Stan gets shot down

[Stan O'Zolol]

this is the third, and probably last, installment in my saga to date a girl at work.

Well, last week I wrote how pissed I was that I left work for the weekend without asking her out. So I swore that before this weekend I would ask her. So this morning I went to her office and started talking to her, yada yada, and I asked her if she wanted to go golfing. She eventually said yes...yada yada...talked about how we will have to make some wagers on who'll win...yada yada..then said we'll have to get another guy to play so that Kate can play too. What? She wanted someone else to play with us?

So after I returned to my desk and analyzed the situation, I decided that she was uncomfortable playing with me alone. Therefore she probably isn't interested so why bother playing at all. I saw her in the hall and told her I wanted to talk to her again.

I caught up with her on her way out and told her that I didn't get the feeling that she was comfortable with the whole golf thing. She said it's not that she's uncomfortable, but that because of her job (HR), that someone else would have to be there. It's not that she can't do things with people from work but someone else has to always be there. It is all about perception she said. Well for the same reason, that's why I think no one should be there. If no one knows anything about it (which was my plan) then there is nothing to perceive, is there? She said if I still want to play that we can (with someone else). I told her I'd get back to her.

Anyway, my whole goal for asking her out was to know where I stand. I didn't want to go another weekend without knowing. And I don't think I got anywhere. The following scenarios are possible:

1. She led me on, because she is just one of those girls that like attention.
2. I'm too gullible to know when a girl is just being nice to me and mistake it for interest. She's just using the "work together" thing as an excuse.
3. She is genuinely interested, would actually like to go golfing, but is sincerely worried about the work situation.

Fuck, all I really wanted was a "yes" or "no".

I think I'll get drunk this weekend.

 

[danielson]

ahh the old 1,2 or 3

for many eons man has been plagued by the question which is t

logic dictates 3

paranoia says 2

experience says 1

 

[danielson]

uhhh, thats more my rantings and not a comment on your situation btw

 

[-SD-]

You should have told her when she mentioned other people going that you just want to play with her, then she will either give you excuses or respect that you have balls for coming out and saying you wanted to just be with her. That whole HR thing doesnt make sense to me, its a free country unless its stated somewhere in your company handbook that there is no intercompany dating.

 

[Stan O'Zolol]

Yeah, maybe I'll ask her to show me the rulebook!

 

[68GT350]

If I were you, i'd just ask if she wanted to fuck in the janitor's closet. If she really wants, you could always invite another girl if she's nervous.

 

[danielson]

If I were you, i'd just ask if she wanted to fuck in the janitor's closet. If she really wants, you could always invite another girl if she's nervous.

 

[Hangfire]

superdave is right. I would just drop it. No golf, no conversations, nothing. It appears from your account that she did not perceive your offer as a date. Therefore, why would you want to go? If you keep going back to her with more talking and explanations you are going to look even worse. Just my $.02

 

[68GT350]

BTW: who the fuck asks a girl out golfing on a first date? How old are you, like 80?

 

[Stan O'Zolol]

BTW: who the fuck asks a girl out golfing on a first date? How old are you, like 80?

I'm getting fucking close buddy!

In a previous conversation, she had said she had no one to golf with. In hindsight, I should have asked her to a movie or something. In that case, she would have been hard pressed to pull the chaperone card on me. Caught me by surprise I guess.

 

[Jimsbbc]

it was #1

My ex flirted with guys at work all the time because girls like the attention. When they would ask her out she would tell them she was going to stay home all weekend and fuck her boyfriends brains out (me).


No girl is going to pass up positive attention unless the guy is totally hideous. Girls like having their ass kissed, but not by the guy they are dating.

 

[Stan O'Zolol]

superdave is right. I would just drop it. No golf, no conversations, nothing. It appears from your account that she did not perceive your offer as a date. Therefore, why would you want to go? If you keep going back to her with more talking and explanations you are going to look even worse. Just my $.02

A few beers has allowed me to think a little clearer and I think you are right. If she wanted to date me, no fucking rules, implied or otherwise, would stand in her way. I just wish she could have told me she wasn't interested rather than a lame excuse.

My perception of her being uncomfortable with it is what led to the second conversation. It is exactly as you said. I figured she wasn't interested and therefore I didn't want to go anymore. This is what I tried to explain to her in the second conversation. However, it didn't go exactly as planned and ended up in her telling me to let her know if I still wanted to go.

Fuck it. I will just drop it. No more visiting her office or small talk. I feel I may have been played after all. She will probably use the ego boost to be more confident at the bar tonight so she can pick up some guy that doesn't work for our company.

 

[Stan O'Zolol]

If you keep going back to her with more talking and explanations you are going to look even worse. Just my $.02

How the fuck bad do I look now? Just because I asked her out? I guess you can't win in these situations.

 

[Jimsbbc]

That's why unless they make it painfully obvious then i am not going to make an ass out of myself.

 

[Hangfire]

How the fuck bad do I look now? Just because I asked her out? I guess you can't win in these situations.

Sorry if that sounded harsh. At their first sign of hesitation, you need to have the discipline to walk away because multiple attempts in a short time span tends to give them the idea that they have gained the upper hand. IMO, all that stuff about HR is bullshit. If it was true, that would be an indication that the company management doesn't trust her to keep her mouth shut. To tell you that she's just not interested would cause too much discomfort for her so it is better to feed you some bullshit story and let you wander around in a daze trying to figure out WTF just happened.

Try this next time: approach the target and ask if she is involved with anyone because you find her (interesting, funny, intelligent--whatever), and thought it would be nice to do something with her sometime. If she says she is tied up, tell her that if anything changes, you would definitely like to see her socially. No matter what, she will be thinking about that offer for the next couple of days and you have saved face by acting in a totally carefree manner. Then try again in a couple of weeks. I know this is in direct conflict with others' advice on this board to just club them over the head and drag them back to the cave for anal. Maybe I'm getting soft in the head in my old age. Just try it--it works.