supersizeme

[satanic goatslayer]

Dear Mr.Sizeme,

I understand you have a background in the disposal of bodies and the like, so I present to you my dilemma.

A couple of days ago I met a man named Curtis. Curtis was obnoxious and arrogant, so I had to beat him over the head with a tire iron and skin him. Getting rid of the skin was easy - I just made friendship bracelets out of it and sold it to the neighbourhood girls, but the rest of his remains are bothering me.

In the past, I've tried cremation - which lead to toxic smoke hurting my lungs, burial - which lead to overly fertile soil, and as hog feed, but that gave my sows some abdominal problems.

As I write this, the body is decomposing and the stench is becoming more horrid than pleasant. I've tried listening to Falco to take my mind off of the situation, but I'm afraid I can't handle too much more of this.

Please advise.

I'm about to stick my hand into a blender, so I'll reply after I bandage up the wound.

Danke.

 

[Steroid_Virgin]

I have just noticed that you tend take a lot of people out with tire irons, why is this your weapon of choice SG? Wont anything blunt just do just as well, or is it a good opportunistic weapon? Like you drive around in your car with a tire iron to kill with s it wont arouse suspicion if you are pulled over?

 

[Who is John Galt?]

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[dballer]

Walker County GA.

 

[supersizeme]

Dear Satanic Goatslayer,

Cremation is where you've got it all wrong. Stop doing that for Dark Lord's sake. This is what you do.

Take the remains and get some chicken broth and restaurant quality cooking oil. Also get carrots. Put all of this including the remains into a large, black cauldron and heat it up. Cackle a lot while you stir this shit up to a boil. Chant the lyrics to Sly Foxx's "Let's Go All the Way" backwards. Now get naked and apply war paint to your entire body in the shape of pentagrams of varying sizes, excluding gentilia because that would just be too fucking weird. Jump into the pot and masturbate furiously for 8-10 hours or until you are too pruned to tell where your anus ends and your butt cheeks begin. Get out. Pour contents of black cauldron down the sewer so that it may enter your city's sewage system and get processed with all those chemicals. Walk on stilts for the remainder of the day.

That is all.

Yours in evil,

supersizeme

 

[satanic goatslayer]

I do that every morning before my daily bungy jump. However, in the past I have never bathed with rancid body parts.

A question arises though.

While masturbating, would it be acceptable to hold a crossbow and shoot down passers-by? In theory, this would create more remains to boil, which would make the ritual more meaningful.

Also, I wear modified stilts, as one of my legs got hacked off and now I have to compensate for it. Does uniformity matter too much, or does this not hold much weight in the great scheme of things?

Thanks for your time, and I hope you die soon,

Satanic Goatslayer

 

[Who is John Galt?]