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Some advice (re: stepkid)

  • Thread starter Thread starter jenscats5
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jenscats5

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I'm not sure what to do here, if anything....what do you all think??

We have a Saturn that we let the step-daughter (she's 19) drive....well we just got it back since she recently bought her own car.....well when she had the Saturn she'd visit her boyfriend at the local University and the car got some parking tickets (3) - she paid 1, but 2 remain unpaid & 1 has gone to collections....the total is $70.00.......

Since I got to this Univ. for my physical therapy & with gas prices the way they are, I want to start taking the Saturn as it's better on gas mileage, so I'm afraid the car will get towed with these tickets unpaid....

Husband (this is his daughter) refuses to confront his daughter about this money & wants US to pay the tickets, which I don't agree with....He claims it won't teach her anything to make her pay them - but I think it will.....I mean C'mon!! She got the tickets when she used the car so she should pay for them, correct?? Or am I wrong?? Or should I just eat the $70.00???
 
Its weird reading this since I met the step-kid. LOL

Yes, she should pay. However, she will likely do this with her own car. When her car gets towed, that when she will learn.

Jen, pay them and keep the peace in your home.
 
jenscats5 said:
I'm not sure what to do here, if anything....what do you all think??

We have a Saturn that we let the step-daughter (she's 19) drive....well we just got it back since she recently bought her own car.....well when she had the Saturn she'd visit her boyfriend at the local University and the car got some parking tickets (3) - she paid 1, but 2 remain unpaid & 1 has gone to collections....the total is $70.00.......

Since I got to this Univ. for my physical therapy & with gas prices the way they are, I want to start taking the Saturn as it's better on gas mileage, so I'm afraid the car will get towed with these tickets unpaid....

Husband (this is his daughter) refuses to confront his daughter about this money & wants US to pay the tickets, which I don't agree with....He claims it won't teach her anything to make her pay them - but I think it will.....I mean C'mon!! She got the tickets when she used the car so she should pay for them, correct?? Or am I wrong?? Or should I just eat the $70.00???
Click to expand...

agreed..she should pay them......husband is a puss..
 
nycgirl said:
Its weird reading this since I met the step-kid. LOL

Yes, she should pay. However, she will likely do this with her own car. When her car gets towed, that when she will learn.

Jen, pay them and keep the peace in your home.
Click to expand...

I understand this concept but $70 is a lot, IMO......especially when she still owes us for car insurance ($80.00 a month) for the last month or so.....

I'm not a freaking bank, you know.....
 
I'd make her pay. You pay them upfront and put her on a payment plan. She's 19, she should be responsible for her actions. $70 won't kill her.
 
jenscats5 said:
I understand this concept but $70 is a lot, IMO......especially when she still owes us for car insurance ($80.00 a month) for the last month or so.....

I'm not a freaking bank, you know.....
Click to expand...

agreed..put your foot down....or you will be a doormat 4ever
 
you should post pics of her , wont help your situation any , but i will kill my curiosity. thx in advance.
 
hotzie said:
you should post pics of her , wont help your situation any , but i will kill my curiosity. thx in advance.
Click to expand...

I don't have any recent ones, sorry......
 
jenscats5 said:
I understand this concept but $70 is a lot, IMO......especially when she still owes us for car insurance ($80.00 a month) for the last month or so.....

I'm not a freaking bank, you know.....
Click to expand...

Oh, I agree with you 100%.

What are you going to do?
 
nycgirl said:
Oh, I agree with you 100%.

What are you going to do?
Click to expand...

I don't know.....but issues with her are causing some good fighting.....

*sigh*
 
hotzie said:
well when u do hook me up , also make her pay , she is 19 and old enough to be responsible for her actions.
Click to expand...

Oh I agree.........but her dad still treats her like she is 6....and it annoys the hell out of me, to be honest......
 
fuckin hotzie man, nothing is sacred with this guy
 
Unfortunately your husband is the biological father so you have to defer to him. I also have a stepchild and some of the things Smurfy does, I don't agree with or would do differently, but she's the mom. Luckily our son is only seven so it hasn't gotten major like today.

He's the one you have to discuss this with, not the stepdaughter.

You have to pick your battles, and this is just a guess, but I would not pick this as an issue to fight. The more agreeable you are generally, the more it will stick out when you do dissent. Thus wait, and when you absolutely have to, put yout foot down.
 
jenscats5 said:
Oh I agree.........but her dad still treats her like she is 6....and it annoys the hell out of me, to be honest......
Click to expand...
well put your foot down and tell him that shit is goin to pay , if he doest like it put him in coventry with gambino :(
 
Lumberg said:
Unfortunately your husband is the biological father so you have to defer to him. I also have a stepchild and some of the things Smurfy does, I don't agree with or would do differently, but she's the mom. Luckily our son is only seven so it hasn't gotten major like today.

He's the one you have to discuss this with, not the stepdaughter.

You have to pick your battles, and this is just a guess, but I would not pick this as an issue to fight. The more agreeable you are generally, the more it will stick out when you do dissent. Thus wait, and when you absolutely have to, put yout foot down.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the insight.....but we have discussed this numerous times....

However - him paying stuff like this for her is not the first time......We don't have the extra money to pay HER bills that SHE incurs and when does a child who is now an adult become responsible for her actions??? And besides - she works a Full Time job + a Part Time job....so it's not like she has NO money....

Her mother & I get along very well & I'm tempted to call her & she what she thinks......
 
Pay the tickets, let her know you paid them and she should pay you back, drive that car to save gas money or better yet, have her fill it up until she pays off the seventy bucks...
 
nycgirl said:
Its weird reading this since I met the step-kid. LOL

Yes, she should pay. However, she will likely do this with her own car. When her car gets towed, that when she will learn.

Jen, pay them and keep the peace in your home.
Click to expand...


Part of me says the same NYCg....and part of me says tell het to growup take responsiblity and pay them..and her father should be telling her this..Alot of the time the not rocking the boat makes for more marital issues...but then sometimes it is easier to keep the peace
 
jenscats5 said:
I'm not sure what to do here, if anything....what do you all think??

We have a Saturn that we let the step-daughter (she's 19) drive....well we just got it back since she recently bought her own car.....well when she had the Saturn she'd visit her boyfriend at the local University and the car got some parking tickets (3) - she paid 1, but 2 remain unpaid & 1 has gone to collections....the total is $70.00.......

Since I got to this Univ. for my physical therapy & with gas prices the way they are, I want to start taking the Saturn as it's better on gas mileage, so I'm afraid the car will get towed with these tickets unpaid....

Husband (this is his daughter) refuses to confront his daughter about this money & wants US to pay the tickets, which I don't agree with....He claims it won't teach her anything to make her pay them - but I think it will.....I mean C'mon!! She got the tickets when she used the car so she should pay for them, correct?? Or am I wrong?? Or should I just eat the $70.00???
Click to expand...


Darling, listen to me: you are the STEPMOTHER. For $70, it is worth saving the lesson and strenghning the relationship with your husband and the girl. This is one of those situations in which you can easily be perceived as, pardon my English, the Byotch. You are absolutely right, the little ingrate should be paying. But it is just not worth the pain it will cause you. Put on the comprehensive had and look pretty to everybody's eyes. "She's a kid" will be your excuse and it will accompany your sweetest look in your eyes. As my therapist says: make life easier for yourself. And he also says "Fake it till you make it", but that's on another subject.
 
Moral of the story - Don't have kids.


Jen, don't call the girl's real mom. No need to start a feud over this.

She is working 2 jobs so she seems somewhat responsible. Perhaps her dad is just helping her a little. My parents have helped me before when I was younger working making small bucks.
 
alien amp pharm said:
Moral of the story - Don't have kids.


Jen, don't call the girl's real mom. No need to start a feud over this.

She is working 2 jobs so she seems somewhat responsible. Perhaps her dad is just helping her a little. My parents have helped me before when I was younger working making small bucks.
Click to expand...


Incorrect!! This "incident" so to speak is not the first time for something like this......Frankly I'm tired of paying for her bills & him making excuses for her.....

Edit: If it was only once or twice, eh, no big deal.......

I'm losing respect for him, really......
 
Introduce her to elite fitness then platinum bomb her once she registers.

That'll teach her
 
jenscats5 said:
Incorrect!! This "incident" so to speak is not the first time for something like this......Frankly I'm tired of paying for her bills & him making excuses for her.....

Edit: If it was only once or twice, eh, no big deal.......

I'm losing respect for him, really......
Click to expand...


see my post about marital discord
 
jdevlin1985 said:
If you don't confront the issue YOURSELF, and now i.e. prompt, it will just happen again and again. She is my age, trust me!!!
Click to expand...

She's not MY daughter, tho.....so I wasn't sure if it was even proper to discuss it with her directly.....
 
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