack there of will tell you a lot (assuming ‘normal’ family relations) about there personality.. On my first date with my wife I remember meeting her mom and dad in their kitchen and my wife yelling at her mom about something lame in front of me! I was embarrassed for her mom, but her mom didn’t seem to care, and neither did my wife. Also, I remember when I asked her father for permission for ask for his daughter hand in marriage ( ok, a little old fashioned !).. He said yes and “.. just remember that her bark is much worse than her bite…”


Any advice from married EF bro’s on how to slay / tame a shrew?

-CK

 

[HappyScrappy]

let willy the shake lead the way

 

[Y_lifter]

Being married to a Strong Willed Woman can be intimidating to some men.
I married one almost 15 years ago and know where you are coming from, sort of..

We had a battle of will's for the first few years until I realized I did NOT want the Bosses job.. Yet, I did not want to be whipped.

As Bill Cosby once said "I've seen the bosses job, and I don't want it".

She runs the house stuff, handles the day to day routine of our Daughter and basic monthly bills.

We had a long talk about our Roles in the marriage after we about walked out on each other due to arguing about stupid little stuff.

Now, we each know what we decide on together(finances/large purchases, important decisions regarding our child), what she handles and what I handle in the relationship.

We each know when it is important to press our opinion and when it is not important enough to argue about.

I would not have a weak woman because it would make me weak as well.
I love seeing her take care of herself when other women I know are walking behind a Man.

 

[VooDoo Lady]

Just a shot in the dark here...but maybe she's not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. Does she get out of the house enough? Does she have interests other than being a mom? She's obviously unhappy, you have help her identify what's wrong and then come up with a game plan to make things better.

Maybe a part-time job would help? Or volunteering? Or taking a class? Going to the gym? Spend more time with friends?

If it's just an issue with YOU and she's truely not unhappy being a stay-at-home mom, I would say a heart-to-heart is in order. Maybe some counseling sessions to help with communication.

Or maybe she's just a bitch who wants to control you and she won't stop until you have been broken

Seriously, if that's just her "way" she needs to understand what your breaking point is, and the concequences of getting to that point. It's up to her, at that point, to weigh her life as she knows it versus being a bitch. Maybe you should clearly communicate that to her.

In fact, that's exactly what happened to me. One night my husband got so sick of my bitchy shit that he packed my bags and booted my ass out the door and told me to get in the car and drive away OR change my attitude

Needless to say I changed my tune...with the quickness

I realized that there needed to be a balance of power in our relationship....and for it to survive I had to give up some power...and I have gotten back 10 fold what I have given.....

Good luck!

 

[Y_lifter]

Damn VooDoo, I just got a DejaVu Chill on that post...
I never made it to the packing of bags but almost.

She warned me before we got married that she could be a bitch and I said "well as long as the mood fits the moment I'm OK with that"..
When people try to treat her like a frail woman she turns into one.

I realized that was the main trigger, and changes the way I spoke to her.
Now I treat her as an equal, not a housewife.
I make her feel important in everything we do. Even when I think I could make a better decision.
I try and let her feel like she is making more decisions on her own than she actually is.

 

[CrimsonKing]

Y_Lifter and VDL - Thanks.. Good advice!

- Yes she is happy as a stay at home Mom I think. It was entirely her decision. I told her I would be happy eaither way and would be glad to stay home myself if we could figure out a way to pay the bills

My relationship sounds alot like Y_lifter at the 10,000 foot level. But, she wants in my pants on all the 'small' decisions... i.e.(She called me this morning to bitch that I purchased 2 books in the last week for a whopping total of $40! )WTF!..

She goes nuts about the small stuff and I can't take that!

Instead I ignore her and go do what I want which in the end just causes problems...

BUT, remember we are taking small fry shit... i.e. (She spent 4 hours one night making up a spreadsheet to show me how I've spent X dollars* in the last 18 months on exercise equipment and books to build a home gym (Which btw, directly led to me losing over 75+ of blubber and improving my health 150%)! She was freaking out on how I was spending recklessly and selfishly!


Btw *X Dollars represented less than one half of a percent of my earnings last year!


-CK

 

[Newbie2building]

I think Satanic Goatslayer is the person to ask! hell know what to do

 

[CrimsonKing]

Satanic Goatslayer - Bro? Comments?

 

[Y_lifter]

King, You mentioned 2 money issues in the last post.
Are the arguments/Bitching mostly about $ ?

Have you talked about setting up Monthly budgets with spending amounts for BOTH of you?

If you have direct deposit, you can set up 3 accounts under one Number.

One for Bills, One for you and One for her.
The bank can automatically put so much into the Spending accounts each week and the rerst into the Bills account.
Vacations etc come from the joint account.

We do not have a money issue any more since we set a $ limit on what we spend on ourselves without letting the other know.

Bitching about $40 sounds harsh unless you are living week to week paychecks.

 

[vinylgroover]

Remind me again what her redeeming qualities were that made you want to marry her?

Sounds to me that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants the good life, without the responsibilites that go along with being a mother

Are you thinking of getting back with her, or just trying to find a way to live apart in harmony.

I think that for any relationship to work, there needs to be a dominant partner, whether it's the male or female, so if you do get back together, someone is going to have to take a back seat. Call me old fashioned, but that's the way it is. Everyone these days wants to be their own country.

If you really don't get along, then getting back together will just be more harmful to the kids. At least by being apart, the kids don't have to see you two at each other's throats.

Just my two cents

 

[CrimsonKing]

Ugh... still in my personal nightmare... It would be so easy of a decision if it wasn't for the kids... I know alot of you believe that is not a good reason but it is a very compelling one for me. I have to be responsible to my children and raise them in a loving home. I do that know, but I terriblly unhappy with my wife and we are no longer in love. She will not go to a counselor becuase her it didn't help save her first marriage so in her mind it wouldn't help us. I feel traped.

btw. To anyone who bothers to read this understand that I do appreciate the anonomyous public confessional of my frustration and it does some how help..

 

[VooDoo Lady]

"I do that know, but I terriblly unhappy with my wife and we are no longer in love."

"I have to be responsible to my children and raise them in a loving home. "


Doesn't sound like a loving home to me.

 

[CrimsonKing]

VDL - I not sure I follow? I love my children and give them the best enviorment of love and support. Why can't i love my children and not love my wife? We don't argue in front of the kids and the only thing they dont see from us is affection towards each other. Which as far as I experience has been I don't know anyone who had parents who were overtly affectionate???

 

[HighIntensity]

BTW, advice to you single bros – WATCH your girlfriends and how they interact with their mom/dads.. That relationship and the respect or lack there of will tell you a lot (assuming ‘normal’ family relations) about there personality.. On my first date with my wife I remember meeting her mom and dad in their kitchen and my wife yelling at her mom about something lame in front of me! I was embarrassed for her mom, but her mom didn’t seem to care, and neither did my wife. Also, I remember when I asked her father for permission for ask for his daughter hand in marriage ( ok, a little old fashioned !).. He said yes and “.. just remember that her bark is much worse than her bite…”

Your a wise man my ex use to lie to her mom on a dialy basis, their whole relationship was a lie and well as it turns out so was ours.

 

[HighIntensity]

plus facts are facts, people change and this makes marrige a constant job and commitment.

But what CK is experiencing is the stay home mom, a def. killer in any marrige.

 

[CrimsonKing]

Thanks Hi.. as I mentioned before Wisdom is sometimes a painful experience. If I only realized the importance of the wisdom I expressed in this thread earlier in my life!

 

[Doktor Bollix]

Anyone with experience slaying a shrew?

As far as I know it can't be done. People don't change in real life and women just get meaner as they get older. Take a look at the faces of some women 50 plus, all creased up in permanent disapproval. Then look at the pathetic figure of the husband they are barking orders at, a pitiful squeaking thing trotting obediently along so he doesn't get yelled at.

It sounds like everything is going great except for the bitch of a wife though. It's always the nicest guys who end up with women like this for some reason.

Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.

 

[bwood]

have you ever seen a Clockwork Orange???

 

[68GT350]

I'd get really up in her face...like nose to nose and scream in that SUPER LOUD aggressive, vein pulsing in forhead coach's voice and scare the shit out of her. That's my advice.

 

[VooDoo Lady]

VDL - I not sure I follow? I love my children and give them the best enviorment of love and support. Why can't i love my children and not love my wife? We don't argue in front of the kids and the only thing they dont see from us is affection towards each other. Which as far as I experience has been I don't know anyone who had parents who were overtly affectionate???

No no no...I'm not saying that you can't love your kids and not your wife. That's QUITE possible. What I'm saying is that if you don't love your wife, and in fact are miserable with her, than you're not doing your kids any favor by staying with her.

You're wrong if you think they don't feel the tension and you're wrong if you say it doesn't effect them.

I think divorce is for the weak.....90% of the time. There are most certainly situations that I would say it's the best choice...but unfortunately, these days, divorce is used as a way out for people who are weak and selfish.

I don't know you or your situation, but that's just my .02 on the topic.

 

[john937]

Just because she won't go to a therapist doesn't stop you from going.
You need to talk things over with somebody trained at this.
Maybe if she sees you making the effort, she'll take this seriously;
she might join in later if she see's its working.
And even if she doesn't. You'll feel better.

 

[CrimsonKing]

Just because she won't go to a therapist doesn't stop you from going.
You need to talk things over with somebody trained at this.
Maybe if she sees you making the effort, she'll take this seriously;
she might join in later if she see's its working.
And even if she doesn't. You'll feel better.

I did go to a marriage counselor for 6 weeks. The counselor was limited in how much help she could provide without my wife attending too so I stopped going.

/CK

ps. VDL - I understand your point. Thanks.